Guy With Rash

 

Cocaine Princess here.

Last Sunday I visited a town called “Idiot-Ville” and I was speaking directly to its mayor AKA Guy With Rash. Allow me to explain:
 
This past Sunday I was catching up on a few TV shows I had DVR’ed during the week. One of these shows included “The Jerry Springer Show.” Many of my lovelies are aware I love this train wreck of a talk show. It’s nothing more than mindless entertainment that I enjoy watching. It was quite an intense episode: a stripper was forced to choose between two lovers....one of whom confessed “HE” was actually a “SHE.”  

Halfway through the episode I decided to check my phone messages. It was nearing 10am and was a little concerned I hadn’t heard from Valentina yet seeing how she sends me several texts on the hour. When I went to retrieve my phone I saw the battery was dead. I grabbed my re~charger plug and when plugging it in I saw the green glowing fluorescent light didn’t go on–- you know the one that indicates the phone is recharging. I tried using another outlet......hmm, still no green light. Obviously there was something wrong. 


I called up the company’s tech help line. My call was answered at the 20+ minute mark. I informed tech person the problem who in turn informed me the problem was most likely with the charger port, and suggested I take the phone back to point of purchase so the store could send it to their repair facility.

After I got off the phone, I dolled myself up and headed out the door. The wireless store was located in one of the bigger malls in a city near where I live. How fortunate for me as it gave me the perfect excuse to go to the mall. Like I really need an excuse, right? I assumed I would be in and out of the store in under 5 minutes: Drop off the phone for repair, provide my signature on a few pieces of paper and bim-bam-boom-be-done and on my way to do a little shopping. But of course in situations like this I’m usually if not always wrong. And I was. In total there were 3 employees. 2 of them were busy with customers and the 3rd was sitting behind the counter doing nothing.


 I approached the counter and proceeded to explain the problem I was having when asked “can I help you?” I will refer to the employee as “Guy With Rash.” As you continue reading you’ll understand why. I specifically stated “my phone isn’t recharging when I plug it in” and “tech support is saying the problem is with the charger port.” His reply:

GUY WITH RASH: Did you try plugging it in?


I paused for a moment and thought to myself, didn’t I just mention when I PLUG my phone in? Hmm, perhaps he didn’t hear what I had said. I repeated my words and answered his question:

ME: Yes I plugged it in and when I did the green light didn’t go on.

GUY WITH RASH: You think it might be the battery?

ME: I don’t think so.

GUY WITH RASH: It’s quite possible it’s a battery issue. How old’s your phone?

ME: Under a year.

While asking his next question he began to scratch his abdomen region in a weird up and down motion.

GUY WITH RASH: Where did you buy it?

ME: Here at this store.

Sheesh, why do you think I’m here?

GUY WITH RASH: Are you sure?

ME: Yes I’m sure. Why?

Shrugging his shoulders, Guy with Rash explained he’d never seen the phone. I walked over to the middle of the store to one of the display tables where low and behold there was my exact phone along side with several others. Like a Price Is Right model I pointed to it. His reply:
 
GUY WITH RASH: Hmm.

In return I inquired how long he had been employed? Two months, he replied. I could be mistaken but shouldn’t all workers be familiar with what products are available in their store?

GUY WITH RASH: I still say it’s the battery but you think it’s the charger port?

ME: That's what tech support's diagnosis is and given the fact the re-charger light doesn’t light up I would have to agree with them

With the phone now in his hands he once more began to scratch his stomach. All I could imagine he had some type of rash underneath his blue cotton shirt with the store’s name embroidered in the upper left hand corner. He kept on insisting it was a battery issue and was very firm about it, almost as if he had a bone to pick with the tech department people and was hell bent on proving them wrong. His next question left me beyond speechless.


GUY WITH RASH: Where’s the battery located in this phone?

Oh....My.....God. It was clear the employee with a potential rash under his shirt also had the IQ of a raisin. I looked directly into his eyes to see if his pupils were of normal size. Could he have perhaps taken a couple of hits of something before starting work? It was the only logical explanation I could come up with. Where’s the battery located?! As with most electronic items you’ll find the battery on the inside. I instructed he turn over the phone and slide the back cover off. I was almost certain I would have to draw him a diagram so I took it upon myself to remove the battery. Judging by the look on his face he seemed so surprised I was almost tempted to ask where he thought the battery was.

With my battery out and a new one in its place he turned on the phone......or at least he tried to.

GUY WITH RASH: I think there’s something wrong with your phone because it’s not turning on.

He attempted several more times turning it on by pressing down the button.....oh did I mention it was the wrong button?

ME: That’s because you’re pressing the volume control.

GUY WITH RASH: Oh. So how do you turn this thing on?

It was bad enough he didn’t know the battery's location but now he didn't know how to turn the phone on?! Holy crap! I was curious what exactly the requirements were to be hired at this particular wireless store? Hey, can you tie your shoes? If the answer is YES you’re qualified to work for us! Then again the simple task of tying shoes may have been very hard for someone like Guy With Rash to accomplish.  I realize at that precise moment the smart thing for me would have been to politely ask if I could speak with another employee – preferably a knowledgeable one but by some miracle he was able to find the power button all by himself. I guess the effects of whatever he was smoking were beginning to taper off. With the phone now turned on he stated:

GUY WITH RASH: Told you it was a battery issue.

I really don’t know what the hell was wrong with this individual. I kept telling him from the start I was having charger issues. He didn’t seem to grasp the concept the problem I was having wasn’t with the battery. I explained for the umpteenth time about the green light not appearing and since the new battery was at 50% I suggested he try recharging it.

As he went to plug it in he made a shocking discovery.

GUY WITH RASH: Um, did you know your charger port is loose? You’re not going to be able to recharge your phone unless you get it fixed.

I realized I wasn't at the mall but in a town called “Idiot-Ville” and I was speaking directly to its mayor AKA Guy With Rash. 

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Last Friday I posted an entry about the awesome time I had at the Duran Duran concert.
 
On Tuesday their latest single Girl Panic! was released and the video is simply brilliant. It features Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford, Eva Herzigova, Helena Christensen and Yasmin Le Bon. The real members of Duran Duran appear as supporting staff (bellhops, waitstaff, chauffeurs and press), and Domenico Dolce & Stefano Gabbana (as in that Dolce & Gabbana) even make cameos as fashion editors.

Check it out:

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My loyal and dear readers it’s finally Friday.

Today’s date is very special: 11/11/11. A date that comes once every 100 years and many believe this day to be extra lucky so get out your wish list my Lovely Ones.

11/11/11 is also Nigel Tufnel Day.


  
More importantly 11/11/11 is Remembrance Day. Lest We Forget.

Whatever your plans are have an incredible weekend. ~x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess