I wasn't going to post anything until Monday but some of you are wanting to know and some demanding to know what happened between my ex and I during Easter dinner. If you're hoping dishes were smashed and insults were thrown back and forth then you're in for a big disappointment. Here's what happened:
When dinner was announced we all proceeded into the grand dining room. The table was marvelously displayed. The cello and the violin player followed us and were joined now by a pianist. The catering crew stood to one side getting ready to serve us. A bottle of champagne was left on the chair with a ribbon around it and a little card with our names on it. Now I understood why the host felt bad about Senor Bling and I breaking up. She was in charge of the seating plan and seated Senor Bling beside me. He was to my left and Valentina was to my right.....
I turned to Valentina and said in a whisper, 'please behave yourself.' Her response, 'don't I always?' Her answer made me very nervous. I turned my chair slightly to the right so my body was kind of sitting more towards Valentina. Senor Bling didn't make any sort of attempt to communicate with me because he knew I wouldn't talk to him. Why would I? I had nothing to say to him. At one point during the dinner the host looked at me hoping I was alright. I gave her a reassuring look that I was. By the grace of God Valentina behaved herself, it may have had something to do with the fact her daddy was sitting right across from us and thank God he was because there was no telling what Valentina would have done. It was a wonderful Easter dinner, well aside from the brothers behavior and their chugging on bottles after bottles of Corona. In one hand they had their fork and in the other hand a Corona. Not once during the evening did the bottle leave their mouths.
All three of us returned back to the villa at around 1-1:30am. After saying good night to Valentina's daddy we headed up the stairs to our bedrooms when he asked her a question, 'Valentina did you have anything to do with Senor Bling's phone ringing this evening?' Valentina stopped and turned around. I was a couple of steps ahead of her and interested in knowing what she was going to say. 'Why would I call him?' she innocently asked. 'Maybe to just annoy him,' he replied. 'I hope you haven't broken your promise to me, you promised you weren't going to bother him anymore' 'And I haven't. Have I ever broken a promise to you daddy?' she sweetly asked. He didn't respond, he went over onto the lanai to light his cigar. 'Good night again daddy, we love you.' He took a puff from his cigar and blew us each a kiss. When we arrived at the top of the stairs I quietly said to Valentina, 'and the academy for best performance of a mischievous character during a dinner party goes to... Valentina.' She took a bow and said, 'thank you, thank you. I love you all.' 'He knows it was you,' I stated. 'Of course he knows,' she devilishly replied.
I tried falling asleep but couldn't. Not only was I tossing and turning but I was freezing cold. I was wearing my robe in bed because the air conditioner was turned on so high. I wanted to do some writing but Valentina was still holding my laptop hostage. I turned on the lamp and decided to write in long hand. My notebook and pen was still packed in my carry on. I didn't want to get out of bed and retrieve it because I knew the floor was going to be cold but I knew I had to since I had such an urge to write. Back at home I never wear socks or slippers in the house, I prefer going barefoot. I decided to be brave and make the trek. I got out of bed and quickly ran to the closet. My feet felt as if they were on a sheet of ice. I found my notebook and pen and sprinted back into bed.
Twenty minutes into writing I heard Valentina's door open. Her room was right across from my mine. Looking at the my room door I saw the door knob slowly turn and open. Valentina peaked her head in. 'I thought you'd be awake,' she said walking towards the bed. She got in under the covers. 'You're not suppose to be doing any writing this weekend,' she said reminding me. 'You said I couldn't work on my laptop. You didn't say anything about me not working with a pen and a notebook,' I replied. 'You seriously do not know how to relax. ' Valentina picked up the remote and turned on the TV and began to channel surf. 'What are you doing up? I asked. 'I can't sleep either. I feel so jumpy and anxious,' she answered. 'Maybe it was all the tequila you drank,' I said back. 'There was only a little bit in for flavoring.' When she couldn't find anything good to watch she turned off the TV and began talking about the dinner party. 'What did you think about tonight?' 'I don't know what I was more surprised at. Finding out the Panamanian is Gilligan's dad or 'L' is the one who planned the party and her cool as a cucumber attitude,' I answered. 'You know the host has a house in Belize and another in Puerto Rico,' informed Valentina. 'Really?' I asked. 'I would have rather gone to either one of those places. Why did she have to choose Sandbox Island?' 'Because that bug spray she calls perfume has fried some of her brain cells,' she answered. 'You're terrible Valentina, you don't know when to quit.' 'She nearly damaged your sinuses. How are they now?' 'Better since they no longer throb,' I answered. Valentina was lying on her back but then turned on her side and said, 'I have a question. It's about Senor Bling.' Even though I was in the middle of writing a sentence I put down my pen and notebook on the nightstand, shut off the lamp and hid under the covers and in a muffled voice I said, 'just bring me a bottle of tequila and I'll drink the entire thing. I'll even swallow the damn worm, anything if it'll make you stop talking about him. I do not want to hear his name.' She turned her side of the lamp on and then lifted the covers off me. 'Okay I won't say his name. The person whose-name-shall-not-be-mentioned...' I looked up and interrupting her I said, 'Lord just take me now.' I then looked at her, 'You're lucky I'm even still talking to you after the text messaging stunt you pulled.' 'You could never stop talking to me because you love me too much, right? 'It's either that or I'm just insane,' I said back. 'You're not insane. As I was saying, I have a question about whose-name-shall-not-be-mentioned.' I leaned over and opened up the top drawer of the nightstand and began rummaging through it. 'What are you looking for?' she asked. 'Some ear plugs,' I replied. 'Why?' 'Because I don't want to hear this conversation. It's so tiring.' 'But it's important. Please....please, please, please,' she begged. 'I really need to ask it. I shut the drawer and laid back down. 'Is it necessary that you ask me?' I questioned. 'Yes I really need to ask it. It's very important.' 'Fine, go ahead,' I said groaning. 'You said he whose-name-shall-not-be mentioned wasn't the one for you. What if he was?' 'That's the important and necessary question you need to ask me?' I asked. She nodded. 'Why is this necessary and important for you to know? How does it even qualify as being important and necessary?' 'I don't know, I just want to know, blame it on the tequila.' 'The tequila? How about I blame it on your curious personality,' I said. I gave a depressing sigh as she asked me the question again, 'what if he was the one?' 'He wasn't the one, he isn't the one,' I replied. 'I know but let's just say for arguments sake in some bizarre and twisted world he was the one for you. Then what?' 'Then he'd be lying in bed with me instead of you right now and I don't think either of us would be talking,' I said. 'That's not what I meant,' she stated. 'Would you have married him?' 'Only in the bizarre and twisted world I would have, and if he had proposed. Now please no more questions about him.' The last statement didn't have any impact on her because she continued on talking. 'Imagine if you had married him.' 'I don't want to,' I said. Once again Valentina wasn't listening. 'You'd be Mrs. Bling, sorry! I mean Mrs. Whose-Name-Shall-Not-Be Mentioned and you'd be living it up in glamorous Miami, going out every night, driving with the top down on Biscayne, shopping, having ice cream in the Grove.....' 'I don't think I would be going out every night otherwise I'd never get any work done. But it's a sure bet I would be at the Bal Harbour Shops every other day,' I replied. The Bal Harbour Shops is an upscale mall located in the village of Bal Harbour. It is without a doubt my favorite mall with all my favorite stores. I call shopping there al fresco shopping because it's an open air mall with perfectly manicured flowers and pretty fountains. Inside this fantastic mall is a restaurant called The Bal Harbour Bistro and at this particular bistro an amazing creation exists called The Original Grimbletorte Cheesecake. It's chocolate and orange flavored with Grand Marnier. It's so rich and so fattening and so delicious! Whenever I'm at this mall the first thing I do is eat the sinful chocolate delight and then I start shopping (that way I can walk off some of the calories). I yawned a little, finally I was starting to feel sleepy. 'You're tired?' asked Valentina. 'Yeah,' I lazily replied. She shut off her side of the lamp. 'Then I won't ask you anymore questions. I'll be quiet so you can fall asleep.' And she was quiet.....for about five seconds when she asked, 'do you think our lives would have been any different if our moms were still alive?' It was a question I'd never thought off but I answered it right away. 'It's hard to say.' 'I think overall this is the kind of life they wanted us to have,' said Valentina. I thought a little more about the question and said, 'I suppose some things would have never taken place if my mom was still alive. The entire incident with Lawyer-Guy would have never occurred because there wouldn't have been any need for him to contact me.' Valentina began to giggle. 'What's so funny?' 'I was just remembering when daddy found out and confronted us about him,' she answered. 'You and your brilliant idea of having the present x-rayed at the airport,' I said. 'Not exactly your brightest moment. You should have known, we both should have known daddy would have figured out what we were doing. I'm glad that fiasco is over.' 'Do you think our moms are happy?' was her next question. 'I like to think they are.' Valentina then cuddled close to me. 'Daddy never talks to me about mom, he doesn't even mention her name. I was so young when she died and all I have are little fragments of her memory. Besides the things your mom told me about her there's still so much I wish I knew. Like when daddy first saw her, was it love at first sight? Did he kiss her on their first date? When did he know mom was the one for him? What did they get each other on their first wedding anniversary? Did they want anymore kids? These are questions I can never ask daddy because I know he's still hurting and always will. Half his heart is gone.' 'But his other half remains for you,' I said. 'Sometimes I think the reason he works so much is so he can keep his mind busy from thinking about mom.' 'I don't blame him,' I told her. 'What do you think our moms are doing in heaven?' 'Complaining their halos are messing up their hair or their angel wings don't look good with their outfits,' I replied back. Valentina began to laugh so hysterically she sat up and held her stomach. I was laughing too. I turned on the lamp to make sure she was okay. This was the first time in a long time I had laughed upon mentioning my mom's name. Usually when I do think about her I can't laugh or even smile, it's just too painful. But that night I didn't feel any pain....
Nobody of course lives forever. There comes a time when we leave this world for another one. But sometimes the circumstances surrounding a person's death shakes you to your very core and the pain is so intense you force yourself to become numb from feeling anything and your heart becomes so frozen that it shatters. And no matter how hard you try to put those pieces back together the grief is so toxic it doesn't allow you to. You exist with a broken heart but yet you still continue to breathe. The heart knows and remembers all and it remembers a time when it use to beat with happiness. With time you start feeling those pieces that were once shattered slowing piecing themselves back together and staying put. The pain never does go away, you just find it easier to deal with. I guess it doesn't really matter how old you are when you lose a parent, you could be 5 or 55, the pain one feels is the same.
Valentina had been quiet for several minutes and I assumed she was asleep until she tapped me on the shoulder. I thought if I ignored her she would stop. When will I learn? When I didn't answer her Valentina moved her finger down to the middle of my back and began jabbing me. 'Yes Valentina,' I said. 'Finally! If I think of another question about whose-name-shall-not-be-mentioned is it okay if I ask you?' 'If I say no will that stop you from asking it?,' I asked back. 'No,' she answered. 'I have another question but don't worry it's not about him. When do I get my cell phone back?' 'At the precise moment you return my laptop to me,' I replied. 'You don't play fair,' she commented. 'I learn from you,' I told her. 'And I learned from daddy.' 'Good night Valentina.' 'Good night,' she said back.
XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
