Cocaine Princess here.
To review:
The only oysters I like are the ones that can give me pretty looking pearls. I had a feeling the oyster in front of me was not of the pearl kind. I had been taking little sips from my champagne throughout the night and I decided enough with the little sips. Time for a big gulp of the stuff. I was instructed on the count of 3 to eat it. One, two.........three!
Instead of eating it I looked up and asked:
ME: How the heck do I eat this thing?
PART 7:
Before any of them had a chance to answer I examined the inside of the oyster. It looked like a piece of blob or something that was related to ectoplasm. I picked up the oyster fork and as I poked the ectoplasm around I quietly said: “Please let there be a pearl, please let there be a pearl”....Nope! Oh dear God what did I get myself into? I was having such an awesome time up until the unknown entity took over! I had more questions and yes this time I was stalling.
To review:
The only oysters I like are the ones that can give me pretty looking pearls. I had a feeling the oyster in front of me was not of the pearl kind. I had been taking little sips from my champagne throughout the night and I decided enough with the little sips. Time for a big gulp of the stuff. I was instructed on the count of 3 to eat it. One, two.........three!
Instead of eating it I looked up and asked:
ME: How the heck do I eat this thing?
PART 7:
Before any of them had a chance to answer I examined the inside of the oyster. It looked like a piece of blob or something that was related to ectoplasm. I picked up the oyster fork and as I poked the ectoplasm around I quietly said: “Please let there be a pearl, please let there be a pearl”....Nope! Oh dear God what did I get myself into? I was having such an awesome time up until the unknown entity took over! I had more questions and yes this time I was stalling.
ME: What will it taste like?
Everyone at the table said the exact same thing– Sweet and Salty. Uh-oh for me that’s a red flag. Sweet and salty is a combination that I dislike. One of them suggested I squirt a little more lemon juice so instead of it being sweet and salty it would now be sweet, salty and lemony. Let’s just say my taste buds weren’t doing any cartwheels. Getting back to my original question:
ME: How the heck do I eat this thing?
I was instructed to hold the oyster with my thumb and first 2 fingers and bring it to my lips and slurp. Slurping? But wait, isn't slurping considered bad etiquette? My compadres added I was not to swallow but to chew, in order to enjoy and appreciate the flavor. I followed their instructions starting with grabbing the shell of blob just exactly as I was told to, with my thumb and 2 fingers and thank goodness my manicure was still perfect. Before I brought it to my lips I looked around the restaurant and observed how every single guest was either laughing or smiling, in other words they all were living up to that famous saying “Eat, Drink and Be Merry,” and no one was doing that more than the man in the yellow speedos. There he sat by himself eating lobster...hmm, now that I think back to that night, he wasn’t so much eating as he was chowing down on the crustacean while smacking his lips. By the looks of it, it was buttered lobster. I say that because of the butter drizzling from the sides of his mouth which complimented the sweat beads on his forehead. I think Valentina summed it up best:
VALENTINA: That man and his clothes are a crime against humanity.
Everyone at the table said the exact same thing– Sweet and Salty. Uh-oh for me that’s a red flag. Sweet and salty is a combination that I dislike. One of them suggested I squirt a little more lemon juice so instead of it being sweet and salty it would now be sweet, salty and lemony. Let’s just say my taste buds weren’t doing any cartwheels. Getting back to my original question:
ME: How the heck do I eat this thing?
I was instructed to hold the oyster with my thumb and first 2 fingers and bring it to my lips and slurp. Slurping? But wait, isn't slurping considered bad etiquette? My compadres added I was not to swallow but to chew, in order to enjoy and appreciate the flavor. I followed their instructions starting with grabbing the shell of blob just exactly as I was told to, with my thumb and 2 fingers and thank goodness my manicure was still perfect. Before I brought it to my lips I looked around the restaurant and observed how every single guest was either laughing or smiling, in other words they all were living up to that famous saying “Eat, Drink and Be Merry,” and no one was doing that more than the man in the yellow speedos. There he sat by himself eating lobster...hmm, now that I think back to that night, he wasn’t so much eating as he was chowing down on the crustacean while smacking his lips. By the looks of it, it was buttered lobster. I say that because of the butter drizzling from the sides of his mouth which complimented the sweat beads on his forehead. I think Valentina summed it up best:
VALENTINA: That man and his clothes are a crime against humanity.
After looking at him all I can say is the oyster was looking so much better but not enough to make me want to eat it. I put the oyster back down on the plate. I just couldn't get myself to eat it. Apparently my bf thought sharing this little tid~bit might tempt me to:
VALENTINA: Oysters are low in fat.
Again my taste buds were not doing any cartwheels, however my stomach was.
VALENTINA: What is it with you and seafood? It’s like you have a type of phobia.
At that precise moment I had oyster-phobia. To make matters worse my own words came back to haunt me when one of my friends stated the following:
FRIEND: You always say you’re willing to try anything once....
Great! Of all the times to bring that old thing up! I was at a dead end. I had run out of ideas and excuses. I toughened up and once more I grabbed the oyster with my thumb and two fingers....
VALENTINA: Oysters are low in fat.
Again my taste buds were not doing any cartwheels, however my stomach was.
VALENTINA: What is it with you and seafood? It’s like you have a type of phobia.
At that precise moment I had oyster-phobia. To make matters worse my own words came back to haunt me when one of my friends stated the following:
FRIEND: You always say you’re willing to try anything once....
Great! Of all the times to bring that old thing up! I was at a dead end. I had run out of ideas and excuses. I toughened up and once more I grabbed the oyster with my thumb and two fingers....
I had no interest whatsoever “in chewing the blob to appreciate the flavor” so I swallowed the darn thing whole and very quickly washed it down with my champagne. After putting down my goblet I shivered a little. It was such a weird feeling as it slid down my throat. It was........ so slimy. I realize that some may consider oysters along with lobster and caviar the ultimate in experiencing luxury dining but for me those items {and all seafood items for that matter} shall remain on my Foods I Do Not Like List.
After eating my first and definitely last oyster my loved ones toasted and congratulated me and then asked if I was willing to smoke a Cohiba. I flat out refused. Once more I was hit with the “You’re always willing to try anything once.” I decided then and there it was time to add a little something after it.
ME: I’m always willing to try anything once but I give myself the option to back out.
After eating my first and definitely last oyster my loved ones toasted and congratulated me and then asked if I was willing to smoke a Cohiba. I flat out refused. Once more I was hit with the “You’re always willing to try anything once.” I decided then and there it was time to add a little something after it.
ME: I’m always willing to try anything once but I give myself the option to back out.
****
My loyal and dear readers it’s finally Friday.
In terms of entertainment news what a wild week this has been. Actor Charlie Sheen it seems has totally lost his marbles and designer John Galliano has more or less committed professional suicide.
Whatever your plans are have an amazing first weekend of March. -x
XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
In terms of entertainment news what a wild week this has been. Actor Charlie Sheen it seems has totally lost his marbles and designer John Galliano has more or less committed professional suicide.
Whatever your plans are have an amazing first weekend of March. -x
XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
