MY OTHER BIG ERROR
'Are you aware if a speeding ticket has a fatal error your lawyer may motion to quash the ticket and in order for that to happen it would have to be presented properly to the Justice of the Peace by way of application or motion to the court?'
I looked around to make sure I was still in the courthouse cafeteria and not in a strange unfamiliar land. He was speaking English but I didn't understand a word he was saying. The lawyer caught on and asked, 'you don't understand a word I'm saying do you?'
Of course I understand. I go around everyday using terms like quash the ticket and motion the court.
I told him no- my other big error because next came not a speech. Good grief the man decided to explain what the words meant.
Where's a Fairy Godmother when you need one because I wanted to vanish (him vanishing would have been a lot better). I couldn't see any fairies fluttering around so instead I clicked my heels and quietly in my mind said,
'there's no place like home.
there's no place like home.
there's no place like home.'
It didn't work. It probably would have worked if I had used the word mall,
'there's no place like the mall.
there's no place like the mall.
there's no place like the mall.'
After he defined both terms in nauseating detail he started in on speech number, well to be honest I lost count what number this speech was. I couldn't stand it. I was tempted to hold my breath and pray I would pass out but the lawyer appeared to be the type of individual who couldn't take a hint, and would probably continue yakking on and on as I lay on the floor while someone tried to resuscitate me. I came up with another idea, play a song in my head to drown out his voice. When my radio went off that morning I had awoken to Christina Aguilera's newest single and it had been faintly playing all morning in my head. I decided to turn the volume up to the max.
The sheet lyrics complete with a large dot bouncing on top of each word was crystal clear in my head.
Step back gonna come at you fast
Driving out of control, I'm gettin ready to crash
Won't stop shakin up what I can
I serve it up in a shot, so suck it down like a man
So baby, yes I know what I am
And no I don't give a damn
And you'll be lovin it
Won't stop shakin up what I can
I serve it up in a shot, so suck it down like a man
So baby, yes I know what I am
And no I don't give a damn
And you'll be lovin it
By the chorus the ball disappeared and in its' place, I don't know why, a bottle of José Cuervo. To make believe I was actually paying attention to him I nodded my head every couple of seconds.
Midway through the second song his phone rang so he excused himself from the cafeteria table. I took a deep sigh of relief. 'You didn't hear a word he was saying,' said A. 'I did so,' I said back. 'Then repeat something he said.' 'Quash. I heard the word quash,' I replied.
A REASON TO SMILE
I wasn't looking forward to him coming back but upon his return he gave me a reason to smile. He had to leave.
'God bless whomever was on the other end of that call,' I cheerfully said. 'Maybe it was a criminal making his one phone call from the poky,' thought A. 'Then God bless the criminal. Oh my God what was he going on about and why?' 'He was just being helpful.' 'Helpful?' I asked. I put my hands on my temples. 'He gave me a throbbing headache.'
I've had my fair share of lackluster conversations but his was utterly mind numbing. Come to think of it, it wasn't really a conversation, a conversation is a talk between two people.
PETIT FOURS AND TRUFFLES
After finishing lunch my sister was interested in dessert. Back up I went to see what epicurean delights were awaiting. Not that I was shocked but I failed to locate any petit fours or white or dark truffles. I couldn't find anything with raspberry reduction sauce and there was certainly nothing that even remotely came close to Mrs.Grimbletorte's chocolate ganache cheesecake.
What did they have instead? Let's just say the courthouse cafeteria's lunch selection was far better. Packages of Oreos and Rice Krispie Squares, one lonely blueberry muffin among a tray full of cranberry and bran muffins and a coffee crumble cake which appeared a few days old. I went over to the freezer and pulled out an ice cream bar.
As my sister was having her something cold and chocolaty I was reading a magazine.
5 Minutes Later
'It's time,' said A. Because I was so engrossed in an article I responded by asking, 'time for what?' 'For you to meet your executioner. It's almost one,' she answered.
To be Continued......
XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
