Cocaine Princess here.
I joined this blogging community several months ago. But today I decided to write my first entry. I'm a model, I've been modeling since I was 16 but I've always wanted to be a writer and hopefully one day I will. My age, well I'm over 21, I'm legal. I can't show you my face or tell you my name other than it's very unique. When people do find out my name the first question they always ask,
is that your real name? I tell them yes. My name is unique because my mom was a hippie. I remember her telling me the list of all the other hippie names, I'm glad she chose the one she did. My mom was Colombian and always use to tell me "
You're my Colombian Love Child."
I was born in England. I have one older sibling. She's not so much into the whole lifestyle as I am. It's not that she disapproves of the life but she tends to keep away from it for reasons unknown to me. I guess she's like Switzerland and chooses to remain neutral. My best friend is Valentina and she lives in South America. We've been best friends forever. Her mom and my mom were the best of friends too but sadly our moms are no longer living. Valentina's daddy is a very powerful and intelligent man in the
export business. Some have called him ruthless and cold hearted but that's the business side of him. On a personal level he's a loving man. Valentina is his only child and she's got him wrapped around her fingers. How would I describe Valentina? I wouldn't know where to begin.
I don't know if anyone will ever read my entries or be even interested or even care about my life or my inner most thoughts but I know one person who will be reading my blog, Valentina.
I'm not ashamed of the world I was brought up in or the people I know. They say you can always judge a person by the company they keep,
not always.
Even though it's September I've taken this entry from my diary which occurred in April/07:
There was I trying on a new pair of Gucci sandals when for some reason out of no where I started thinking about
, well let's just call him
Senor Bling (SB) when suddenly my cell phone rang- it was him,
Senor Bling. He said he missed me and wanted to see me ASAP. At first I thought no but then figured since I did so much shopping (earlier I was at the mall where I did extensive shopping with my amex) I deserved some well earned relaxation. So I said yes. South Beach was only 2hrs away and the other day I received these hot looking bikinis I ordered from Venus and Ritchie. The pilot was called and the limo drove me straight to the airport. I'm in the jet now as I type this. I should be there within the next 3
omin. I didn't even bring a suitcase,
Senor Bling said he would provide me with anything I needed. Let's hope he has a new outfit and for my new pair of Gucci sandals. He said he can't wait to see me. I love Miami so much! Mom and I use to visit there almost every other weekend. Miami was like our second home. It's only about a 2hr flight. Everything in Miami shines: Everyone and everything is so bright, shiny, and so beautiful.
XOXOXOXO
Cocaine Princess.
SOUTH BEACH II 4/17/07
So I step off the jet with just my handbag and my new pair of shoes. There was a red, velvet carpet rolled out for me and waiting at the end was my
Senor Bling and his Ferrari. He greeted me with such a big hug and kiss. When we arrived at his mansion
the first thing he showed me was the blueprints to the newest club he's opening.
Senor Bling bought a prime piece of land in
ACA and that's where his new club is going to get built. The way he described it was more of supper-club catered to the upper class only. He says when people walk in there going to feel like they stepped into a Hollywood B&W film from the 40's where all the men were always dressed in black tie and the women in expensive dresses.
Earlier in the evening as I was getting ready to go out with
Senor Bling, (he bought me a really hot little dress and jewels that totally goes with my new shoes) he had a meeting downstairs with a group of businessmen who had flown in from the land of emeralds and orchids and
Senor Bling's local lawyer. He's a very nice gentleman in his 50's with a round chubby face. At one point
Senor Bling called me down to introduce me to everyone, there were five in total.
Later on in the evening the two of us hit the club, it was packed and banging. The line up I swear was almost 2 blocks long but luckily for me, a cocaine princess doesn't have to wait in line. I sat with
Senor Bling in the VIP room and watched everyone down below dancing and not missing a beat. Dancing their stress away and just having fun. I was so hungry at that point. For the past 4 days I was living on 1 can of Slim fast and eating two oranges a day. I was so desperate to cram my mouth with food. But I was good and didn't gave into my hunger on account of my will power. I had a sip of from
Senor's Bling Margarita and half a glass of red wine which literally must knocked me out because the next thing I knew I'm waking up and I find myself in bed. I woke up about an hour ago- 4am, and went into the kitchen where the maid was up. I have no idea why she was up that early, anyways she asked me if I needed or wanted anything. I just asked for a glass of milk and she handed me a glass of milk and then a made a poppy seed bagel with a side of creme cheese and fresh fruit. I took just one bite from the bagel and with my finger I just barely touched some of the creme cheese and tasted it. I ate all the fruit. I'm still in the kitchen now blogging this out. I don't want to disturb
Senor Bling with the sound of my fingers clacking on the keyboard. As I look out the window I see the Miami sun rising and already so many people are out on their yachts. There's even a couple of people on their jet skis. I guess if I can blog this early people can jet ski this early too. Speaking of yachting, I will soon stepping aboard with
Senor Bling on his yacht. Damn how I love this city!
XOXOXOXO
Cocaine Princess
BAHAMAS, YACHTING AND THE SHOOT-OUT 4/18/07
The Bahamas, a truly a beautiful place. And
Senor Bling's yacht is nothing but a Floating Palace, so luxurious and grand. And his bedroom- a huge round bed with zebra printed sheets, a wet bar and and mirrors on the ceiling. On board aside us is the Captain, the chef and of course the bodyguards.
Senor Bling and I stayed on the yacht for a few days, sipping champagne and strawberries in the morning and then dining for lunch and supper on the upper deck. We docked a few days later and went into town. It seems as if every reporter on the planet is here today because of the tragic death of Anna Nicole. Anyways, I did some shopping picking up a couple a jewelry pieces and in the evening we sailed on over to one of
Senor Bling's business partner's villa in the nearby islands. The island was heavily guarded all the way around with his bodyguards and their guns-
a Colombian businessman wouldn't have it any other way. The gentleman who was throwing the party, I had once met before at one of Valentina's parties. He's always so nice and courteous to me. So they all talked for hours about their latest profits and what investments they should make etc. as we all feasted on a lavish meal on the lanai under the Bahamian stars. Tomorrow we sail back to South Beach.
SOUTH BEACH 4/19/07
Senor Bling had a lunch meeting today at a restaurant called La Loggia with his lawyer. He asked me to come along several times but I just didn't feel like it, instead I went shopping at
Bal Harbour Mall. Two bodyguards had to remain with me. I felt so weird when they were with me because I kept on thinking they're both thinking the exact same thing:
all this girl does is shop from one mall to the next. The bodyguards aren't with him at the restaurant only because it would be a dead give-away. I don't see what the big deal is considering who his lawyer is. I know a large number of people in the Cartel whose lawyers are based in Miami, Valentina's daddy included, I don't know why unless it stems back from the 80's when Miami was coke central.
I first ate Mrs.
Grimbletorte's Cheesecake at the
Bal Harbour Bistro. My favorite, favorite desert in the entire world. Before I discovered this restaurant I always ate desserts at Wolfie's way back when. I always ordered their marvelous egg cremes! I haven't been here since mom died. God I miss her so much. My mom's death was such a shock. It was like someone hitting me over the head and waking up two days later not knowing what happened. To hear about someone's death is one thing but to actually witness it takes such an emotional and physical toll on you, you're never really quite the same. I close my eyes at night and her death plays over and over again in my head, I can't sleep because of that. She was such an amazing mom. She was the type of mom that I could tell anything and everything to and she would never judge me. She listened and would give me her advice but always asked first if she could. Always believed in me, was always proud of me and always told me to listen to and trust my heart. I never got to say goodbye to her or even tell her how much I loved her.
I did my best in trying to refrain from eating something that is so decadent and fattening but I couldn't resist. It was so delicious that I was tempted to order another slice but I didn't give in. I didn't really enjoying my cheesecake on the account of guilt I was feeling. I feel so guilty that I'm dating
Senor Bling when my heart isn't in it. It isn't fair to him. I don't know why I'm even dating him if I feel this way. So many people have warned me about him, 'he'll hurt you' but I haven't seen any side of him to indicate he will. So far he's been wonderful to me. But when I am with him my heart tells me there is someone else for me and it isn't
Senor Bling. I don't know what to do? Should I break up with him? If I do what reason do I give him?
It's me, not you. I need some space and some time to think. It's not working between us. Meanwhile Valentina's searching through bridal magazines for the perfect bridesmaids dress. If I ever do marry him I'll probably become one of those women in Palm Beach who are stuck in a loveless marriage but choose to stay because of the luxurious package that is guaranteed. But I don't need
Senor Bling to have a luxurious package, I already have it. He's a few years older than me but age has never been a factor for me. The heart will choose to go where it wants to, it's going to love who it's going to love, it's going to be attracted to whomever it chooses to. But my heart didn't choose him so why I am with him?! I feel like banging my head against the wall in hopes the answer will come out. I have a boyfriend that I don't want because I have no romantic feelings for him yet I continue to date him. Regardless I am still a good girlfriend, well I guess I am except for when he holds me and touches me and kisses me I imagine someone else should be. What the hell am I saying, I'm not a good girlfriend, I'm a horrible one!
