Update on The Hideous Creature With Four Legs

Cocaine Princess here.

Good news there is peace back in my neighborhood! Maybe the hideous creature is in fact a demon dog that possesses everyone to behave and talk in ways they normally wouldn't. Too bad I didn't video-tape the entire incident. I could have sent it off to The Jerry Springer Show, they would have loved having us on the show. The hideous creature is now living indoors but I don't know for how long. As for poodle lady, she's still lurking around the neighborhood. Yesterday afternoon the gardener dropped by and I went out to see him wearing my high heels. I was letting him know where I wanted the shrubs planted. Poodle lady was standing on the corner cradling her furry lover. I have yet to see the poodle walk on its' four legs. The poodle was dressed in a purple outfit with black polka dots. I think it's time for the men in white coats to come and take her away. I'm just kidding, I would never wish any harm on anyone even someone who is somewhat of a sourpuss. Every neighborhood has its' cast of characters and what would a neighborhood be without the residential nosy busybody.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

PT 2: Holiday Monday AKA Disastrous Holiday Monday

Cocaine Princess here.

The chaos the hideous creature brought to my once serene neighborhood was unbelievable and of course the creature didn't take a break from barking. Then all of a sudden the backyard started to get really smoky. 'Oh God the B-B-Q!' someone exclaimed.

The B-B-Q went up in smoke as did our meal. 'I think you may have overcooked them little lady,' the retiree said to my sister. 'For your information this is how we prefer our B-B-Q,' I said coughing. The hideous creature not only caused everyone to lose their tempers but it destroyed our May 2-4 weekend B-B-Q. All that was left were black, crispy ashes. Everyone was fanning the smoke with their arms as they continued to argue right where they left off. My God, the hideous creature was bringing out the worst in everyone! 'If all you continue with this loud yelling I'm going to have no choice but to call the police and report all of you for causing a disturbance,' threatened the poodle lady. 'The dog is causing a disturbance!' explained another person. 'You dog haters are harassing the poor creature,' she replied while her poodle licked her lips. 'Demon dog barks at all hours of the day!,' the retiree stated very loudly. 'I don't know what you're talking about. I hardly ever hear his barking,' she answered back. 'And why would you? You probably turn down your hearing aid!' 'I don't appreciate you yelling at me.' 'Excuse me but I tend to get cranky when I don't sleep two nights in a row!' 'Something needs to be done about this dog,' another neighbor said. Looking at the poodle lady the neighbor continued and said if she wasn't going to do anything and resolve the situation then the rest of the neighbors were going to band together and do something themselves. This was the missing gnome incident all over again. She didn't respond. Instead for some reason poodle lady began to ask my sister a couple of really stupid questions.'You're a teacher?' 'Yes,' my sister replied as she was removing the remains from the grill. 'I know what a teacher makes yearly so how is it a teacher can afford to live in my posh neighborhood?' 'Your neighborhood?' questioned another neighbor. 'Since when is this your neighborhood? You don't own it.' 'I was one of the first people to move to this neighborhood,' she replied. 'And that qualifies you as being the owner?' asked another. Poodle lady didn't answer the question. Instead she asked my sister the same question again. 'I manage just fine,' my sister replied. 'Is there another source of income?' was her next question. Are you starting to get the idea why poodle lady is so disliked? Not only is she disliked but she's very nosy. 'The maintenance alone on your house must be thousands of dollars a month. I find it very impossible for a teacher to afford any of this.' 'My finances are none of your business,' A replied. 'No need to get all defensive. I'm just curious.' 'You should be careful, you know what they say about curiosity,' I said. 'No, what?' she asked. 'Curiosity is what killed the cat,' I replied. 'Are you threatening me?' poodle lady asked. 'Hardly. I was merely stating a quote.' 'Didn't your mother ever teach you to respect your elders.' 'Actually no,' I answered. And then she took a shot at me. 'Why are you so dressed up? Anytime I see you you're always dressed up like you're going to a party. Why do you wear so much jewelery and why are you wearing high heels with such a short skirt in the back yard? Didn't your mother teach you how to dress like a proper lady.' 'She's off her rocker,' someone muttered. 'Mention our mother's name again and you're going to have a big problem on your hands,' said A as she was now throwing the burnt items into the trash bag. Some questions are just incredibly stupid they don't deserve an answer. But she demanded to know. 'I'm waiting for your answer,' she said this time snapping her fingers at me. All I kept on thinking, if Valentina was here poodle lady's dentures would have been in the back of her head by now. I still didn't say a word. But the retiree had plenty to say, 'Cu-koo, cu-koo, cu-koo. Poodle lady cu-koo for coco-puffs.' Some of the others started to laugh. 'This is a respectable neighborhood,' said poodle lady. 'Then why are you living here?' somebody asked. 'Perhaps at the next meeting I should bring up a dress code for the residents.' 'Are you currently on any medication?' the husband who lives behind me asked. 'Sometimes with age comes insanity,' said another neighbor to him. The others just stood there covering their mouths and shaking their heads. I thought poodle lady was finished her crazy rant but she wasn't. To one side of my backyard is a platform and on the platform is a marble bench and surrounded on each side is a kneeling angel that is praying and near those is a statue of the weeping angel. The area is in memory of my mom. Poodle lady didn't make any comment towards that. But she did on something else. In the corner of the garden are two huge gargoyles that my mom had bought. She asked, 'what exactly do you call those two ugly things?' 'Your relatives,' replied the retiree. I laughed at that, I just had too, it was way too funny! 'They're called gargoyles and they're suppose to ward off evil spirits,' I explained while laughing. 'Too bad you didn't have something to ward off looney-tunes.' said the wife who lives behind me. 'Maybe if you had a man in your life you wouldn't be like this.' 'The last time she had a man was before the depression,' the retiree mumbled. 'So what the hell are we going to do about demon dog?' he then asked. 'I think we first need to talk to the owners as soon as they get back,' someone suggested. 'Dogs bark but this barking is out of control.' 'Agreed,' everyone said. 'If you do then I'll have no choice but to tell them the dog barks because of all you who constantly taunt and provoke it,' poodle lady said. 'I think it's time for you to leave,' said A. 'I know there's something going on here between you and your sister. I'm not convinced you two can actually afford this house. I just may have someone look into it.' 'Be my guest. Now leave,' A said again. Pointing her bony finger at me she said, 'my eye is on you.' 'Your eye is on me?' I questioned. 'Yes I'm watching you,' she answered. 'I had no idea. Sorry but I'm not into women. I prefer the company and the pleasure of the opposite sex,' I replied. There was laughter. I know I shouldn't have said that but I just couldn't resist. Once in awhile I'm known to have a cheeky mouth. Valentina's daddy says I get it from my mom. As she was leaving there was an applause with a few loud cheers and using his fingers the retiree whistled. 'Good riddance you space cadet!' he said. 'I heard she was odd but no one told me she was crazy,' said someone. 'Her name should be changed from poodle lady to crazy poodle lady. I'm surprised she's walking around free.' If you're trying to picture her, mentally picture a skinny elderly woman wearing a bath robe, curlers in her hair, a cigarette drag in her mouth with a bunch of cats following her. Poodle lady is one of those type of people. The only difference is she doesn't wear a robe or curlers in her hair or have a cigarette in her mouth. And instead of cats she has a poodle. You get the picture right?

