Easter In The Caribbean Part V: Oops & Ouch

Cocaine Princess here.

If you recall in my last post I complained about the air conditioning in my suite being on too high so what did I do? I turned it off. When I left for dinner I forgot to turn it back on. Upon my return the room felt and looked like a sauna. The walls were dripping with sweat and the floor was slippery. This time I was the one who said, 'oops.'

That same night I bunked with Valentina. While getting ready for bed she asked, 'are you glad we came here or would you rather be at Sandbox Island?' 'I'd rather be at Sandbox Island,' I replied sarcastically. 'What excuse did you come up with to tell the grand dame of dinner parties why we couldn't attend?' 'I didn't come up with any excuse,' I answered getting under the covers. 'I explained you and I made plans months ago to spend Easter here and I told her how sorry I was for not being able to attend. By the way I apologized for the both of us.' 'Why the hell did you go and do that for?!' 'Because you're the one who said and I quote, I don't feel like telling her we're not coming. You do it. So I did your dirty work.' 'I didn't tell you to apologize on my behalf because I'm not at all sorry' 'We can't keep on avoiding her parties,' I said pulling up the blanket to my neck. 'Oh yes we can and for the record they're not parties. They're a snooze/bore-fest.' 'We missed her Christmas and Easter dinner party. I think we really should go to her next one.' 'Oh really, is that what you think? Let me give you a little heads up and tell you what she is planning for her next little soiree. She's holding a charity dinner party to save some operatic society. We go to that one and we're going to be surrounded wall to wall with old crows that have bad face lifts. Trust me I've seen the invite list and that definitely is one party you do not want to go to.' 'Don't you think she's going to get a little suspicious our plans keep falling on the same day as her parties?' I questioned. Valentina chuckled while fluffing her pillow. 'You're giving her way too much credit Princess. If she hasn't figured out about her husband and "L" by now do you really think she's going to catch on to my scheme?' I didn't give her an answer. I closed my eyes but not for very long. After letting out a depressing sigh I sat up right. 'Are you not at all tired?' she asked. I nodded no. 'Still high from winning that huge jackpot?' 'That must be it,' I said back giggling. 'The key to the mini bar is right on my nightstand. Go ahead and grab a cold sleeping potion,' she suggested in a sleepy voice. 'I don't feel like a drink.' 'Want me to call concierge and ask them to send up a bottle of Nyquil?' Before I could give her my answer Valentina had already fallen asleep. How do people do it? How are some people able to fall asleep without any or little effort? They make it look so easy. I'm so tired of not being able to fall asleep. I reached for the remote and turned on the TV. I had the volume on mute and hit the close captioning button and after watching a re-run of According To Jim I stepped onto the balcony and spent the rest of the night sitting on the wicker chair wide awake.

By next morning my room had returned to an ice box and I was back looking like a woolly mammoth. After a bountiful breakfast we headed into town for a little island shopping. Valentina was seated next to me in the backseat. She had a case of the sniffles. I offered her a Kleenex but she declined. 'I don't have a cold,' she stated. 'Why do you keep on sniffing?' She responded back with a Cheshire cat grin smile. Oh God what is she up to now? I thought. 'It smells like the country in here doesn't it Princess,' she said quietly. I shrugged my shoulders because I didn’t get it. She repeated the sentence twice. 'What did you do, dip into the mini bar this morning? I asked. I didn't have a clue what she was taking about. Country....Sniffing.... And then I understood. I tugged on her arm and mouthed stop it. Five more very loud sniffs followed after that. In a very low whisper I said, 'behave. I beg you to take that word to heart.' Pointless I know. I only said it because I was on the verge of bursting out laughing and I knew on some level Semper Fi must have known we were talking about his celebrity endorsed cologne. To avoid any sudden outbursts I turned the other way and looked out the window. Some of the things I saw: locals waiting at the bus stop and judging by the way they were dressed they all appeared to be hotel workers and tourists in their swim wear holding a towel in their hand and crossing the street barefoot to go to the beach. As I continued enjoying the scenery a question popped into my head. A question I was dying to know the answer to. I thought about it for a minute whether or not I should ask it. Should I or shouldn't I? Curiosity got the better of me so I decided to ask it. 'How do you know he wears Tim McGraw?' 'I saw the bottle on his dresser,’ she answered. I gave her one of those raised eyebrow kind of look. 'It's not what you think,' she said. 'I was passing by his room, his door was open and I happen to see it.' 'Was his door really open?' I asked. 'Let's just say it was.'

Dropped off in the heart of town we proceeded to enter the island's pink colored mall where the first thing we did was not go shopping but eat a banana split from a dessert cafe. Before we do any substantial damage to our wallets me and Miss Misbehave have a tradition on this island to eat one. I'm not exactly sure how this came about but it just did and it's a custom we continue to uphold. There I was with my best friend sitting on the mall's bench sharing a banana split without feeling any remorse on my part. I felt like I was a little girl again. P.S. The best part of a banana split is scooping up the chocolate syrup with the spoon.

Because of an unfortunate situation involving my eye our shopping trip didn't last very long. In one of the local jewelry stores Valentina was trying on a necklace and I was standing with my back against her looking at a couple of items when my left eye started to feel itchy and when I went to scratch it, it felt puffy. I looked in the nearby mirror that was on the counter and said, 'oh snap.' Valentina quickly turned around and when she saw me she gasped. 'Your eye -- what happened?!'

Right away we were driven back to the resort and I saw the hotel doctor. After examining me he came up with a serious diagnosis.........Mosquito bite. Most people get a mosquito bite somewhere on their arms or legs, leave it to the one odd ball mosquito on the island to bite me on my eyelid. 'This is just fabulous! On top of a sunburned nose now I have a swollen and itchy eye,' I commented. 'Maybe we were better off going to Sandbox Island,' said Valentina jokingly. She gave me a kiss on the nose. 'Ouch,' I said.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

Easter In The Caribbean IV: Oh So Perfect Night

Cocaine Princess here.

One Size Fits All

Like most hotels in tropical locations there is never carpeting in any of the rooms, only tiles and the air conditioner is most always set on high. I was wearing a robe that I had packed with me but it was made from lace and only came up to my knees so it didn't provide me with much warmth as I was freezing cold. I actually went into the bathroom, grabbed the hairdryer that was attached to the wall and held it in front of me to feel warm. I started at my feet and worked my way up. After a couple of minutes I called it quits, my arm started to hurt. I despise wearing socks or slippers especially around the house but my bare feet were beginning to feel numb. The floor was cold as an ice rink. I had no choice but to cover my feet with the white terry cloth slippers provided by the hotel and then removed the matching robe which was hanging on the hook on the backside of the bathroom door. As I was exiting the bathroom I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked like a woolly mammoth. The robe was 2 sizes too big even though the label clearly said one size fits all. Not only did I look ridiculous I felt ridiculous. I had spent the last couple of months getting bundled up everyday and wearing layers of clothing in order to go out and brave the harsh elements and here I was doing it again! I kicked off the slippers, tore off the robe, found the thermostat, turned off the a/c and stepped onto the balcony and waited until the room warmed up. Within minutes Valentina appeared. 'Hey Rudolph here's the aloe for your sunburned nose,' she said handing me the bottle. 'What are you doing out here? If you wanted to catch more rays we could have stayed out on the beach a little longer.' I explained how I was waiting for the room to warm out. 'It’s like an ice box.' 'Growing up in frozen tundra land shouldn’t you be use to it?' 'I am but as you said before I'm on vaycay. I don't need or want any reminders of the weather back home,' I replied. 'You may want to return to the ice box, your favorite movie is playing on one of the channels.' I leaped back into the room and tried turning on the TV. I say tried because I couldn't find the remote. I went up to the TV and looked for the power button but it was a flat panel. 'Look at the bottom for the switch,' she suggested. I put my hand underneath trying to feel if anything felt like a switch. 'Where did you last put the remote?' 'If I knew that I wouldn't be doing this,' I answered. 'It couldn't have just walked away,' muttered Valentina. She lifted up the comforter and when she did the lost remote went flying clear across the room landing on the floor before sliding underneath the sofa. 'Oops,' she said laughing. 'I'll get the one from my room.' 'Hurry,' I said as she left. 'What part were they at?' 'When Dunstan crosses the wall,' she yelled.

Dinner Time

For the entire weekend we dined every night at my favorite restaurant in the whole world. We had a beautiful table outside. On that particular night the skies above were twinkling brighter than ever, the nearby palm trees were caressing me with their warm breeze and in the background I could hear the waves crashing on the shores. It was one of those oh so perfect nights that can be best described as hypnotic.

As perfect as the night was I had a bit of a headache because someone in our entourage was wearing a very strong scented cologne but I couldn't quite pinpoint exactly which one in the suits it was. I love cologne on a guy and nuzzling up to him to inhale the aroma but whoever was wearing it I think may have dumped the entire bottle on himself. Or maybe it was the island heat? Sometimes the hot weather has a way of intensifying a smell. I tend to notice the smell of fresh cut fruit in the outdoors, especially coconuts, mangoes and watermelons. I quietly asked Valentina if she could smell it. 'It's the snitch. He wears Tim McGraw,' she said. Semper-Fi was standing close enough that he was in arms length and Valentina kept on talking about him as if he wasn't there. I gave her sort of a look. The kind of look that meant be quiet and in a low whisper said, 'he can hear you.' 'Like I give a damn,' she answered back. 'He and the others don't pay any attention to what we're talking about. Watch this.' Oh dear God whatever she is about to do please don't let her do it I silently prayed. 'Hey Semper Fi did you ever play football in college?' No answer. She then turned to one of the others. 'Do you think I look better with my hair up or down?' No answer. 'See what I mean. They're trained to tune out the un-necessary things,' she said. 'Miss January could be standing topless shaking her assets in their faces and you won't get a reaction from any of them. They're being paid to do a job and their job is to guard us. Isn't that right fellows?' No answer. If only Valentina came with an off switch. I attempted to change the subject but couldn't get a word in. She continued for at least another 5 minutes. I wrote in one of my earlier entries, I love Valentina to death and always will but sometimes there's no way to control that mouth of hers unless I put duct tape on it. That evening I wish I had packed a roll in my purse.

$5.00

As we were leaving the restaurant Valentina asked me a question, 'are you up for a little Rita Hayworth? 'You know I always am,' I replied back.

After dinner we headed on over to one of the casinos. The particular casino we were at had a strict dress code policy so everybody was dressed to the nines or they were refused entry and several people were. Khakis and a polo shirt didn't quite cut it. The entire ambiance was magnificent. A 10 piece Latin orchestra was to one side and there was a dance floor in the center. The only downside, most everyone had a Cohiba in their mouth. The casino hostesses were passing them out to everyone. Considering all the health risks I don't understand the pleasure people receive from smoking. I expect it would be required on my part to be a smoker to find out the answer. A lot of my friends smoke and a few of them are chain smokers. I sometimes will watch them from a distance and judging by the expression on their faces when they inhale and exhale I swear it's almost as if they're having a love affair with the cigar/cigarette.

The moment I walk into any casino there is one song that will start playing in my head, 'Put The Blame On Mame.' You see one of the type of films I enjoy watching are film noir and my favorite is Gilda. For those of you who have seen the film you probably understand the connection between Rita Hayworth and casinos.

I'm not a big gambler nor am I good at any type of card game. I just go to have fun. Can you believe I won a whole $5.00 on the slot machine! Boy, did I ever have a hard time deciding what to spend it on.

Hell's Kitchen

The Challenge- Taste It And Make It.

Chef Ramsay created 3 different dishes made from chicken, beef and fish and had the remaining 4 contestants taste each dish and then asked which they preferred. All of them said the fish stew. Each chef had to recreate the fish stew using the exact same ingredients and had 30 minutes to do it. The purpose of this test was to separate the chefs from the cooks. One of the ingredients Ben was able to identify was wine. He made an attempt to hide the wine from the others until Ramsay stopped him and called him a selfish bastard. Everyone received good compliments on their dishes but the two closet were Paula's and Danny's. Ramsay chose Danny because Paula used water and not fish stock. Danny's reward was a ride on an open cabin plane while the others had to polish silver, clean the carpets and prep the kitchen.

Dinner Service

Before dinner service Ramsay surprised each of the chefs with a set of cookware from his own signature collection and informed them the slate would be wiped clean so any past mistakes they may have done would not be counted. It was a fresh start. Everyone was moving in perfect momentum and the food that was being prepared was according to Ramsay's standards. There was even a sweet proposal in the dining room. Gordon came out and congratulated the bride to be and even gave her a kiss on the cheek. Then things took a turn for the worst. Ben had to prepare a vegetarian salad. He asked whether the customer wanted tuna on it and then forgot to dump the pasta in the water and was accused of sabotaging Paula's flow and breaking the kitchen's smooth momentum. Meanwhile Danny was enjoying listening to Gordon go off on Ben.

When dinner service ended Andrea and Ben were on the chopping block. Ben gave a strong reason why he should stay but Ramsay wasn't convinced and told him to hang up his jacket. One quality the chef admired in Ben was his attitude and effort.

Only three remain, Paula, Andrea and Danny.

My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday!

Whatever your plans are have a fantastic weekend....what the heck, be a little naughty.-x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess

Easter In The Caribbean Part III: Hail To The Chubbies

Cocaine Princess here.

Valentina and I headed down to the beach; we were just standing along the shores splashing our feet around instead of actually getting into the water. You see there is a joke among the locals on the island. If you try to go swimming you may end up in Venezuela. The water is very untamed. From my experience I found the water forceful and the waves are even worse. They smack you around so hard that it hurts. Basically you swim at your own risk but there were dozens of vacationers in the water who decided to give it a go.

Lunch Time

We decided to eat lunch by the poolside. As I went through the items on the menu everything was yummy for the tummy but fattening, fattening, fattening! The dessert title read in big, bold italic letters Hail To The Chubbies and underneath it was a picture of a little piglet shoving a piece of cake in its mouth while sitting on a scale. On the last page were the Calorie Wise Dishes. I decided to do a little negotiating with Valentina and even though I knew it would be a waste of time I thought I’d give it a shot. I told her she could take away my laptop if in return she would allow me to break my promise. 'Can I talk about whose name shall not be mentioned?' she asked. 'No,' I replied. 'Then there’s no deal.' I let out a tiny whimper. 'Princess we’re on vaycay,' she reminded me. 'No not really,' I said back. 'It’s just a weekend get-away.' 'And whose fault is that? Yours to be exact. This was supposed to have been a two week vaycay.' 'You know I need to get back home,' I explained. 'Why? What’s the rush? Don't tell me that person who lives with you is taking part in a sudoku competition and needs you there for some type of moral support?’ I said no and then burst out laughing. She continued. 'Even people who go on weekend getaways leave all their stresses behind at home including watching what they eat, so pick something greasy off the menu.' Forget what I said about my panties cutting off my circulation I could feel my arteries hardening. 'I'll have the caesar salad,' I said closing up my menu. 'And?' I just looked at her. 'And what?’ I asked. 'You need something else, a caesar salad isn’t enough,' she stated. 'It's plenty enough for me.' 'Look they have onion rings. I’ll order you a plate.' 'No I don’t want that. I've had my quota of onion rings for the year. All I want is a salad.' To be honest I didn’t even want the damn frigging salad because I wasn’t all that hungry. 'Fine have it your way. Guess what I heard about whose name shall not be mentioned. I heard he....' I tried leaning across the table to put my hand over her mouth but couldn't reach. 'You're not playing fair. There was nothing said about me having to agree to eat whatever you say,' I stated backing out of my chair. 'Where are you going?' she questioned. 'I left my lipstick back in the room,' I answered. 'You still haven't told me what you want to eat. What should I tell the waiter?' 'You decide for me. Just don’t order me the onion rings,' I replied.

As I made my way back to the suite I wanted to see if I could spot Semper-Fi and the others. The only guys I could spot were dressed in either floral or tribal printed knee length shorts and lying on their backsides all oiled up and getting tanned.

I found my lipstick lying on the bathroom counter top. As I went to touch up my lips I noticed the tip of my nose was sunburned. When I went to touch it, it stung. I applied a light dusting of bronzer on top to cover up the redness but even doing that hurt.

When I returned there were two plates at my setting each covered with a lid and a Coke on ice to the side. I removed the first lid and there was the salad. I kept envisioning the nutrient label on the backside of a salad dressing bottle. 1 tbsp = 11 grams of fat. The salad was soaked in dressing- almost as if Valentina requested the kitchen to double up on the dressing and knowing her she may have very well have done that. Underneath the second lid was a plate with an extra large BLT sub and steak fries. 'Well?' she asked. 'Perfect,' I replied but really I was thinking the opposite. I removed the top part of the bun to sprinkle some pepper and as I did I counted in my head the number of bacon strips. 5 with at least two different types of cheeses melted in between. Technically it wasn't a BLT. It was a BLTC. For herself she ordered what else? The onion rings and a cheeseburger. I thought about playing the sore throat card but nah. Valentina would just call the hotel doctor and have me examined to make sure I wasn't lying. I picked up my Coke and was about to have a drink until I remembered who ordered it. It looked like a Coke. I put it under my nose and took a whiff. It smelled like a Coke. Valentina picked up her napkin and after wiping her mouth said, 'it isn’t laced with alcohol.' It looked like a Coke. It smelled like a Coke. But did it taste like a Coke?........It did! 'See?' she said. 'I can’t believe you don’t trust me.' 'Can you blame me for being a little suspicious?' I asked. 'Wait until you see what I ordered us for dessert,' she said back with a smirk.

To Be Continued.

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess

A Caribbean Easter Part II: The Snitch

Cocaine Princess here.

Good Friday
It was long weekend on the island and it seemed as if everyone had the same idea, 'let’s go away for Easter!' I had been to this island countless times before that I could honestly find my way around blind folded. It’s a small island but bigger than Sandbox Island. We were only there for the long weekend since I needed to get back home early. I had a few things I needed to attend. If I didn't I would definitely still be there. Both dressed in our beach ensembles me and Valentina headed outside and the first decision we needed to make was where we wanted to sit, by the pool or out on the beach. Beach of course! Valentina had forgotten to reserve a set of chairs but we managed to find some off to the side giving us an okay view of the ocean. Bad location. From every direction cigarette smoke came blowing into my face. My head felt like it was in a stink cloud. We picked up our gear and proceeded to find another spot. We were walking aimlessly around for several minutes until we noticed a couple gathering their towels. When they left we bolted. Once we got all settled in I couldn't help but feel there was something missing but couldn't quite put my finger on what it was.

As the hot sun beat down on us we were chatting and catching up on things when Valentina received a text. 'Who’s it from?' I asked. 'Daddy,' she replied. ‘Have a good time....Behave. I think that message is for me and not you....Don't give Semper Fi a hard time and blah, blah, blah....He sends his love.' And that’s when it hit me, what was missing. 'Where is Semper-Fi and the others?' 'Don’t worry Princess just because we can’t see them doesn’t mean they can’t see us,' she answered putting her phone away and then took out her compact. 'Don’t give him a hard time?' I asked. 'Why did he say that?' Valentina responded by shrugging her shoulders as she blotted the shine away from her cheeks. 'What did you do?' 'Nothing.' She answered so innocently that I almost believed her. 'He’s just so uptight all the time. You’ve seen him he's always so serious.' 'I think he would have to be. God forbid something happens to you but if it ever did on his watch hell's going to come crashing down on him,' I explained. Valentina was silent which believe me is highly unusual so I knew there had to be more to the story. 'Alright V, come on spill it. What did you do?' I questioned. 'Last week I may have left the house without him and the others.' 'You may have? You either did or you didn't,' I stated back. 'I left the house and took the car keys and drove into town.' 'By yourself?!’ She nodded yes and my jaw literally dropped. 'No one saw you leave or even question you?' 'Nope,’ she answered. 'How was that even possible? Why did you that?' 'I didn’t see what the big deal was. I was meeting XXXX for lunch. The restaurant was only 10 minutes away but Semper Fi caught up with me. Can you believe he then called up daddy to tell him what I had done? That snitch! I didn't even make it out of the neighborhood. Daddy then summoned me into his office. I'm standing there and he's sitting at his desk leaning back in his chair just staring and shaking his head at me for a good couple of minutes before starting his lecture.' 'What did he say?' 'Mostly to stop rolling my eyes at him and to pay attention to what he was saying. That's pretty much all I remember,' she answered. 'I can’t believe it,' I told her. 'Neither can I,' she said back. 'Is that what it’s like when that person who lives with you lectures you because if it is, God it’s an annoying experience.' 'That’s not what I meant. I can’t believe daddy didn’t drag you off to some convent in the mountains. How did he even let you out of the house to come here?' Valentina chuckled. 'You know daddy can’t stay mad at me for long.'

It didn’t take very long for total exhaustion to set in. You know the kind where your body feels limp and lifeless. 'That’s the best kind of exhaustion,' commented Valentina. 'It finally means you were able to shut the off button in your head.' 'Too bad I can’t do that every night.' 'There’s a simple solution to falling asleep, pop a pill.' I looked at her. 'What? You refuse drinking a glass of wine so pop an Ambien baby.' 'You sound just like ‘A’ I said. My poor best friend had a look of horror on her face. I suppose it came from the thought of she and my sister thinking alike. 'She said for you to take a pill?' I nodded yes. 'Then I take it back. Call her up and boast how hot it is out here.' 'I already called to let her know I had arrived safe. When I left the temperature was nearing +7.' Valentina let out an excessive sigh. 'I don’t know why you continue to live voluntarily in frozen tundra land when daddy is always inviting you to come and live with us.' 'What about A?' I questioned. She paused and said, 'alright she can come too. We’ll stick her in the pool house.' I removed my sunglasses and sat up. 'The pool house?' I asked. 'Yeah the pool house,' she repeated. 'Your entire housekeeping staff lives inside the house and you’d stick my sister-' She cut me off in the middle of my sentence to correct me. 'You're suppose to say that person who lives with you, remember?' 'Yes I remember.’ I said. 'Then why do you keep on forgetting to say it?' she asked. 'Anyways, as I was saying, you’d stick her in the pool house?' 'You say the pool house like it’s a flop house. It’s fully furnished. It's pure luxury.' As I went to lye back in the chair I said, 'Valentina you have a heart made out of gold.'

To be continued.

Hell's Kitchen

In yesterday episode Gordon announced he was shutting down Hell's Kitchen putting the contestants in a state of panic. He was shutting it down because the five remaining contestants were going to be flown to Atlantic City to visit the Borgata restaurant to see what will be in store for them. They toured the hotel and had a meet and greet with the head chef and the food and beverage manager. During their meet Robert excused himself. He began complaining of chest pains and was hospitalized. The chefs returned back to Hell's Kitchen minus Robert. Robert was discharged a few days later and returned to L.A. informing his team mates he had a medical condition that could lead to heart disease. He decided for the safety of his health and well being he needed to step away from the competition. Before leaving Ramsay wanted Robert to know somthing. He wanted him to know he had all the qualities and even had the potential to win the competition had he stayed.