As I was finishing my cake a gentleman kept staring at me. He was in his mid 40's and having lunch. I didn't pay any attention to him but when he wouldn't stop staring I decided to give him a little glance hoping he would stop. When I did he said, 'I'm sorry miss I don't mean to stare but I'm awfully curious about your key. Is that the key to your heart?'
I always wear a key shaped pendant around my neck which does represent the key to my heart. 'It is,' I replied. 'So if I was to take that key does that mean I have the key to your heart?' 'I have a boyfriend,' I replied. 'You do? Then why isn't he wearing it?' I just shrugged my shoulders. My cell phone rang, it was
Senor Bling requesting I join him at the restaurant. I lied by telling him I was in the middle of having lunch. He still wanted me to come and join him but again I said no. Not only do I not love him but now I'm lying to him. My mom once told me when you're lost the universe will give you signs to help you find your way. Even a complete and total stranger is pointing out the obvious. Now that I think about it SB never once asked about my key.
There's this constant ache in my heart like someone's holding it in their tight clutches. And that someone is my one and only, the one who holds the lock to my key. Sometimes at night when I can't sleep I'll just stare out the window looking at the night sky wondering what he's doing, where he is, what his name is, what he may look like, is he in a relationship with someone and feeling the way I do with SB?
I know a one couple who are madly and truly in love. They met and fell in love at first sight despite him having a wife and kids. She has been his mistress for the past few years and could care less. I said to her, 'when two people are in love they want to shout it from the roof tops, they want everyone to know. Your love for each other is hidden.' 'I would rather have our love hidden than not be with him at all,' she said back. 'What can I do, what can the both of us do? Can you fault us for falling in love?' 'Of course not,' I answered back. 'I knew he was married when I met him and he knew he had a wife when he started flirting with me. The two of us were attracted to each other but we knew there was no way we could be with the other in the way that we wanted to. At first we tried and we fought so hard in denying our feelings until one day we....' 'I don't think you have to draw me a picture,' I said. 'No matter how hard you try you can't control what your heart's feeling nor should you try to. It's going to feel what it's going to feel.' 'Absolutely correct,' she replied back. I've been with SB for awhile now and if the love wasn't there to begin with there's no chance of it ever coming nor can I force my heart to have any feelings for him. I've never been the type to date around nor do I jump from one guy to the next because the sound of love is very distinct. If you keep going from one meaningless relationship to the next you'll never hear when love is calling you.
Later on
Senor Bling and his lawyer met me at the mall. His lawyer said he wished I had come along so he could introduce me to his colleagues. The restaurant they were at is a place where all the lawyers hang out. 'It's where we have our power lunches and negotiate,' he said. I wonder if the universe is sending me a message? 'Maybe next time,' I said smiling.
During supper SB kept on complaining about Valentina's daddy. SB wants to open a club in Miami but Valentina's daddy is dead set against him doing so. 'Most of the members of the Cartel have been extradited to the US and are now living the rest of their lives in a prison instead of their custom built mansions. Valentina's daddy is probably the only one still standing strong,' I said to SB. 'Because no one can touch him. They know if he goes down he'll be taking so many big people with him,' SB replied back. 'Shouldn't that tell you something then? If he doesn't want you to open a club here he must have his reasons.' 'It isn't the right time yet he said. Maybe in a couple of months I'll have his blessing,' SB said.
It's a little after midnight and I'm blogging.
Senor Bling is on the phone, something happened in
ACA, a shoot-out. I don't know the full details yet....... It's such a humid night that even the breeze is so hot. I have the satellite radio on and Stevie B and
Rockell are belting out their duet-
If You Leave Me Now... Just before I started blogging I finished the last chapter of my manuscript, well sort of. The words are in my head and I just need to put them now into sentences. I've come this far and I can't give up now.
Senor Bling is finally off the phone and I can finally find out what happened.
******
I asked the universe for a sign, I'm wondering now if there was a reason
Senor Bling and his lawyer kept on asking me to join them at that restaurant and whether or not the gentleman who asked about my key was the universe's way of telling me to end my relationship with SB.
To go through life unknowingly crossing paths with the man I'm destined to love and be with, I guess when the time is right our hearts will meet. To fall in love and be in love is when you completely come undone. I didn't come undone with SB.
Sometimes you're asked 'describe your perfect mate.' I could write out a list and it could be the complete opposite of who I fall for. If SB isn't the one, who is? Let me put it this way. No one knows who, where, when and how they're going to fall for someone and regardless of what the consequences are you want that someone so badly you can taste and feel them move inside of you making you breathless and hungry and feeling primal. Someone who'll consume your thoughts at all hours of the day to the brink of insanity. Where the moment you find that person all the love, lust, and passion erupts inside of you and the only way to survive is by feeding on each other's love.
XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