And then without warning there was an enormous thunderclap in the sky. You know the kind that startles you making you jump? And just like that it started to rain so hard. Everyone ran for cover. My sister and I hurried inside. All our food, salads and snacks were left on the patio table being drenched by the rain. We still had a couple of extra hamburgers in the freezer. 'I'll make the hamburgers on the George Foreman,' said A plugging the grill, 'unless you want something else to eat?' 'Hamburgers are fine, I replied turning on the TV. I couldn't watch anything, the rain was affecting the satellite. 'No B-B-Q and now no TV,' I stated. 'Just the satellite is out, the TV is still working so pick out a DVD and we'll watch that,' A suggested. I was on my way downstairs to the library when it began to thunder real loud and boom! The power went off. 'I guess we should have gone away,' said A. 'It's a little too late now,' I replied feeling my way back into the kitchen. Two and a half weeks ago not only did I beg but I pleaded with her to come and go away with me for the May 2-4 weekend. What was her response after I asked her. 'I don't feel like it, you go.' Since there was no electricity there went the hamburgers on the foreman grill. My sister opened the utility drawer and pulled out a flashlight. 'Now what?' I asked. She opened another drawer and looked through the restaurant flyers' and asked, 'Dominoes, Pizza Hut, Boston Pizza or Chinese?' 'No Chinese,' I said. 'Pizza it is,' she replied back.

Instead of spending the May 2-4 weekend on a beach in my new teeny-weeny bikini (which by the way I bought for the long weekend) and digging my toes in the hot sand, how was I spending my long weekend? At home. In the kitchen eating pizza by flashlight. As for my fireworks, they're sitting to one side and I can only use them next on July 1st, Canada Day, weather permitting of course.

They say every cloud has a silver lining and there was. The hideous creature was quiet for the rest of the night. Who knew the demon dog was afraid of thunder and lightning.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

Holiday Monday AKA Disastrous Holiday Monday

Cocaine Princess here.

I hope everyone (unlike me) had a wonderful holiday Monday. Here's how mine went down.

Saturday and Sunday was perfect in every sense of the word. Holiday Monday however was a different story starting with the weather. We only hit a high of +7C and on top of the chilly weather it was windy. My sister was out on the patio grilling away. I wanted to go out and keep her company but was dreading it. I could hear the hideous creature barking from inside. I went out anyways and the hideous creatures' bark was louder than usual, almost as if it was barking into a megaphone. 'You think the owners would come out and haul the creature inside,' I stated. 'They're not home. I saw them all leave,' informed A. 'They all left? Even the nanny?' I asked. 'Even the nanny,' she answered. 'Why didn't they drop the creature off at the kennel?' 'I guess it means they're not going to be gone long,' she said. The person who lives behind the hideous creature is a retiree. He started yelling at the dog to shut up over and over again resulting in the dog barking even louder. He then peaked his head over the fence and asked, 'are they not home?' 'No,' my sister answered. 'Where are they?' My sister shrugged her shoulders indicating she didn't know. He continued his yelling. The people who live behind me are a husband and wife. 'You're only making it more angry!' yelled the wife. 'The barking isn't making you crazy?!' the retiree yelled back. 'There's nothing we can do about it!' she answered. 'How about we put the damn thing to sleep!' And if that wasn't bad enough the people who live on the other side of the hideous creature decided to join in on the chorus of 'SHUT UP!' I turned to my sister and jokingly said, 'wow I'm having so much fun. How about you?' 'It'll eventually die down,' she said. And it did after a couple of minutes, the shouting not the barking. Then I heard someone say 'can I come in?' It was the retiree. I don't know why but I opened the gate and allowed him in. He first looked at the B-B-Q and deeply inhaled. 'Smells good. What are you girls doing, having a girls night in?' he asked. 'Is there something you need?' I asked. 'Where did your neighbors go?' 'As my sister already told you we don't know.' I replied. 'How can you not know? You live beside them.' 'And you live behind them and you don't know either,' I said back. Turning to my sister he said, 'you may want to turn the heat up a little.' She didn't respond nor did she turn up the heat. She's a real good cook and didn't need the culinary expertise of Chef Boy-R-Retiree. 'When do you think they'll be back?' was his next question. 'Hopefully soon,' I said. 'Why didn't they take their demon dog along with them?' 'I was becoming increasingly annoyed by his questions. 'Look I know just as much as you do,' I told him. 'Don't you converse with your neighbors back and forth?' 'What I don't do is keep an itinerary of my neighbors schedule.' He started yelling at the dog again. 'If you're going to yell at the dog do it from your own garden,' said my sister. 'His barking is the reason I haven't slept in two days. Doesn't its' bark bother you at night?' he asked me. I told him no and it was the truth. For the past couple of weeks I was sleeping in one of the bedrooms in the front of the house again where I couldn't hear the bark. Because I left the gate open the couple who live behind me entered into the picture and made a request to the retiree. To stop his yelling since it was disrupting their evening on the patio. 'I'm disrupting your evening? What about the damn dog?' he asked. 'He probably would have stopped if you hadn't gotten into a shouting match with him.' While pointing his finger at the wife he said, 'you're siding with the dog?!' 'Don't raise your voice or point your finger at my wife! said her husband very angrily, 'she was just making a point!' 'And what point would that be?'! he asked loudly. Now the neighbors were arguing each other. I stood on the patio watching and listening when four more people entered all of whom my sister knew, she taught their children. 'We rang your neighbors door and they're not answering. Are they not home?' asked one of them. Not this conversation again I thought to myself. This time my sister handled the questions. There were now seven people arguing over what to do with the hideous creature and just like that the seven people turned to fifteen people! If it wasn't for the fact we all live in an affluent neighborhood we all might have been considered guests on The Jerry Springer Show because of the way everyone was behaving. The majority of the guests who appear on Springer are usually two men fighting over the same woman in their trailer park. In my neighborhood fifteen people were arguing over the hideous creature's incessant barking. Holding the B-B-Q tongs my sister intervened and tried to calm everyone down. I didn't know what to do other than turn the hose on them all. Everyone was arguing with one another while the creature continued its' barking. And then she appeared, the poodle lady, the most disliked and odd woman in the neighborhood.

The poodle lady is head of the neighborhood watch group (poodle lady appointed herself that title). She received numerous calls from residents complaining about the loud yelling coming from my backyard and wanted to know what was going on. As she was being filled in, I'll fill you in on why she's so disliked. (I have my own personal reason for not liking her. If you recall back in the winter I blogged about writing a letter to the newspapers' editor voicing my opinion about the school's decision to ban the book The Golden Compass in the classrooms. I of course was against the banning. After reading my letter, the poodle lady wrote a letter to the editor stating I must be an atheist because I supported the book. She went around telling people in the neighborhood 'the girl who lives in the corner house is an atheist.')

She's called the poodle lady because whenever you see this woman she's always cradling her poodle dog and dressing it up in colorful outfits. The way she treats her poodle you'd think she gave birth to it. Anyways, about three years ago we had a problem on our street. Residents were complaining their garden gnomes were being stolen. My mom had several of them scattered throughout the garden hiding in between various shrubs and bushes. One day she noticed one was missing. She didn't think much of it and replaced the missing one by buying another one. The next day three gnomes went missing including the one she replaced and a favorite of hers she picked up in Miami. It was a gnome dressed in a floral shirt with matching shorts, wearing shades and holding a cocktail. We had heard from some of the other neighbors their gnomes had gone missing too. We reported the problem to the poodle lady since she was head of the neighborhood watch. She dismissed it and said the culprits were probably a bunch of prepubescents who had nothing else better to do and considered it a low level priority. No one could understand why someone would steal gnomes? It's not like they're valuable, the average cost is between $7 and $12. All of us just kept on replacing the missing gnomes with new ones but every few days it would get stolen. Then all the residents who kept gnomes in their garden received the exact same letter.

I still have the letter and have copied it word for word. If you haven't had a good laugh yet I'm sure reading this will do the trick.

"Gnome Slave Owner,
We deplore your treatment of gentle woodland creatures, and your total disregard for the basic principles of liberty.
Your moral bankruptcy is evidenced by your acts of wanton recklessness and the deliberate use of coercive force and terror tactics against gentle and innocent creatures.
It has come to our attention that a Gnome(s) is being held captive in your garden. We do not, as a rule, negotiate with terrorists, however, we request that he be released immediately.
We understand that you probably were not responsible for the innocent Gnome's original capture but rather purchased him from a Gnome slave trafficker like a garden center or craft show. Please understand that we are not holding you responsible for the state of Gnome slavery in Canada.
We are, however, asking you to put an end to your involvement. Do the responsible thing; free your Gnome today.
Although Canadian law currently permits you to keep a Gnome in slavery, we believe it to be morally reprehensible. We hope that upon honest reflection, you will agree.
Stop Oppressive Gardening. Free the Gnomes.
Thank you."

Are you laughing?

We all thought it was a joke. Some of the neighbors showed the letter to the poodle lady and again she refused to look at the problem as a high priority. It wasn't until one of the neighbors received the letter again and stapled to it was a photograph of them jogging with their dog and drawn in marker around the dog's neck was a noose. Since poodle lady wasn't handling the problem some of them decided to take matters into their own hands by going to the local police station. They were told by the police the theft wasn't just occurring in our neighborhood but all over town. Some towns have a rash of break ins, in my town garden gnomes were being stolen in the middle of the night. The police did a little digging and this is what they were able to find out. The people responsible for the thefts are part of a world-wide organization called the GARDEN GNOME LIBERATION FRONT GROUP (GGLF). And their mission: to attempt to rid the world of unjust imprisonment of gnomes. The GGLF were the ones who sent the letter. They have branches of the organization in almost every city world wide where their people, or as I prefer to call them lunatics, go around searching for gnomes held in captivity. Can you believe there are people who do this full time? I wonder what they tell people when asked what they do for a living? The GGLF have their own website urging people if they see a house with a gnome, to send the organization an email with the following information so they can carefully orchestrate their plan to free the gnomes:

1) Name and Address of Captor and if possible a photo of the house

2) Number and condition of Gnomes in Captivity

3) Obvious security like fences, alarms, dogs, etc.

"FreetheGnomes.com has specially trained caseworkers who will gladly work with you toward the goal of returning your Gnome to the northern woodlands from where he came. Please turn the matter over to us. Let the trained professionals at FreeTheGnomes.com intervene on the Gnome's behalf. Although we are non-violent we will take drastic action (which explains why they drew a noose around the dog's neck) if necessary to free the slaves. If we are successful at Liberating the Gnome you will be given full credit for the action and we will send you a commemorative FreeTheGnomes T-shirt."

I always thought the Peta organization and the over sensitive tree huggers were a nuisance but the GGLF are in a class by themselves. If ever there was a list of nut case organizations I'm pretty sure the gnome stealing freaks would be right at the very top. It's obvious these people are seriously disturbed and need psychiatric help. The police did a stake out for a couple of nights but the culprits were never found and the gnomes were never recovered. It was then we had our alarm system upgraded with security cameras. My mom bought a new set of gnomes and placed them in the backyard. She never did find the one she bought in Miami despite the numerous times we went back there. So all was fine and calm in the neighborhood until three months later. One very early morning poodle lady cradling her poodle banged on everyones' door and was acting all hysterical and no one could understand a word that was coming out of her mouth. People thought someone had been murdered. No one was murdered. Someone dug up and destroyed poodle lady's prize winning rose bush and placed it on her front doorstep. She called for an emergency neighborhood watch meeting. No one showed up. No one even cared and just slammed the door in her face. Six months later poodle lady tried to get the town to pass a law that would force all dog owners to dress their dogs up. On Mondays the dogs would be dressed in red, on Tuesdays it would be blue, Wednesdays purple, and well you get the picture. I heard from people she was laughed out of city hall. Then she tried to get people to sign her petition of having a separate sidewalk put in our area that would be used only by dogs and their owners. When city hall refused she actually went door to door seeking donations. Not a dime was given to her. So it was no surprise she sided with the dog. 'All your yelling is just making the poor thing upset. You're scaring it. Stop yelling.' The neighbors shifted their anger over to the poodle lady with someone even bringing up the gnome incident. 'That's ancient history! And what about my rose bush, have you forgotten about that?!' I didn't see any of you at the meeting!' she exclaimed. 'It was a low level priority, have you forgotten about that you old wind bag!' someone yelled back. And in the middle of it all was my sister waving the B-B-Q tongs in the air trying to get everyone to stop arguing. The chaos the hideous creature brought to my once serene neighborhood was unbelievable and of course the creature didn't take a break from barking. Then all of a sudden the backyard started to get really smoky. 'Oh God the B-B-Q!' someone exclaimed.
To Be Continued.....

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

Sweet and Sticky

Cocaine Princess here and I'm feeling sweet and sticky!

At the end of April Madonna released her 11th album Sweet and Sticky and announced her 8th world tour by the same name. The dates were released two weeks ago and she's swinging by in October. Fan club members were able to purchase tickets today before they go on sale to the general public. I got mine just moments ago, row 5!!!!!!!

My very first concert I attended was seeing Whitesnake with my mom and sister. I was still pretty young, I remember my mom was holding me throughout the entire time while she sang along word for word. At that time I had no idea who they were other than some guy with long hair was singing on stage. My mom was quite young too, she had my sister when she was just a teenager and then I came along a couple of years later. Despite her being a mom that didn't stop her from wanting to have fun and she always made sure my sister and I were apart of it.

I hope everyone had a safe and happy long weekend. How was mine? Oh boy where do I begin. There were several major glitches. I'll be posting about it shortly.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

Madonna Concerts I've Attended

THE VIRGIN WORLD TOUR

May 11th 1985 Miami Florida

(my first Madonna concert!)

WHO'S THAT GIRL WORLD TOUR
July 1987 Toronto

BLONDE AMBITION WORLD TOUR
May 1990 Toronto, Ont (French Canadians fans were upset she skipped Montreal so fans drove to Toronto!)

THE GIRLIE SHOW
October 1993

RE-INVENTION WORLD TOUR
August 2004


SWEET AND STICKY WORLD TOUR
October 2008

MAY 2-4

Cocaine Princess here.

It's finally Friday! The official start of The May 2-4 Long Weekend up here (otherwise known as Queen Victoria Day but no one likes saying that). I have firecrackers and a freezer full of items to be thrown on the B-B-Q!

Wow! I believe this is my shortest entry to date.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

PART VIII

Cocaine Princess here.

I was eating dessert when the hostess came by and asked if everything was alright and if I needed anything. I told her about my car being locked in the shopping mall garage. She said she would call the shopping mall's administration department to see if the mall had re-opened. She heard about the mall being on lock down from some of the other customers who were also waiting for the mall to reopen. After several minutes she came back and said, 'the mall's reopening within the next hour or so.' And once again I did something I had never done before and it's probably not what you think.

So what exactly did I do? I went up for seconds on dessert. I can hear some of you either laughing or scoffing or perhaps you're rolling your eyes. But it's true, I've never gone up for seconds in fact it's rare for me to even have dessert at a restaurant (Bal Harbour not included). I'm very disciplined, strict and so careful in watching what I eat. And if I do eat something that I shouldn't I feel so guilty afterwards. Feeling guilty after eating is a bad habit of mine that I'm trying to break. There are days though where I will allow myself to gorge out on food.

Being in China Town was making me do things I'd never done before, first hailing a cab and second having dessert. Then I realized I would have to hail another cab to return back to the main mall. This was not how I pictured spending my day and I was convinced some unseen force was keeping me in China Town. I filled my dessert plate with petit fours and a pecan clustered brownie and a rainbow of jello cubes. I took tiny little bites from the desserts and chewed very slowly except for the jello, the cubes just slid down my throat. The mistake I kept on doing was looking at my watch, it just made the time go even more slower. I could have left the restaurant and browsed around outside but I didn't feel like poking my head in and out of every single store.

Eventually an hour and fifteen minutes passed by and I asked the hostess if she could call the mall again. Good news, the mall had re-opened. After leaving a big and generous tip like a bat out of hell I left the restaurant making sure Nemo was with me, hailed another cab, arrived at the main mall, found my car and sped out of China Town with Nemo in the passenger seat.

When I arrived home 'A' was on the patio. 'You're home.' 'Yeah I'm home, finally.' 'You had quite the adventure today,' she stated. 'You were probably better off going to Hamilton. You could have spent a few days in Niagara Falls.' 'Believe me that thought crossed my mind several times,' I replied. 'Is that Nemo or the replacement?' 'It's Nemo,' I replied. 'So where was he?' she asked holding out her hands. I passed the bag over to her and explained the the whole story. 'I filled the fish bowl, it's on the kitchen table. I wasn't sure where you wanted me to place it.' I sat down on the patio lounge chair across from her and took off my shoes. 'My feet are killing me,' I stated. 'You shouldn't have worn your stiletoes to China Town. The sidewalks are all uneven. Why didn't you wear your running shoes or flats?' she asked. I just looked at her. 'That's right I forgot, the princess doesn't own a pair of running shoes or flats,' said A. She's right I don't. In fact this particular princess loses her ability to walk if she's not wearing heels.

'Did I receive any phone calls?' I asked. 'You mean did you receive any phone calls from the hurricane? No,' she answered. 'Really?' 'Really,' she replied back. I was worried. It's not like Valentina to give up so easily. 'Valentina's dad however called wanting to speak to you.' And there was my explanation of why Valentina didn't call back. 'What did he exactly say? I need to know word for word.' 'He said he was back home from his trip and wanted to speak to you. I told him you were out, he said he would call back and the last thing he said was, he sends his love to you.' 'That's it?' I questioned. 'That's it,' she answered. Valentina must have told him something was bothering me and that was the real reason behind his phone call. But he's never been the type to badger me with questions. Unfortunately that's the only trait Valentina didn't inherit from him. God I wish she had. 'When I called you what restaurant were you in?' A asked. I gave her the name. 'Isn't that the restaurant that claims to have the world's largest buffet?' 'One of many,' I answered. The buffet area was quite long and very well may have been the world's largest but their selection of food items was minimal, repeating several times over. 'So you're not hungry?' 'I ate enough food to last an entire week,' I replied. 'I was thinking about grilling some fish,' said A. 'That's not funny,' I said taking back possession of Nemo. 'I'm just joking.' I went inside and saw the fish bowl and gently poured Nemo in. I moved his bowl and placed it on the coffee table in the main family room where he now lives safe and sound.

And for all those who made fun of Nemo being part of the buffet, shame on you!

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

PART VII

Cocaine Princess here.

I could tell by the sound of her voice it wasn't good news. She pulled one hand out from behind. It was Nemo! 'You found him?! Where was he?!' The hostess handed me the water filled plastic bag containing him and began to explain. When I left my table to go to the buffet one of the busboys thought a customer left him behind and decided to leave Nemo with the manager. As for my plate of food being missing, she didn't have an exact answer except for maybe another busboy may have came by to clear my table (despite my plate being full of piping hot food) when I went and informed her about Nemo being missing. 'Tell the busboy thank you so much for leaving him in a safe place and thank you.' 'My pleasure,' the hostess replied.

I was relieved and could now enjoy my lunch. Although the people sitting at the table near me were eating sushi and kept eye-balling my pet. I became concerned when one of the individuals pointed at Nemo with their chop stick. I moved him out of their view in case they had any weird ideas.

I finished my lunch pretty quick and decided to skip on dessert. I wanted to get home, Nemo was looking a little pale. Then I remembered the shooting and my car being locked in the garage. The whole incident slipped my mind. I was pre-occupied with my missing fish. I had no choice and needed to kill time so I decided to have dessert and took Nemo with me. Yes some people were staring, mostly the ones who were filling their plates with sushi and crab legs. When I saw the crab legs I couldn't help but be reminded of an incident:
A few years ago I was staying with Valentina over a long weekend. One night she was hungry for a midnight snack. Most people when they have a midnight craving will raid either the refrigerator or the pantry looking for something to fill their hungry stomachs. Perhaps they'll make a sandwich from leftovers or stick their hand in the cookie jar or eat a slice of pie and wash it down with a glass of milk. Valentina not being like most people decided the only thing that would satisfy her craving were crab legs. It was 2am and she woke up the chef requesting he make her the meal along side a casear salad. I decided on a bowl of chocolate ice cream. Valentina wanted me to have a bite by convincing me crab legs was similar in taste to eating chicken. 'It doesn't smell like chicken,' I told her. 'Just have a little bite,' she replied back shoving the plate in my face. I turned my nose away and shoved the plate back in her face. 'I don't like seafood.' 'How do you know if you haven't even tried it?' she asked. 'I have so tried it. I once ate some fish and it was horrible,' I replied. 'You ate some fish and didn't like it so you decide to swear off all seafood?' 'Yes.' Maybe it wasn't cooked properly?' 'It was at your house Valentina. Your chef prepared it,' I told her. 'What?! When?!' she asked. 'Think back many years ago, Labor Day weekend,' I answered. Valentina stared off into the distance trying to remember and she did. 'Oh God, that's when you vomited on daddy's shoes.' 'I vomited because of the fish.' 'You were eight years old. You haven't eaten any type of seafood since then?' 'Nope,' I replied back. It was true. I haven't had a bite of any type of seafood delicacy since. I don't think I ever will.

I was eating dessert when the hostess came by and asked if everything was alright and if I needed anything. I told her about my car being locked in the shopping mall garage. She said she would call the shopping mall's administration department to see if the mall had re-opened. She heard about the mall being on lock down from some of the other customers who were also waiting for the mall to reopen. After several minutes she came back and said, 'the mall's reopening within the next hour or so.' And once again I did something I had never done before and it's probably not what you think.

To Be Continued.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

Happy Mother's Day

I keep a picture of you next to my bed at night
and when I wake up scared I know I'll find
you there watching over me.
Even though you're gone your love still
carries on.


Mom,

You once told me if I ever get lost in life I should look to the universe, it'll give me signs to help me find my way. The signs have been dropping hard and they're all pointing in one very strong direction.

I miss your hugs. I miss you kissing me good night. I miss our talks and our spontaneous trips.
Most of all I miss you. What happened to you, you didn't deserve and you didn't deserve to die.

I love you, I miss you, I wish you were here.
Love Forever,
Colombian Princess

For those of you without a mom take comfort in this:

Any loving mom will agree the love they have for their child is an unconditional love that never ends. So just know your mom's love will always surround you, guide you and warm you.

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful moms, past and present.

PART VI

Cocaine Princess here.

.......I had the fried rice, the sweet and sour chicken balls, some crispy wings and an egg roll. I went back to my table and was horrified! Nemo was gone!!

I put down my plate and looked under the table and I looked around the table thinking maybe someone knocked Nemo's bag by accident. Nemo wasn't under the table and he wasn't anywhere around the table. Nemo's been fish-napped! I went to the hostess and said, 'Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you but my goldfish is missing.' She looked at me for a second and then realized what I was talking about. 'Nemo?' 'Yes. I left him on my table and went up the buffet area and when I came back the water filled plastic bag he was in, was gone,' I replied. 'Just give me a minute and I'll be right with you,' she replied taking a group of people to their table. So I went back to my table and my plate of food was gone! What the hell is going on in this restaurant? I quietly said. First Nemo and now my lunch. My cell phone rang and when I went to answer it I assumed it was the fish-nappers demanding a ransom. I'm guessing you know who it was. 'Hi it's me.' No it wasn't Valentina although I nearly fainted at the shock that it wasn't. It was 'A.' 'Look I can't talk right now, my fish is missing,' I said and I hung up. 'A' immediately called me back. 'What fish and don't hang up on me.' I filled her in about the shooting, the mall on lock down to Nemo being missing.
'Why did you go by yourself?' she asked. 'That's your first question?' I asked back. 'Are you alright?' she then questioned "No my goldfish is missing,' I answered. 'Why would someone steal it?' 'He is not an 'it.' His name is Nemo,' I stated. 'That's original.' 'Everybody in China Town was pointing and calling him Nemo, the name just stuck,' I explained. 'Where did you buy Nemo?' 'At the main mall,' I answered. 'When it reopens just get another one.' 'I'll be sure to remember that if you ever wind up missing. I'll just go out and get another sister.' 'It's just a goldfish. How much did you pay for it, I'm sorry I mean Nemo, how much did Nemo cost?' 'It doesn't matter how much I paid. What matters is he's missing.....I paid around $3.00.' I saw the hostess walking towards me. 'I'll call you back,' I said to A. 'Stay safe,' she replied. 'Sorry for taking so long but I was checking around the buffet, you're sure you didn't take Nemo anywhere around the restaurant?' the hostess asked me. 'I'm positive I didn't. I left Nemo right in the center of the table, went up and got my lunch, came back and he was gone. Then I went over to tell you and when I came back to my table my lunch was gone.' 'Somebody took your lunch?' 'I'm not concerned about my lunch,' I informed her. She scratched her head. 'This is odd, fish don't just get up and walk away,' she said looking around at the other tables. I think she may have thought I was sitting at the wrong table, that thought did occur to me also but I wasn't. 'Do you think someone took him?' I asked. 'If someone did it's a very foolish and childish thing to do,' she replied. 'I'm going to go and ask around. There has to be a logical explanation. I would hate to think someone did steal him. You just enjoy your lunch.' Enjoy my lunch? How could I enjoy my lunch with Nemo gone? I went back to the buffet where there was now a lineup. While waiting I had plenty of time to think. These are some of the things I thought about:

Why did I choose this day to come to the city?

Why did the shooter choose this day to shoot the
victim who was knee deep in a gambling debt?

Why didn't he shoot him at night?

If it was absolutely necessary for the shooter to
carry out his hit why couldn't he have picked
another location than the alleyway beside the
mall? Why couldn't he have waited until the
victim was faraway from the mall?

Why did I buy a goldfish?

If someone did take Nemo, why? Who and
why would someone steal a gold fish? I've
heard of people stealing prize winning show
dogs but good grief a goldfish?

Why didn't I tough it out and be brave
enough to parallel park on the street?

Why didn't I go around the corner and eat
at Burger King?

Why did the Toshiba company choose
China Town for their tech store location?

My turn finally came and I picked the same items as before. Heading back to my table I saw an enormous fish tank and wondered if someone for a prank dropped Nemo in there? I couldn't really tell, the tank was filled with so many tropical colored fish. Another tank contained a baby alligator with a sign that read 'DO NOT DIP HANDS INSIDE.' I whimpered and thought is Nemo's new home in the belly of that alligator? Actually that particular thought came second. My first thought was this, in a couple of years that alligator is going to make a really great purse or a really great pair of heels, preferably strappy sandals.

I was in the middle of eating and I'm not embarrassed to say with a fork when the hostess came to me. She wasn't smiling. 'I have news on Nemo,' she said in a very somber voice.

To Be Continued.....

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

PART V

Cocaine Princess here.

.........So I did something I had never ever done before. Holding my goldfish in one hand I hailed a cab. Yes, the Princess hailed a cab!

I've seen enough shows on TV to see how's it done. How hard could it be? I stood on the sidewalk holding my goldfish in one hand and waving my hand with the other. In the city there's a cab driving by every couple of seconds and that's exactly how long it took for me to hail one. I told the cabbie where I wanted to go.

There wasn't anything for me to buy at the main mall or at the mall I had arrived at. Every store was selling the same thing: blankets and comforters, electronics, knock off clothing and accessories, flip flops, Hello Kitty merchandise and Toronto souvenir T-shirts: 3 for $12, several tourists were eating those up. I remembered what the officer had suggested to me, 'the best advice I can give you, wait it out for the next couple of hours.' I looked at my watch and not even an hour had gone by. I was on the lower level of the mall and still had to check out the upper level. I decided to go into every store and browse at the merchandise very slowly, thinking time would pass quickly this way. I completed the upper level in twenty minutes. I lost count how people pointed at my pet and said 'Nemo.' Back down on the lower level was the food court. I wasn't really in the mood to eat there so I went back outside to find a restaurant to eat in. I checked out the restaurants and made sure the one I chose had a big green sticker in the window. (Not that long ago Ontario's health department went on an unannounced inspection and close to every restaurant and grocery store in China Town was shut down, they broke every health code violation and were not permitted to open until the violations were corrected. The press began referring to China Town as a Ghost Town. All this occurred during the summer months resulting in the city losing a lot of money. The health inspections still occur. If there's a big green sticker it means the restaurant passed with flying colors and if a few violations are broken there will be an orange sticker- yet people will still continue to eat in those places, and if they failed the restaurant will be closed) I was told there was a 30 minute wait, perfect I thought.

30 or so minutes later the hostess took me to my table while asking what name I picked for my goldfish. 'Everybody's been calling it Nemo,' I replied. She sat me down and stated I had the choice of either ordering from the menu or going for the buffet. I chose the buffet. This particular restaurant claimed having 'the world's largest buffet.' I don't know how much truth there is in that statement because there are about three other restaurants who claim the same thing. I went up to the buffet and everything aside from the seafood looked tasty and phenomenal. (I'm allergic to shellfish and for the rest of the animals that live in the water, I never did develop a taste for them) I had the fried rice, the sweet and sour chicken balls, some crispy wings and an egg roll. I went back to my table and was horrified! Nemo was gone!!
To Be Continued.......

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

PART IV

Cocaine Princess here.

Happy Cinco de Mayo! If I wasn't such a lightweight when it comes to alcohol I would be having a drink in honor of today, preferably a margarita.

...............Holding my gold fish in the water filled plastic bag I headed on over to the repair center. Four people were in front of me. While waiting for my turn police sirens starting blazing outside followed by an ambulance. I didn't think much of it. I was downtown and figured maybe there was an accident or something. It was such a relief to not only see my laptop but to have it back in my own hands. My laptop's fan just needed replacing.

Back outside the police were everywhere and a crowd had gathered. I managed to make my way through the crowd but was stopped by a police officer. 'I'm sorry miss no one's allowed in or out of the mall. There's been a shooting.' 'I'm not going to the mall, I just need to get my car so I can go home,' I said. 'But in order for you to get your car you need to access the mall. Is there an emergency of some sort?' he asked. 'Well no, not really,' I answered. 'Do you live nearby?' I informed him where I lived. 'Believe me miss if there was a way for me to let you go to your car I would. The best advice I can give you, wait it out for the next couple of hours,' he suggested. The one time I don't take a driver into the city and this is what happens. But even if I had taken him it's not like he would have been able to magically retrieve my car. I was better off parking on the street. Half the people were stranded inside and weren't allowed to come out while the other half of us weren't allowed to go in.

And here's the kicker, the shooting didn't even occur inside the mall it occurred in the alleyway beside the mall! The police assumed the shooter may have fled into the mall to hide. On my previous entry one person guessed correctly on my comment page the reason behind the shooting. The victim was shot over a gambling debt. He managed to call 911 despite being shot in the abdomen. The victim is still alive in the hospital and not saying a whole lot, neither is anyone else in China Town. Apparently no one saw or heard a thing. The police have yet to apprehend the shooter. I doubt they ever will. Crimes in China Town are rarely solved.

I had my laptop. I had my gold fish. To stay in China Town or not to stay in China Town? I decided to take the officer's advice and wait it out. I went back to the tech store and asked if they could hold on to my laptop, I didn't want to lug it around. The main mall was on lock down so I couldn't go there. There was another mall and I decided to hang and wait there but it was to far for me to walk. The city buses were up and running but I swore never to ride on one again. A few years ago my mom and I were in Miami for the winter and for some strange reason she was under the impression taking the bus to Bal Harbour would be fun. It was a God-awful horrible, horrible, horrible experience! That was my first and last bus ride ever. Whenever someone uses the word fun around me it always turns out to be a disaster. So I did something I had never ever done before. Holding my goldfish in one hand I hailed a cab. Yes, the Princess hailed a cab!
To Be Continued.....

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess.

PART III

Cocaine Princess here.

Valentina was not going to let this go. My mischievous best friend knew she had me in her clutches. I had two choices at that point, tell her the reason or take the phone and hit myself in the head with it until I became unconscious. I picked the first one. 'Alright, alright, you really want to know what's bothering me, I will tell you,' I said. 'I'm listening, go,' she anxiously replied. 'I have a zit. It's a small one and it doesn't go away,' I replied. 'What?' 'I'm telling you what's bothering me. I have a zit that doesn't go away. I've tried squeezing it, medicating it and even drying it out, nothing works.' 'A zit is bothering you?' Valentina asked. 'Well yeah, it just sits there taunting me.' I started to laugh. I thought Valentina would find it humorous but she wasn't laughing. 'I'm glad you're finding this so amusing. I'm sick over worrying what's bothering you and you're cracking jokes? I am so tempted to call daddy and tell him you're still feeling icky.' 'You're putting words in my mouth. When did I say I was still feeling icky?' I asked. 'On the count on 3 I want you to tell me. 1, 2.......3!' I didn't say a word. I remained silent as Valentina continued to pressure me into telling her but I refused. Most of the time, well 99% of the time I give into Valentina because it's pointless to argue with her. It's pointless because she will exhaust you to a point where she gives you no choice but to give up and give in. Not this time, my mind was made up and I wasn't going to change it. I wasn't going to tell her, at least not yet. 'I am deeply hurt,' she began to say. 'After all the two of us have been through over the years, the laughter, the tears, the joy and the tragedy, I'm hurt you don't trust me enough to tell me.' 'Valentina trust has nothing to do with it,' I said. 'Why don't you plunge a knife in my heart, it'll probably hurt a lot less.' 'Oh my God,' I said back. I was seriously considering hitting myself in the head with the phone. I explained as best I could to her, sometimes there are certain things an individual prefers to handle by themselves without anyones' help regardless of how much you may love and care for that person who is trying to help you. 'If you don't want to tell me is there anything I can do to help you through it? Why don't we go on a trip and maybe that'll help you sort through whatever is going on. Let's go down to Cabo!!' she exclaimed. I love Cabo and tempting as the offer sounded I said, 'I don't know, maybe in a couple of months.' 'In a couple of months it'll be hurricane season. We even make an attempt to step outside we'll be swept away and wind up like those people on LOST. So you're really not going to tell me?' 'Not today but I promise another day. So are we okay?' 'No' she replied. 'You maybe okay but I'm not. What do you have planned for the rest of the day?' I was in the middle of informing her about my laptop problem when she interrupted me. 'Can you give me a small hint as to what the problem is?' 'Valentina when I speak do you not hear the words that come out of my mouth?' I asked. I then said I needed to get off the phone. I was late already and didn't want to get to the repair center only to find it closed.

Twenty minutes later I was ready to leave. My hand was on the garage door, the phone starting ringing. No, I thought to myself. It can't be her. I let go of the door handle and ran to answer it. Who do you think it was? 'Have you changed your mind yet?' she asked. 'Valentina I'm hanging up the phone now.' 'Call me when you get back,' she said in a very grumpy voice.

It was such a beautiful day last Wednesday, we hit 26C (today it's only 8C). I decided to go by myself. Usually I take a driver when I need to go right into the core of the city. There are so many road closures forcing you to re-route, too many one way and zig zagging streets and above all the drivers are so aggressive. The repair center was located in China Town. I dropped off the laptop and was told it would be fixed and ready for pick up by Saturday. I didn't feel like sticking around, it was almost 5pm and I wanted to get back on the highway to avoid the rush hour traffic. I was too late, the rush had already begun. It took me only 30 minutes to get to China Town and an hour and a half to return home. As I was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic I felt sort of bad for not telling Valentina and a few times thought about calling her but I didn't. I had made my decision and was going to stick to it. When I did arrive back home 'A' was home from work and said, 'you have five messages, all from the hurricane. She wants you to call her back asap. What's bothering you?' she asked. 'Why?' I curiously asked back. 'The hurricane said something was bothering you and asked if I knew what it was. I told her I didn't know. What's wrong?' I just shook my head in disbelief. One thing can be said about Valentina, she is persistent. 'Trust me it's nothing,' I replied. 'Are you sure?' I nodded yes. The last thing I needed was having two people on my case. 'Well I'm here if you need me,' she replied. If my conversations with Valentina were only this simple. Two seconds later the phone rang. I stood there looking at it. 'Aren't you going to answer it?' A asked. 'Right after I take a Tylenol,' I replied.

SATURDAY MORNING

I returned to China Town by myself again. I parked in the same spot as last time, in one of the nearby shopping malls' parking garage. I could have parked on the street right across from the repair store but chose not to. I really suck at parallel parking. (For some reason the car gets parked at a weird angle) I took the parking garage elevator and arrived at the lobby of the mall and thought since I'm already here I might as well browse a little. There wasn't really much that interested me except for the pet store. I decided to get a gold fish. I use to have one when I was little. In the back of the store I heard a very familiar sound, the sound of dogs barking. Unlike the hideous beast these dogs were all normal looking. There were several different breeds including a Doberman. Valentina has a couple of Doberman dogs and they are far from friendly. They're vicious guard dogs that have been trained to attack on command. I started to imagine,
what if I bought a Doberman and had it trained to attack on command? And one night by 'accident' I let it loose in my neighbors yard when the hideous creature was barking?...I'm just joking. I'm not a mean spirited person. I did buy my gold fish though. Holding my gold fish in the water filled plastic bag I headed on over to the repair center. Four people were in front of me. While waiting for my turn police sirens starting blazing outside followed by an ambulance. I didn't think much of it. I was downtown and figured maybe there was an accident or something. It was such a relief to not only see my laptop but to have it back in my own hands. My laptop's fan just needed replacing.

Back outside the police were everywhere and a crowd had gathered. I managed to make my way through the crowd but was stopped by a police officer. 'I'm sorry miss, no one's allowed in or out of the mall. There's been a shooting.'

To be continued....

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess