Cocaine Princess here.
Valentina and I headed down to the beach; we were just standing along the shores splashing our feet around instead of actually getting into the water. You see there is a joke among the locals on the island. If you try to go swimming you may end up in Venezuela. The water is very untamed. From my experience I found the water forceful and the waves are even worse. They smack you around so hard that it hurts. Basically you swim at your own risk but there were dozens of vacationers in the water who decided to give it a go.
Lunch Time
We decided to eat lunch by the poolside. As I went through the items on the menu everything was yummy for the tummy but fattening, fattening, fattening! The dessert title read in big, bold italic letters Hail To The Chubbies and underneath it was a picture of a little piglet shoving a piece of cake in its mouth while sitting on a scale. On the last page were the Calorie Wise Dishes. I decided to do a little negotiating with Valentina and even though I knew it would be a waste of time I thought I’d give it a shot. I told her she could take away my laptop if in return she would allow me to break my promise. 'Can I talk about whose name shall not be mentioned?' she asked. 'No,' I replied. 'Then there’s no deal.' I let out a tiny whimper. 'Princess we’re on vaycay,' she reminded me. 'No not really,' I said back. 'It’s just a weekend get-away.' 'And whose fault is that? Yours to be exact. This was supposed to have been a two week vaycay.' 'You know I need to get back home,' I explained. 'Why? What’s the rush? Don't tell me that person who lives with you is taking part in a sudoku competition and needs you there for some type of moral support?’ I said no and then burst out laughing. She continued. 'Even people who go on weekend getaways leave all their stresses behind at home including watching what they eat, so pick something greasy off the menu.' Forget what I said about my panties cutting off my circulation I could feel my arteries hardening. 'I'll have the caesar salad,' I said closing up my menu. 'And?' I just looked at her. 'And what?’ I asked. 'You need something else, a caesar salad isn’t enough,' she stated. 'It's plenty enough for me.' 'Look they have onion rings. I’ll order you a plate.' 'No I don’t want that. I've had my quota of onion rings for the year. All I want is a salad.' To be honest I didn’t even want the damn frigging salad because I wasn’t all that hungry. 'Fine have it your way. Guess what I heard about whose name shall not be mentioned. I heard he....' I tried leaning across the table to put my hand over her mouth but couldn't reach. 'You're not playing fair. There was nothing said about me having to agree to eat whatever you say,' I stated backing out of my chair. 'Where are you going?' she questioned. 'I left my lipstick back in the room,' I answered. 'You still haven't told me what you want to eat. What should I tell the waiter?' 'You decide for me. Just don’t order me the onion rings,' I replied.
As I made my way back to the suite I wanted to see if I could spot Semper-Fi and the others. The only guys I could spot were dressed in either floral or tribal printed knee length shorts and lying on their backsides all oiled up and getting tanned.
I found my lipstick lying on the bathroom counter top. As I went to touch up my lips I noticed the tip of my nose was sunburned. When I went to touch it, it stung. I applied a light dusting of bronzer on top to cover up the redness but even doing that hurt.
When I returned there were two plates at my setting each covered with a lid and a Coke on ice to the side. I removed the first lid and there was the salad. I kept envisioning the nutrient label on the backside of a salad dressing bottle. 1 tbsp = 11 grams of fat. The salad was soaked in dressing- almost as if Valentina requested the kitchen to double up on the dressing and knowing her she may have very well have done that. Underneath the second lid was a plate with an extra large BLT sub and steak fries. 'Well?' she asked. 'Perfect,' I replied but really I was thinking the opposite. I removed the top part of the bun to sprinkle some pepper and as I did I counted in my head the number of bacon strips. 5 with at least two different types of cheeses melted in between. Technically it wasn't a BLT. It was a BLTC. For herself she ordered what else? The onion rings and a cheeseburger. I thought about playing the sore throat card but nah. Valentina would just call the hotel doctor and have me examined to make sure I wasn't lying. I picked up my Coke and was about to have a drink until I remembered who ordered it. It looked like a Coke. I put it under my nose and took a whiff. It smelled like a Coke. Valentina picked up her napkin and after wiping her mouth said, 'it isn’t laced with alcohol.' It looked like a Coke. It smelled like a Coke. But did it taste like a Coke?........It did! 'See?' she said. 'I can’t believe you don’t trust me.' 'Can you blame me for being a little suspicious?' I asked. 'Wait until you see what I ordered us for dessert,' she said back with a smirk.
To Be Continued.
XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