The Challenge

The chefs had to create a signature dish in 40 minutes. Ramsay gave high praise to all except for Ben who seemed pretty confident he was going to win the challenge. He made a tiger prawn dish but kept only the tails and forgot the prawns. Andrea was declared the winner and her reward, she was safe from elimination.

Dinner Service

There was no teamwork, no motivation and no fire among the chefs. Andrea had a horrible night. She was assigned to the fish station and her food kept getting sent back. Ben at one point couldn't get his garnishes together and was kicked out of the kitchen but returned after he gathered his composure. The team had to decide two people up for the chopping block. Paula and Ben were chosen. Ramsay sent Paula back in line and called Andrea (even though she had the immunity card) to step forward. He accused Andrea of having the worst night and her bad night in the kitchen was the cause for Ben's poor performance. Ramsay informed everyone he was a man of his word and even though Andrea should have been the one to go he sent her back in line leaving Ben standing on the chopping black. Ben was spared and given a second chance.

My loyal and dear readers it's finally F-R-I-D-A-Y!

Whatever your plans are, have a cheeky weekend. -x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

A Caribbean Easter

Cocaine Princess here.

I trust everyone had a magnificent Easter/Springtime Renewal Long weekend like I did.

Good Friday

Valentina and I made plans during the holiday season to spend Easter long weekend in the Caribbean. I left early Friday morning so early it was still pitch black outside. My flight was originally scheduled to leave Friday afternoon but I wanted to get there a.s.a.p. I missed A's party so I won't be blogging about my encounter with the little ones. Before I leave for any voyage especially when it’s to an exotic location I love listening to one particular song, ‘If I Could Go,’ by Angie Martinez. I’ll keep listening to it over and over which has now become a dead giveaway for my sister. ‘How long will you be going away?’ she always asks.

Two days prior to leaving Valentina called. She was already there at the hotel and raving about how awesome everything was. During that same call I needed to establish some ground rules for the trip and warned her if she violated even one of them I was going to pack up my suitcase (well actually I would have told the maid to) and be on the next flight home. What exactly were the rules:

1.

She could not confiscate or hold my laptop hostage like she did last Easter weekend.

2.

She could not absolutely under no circumstances bring up whose name shall not be mentioned.

I have come to learn over the years Valentina just saying I promise really doesn't mean anything unless she swears on something very precious and for her it was the newest Hermès Birkin handbag she recently acquired. The bag which she calls her Birkie is more than precious. It's holy. The entire I Promise Ceremony took place during a live web cam chat. I wasn't going to believe it unless I witnessed it with my own eyes. In return I had to give her my word I would not watch my waistline by counting calories or looking to see how many grams of fat an item contained for the duration of the trip. After I made my promise I said, 'I can already feel my panties cutting off my circulation.'

When I touched down on the island the sun was nearly beginning to rise and waiting for me at the airport was Valentina with Semper-Fi. We hadn't seen each other since Christmas and after she released me from her bear like hug we were driven to the hotel.

The rest of Semper Fi's entire entourage were waiting back in the suite and as soon as I stepped inside Valentina told me to go into the kitchen and open the cupboard that had the ribbon tied on the knob. To save time I didn't bother asking why. I went into the kitchen, located the cupboard with the ribbon and opened it. Inside was a box of Cookie Crisp Cereal. What did you think was going to be inside, Bal Harbour cheesecake? I love that cereal but General Mills doesn't sell it anywhere up here along with two others I enjoy, Franken Berry and Boo Berry. Once I drove across the boarder and spent the entire day shopping and one of the items I had to declare was a box of cereal. According to the customs official I was the 10th person he had seen from my province that day declaring a box of Cookie Crisp.

After making a stop in the kitchen I headed to bedroom to change into my beach ensemble (because the first thing you want to do when you arrive to a hot climate from a cold climate is hit the beach) I saw two things laying on top of the bed. One: a bouquet of orchids. The most beautiful fuchsia colored orchids with white trim I'd ever seen. They were from Valentina's daddy who wasn't able to join us for this trip. The second: a stuffed, plushy goose with a note attached, Love Valentina.

To Be Continued....

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess

'Why What Do You Think They're Going To Do, Grill Them In The Foreman?'

Cocaine Princess here.

There has been a cat that has been sitting on the ledge of my window for the past couple of days. It just sits there staring at me. I find it annoying. I don't want to close the blinds because I like looking at the outdoors now that the snow has completely disappeared. It doesn't matter where I sit on the couch because the way the couch is positioned and since it is a lengthy window the cat can be seen at any angle. I wouldn't mind so much if the cat was a pleasure to look at but it isn't one of those cute, adorable, fluffy like a cloud kittens you see on the commercials for Cottonelle, in fact it's the opposite. It's a creme colored, sick and anorexic looking cat with pointy ears. I don't know who the owner is, I'm guessing it belongs to someone in the neighborhood or it's lost. I wasn't going to leave it any milk just in case it had a couple of feline acquaintances in close proximity who were waiting to receive some sort of signal from their skinny ring leader, 'hey come on over the lady's got milk.' Yesterday I had quite enough of it. I was watching TV, Jerry Springer to be exact and didn't have a clue why the two guests were slapping each other around on stage. I kept looking at the cat. Of course the alternative would have been to ignore it and I did....for about five minutes. I don't know how to quite explain it other than it was just one of those infuriating moments. While Jerry was doing his final thought speech I got up and tapped on the window hoping to scare it off. The skeletal thing didn't even flinch. I tapped again and said, 'go away. There's no milk here.' My attention was so focused on trying to get rid of the cat I didn't hear 'A' come home from work. It was only a half day for her. She said, 'couldn't find anyone human to talk to darling? What's the matter, your little gaggle of friends all busy?' I turned around. 'This cat here, it just sits here staring at me. It's bugging me,' I replied. 'You didn't leave it any milk did you?' she asked. 'No.' Then just like that the cat meowed, jumped off the ledge and then leaped over the fence. 'Is it gone?,' she questioned. 'Yeah, ' I answered. ' How did you know?' 'It was easy. Just turn around and you'll see.' And I did. And I saw. 'Of course what didn't I think that,' I muttered. In front of the couch is the coffee table and on top is where I keep my fish bowl. 'A' moved the bowl to the kitchen table.

Later that same evening while waiting for Hell's Kitchen 'A' was seated nearby and jotting some things down in a notebook. I casually asked what she was writing. 'I'm organizing things for the get together party with the parents and children this weekend,' she replied. 'Oh God it's not another cookie exchange party?' I asked 'You didn't like the last one? You were a hit with the kids.' 'They used both my arms to wipe their sticky hands with and the one with the missing tooth used my knee as a napkin,' I explained. 'Rest assure it isn't a cookie exchange party. It's a sandwich exchange party.' For a minute I believed her. She's hosting an Easter party similar to last years. 'Is Froggie coming?' I inquired. 'No your boyfriend left for P.E.I. yesterday.' I then requested a favor from her. 'Please keep an eye on my fish when they come over.' 'Why what do you think they're going to do, grill them in the Foreman?' she asked. My mouth was open but no words came out except for a high pitch squeak and then I said, 'they kept tapping on the bowl when they came over to visit when your ankle was broken, and I think all that tapping freaked Nemo out. He hasn't been quite the same since.' 'You think Nemo may require counselling?' 'That's not funny,' I replied. Actually it was funny. 'You have my word. Your fish will be safe in my care,' she promised.

Hell's Kitchen
At the start of the show Gordon asked Paula and Danny who they thought was the weakest person on their team. Ben and Andrea were picked and were then asked why they deserved to stay on board. Ramsay listened and instructed for them to both hang up their jackets..... To trade them in for new jackets! White with black trim. The remaining 6 chefs were one team now.
The Challenge
Each chef had to make a creative dish using all 14 ingredients provided by Ramsay and had only 30 minutes. For the first time Gordon had only nice compliments when he tasted every contestant’s dish and was convinced he had selected the best chefs to stay on. In the end it came to Danny and Ben’s chicken. Ben was the winner for the reason he was the only one who cooked the drum part of the chicken which is the hardest. The reward was a trip to the culinary institute in San Francisco. I had a feeling Ben was going to be asked to pick one other chef to join him. I was right. He had 30 seconds to choose and he chose Robert!
The Punishment
The rest of the contestants were running back and forth unloading all the delivery trucks and inspecting and making sure all the items were accounted for.
Dinner Service
Ben’s chicken that won the challenge was a part of the dinner menu. For the first time since Hell’s Kitchen has aired this season there weren’t any problems with the risotto, Roberts’s scallops however were. They were rubbery forcing him to cook new ones slowing down the kitchen. Giovanni’s chicken was bloody and he wasn’t communicating back with the other chefs and then Robert decided to cook two different types of meat in the same pan. Midway through Ramsay read a ticket order and requested Andrea to repeat back what he had said and what it was she had to prepare. She said she didn’t know. Not a very smart answer. Chef Hot Head opened the kitchen door and in front of all the customers told Andrea to F-off and forced her to leave through the dining room with everyone looking. Hiding her face in shame she told the cameras to F-off. Head waiter John-Paul came running after her. He explained she needed to remain strong and go back. Ramsay quizzed her again what was on the ticket. She got it right this time. Giovanni was having a hard night and spoke back to Ramsay hard. By now I don’t have to tell you what Ramsay’s reaction was. In case you don’t know he went on a verbal rampage for several minutes but Giovanni kept his cool. What choice did he really have? To make matters worse Giovanni hot plate, by accident Robert ran into the plate and suffered 2nd degree burns on his finger tips. Dinner service was a failure, the kitchen was shut early and Paula was elected to pick two ‘idiots’ (Gordon's word) for elimination. It was Andrea and Giovanni. Ramsay voiced his own opinion by adding a third one needed to be on the chopping block, Robert. Who hung up their new jacket? Giovanni. An hour after they were told to return to their dorms Gordon called them all back down. He announced after the poor dinner performance, no one had the potential to run his restaurant so he was shutting down Hell’s Kitchen. Yeah I'm not buying it either.

My loyal and dear readers it's finally (Good) Friday and the long weekend.

I love Easter. The renewal of spring time, pretty pastel colors, eating chocolate bunnies (I like nibbling on the ears first) and Cadbury Easter Creme Eggs. The tradition of buying a new pair of shoes. The red heels I previously bought I decided don’t count which gives me a reasonable excuse to go shopping, but then again who needs an excuse to go shopping, right?

However it is you celebrate this long weekend may it be a beautiful one.-x.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

Vampires, A Poet, Magicians, A Priest, A Singer & A Missionary

Cocaine Princess here.

I hope all my loyal and dear readers had a fantastic weekend like I did. I went away on a little getaway. I did it on a whim, no where really far, it was within driving distance.

I'm still in my catch up phrase and one of the things I wanted to catch up on was watching movies. I seized a number of DVDs from the still have to watch pile and spent yesterday and part of today watching them, and because the satellite was down no thanks to Mother Nature. She's been very moody. One day it's sunny and bright with a high of +12C and (yes I know it doesn't exactly scream heat wave but truth be told for us it does) the next day it's cold, windy and wet with a high of only +2C. I thought this is a good time as any to watch them.

Before watching any movie at home you need to set the mood and for me that is snuggling in the blanket and of course you need movie food. My fridge is always stocked with Diet Dr. Pepper so the beverages were taken care of and for food I usually zap a bag of unsalted and unbuttered popcorn but not this time. I still had my one freebie: eating anything without feeling guilty. (The gross goose didn't count) I browsed through 20 different take out menus before deciding. I ordered the roasted chicken burger served on a kaiser bun with lettuce, tomato, hot pepper rings and extra mayo with beer battered onion rings and cole slaw on the side. If I could only eat food like that everyday without worrying about gaining a pound.

This first DVD should give you a good indication just how far behind I am.

Queen of the Damned (2002)

Stuart Townsend, Aaliyah, Vincent Perez

The Vampire Lestat played by Stuart Townsend is awakened after years of being asleep by the sound of a rock band in which he proceeds to take over. Achieving world wide fame and being labelled a rock God he announces to the world he is a real life vampire, angering the other vampires who caution him they will not put up with his ostentatious lifestyle. Lestat with his music accidentally awakens the Queen of all vampires Akasha (Aaliyah) who wants two things, Lestat to be her King and for vampires to dominate the world.

The movie has aired at least a gazillion times on TV and I managed to avoid watching it just so I could watch the uncut version on DVD. Unfortunately it was R&B singer Aaliyah's last film before she was killed in a plane crash and was released six months after her death. The film is dedicated to her memory. I've seen Interview with the Vampire and thought Stuart Townsend did a far better job playing Lestat than Tom Cruise.

The Libertine (2005)

Johnny Depp, John Malkovich, Samantha Morton, Rosamund Pike

I absolutely love actor Johnny Depp and am a huge fan of his so I was surprised when I found this movie for the reason that I had never heard of it. The Libertine was released all over Europe but had a limited run in North America. Johnny Depp plays John Wilmot 2nd Earl of Rochester in the court of King Charles II of England. John Malkovich plays the King who tries to prevent the Earl from destroying his status as King. The film's tag line: He didn't resist temptation. He pursued it. Every bit is true. Johnny is sensational playing a morally corrupt, drunkard, sexually active cynical poet.

The Prestige (2006)

Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale are rival magicians in 19th century London whose intense rivalry leads them to a life long battle for each others trade secret. This film was awesome from beginning to end.

I was in no particular mood to watch these next two films in fact I had no plans of watching them ever. My sister bought them a while back: Dominion: Prequel To The Exorcist and Exorcist: The Beginning. She suggested I watch them. I said to her, 'no thanks but I'll pass.' I still haven't forgiven her for making me watch The Exorcist at such a young age and because of that film till this day I can't sleep until my closet door is tightly shut. What can I say, some childhood traumas stay with you into adult hood. She continued, 'it sets the story for The Exorcist and explains many things.' 'What makes you think I'm even interested?' I replied. I decided to watch them both in broad daylight with the blinds raised high.

Dominion: Prequel To The Exorcist (2004)

Stellan Skarsgard, Gabrielle Mann

The studio behind Dominion decided to release this prequel version straight to DVD (after The Beginning was theatrically released) when it received less than favorable reviews with a test audience. I didn't like it either. I found it a little slow and kind of boring.

Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)
Stellan Skarsgard, Izabella Scorupco, James D'Arcy, Ralph Brown

Stellan Skarsgard plays the very young Father Merrin (the same character who exorcises Linda Blair's character 30-40 years later in The Exorcist) who loses his faith in God after witnessing the horrors of World War II. He travels to East Africa after being approached by an antiquities collector who requests he take over a British excavation site. While there he comes face to face with the devil.

What did I think of the film?....I LOVED IT! I even surprised myself. I admit I was a little hesitant because I was afraid after watching it I would be sleeping with the lights on for the rest of my life.

El Cantante (2007)
Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony

I remember reading the reviews and nearly every critic praised Jennifer's performance and predicated she would be nominated for her second Golden Globe and her first Oscar nomination. Neither happened. The biopic stars Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez. El Cantante is based on the life of salsa singer Hector Lavoe's (M.Anthony) rise to fame in the music industry. Jennifer plays his wife Puchi. Her performance was amazing. It's ashame she and the film didn't get the recognition they both deserved.

Shanghai Surprise (1986)
Madonna, Sean Penn, Paul Freeman, Richard Griffiths, Philip Sayer

Those of you who know me, you know my favorite entertainer is The Material Girl so you would think I would have seen all her films, right? WRONG! I never saw Shanghai Surprise and by chance I came across the special edition DVD last April. It features a very young Madonna and her then husband Sean Penn. Before viewing it I wanted to read some of the critics reviews because the only thing I do remember is McDonalds (up here) promoting the film by introducing Shanghai dipping sauce with their McNuggets and the McNuggets came in a Chinese style take out box and a fortune cookie. Instead of reading your fortune you would read if you won a prize or not. The prize was usually a free hamburger, fries or a sundae and the grand prize a trip to Shanghai. Anyways, in the film Madonna plays a missionary and Sean is a fast talking fortune hunter.

I don't like or hate a film because a critic says so. I prefer to make up my own mind. As I read through the reviews there was not one positive thing said about the movie.

It wasn't all that bad.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

The Petition

Cocaine Princess here.

This past week has been very relaxing and peaceful which is a nice change of pace for me. In the previous weeks there was so much going on I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. During my chaotic days in the back of my head I’m always thinking when I finally do have some spare time I’ll catch up on all the things I didn’t have time for and had fallen behind on. So this week that’s all I did, play catch up and of course I made sure I had time to do some of the few essential things like shopping and getting a mani/pedi.

As each day goes by the weather conditions improve. The other day I went into the backyard. I wasn’t able to before because the grass was still mucky. In the left hand corner I noticed a variety of items wedged in the bushes; a child size running shoe, a badminton racket, a child size hockey stick, a football and a Frisbee. I was acquainted with the fatal Frisbee; it was identical to the one I was hit in the head with last spring. I knew right away everything belonged to my next door neighbours’ children. Before the snow fell the items weren’t there which only means they must have been playing with them at some point in the winter. Why? I have no idea unless they came up with a new game called, ‘let’s see how many things we can throw over the fence.’ I collected the things and headed on over next door only to be welcomed by the hideous creature with four legs. I was better off tossing the items back over into their yard. The creature had grown during the cold months and now comes up to my waist. I managed to steer clear of the revolting looking thing all winter long but now that spring has sprung it’s a sure bet I’ll be seeing more of it.

