Cocaine Princess here.
I know how you all love my vaycay entries but for this week's Friday post I decided to postpone the entry until next week because there is something serious I need to address.
Not too long ago I received a comment in my blogger inbox. It wasn't so much a comment, it was a letter. I read through it and realized it was nothing more than a ridiculous chain letter so I deleted it. The next day another chain letter arrived. Once more I hit delete. The 3rd day, not 1 but 30 chain letters were sent, the day after that another 30 and so on. This past week I received over 100 frigging chain letters. I have a message for the sender:
For the love of God-----STOP!!
Seriously, do you not have anything else better to do with your time? Your letters are nonsense. Enough is enough! You may think they're cute but if anything they're annoying and crazy.
My lovelies, here are a few of the letters I received:
CHAIN LETTER #1:
"WARNING-- I am a Tasmanian witchdoctor. My name is Dr. Witchdoctor. I will place a voodoo curse on your life. Not only will you die but a small village of starving people in Indonesia will soon discover that not only is the food sent to them from humanitarian organizations spoiled, but that you are the one personally responsible for this happening. This letter also releases the sender me, Dr. Witchdoctor from any and all ramifications claimed. This exemption is valid from now until the millennium after next. The creator of this letter me, Dr. Witchdoctor has developed a program that has tracked down your email address and will know whether or not you have sent the letters. 25 people already have died. Send the above letter to 15 people in the next fifteen minutes. What do you have to lose? Your life?"
MY MESSAGE TO DR. WITCHDOCTOR:
Two things:
1. Don't ever threaten the Princess. Comprende?
2.You sent this letter on Tuesday....As far as I can tell I'm still alive and breathing. Peace Out doc!
CHAIN LETTER #2:
"This letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Please read. Your future, your soul depends on it.
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe and went flying out over a waterfall. She died. This Could Happen To You!!! Dexter Kip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his girlfriend. They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Kip. Forward this letter to 20 of your friends within 3 days and everything will be okay.Your soul will be lost and you will be eternally damned if you don't."
MY MESSAGE TO THE SENDER:
So, if I don't forward this email I'll end up in hell where I'll be forced to eat kittens for the rest of my life? Hmm....I'll take my chances. P.S. My condolences to the families of Pinsely and Kip.
CHAIN LETTER #3:
"Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. There is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. You have no choice but to send this to 30 people in the next 10 minutes or prepare to be visited by a homicidal Mickey Mouse. We strongly advise you to send this email on. THIS IS NO JOKE. We don't want to see another life wasted. ITS YOUR CHOICE... WANNA DIE TONIGHT by homicidal Mickey Mouse?"
MY MESSAGE TO THE SENDER:
I decided not to forward the letter but just to be on the safe side I left a plate with a slice of Havarati cheese and salted crackers on my night~stand. It was pretty spooky to find only crumbs the next morning.
CHAIN LETTER #4: (Honestly, I don't know what to make of this one)
"This letter comes with a dire warning of supernatural harm. You are to forward this letter to 10 people. You have 10 minutes. Next, head to your nearest Walmart and carry out the following 14 asks within the next 24 hours. Should you choose to ignore this letter misfortune and itchy skin will come your way."
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
3. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
4. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in the thin narrow aisles.
5. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.
6. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
7. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
8. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”
9. Put M&M’s on layaway.
10. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.
11. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!”
12. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”
13. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.”
14. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”
MY MESSAGE TO THE SENDER:
What happens if I complete only one task? Because #12 sounds real fun!
****
For the love of God-----STOP!!
****
My loyal and dear readers, it's finally Friday. Hooray!
Remember, we turn our clocks forward this weekend. I've noticed these past few weeks the days have been getting longer and it's nice. The only downside? We lose 1 hour of sleep.
Whatever your plans are have an amazing weekend. ~x
XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
