The Elderly Couple: I’m In The Mood For Pie

Cocaine Princess here.

On Sunday two friends of the family came by for a visit. An elderly, retired couple. I will refer to them as Elderly Wife and Elderly Husband. 

When they arrived sister showed them into the living room where I already was sitting on the couch and watching The Twilight Saga on DVD. I had finished part 1 & 2 and was about a half and hour into the third. Going off topic here for a moment: I’m sure most of you are aware of the “Twilight” movie phenomena based on Stephanie Meyers books. I hadn’t seen any of the movies until that day and was interested in knowing what all the fuss was about. My thoughts? Hmm....Eh, it was okay. At times it was incredibly slow. When it comes to vampires nobody does it better than HBO’s True Blood! Getting back to my entry—>

Each time a visitor drops by even if it’s just for a few hours sister goes above and beyond in her hostess duties. She popped into the local bakery in town and bought enough food to not only feed a village but can only be described as a cholesterol nightmare: chocolate brownies, cake slices, mini fruit pies and cheesecakes, almond cookies, biscottis, eclairs, Naniamo bars, petit fours: to put it plain and simple, all things sinful. There was three of everything all except for the chocolate pecan square, there was only one of those. Had there been more time I would have put my awesome sleuthing skills to work to find out what exactly happened to the other two. I hadn’t seen our guests in several years but my sibling kept in touch with them. For the first little while the conversation went like this: “How have you been? What have you been up to? What’s new?” In other words we were playing “catch up.” As we chatted sister brought out the food. She had the devilish treats neatly arranged on a decorative platter that came with matching plates and serving tongs. Our visitors of course had first pick because it’s not just a general rule but good manners. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t say a silent prayer that neither of them pick the chocolate pecan square because I wanted it badly. Normally I would have gone for something less fattening but it was Sunday, my one cheat day. I eat healthy during the week but on Sundays I allow myself to indulge in whatever I please......I’m still working on trying not to feel any guilt after wards!  Picking up the silver tongs Elderly Husband {E.H.} selected the mini apple pie and requested if “A” could warm it up for him. 

E.H: I like to eat my pies warm, if it's no trouble. Thank you.

As “A” went to reach for the plate, Elderly Wife in a very sweet like tone said:

E.W: Choose something else, dear.

E.H: But I want the apple pie.

She nodded her head no and insisted he pick another item from “A’s Bakery Store.” He scanned the items. There was nothing else that he wanted. Elderly Husband wanted apple pie.

E.H: I’m in the mood for pie.

Once more as sister went for the plate the wife spoke:

EW: Are you sure, dear? Is that want you really want?

Sister stood there as her eyes ping ponged back and forth while she watched and listened to the elderly couple talk back and forth. I could tell she was a little confused and didn’t know whether to take the pie and heat it up or not. Well, luckily for her she didn’t have to choose. E.W. took the plate from her husband and placed it down on the coffee table in front of her, picked up another plate and from the platter she picked out one of the lemon squares for her husband to eat.

EW: Here you go. You’ll like this better.

And then she did something that left me with a big question mark: she began to eat the pie after discouraging her husband from eating it. Could the reason she didn't want E.H. to eat the pie was because she wanted it for herself? Hmm, no that couldn't have been it. It wasn't like it was the only one. As I wrote earlier, there were 3 of everything so even if E.H. had eaten the pie there still would have been 2 more of the mini apple pies left. I was tempted to ask why he couldn’t eat it but thought it was best I stay quiet. Finally it was my cue. I went straight for my chocolate pecan square. After E.W. marveled at how delicious and fresh the apples tasted and how buttery the crust was, she turned to her husband and asked:
 

EW: Are you enjoying the lemon square?

His response came in the form of only a smile.

 EW: See, I knew you would.

I had a hard time figuring out if the smile he flashed was sincere or fake. Although if I had to put my money on it, I would say fake. The poor ole chap's taste buds were definitely not craving lemons that Sunday afternoon. As he continued to eat against his will he looked at the television and made a comment.

E.H: Our grand~daughter is crazy about the Twilight movies. She---

Before he had a chance to finish the sentence his wife interrupted him.

E.W: Look at what you're doing-- you’re dropping crumbs all over your pants. 

I was sitting an arm’s length away from him and I didn’t see any crumbs on his pants, not even one damn speck. He was a very neat and tidy eater. E.W. continued.

EW: Be careful dear how you eat. We don’t want any crumbs to fall on your pants or onto the carpet.

Good grief! Who cares if some crumbs had fallen onto the carpet? It wouldn't mean the end of the world! Setting her fork and plate down E.W. pushed the plate up so it was touching his mouth and that’s how he continued to eat. My God! Not only was he struggling to eat an item of food that he clearly did not want but he appeared very uncomfortable in the position she put him in. Imagine if you will for a moment you're sitting down and eating a meal you don't want while holding the plate directly at mouth level. The last time I had seen the elderly couple was before my mom passed away and honestly I don't recall Elderly Wife being so...hmm...take your pick: bossy, controlling, in charge!

Elderly Husband didn't seem bothered by his wife's constant nit~picking but it was starting to bother me. It took a severe amount of will power on my part not to stand up and say to her: Leave the poor man alone! I decided perhaps maybe if I engage in a conversation with him, she may leave him alone. I decided to ask him about his grand~daughter.

ME: You were saying earlier about your grand~daughter liking Twilight?

E.H. Oh yes, she’s a big fan of the actor---

Leave it to Elderly Wife to cut off the conversation..... AGAIN.

E.W: What happened to your napkin, dear?

Elderly Husband replied it was in his hands. I guess she didn’t see it although I don’t see how she could have missed it, it was right there in plain sight!  She next wanted to know why the napkin was in his hands and not in his laps? Before he had a chance to answer she instructed that he take the napkin and lay it across his laps. And you know what? He did, without any hesitation and then smiled at her. Along with the pastries refreshments were served. There was a hot pot of coffee, tea and a multitude of juices were on standby. Elderly Wife wanted tea and her husband wanted coffee. Even though sister asked E.H. what he wanted in his coffee it was E.W. who decided to answer on his behalf.

E.W: He’ll have a cup of tea instead with a drop of honey. I’ll have mine with milk and sugar, please.

E.H: I really would prefer a nice cup of coffee. I don’t feel like drinking tea.

E.W: No dear, you'll have the tea.

Are you starting to see a pattern with Elderly Wife? Last I checked the man sitting beside her was her husband and not her son, and he was 67 years old and not a 7 year old.

To Be Continued...

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My loyal and dear readers, it's finally Friday.

Whatever your plans are have a dynamite weekend.~x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess