Cocaine Princess here.
I have to get this out of the way, PEOPLE named Matt Damon The Sexiest Man Alive. OMG I'm going to be sick!!! Are the editors at the magazines blind?! What about David Beckham or Johnny Depp!!
I haven't received any letters this week from any of the 20 or so agents I queried about a month ago. These particular batch of literary agents wrote on their website it could take anywhere from 8-12 weeks. I wrote in a previous blog about how worried I was if I ran out of literary agents to send query letters to. Someone by the name of mr. r. rabbit replied with an answer. I won't tell you what he wrote. Look in the comment section in the blog entitled: 12 Questions.
Many of you have emailed me asking if Valentina's daddy is going to inflict any type of harm on Senor Bling? I can assure you that no physical harm will come to him. At least I don't think so. Even though I was warned not to get involved with him I didn't deserve what he did to me. He has lost me for good! I will never ever be involved with him again nor will I ever speak to him again. His loss!
I really and truly hate November. When October came I was hoping the month would go so slow but it didn't. It's such an emotional month for me that I feel so exhausted that I can actually feel the life sucking out of me. I feel like the angel in the above picture. There are those days when I want to collapse and fall but I don't. (That statue is titled THE WEEPING ANGEL and is in my backyard in honor of my mom) I actually wanted it at my mom's grave but 'he' said 'no' and wouldn't allow it. Actually his exact words were 'absolutely not. Forget it!! I remember telling Valentina about it and within 24 hours on my doorstep was a box. I looked inside and low and behold a statue of The Weeping Angel was inside. A handwritten note was attached that said if 'he' has a problem with it tell him to contact me directly! The note and statue was from Valentina's daddy. I remember placing the note in a visible place and I caught him reading it. That same day I had someone place it in the backyard for me. To my knowledge he hasn't contacted Valentina's daddy and I don't think he will.
'He' doesn't make things easier for me either. I know 'he' prefers his other family over me. I know this because of the tone in his voice each time he speaks to me or the way he looks at me and his behavior towards me. I don't know how he does it but whenever I start feeling good or happy he swoops down in and kills it. Today I was having a good day. My nails were manicured, my feet had been pedicured and then I had my hair done. I then saw a gorgeous dress at Marciano, a beautiful, white shiny one that screamed buy me, buy me! So I did. It was one of those really good days that we are lucky to sometimes have. When I came home I picked up my pen and notebook and the words were flowing beautifully up until 'he' came into the room. 'He' was talking on the phone to one of them so loud that I swear 'he' does it on purpose. (I suppose because I'm not his. He knows the truth and whose blood lies in me and because of that he knows not to cross the line, he can't) Must 'he' flaunt it in front of my face? I seriously believe 'he' lacks the gene that gives a person compassion and sensitivity. Every time 'he' calls them he goes on and on praising them to me. I swear 'he' does it just to be cruel. 'He' is the type of person who enjoys putting salt on a wound. 'He' was laughing on the phone and saying how much he missed them all and how proud he is of them all. I just got up and left and went upstairs. 'A' then came up to see me and told me I shouldn't let 'him' get to me. Easier said than done.
Valentina called me today. Actually she's been calling 4-5 times a day now. She knows how much I hate this month. For her it's August. She tries cheering me up as she knows all too well about the situation with 'he.' I can't tell how many times Valentina's daddy has asked me to live with them. I might just take him up on his offer one day. I try to avoid 'he' in the house or I just go out. It's such a sense of relief being away from him and when 'he' leaves the house I feel so free that I start crying but I feel a little better afterwards. So much is bottled inside of me that I can't show any emotion in front of him. Even though I cry it doesn't compromise my strength because I know what goes around comes around. 'He' can have his other family, I really don't give a damn! I am thankful i have no relation to him and for Valentina's daddy and his lawyers, soon he won't be living with us much more. He can't touch my my mom's assets. He knows not to cross the line, he knows whose blood runs inside of me. (Maybe I do. I wouldn't be hurting this much if I didn't care.) 'He' knows how hard this month is for me yet 'he' does nothing to try to make it a little easier for me. Instead 'he' inflicts verbal and emotional pain on me. It's almost as if 'he' gets pleasure from it. How does one heal emotional pain? When someone is physically hurt their wound is treated with medication and a band-aid. But how do you heal emotional pain? There are no band-aids nor is there anyone to kiss your boo-boo. You feel so little and when that happens I begin to question myself. Maybe I'm foolish to be chasing a dream of wanting to become a published writer? Maybe I'm wasting my time? And then my, well I can't really say who but there is someone close to my heart that I adore. And this special person who is really like my guardian angel contacts me at always the right time to reassure me that no I am not foolish and nor I am wasting my time. And all of you my fellow bloggers, I love and thank you for your wonderful and kind comments. A fellow blogger and sweet friend of mine recently sent me an email raving about how wonderful blogging is. All the new people we are able to meet while blogging, people whom we never would have probably met.
Everyday when the mail arrives I am either nervous or excited or both. Faith and Persistence is what I keep telling myself over and over again. For every door that closes another one opens they say. I just wish I knew which door is going to open for me. But I guess that's life. What would life be like if we all knew ahead of time what and when and how things would happen in our life? Life would be very dull to say the least but I think for me it would cut down on my anxiety level if I just knew which agency was going to represent me.
So many of you are quite curious about the 'new creation' I wrote about in my last blog. Like I already wrote I can't reveal much. Its' name is quite unique with a story behind it, I guess I shouldn't have wrote that because now you're going to want me to drop a hint.
Someone asked me 'what exactly does it do? Imagine you're driving in a car on a long stretch of highway at full speed. Approaching in the other lane is another vehicle and you decide to have a little fun by going into the other lane. You feel invincible that you press your foot on the gas pedal even harder and now you're driving even faster. The other car is beeping their horn non-stop for you to get out of the way. But are you worried? No. Instead you feel the temperature in your body slowly rising as you start to feel something inside of you is going to erupt. You're so close you can see the panic stricken look on the other driver's face before he swerves and goes off into the field. And at the exact moment your body and mind erupt, some call it almost orgasmic as it attacks and shocks your senses on every level leaving you breathless and wanting more. Others have called it a spiritual event, a spiritual awakening and rising.
How did this creation come about? It took the chemists years to develop into such a magnificent creation. These chemists who work for the Cartel are such geniuses that they can make it 'snow' in the Caribbean. They find new and innovative ways to smuggle drugs in and out of the country without detection. It's almost scary how smart they are. So, so brilliant that sometimes I think they could find the solution to end world hunger and bring about world peace. I applaud them!
Earlier when Valentina called she said her daddy had placed the gift she wanted on page 103 from the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book. I placed my order along with a bunch of other stuff.
It's close to 4am and I am wide awake without a yawn is sight. I thank you all for sending me good sleep tips. None of them worked but I thank you for being so thoughtful.
In about 3 hours my favorite, favorite group of all time DURAN DURAN is performing live on Good Morning America. Their new song Falling Down is simply one of their best. Can't wait until they announce their world tour dates. In the meantime I keep myself busy writing. I am working as most of you know about 'B' and the Priest.
XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
P.S. I just finished watching GMA. They didn't preform until near the end. Simon looked so incredibly handsome: those cheeks and lips, what a luscious looking man! I wonder what Andy is thinking? I wonder if he regrets leaving the band?
