After my date with the oyster we left the resort and hit one of the clubs and didn’t return back to the resort until the wee hours of the morning. While walking down the hallway to our suite I stopped to remove my heels and decided to walk barefoot the rest of the way. My tootsies were quite sore from dancing. I was pretty exhausted and I knew it was going to be one of those nights where the moment my head hit the pillow I would be asleep. When I arrived in my room for the 2nd time Gucci was not only in my room but on my bed.
I guess he thought it would be alright to make himself comfy on my bed. Well it wasn’t alright! It’s one thing for him to be curled up on the floor next to the bed but ON my bed? Tsk, tsk, tsk. No offense to any dog lovers out there but for me that’s a definite no-no. Gucci was lying on his stomach on top of the goose duvet cover with all 4 legs sprawled out. I walked over to the side of the bed to take a closer look at him. Yup he was asleep. Hmm, actually he looked passed out. If I didn’t know better I might have thought Gucci had gotten into the mini~bar for a little drinkie-drinkie because he looked drunkie-drunkie. His mouth was wide open and there was drool, large amounts of it dripping from his mouth. Eww! My head was definitely not going to be touching those pillows. To repeat, EWW!! I thought about waking him up but was a little hesitant. I was afraid if I did I would startle him and perhaps he might lash out by attacking me. Then I realized the chances of that happening were nil. Honestly, I’d probably have a better shot of catching a group of pigs flying in the night sky after all this is the same dog that went running scared at the sight of a seagull. I really don’t understand what it is with me and dogs. Each morning when I go for my run there’s always that one damn dog that will bolt from its’ owner and begin to chase after me. Never~mind the fact there will be other people jogging, I’m the one it insists on chasing! And now there was Gucci who not only kept making unannounced visits to my room but refused to leave. Seriously, do I give off some kind of pheromone that dogs are attracted to? I knew I wouldn’t be able to get him to leave on my own so I went to get help. As I was exiting my room Valentina walked in to wish me good night. I replied:
ME: I don’t think I’ll be sleeping tonight.....at least not here.
I pointed to the bed. After checking him out she too came to the same conclusion as I did.
VALENTINA: He looks drunk.
And then all of a sudden the air quality in the room became polluted with a horrific smell. So horrific I'm still amazed how lucky we were we didn't pass out. Gucci the Guard Dog as he lay sleeping......passed gas. Good God, the stench that dog unleashed can only be best described as unholy. Like a bat out of hell and holding our breaths we ran out of the room and went straight to the living room and stepped on the balcony. I lost count how many times I inhaled and exhaled the sweet, smelling air. From the moment we ran out of the room to the time we made it to the balcony I was too afraid to think if Gucci had done anything else other than pass gas which in itself was bad enough. Semper~Fi {SF} observed us and questioned if everything was alright?
VALENTINA: That damn guard dog nearly killed us with his stink bomb!
I calmly explained the situation and warned him if he went into my bedroom it would either be at his own risk or with a gas mask. Semper~Fi left to get Gucci and for his sake I said a silent prayer. It was no joke. The gas that dog let loose was toxic. We decided to follow him but stood in the doorway watching. I think the odor got to our “babysitter” because the first thing he did was open the sliding doors to the balcony.
VALENTINA: There isn’t enough air in the world to cover up that smell. What are you feeding him?
SF: It’ll clear out soon.
VALENTINA: Wanna make a bet?
SF tapped sleeping beauty on his head. After 2 taps Gucci woke up, stood on all fours and walked to the end of the bed where he stood with a vacant look on his face. Then again he looks like that all the time.
VALENTINA: Is he sleepwalking?
ME: If he is let’s hope he doesn’t sleep urinate.
After a few seconds he turned right around and went back down but this time was awake. SF in a commanding tone ordered Gucci off the bed. Again, he got up and walked once more to the end of the bed, {not only was there a sickening odor in my room and doggie drool all over my pillows, also now added to that same list: doggie paw prints} where he looked down and began to bark like a maniac at the floor. Can you believe it? He was barking at the damn floor and there was nothing there! Next, SF gave a very loud numeric command. The command got Gucci to stop barking but also caused him to do something very bizarre: He turned around and ran up and down the bed 3x in a row and then went to the middle of the mattress where he began to jump up and down. For a finale he rolled over twice and then went back to barking at the floor again. As tired as I was that night and in desperate need of sleep I gotta admit I was enjoying the show. If there are any casting agents reading this blog who are preparing to do a reality show about odd dogs that misbehave, boy do I have a dog for you! Look no further than Gucci The Guard Dog.
I couldn't help but laugh!
ME: What the hell is wrong with this dog?
VALENTINA: Do I need to hire a sky writer and have him spell it out for you? The....Dog.....Has....A....Men....tal.....Problem.
Valentina already explained here about Gucci’s mental state. At first I gave Gucci the benefit of the doubt and figured my best friend was exaggerating so rather than say he was mental I went with “special.” Seriously, after what I witnessed {and trust me there’s a lot more which I will post next week} I'm beginning to think that maybe, just maybe Gucci might have a mental problem after all.
To Be Continued.....
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Looks like spring has finally arrived. The snow has completely melted, the grass is showing and the weather is getting warmer which makes me want to do my Snoopy happy~time dance.
My loyal and dear readers, it’s finally Friday!
Whatever your plans are have a sweet weekend.~x
XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
