Easter In The Caribbean Part IX: Mr. Mauve Socks

Cocaine Princess here.

After the unfortunate mishap of "accidentally" knocking the shots over we took a dip in the ocean. I'm pleased to report neither of us were picked up by the coast guard while holding on to a piece of driftwood. My backside however was another story. It was red and tender from being smacked around by the water.

That same afternoon we went into town. While getting ready I needed Valentina to make me another promise. "Give me your word you won't be doing any of your "cheeky sniffing," I said while choosing a hat. I went with the green wide brim. "You have my word," she said mouthing. "Mouthing it doesn't count." She repeated the words again this time out loud and because we were standing by the window I moved away from it. I didn’t want my dress to get damaged. You know in case lightning struck.

We arrived at the mall and entered inside. The first sentence to come out of her mouth:
"Oh my God we're officially in socks with sandals and fanny pack hell."

A cruise ship docked on the island and the mall was swamped with elderly passengers. One group was clustered outside of the mall with their group leader. The 2nd group was inside the mall and this particular cluster annoyed Valentina. You see they were standing in line to buy ice cream. To be more specific they were standing in line at the same place where we buy our banana split, and so her ranting began.

"Why are all these tourists in our line?" "Well could it be they want ice cream too," I answered. "Cruise ship passengers have only a limited amount of time at each port and the first thing this group wants is ice cream? Whatever happened to going sightseeing?" "Exactly how many sightseeing trips have we been on? The line isn't that long," I said. "There's only 1, 2, 3, 4, 5," my voice started trailing off...... "20 people ahead of us." "And that's 20 people too many and only one server," she said back. "She’s scooping ice cream and not preparing a 4 course dinner meal." "Are they even permitted to eat ice cream?" I was puzzled at her question. "Why wouldn't they be?" "Because don’t most people at that age become lactose intolerant?" I couldn't stop giggling. "Where did you hear that from?" "Abuela couldn't eat much dairy by the time she turned 60," she answered. "My sister is lactose intolerant and she’s not 60." Uh oh she gave me a look and I knew why. "Perdóneme la princesa. That person who lives with me is lactose intolerant. Age has nothing to do with it. "Alright fine, they’re able to digest dairy but what is taking so long? What is the hold up?" she asked. The line was being held up by an elderly gentleman at the front of the line who had a bunch of "fascinating" questions. QUESTION 1: "Could I have one half scoop of one flavor and one half scoop from another flavor?" The server replied yes. QUESTION 2: "Will this cost more or the same as a single scoop?" I looked at Valentina. I knew she would say something and she did.

"He's penny pinching on ice cream?" "He could have only brought a small amount of money to spend so maybe that's why he asked." I explained. I got to admit he was pretty stylish. Out of all the men standing in line he was the only one brave enough to wear mauve colored socks with his sandals while the others wore beige, brown or black. QUESTION 3: "Do you accept U.S. currency?" The answer, yes. Many of us were leaning against the glass counter and had to move away so he could see what flavors were available. "They're listed right on the board," whispered Valentina. "Maybe he left his glasses back in the cabin," I said. "My God you have an answer for everything today," she commented. QUESTION 4: "How many grams of sugar are in one serving of the pistachio?" The server of course had no idea. QUESTION 5: "Do you have a nutritional pamphlet?" She replied no. QUESTION 6: "Is it possible to taste a little of the banana? I’d like to order it but if it’s too sugary I won’t like it." The server with the plastic spoon scraped some of the banana flavored ice cream from side of the tub and handed him the spoon. His mouth turned soured. I’m guessing it was too sugary. He looked at the choices again, drummed his finger on the counter, scratched his goatee and finally came to a decision. One half scoop butterscotch and one half scoop chocolate mint. While she was scooping he informed her he wanted the scoop in a cup and not a cone. When it came time for him to pay he reached in his fanny pack and because he had U.S. dollars the server had to work out the exchange rate on a little dinky sized calculator. One tourist asked what the rate was and when the others heard what it was at, they groaned. Off went Mr. Mauve Socks with his frosty treat only to return. "I feel like I'm in a horror movie that won’t end," said Valentina. "What the hell is the matter now?" The change he received back was in the island's currency. "I paid you with American money. My change ought to be American." The server explained she gave back change only in island money. With this little gem of information the tourists groaned even more. "If I'd known a cruise ship was docked I would have all together avoided coming into town. All the store and boutique owners are going to jack their prices up by 5x. It's what they always do. Everyone is going to get ripped off today." I was more than familiar with that tactic. "Then we'll make it clear to them we didn't come off the ship,' I said."Don't you worry Princess, I will make sure of it that they know." And oh boy did she ever.

Semper-Fi's phone rang and needed to step aside to answer it. He gestured for one of the others who weren’t that too far off to take his spot. "Good riddance," she whispered as he left. I needed to know what it was about him she detested so much. 'The gringo just bugs me." "Jeez nice word," I said cringing. She wasn't listening and was talking over me. "I already told you he's too uptight and rigid and you know what the worst part of it is? Daddy refuses to get rid of him. He says he'll do anything for his princess but when it comes to letting the snitch go it's always the same answer. N-O. 47 no's in a row." "You've been keeping count?" "Uh huh. Number 25 was a no in the form of a nod. It still counts though."

By discussing other than how long the line was we didn't notice how fast our turn was approaching. 5 people stood ahead us and the snitch's phone call ended.

"Yippee Mr. Personality is back. Let's all do a happy dance," Valentina commented clapping softly. I looked down at my pedicured toes. I had on my opened toed stilettos. I was biting my lip hard. "Was that daddy on the phone?" she asked him. No answer. "It was wasn't it? I bet he was asking 'is my little girl giving you a hard time?' And I bet you answered, 'nonsense Jefe. She is an absolute angel.' No answer. No reaction. Nothing. Valentina turned to me and said, "He's not human princess."

At last our turn came! 3 scoops in our banana split. Vanilla, coconut and chocolate. Extra whip creme and of course extra chocolate sauce, strawberries, 3 cherries on top and 2 spoons.

I'd take a banana split over doing shots any day of the week.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess