Cocaine Princess here.
I lost my keys. They were found in the trash can at Burger King. How did this happen? Well my dear ones let me retell this fascinating knock your socks off post!!
It all started last week after my sister purchased the George Foreman Grill. {POST:8/21/09- My Sister's Shiny New Toy} If you recall we were at the cash scratching off our cards to see how much we had saved. I had predicated we would save the minimum of 5%. I was right. After paying my sister said she was feeling hungry and so was I at that point but was dreading it because it was A's turn to pick. Yep you guessed it, Burger King. She requested that I wait for her in the food court while she put Mr. Scarecrow and her shiny new toy in the trunk of the car. So off she went pushing the cart and proudly I might add. She was smiling from ear to ear over her new purchases. I do the exact same thing each time I leave the mall.
I exited Sears and stepped into the mall and proceeded to go into the direction of the food court. As I did I passed several stores I wanted to go into and silently said, "Me and my Amex will be back after lunch." I arrive in the food court and found a table close to "Home of The Whopper." I opened up my purse and took out my little travel size can of Lysol and sprayed down the table. {Not that I don't have any faith in the mall's janitorial staff. I'm sure they do a good job scrubbing away the germs but it was just for my own personal satisfaction. As I sprayed the entire table all I could think about was a restaurant that was only a few feet away. A dining restaurant. You know the kind where there are pretty looking hostesses who walk you to your table, a table with linen table cloth, nice dishes, silverware and wine goblets?} Just as I finished wiping down the table clean a person decided to seat himself down at MY table. Allow me to describe this person: He was an excessively large gentleman (if you call him a gentleman) in a suit holding a tray with his lunch in one hand while he was chatting on the phone with the other.
"Excuse me," I said.
He raised his pointer finger at me indicating that I wait as he continued with his conversation.
"Cancel my 4pm next Wednesday. I have a meeting with the buyer that day followed by a game of squash........."
He went on gabbing for 2-3minutes. Yes I know I could have easily walked away and found another table but I had a few things to say to him. He finished up his conversation, unwrapped his whopper, picked it up and began to eat with one hand while this time texting with the other. He must have had outstanding peripheral vision because the grand pooh-bah noticed I was still standing there.
"Can I help you?" he asked with his mouth full. The ketchup from the burger was dribbling down the corner of his mouth in a disgusting way.
"Yeah you took my table," I replied. "I was sitting here."
"You weren't actually sitting here."
Looking at his phone he chuckled. What did he receive, an email from the "Joke Of The Day" website? I replied back to his little "You weren't actually sitting here" statement.
"I was about to," I explained. "After I had finished wiping it clean."
"Is that why you were cleaning it because you wanted to sit here?"
"Well I wasn't cleaning it for you," I snapped back.
"Oh...I didn't know," he said back stuffing his face with fries. "Sorry, you want your table back."
"No thanks. Enjoy your lunch," I replied back in a very sarcastic tone. During the entire conversation he did not make eye contact with me, they were glued to his damn phone. I managed to find another table, away but not far enough from Mr. Table Stealer.
My sister finally showed up. Sitting down she asked,
"There you are. What are you doing sitting all the way over here."
I was sitting by KFC/Taco Bell. She assumed I would be sitting by BK.
I told her in extreme detail about the moron eating the whopper who stole my table.
"Don't tell me you're upset over something so childish as someone stealing your table?"
"Well I was there first."
"Oh for heaven's sake. Darling if he doesn't have any common sense or manners surely you do unless...Unless you went all Gordon Ramsay on him?" she questioned.
"No," I answered giggling.
{Now that I think of it maybe I should have}
"Good I'm glad because it wouldn't have been worth it. Let's have lunch now, I'm starving. Please order me the Angry Chicken Combo darling."
"You're not actually making me go up and order? Haven't you traumatized me enough by bringing me here?"
While shopping with my sister that day she kept ignoring my questions which was becoming increasingly annoying. Her response to my above question:
"Remember no mayo."
Getting up from the table I remarked,
"Burger King, really? Why not just pump me full of lard and cholesterol and get it over with?"
"And don't forget the little dipping sauce for my fries, darling."
I avoided going past Mr. Table Stealer and made my way to BK. If only I had a squash racket I would use it to whack him in the noggin.
There were 4 cashiers and 4 lines. I stood in the 3rd line. I'm looking up at the menu board and I see the Angry Tender Crisp Chicken. It looked appealing so I decided to order the same. The cashier finished taking the customer's order in front of me and then moved to the left as he waited for his food to be brought out. The employee announced with a smile:
"Next please."
I stepped up to the counter.
"Welcome to Burger King. How may I take your order?"
I opened my mouth and was about to say: "I would like to order 2 Angry Chicken Combos, one with no mayo please."
I never got a chance too.
I never got a chance because....
You know what my lovelies? I'm sooo tired right now and I don't have the energy to finish this post but I will sometime next week. I've had a tremendously restless week.
My loyal and dear readers it's finally not only Friday but the start of the long weekend!
The last official long weekend of summer and my suitcase is packed for it. "A" is joining me so it's no where far or exotic seeing how school starts next week for her. A brand new classroom of little lambs await for her.
Whatever your plans are have a H-O-W-L-I-N-G weekend. Hey, La Luna is full tonight so get wild.-x
Happy Labor Day Long Weekend.
XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