After returning everything I was coming down the driveway and when I approached the sidewalk who did I have the fortunate pleasure of running into? Poodle Lady, someone else I had managed to avoid seeing all winter. Poodle Lady was dressed in an orange chenille jogging suit, had a shimmering coloured visor on her head and in her arms her precious poodle that she calls her Baby who also was clothed in orange.

Usually if I can’t stand someone I just ignore them but I had literally come face to face with her and being the well-mannered and civil person that I am I said in a friendly voice,

'Hello how are you?’

The most obvious reply from a person would be, 'fine thank you. And yourself?' After first giving me a head to toe look which for some reason she does to everybody before she begins talking to them, replied with,

'Where's your elder?’

When she spoke I noticed a smudge of lipstick on her two front teeth.

'My elder?'

I knew of course she was referring to my sister. No one had ever referred to her as my elder. I tried diverting my eyes away from her lipstick stained teeth but it was just one of those things you couldn't stop gawking at. It was such a distraction.

'Yes your elder.’

'You mean my sister.’

'Why do you need to know?' I asked

'There’s something I need to discuss with her,' she answered.

'She's at work.'

Poodle Lady pulled out and believe it or not an orange piece of paper from her bag.

'I need her to sign this petition and you too.'

Good God not another one of her silly petitions I said to myself. I have lost count how many petitions this woman has started but I do know the exact number of petitions that have been successful. Zilch. Now what was she campaigning for? Getting the citizens to wear orange on Wednesdays?
To my disbelief it wasn't. Her latest crusade- to prohibit religious soliciting in our vicinity. Our area is visited by the Jehovah Witness not once a week but every day. They haven't had much luck in recruiting anybody and I don't think they will.

'Just don't answer your door,' I suggested. 'I don't.'

By accident I once did. I thought it was Domino's delivery because 30 minutes earlier I placed an order and so thinking my Chicago deep dish pizza had arrived I opened the door without first checking the security camera. Instead there were two women wearing long navy blue belted coats and both holding a briefcase and pamphlets in their hands. Unless Domino’s decided to change their driver’s uniforms and were now delivering pizza in a briefcase I knew precisely who they were. I'm an extremely open minded person and I truly respect everyone's opinions and beliefs but, I really don't like receiving or listening to lectures in particular when that someone is lecturing me how if I don't devote my entire life to Christ and repent my sins I won't be spared from the devil's wrath. Oh yeah I guess I should explain, prior to them warning me that I’m basically damned for Hell if I don’t take their advice they were giving me a rundown of signs that the Apocalypse was nearing. I interrupted them saying I had dinner in the oven and if I didn't take it out it would burn and I had a load of laundry in the washing machine. Now that was a sentence I thought would never ever come out of my mouth so you can imagine what a hard time I had keeping a straight face. Poodle Lady continued.

‘You think I haven’t tried that? They keep on ringing the bell. Ding dong ding dong. I even posted a sign. They don't give up.’

Some of the locals, us included put up a sign near the front door that reads NO RELIGIOUS SOLICITING. It's of no use.

'Tell your elder to sign this, you as well to exclude them from our area.’

'I'm going to be honest, I don’t feel too comfortable signing it.

I’m just going to go with my preferred method, not answering

the door.

Not that I cared but after informing Poodle Lady I wasn’t going to support her cause she gave me a strange and eerie look.

‘Then tell your elder she has to.’

‘I’m not telling her anything. What I will do is inform her about your petition.’

As much as I wanted the conversation to be over and done with I was interested in knowing how many autographs she had gathered.

One. Her own. And she had been pounding the pavement for nearly an hour.

Hell’s Kitchen

The challenge this week was to make a creative dish out of king crab. Each team had 44 minutes to prepare their dish and then they were to choose the best one for the Chef to taste. The red team picked Andrea and the Blue team picked Ben. Ramsay was impressed with neither and then called Paula and Danny. He was very impressed with both their dishes and had a hard time picking the winner. In the end he selected Danny. The blue teams reward was an outing in Santa Monica. The red team’s punishment was to clean both dorms and then cook and clean all the crabs.

For dinner service each team was to create a menu; 3 appetizers, 3 dinners and 3 desserts. Each patron had a choice of picking from the red or blue menu. One customer ordered the beef from the red team but had the head waiter return it back to the kitchen because she complained it tasted like cardboard. After the kitchen corrected the mistake she was still unhappy and this time she decided to take it upon herself and complain in person. To get Ramsay’s attention she whistled at him. Oh boy. I haven’t been watching Ramsay for that long but I do know that is a big no-no! Ramsay answered back with this, ‘I’m not your F- dog. You look like a dog.’ And to even further humiliate her he told her to F- off. Wow even I felt the woman’s humiliation. I don’t know what she was thinking or why she thought she could get away with whistling at him. Like every week there was trouble and setbacks in the kitchen. Gordon tasted Ben’s soup and then spit it out because it was cold and Carol had tremendous difficulty with her potatoes. The kitchen had problems after problems and Chef Hot Head was so fed up he shut it down. The winning team was based on customer comment cards. The red team had won. Ramsay appointed Danny to elect one person to be on the chopping block. I had a feeling it would be Ben. It was but Ramsay wanted to hear from both Ben and Robert why they deserved to stay on. I was convinced it was going to be Ben’s last night. So who did Ramsay tell to hang up their jacket? In a surprising twist he chose Carol from the red team. Why? He accused her of team mate sabotage.

My loyal and dear readers it’s finally F-R-I-D-A-Y.

Whatever your plans are have an awesome weekend.-x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess