The Breakfast Club Part 5

Cocaine Princess here.

Good news.

I won the auction.

Final price?

$750.00.

No that is not a typo.

$750.00 for a bunch of pieces of wood.

Yes, yes I know what all of you are thinking.

She’s as crazy as Poodle Lady! (If not more!)

What the hell?!

She’s out of her mind!

Believe me those exact same thoughts along with a couple of others went through my mind as I waited in line to pay the cashier. While waiting Froggie’s mama showed off the items she had won.

An ordinary clay pot with some swirly designs painted on.

Price? $450.00

Non Folding Wood Chair.

Price? $400.00

Moments before she had gotten off the phone with Froggie’s daddy.

"What did he say when you told him?" I asked.

"He just made a sound. I couldn’t tell if he was laughing or crying," she replied.

The female standing in front of me turned around and offered Froggie’s mama some advice.

"Tonight when you're alone with him slip on a sexy negligee and have a bottle of wine on standby. That’s what I’m planning on doing. How else am I going to explain "these charges" to my husband when the VISA bill arrives?"

What were" these charges?"

A canvas painting of the ocean.

Price? $550.00

AND

A non folding wood chair.

Price? $600.00

Nobody is quite sure what precisely happened (I still don't) unless there was something in the food because it was obvious everyone who participated in the auction had an extreme case of auction fever and a bad case of wanting to win. We all wound up paying outrageous prices for things we really didn’t want.

Ta-Daa!!! Behold...

"The Chair"



My non folding wood chair is sitting by its lonesome self in the garden because it doesn’t go with
the rest of our patio furniture. But now that I think about it, it’s too good to be sitting outdoors.

The other day I just stared at it for God knows how long until something dawned on me. The frigging thing didn’t even come with cushions.

Hmm, I think the chair deserves to be inside, sitting on a special platform with spotlights shining down. I’m even thinking of putting a red velvet rope around it, like the ones you see in a historical home/museum. "You can look from a distance but not touch."

You know what the funny thing is? We paid about a $100.00 less for our new steel BBQ we bought back in the spring.

It deserves a 2nd look.




Froggie’s Gift
Froggie’s daddy travelled to Orlando on business and brought back a few of the neighbours a little souvenir. For me CHOCOLATES. Key Lime Coconut Chocolate Patties and my oh my they are simply delicious; coconut patties dipped in chocolate.


On the side of the box I found the website of the company that makes them
and discovered the coconut patties came in 4 other flavors. I contacted the company and was informed they don’t ship up here BUT one of the specialty stores in the city carries them. Being the shop-alholic I am when I see something I like I must have it in every colour or in this case in every flavour. The following weekend I paid a little visit to the store and bought every flavor.


I haven’t savoured something so divine and so yummy since I discovered Mrs. Grimbletorte’s chocolate cheesecake.
Along with the Key Lime Patties he brought me back a can of "Booty Sweat Juice," knowing how much I like the movie Tropic Thunder.

Froggie’s mama has given up coffee and now drinks nothing but Booty Sweat. She said its taste was sort of similar to Red Bull. I have never drank a Red Bull so I can’t really make the comparison. I can say its cherry flavoured and tastes very, very sweet.

My loyal and dear readers it’s finally Friday.

The past two days we’ve been issued an "extreme heat alert" and it’s been extended into the weekend. Temperatures have been hitting +36C and we’ve been advised to stay indoors in an A/C climate. Yeah, fat chance that’s going to happen after the frigging cold winter we endured.

Whatever your plans are have a naughty and cheeky first full weekend of summer.-x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

The Breakfast Club Part 4

Cocaine Princess here.

......................As my buddy was sharing his summer plans of travelling to Peggy’s Cove, "A" appeared and waved for me to come down.

"On your break?" I asked.

"My break’s not for an hour. I need to ask you something. What did you say to Poodle Lady?" (She didn’t actually say Poodle Lady, she referred to her by her name)

"Nothing. Why?"

"She said you mouthed off to her," she replied.

"Are you kidding me?"

"I know you don’t like her."

"So you automatically presume I’m guilty?" I asked. "I’m not the only one who doesn’t like her. The kids don’t like her either."

"Did you tell her to get lost?"

"Well I-I...."

I began to stammer.

"It’s a yes or no answer darling."

"I sort of gave her an in between answer," I replied.

She had a puzzled look on her face.

"What does that mean? You either did or you didn’t."

"I did this."

I showed her the gesture with my thumb.

"Unless you were hitchhiking I’m going to take that as a yes you did."

"Whose side are you on, mine or hers?’ I questioned.

"I’m on no one’s side," she answered.

"How very comforting to know you have my back," I commented.

"Why would you do that? Tell me what happened?"

"No, not until you tell me what she said first," I said.

"She said she asked you a simple question and you replied by being rude and insulting
in front of your group. Her feeling were hurt."

My jaw dropped to the grassy field. I tried to get a word out but no words were
coming out. Only a squeaking sound. Squeak after squeak.

20 Squeaks later words began to finally come out.

"Oh my God."

I told "A" my side of the story. And my sister’s response:

"You talking in that manner what kind of example was that to set in front of the children?"

"Me? What about her? What the hell did you expect I say to her?" I questioned.

"I expected you to speak to her in a civil manner regardless of what she said to you," she answered.

Have you ever had a "what-the-hell-are-you-frigging-serious-Homer-Simpson-D’OH-moment?"

Well this definitely was mine.

"There is no frigging way to be civil with her," I stated. "And for the record up until today I have been civil with her. I’m probably the only one in the neighbourhood who doesn’t slam the door in her face."

"Why didn’t you just ignore her?"

"She came right up to my face and started with her insane babbling."

"If you couldn't ignore her then you should have acted like the bigger person," she said.

I had my 2nd "what-the-hell-are-you-frigging-serious-Homer-Simpson-D’OH-moment" in under 5 minutes. I couldn’t believe my ears. I had enough of listening to her and walked away from the conversation. (Yes, yes, I suppose my sister was right) She caught up with me.

"Have I ever once asked you for anything?"

"Hmm, let me think," I said.

"No. I have never once asked you for anything so all I ask is for you to please keep your distance from her."

My third "what-the-hell-are-you-frigging-serious-Homer-Simpson-D’OH-moment."

"Keep my distance from her? What do you think I do? Go around following her? Believe me if there was a Poodle-Lady Repellent Spray I would be the first to buy it. Listen to me,"

Enunciating every word slowly I said,

"She....came....up....to....me."

"Please be the bigger person," she repeated again while patting the side of my cheek. "A" left and went back to her volunteer duties and I went back up to the bleachers.

"What did big sis want?" Froggie curiously asked.

"To give her lil’ sis a lecture," I replied.

I let out a sigh and mumbled Poodle Lady.

"Poodle Lady," he replied in a very perky tone. "Mommy says Poodle Lady needs a man. Daddy says any man who looks at the old bat runs the other way."

I laughed so hard I was in tears.

"You have to stop listening to their private conversations."

"But it wasn’t private! I was with mommy and daddy eating my porridge when they said it for pete's sake," he explained.

"Froggie eats porridge. Hmm, maybe I need to start calling you baby bear like in Goldilocks and the 3 bears," I commented tickling him.

"Porridge is gross," Froggie said giggling. "Daddy says it’ll help put meat on my bones so I eat it everyday. Poodle Lady isn’t very friendly. At Halloween when I said trick or treat she gave me chocolate and said "I’ll give you this chocolate but your teeth will fall out if you eat it."

"It’s sounds like something she would say."

Froggie continued.

"I said thanks for the information and have a good evening."

"You know what? You are too precious for words," I stated.

"I know. All the ladies love me. Daddy says I’m a chip off the old block," Froggie replied and proudly I might add.

The breakfast club was an all day event. Aside from the money raised from buying a plate of breakie there was a Rubber Duck Race. Rubber ducks were selling at a toonie each and everyone who bought one was given a ticket with a number matching their duck’s number. I bought 50. Mine were numbered 510-560.

1000s of bright yellow rubber duckies went floating down the local river and several of them wound up being wedged in between two boulders. None of mine made it to the finish line.

A silent auction was also taking place. Items up for grab: non folding pine wooden chairs, paintings, dry floral arrangements and pottery all created by local artists from in and around the surrounding area. It didn’t exactly scream Sotheby's. I didn’t know what to bid on. The paintings, pottery and floral arrangements as pretty as they were really didn’t match with our indoor decor and I didn’t want to bid on something that would more or less end up in storage. My sister suggested the folding chair, we could keep it out on the patio.

I filled out a card to register for the auction and was assigned a number to use for the bidding.
Bidding for each chair started at $250.00 with increments of $50.00.Throughout the course of the day I kept checking on my bid. As luck would have it there was an annoying person, #22495, who kept bidding against me. I didn’t like that.

To be honest I didn’t even want the chair but I wasn’t going to let #22495 outbid me. I was determined to win and when I want something I don't let anything or anyone stand in my way. Each time I was outbid I would place a higher bid. And each time I did the annoying person would place an even higher bid.

Keeping a close eye on the time I placed the last bid just before the auction ended....

To Be Continued....

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess

Too Tired

Cocaine Princess here.

Sorry for the short post. It's been a long and tiring week. I’ve been up every morning before the sun rises dealing with an over the top fussy photographer who curses at Mother Nature because he can't get the perfect sun-rise shot because there is either too much fog or because it's too cloudy.
I’m too tuckered out to post the continuing saga of Poodle Lady and Froggie but I will next week.

My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday. Hallelujah!

Whatever your plans are have a loving weekend.-x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess

The Breakfast Club Part 3

Cocaine Princess here.

The little community I was in charge of decided rather than play Bingo they wanted to play Monopoly Jr. (This was before Mother Goose enlightened me about Strip Monopoly. Thank you. I will never look at Monopoly the same way again) and Clue Jr. Some of the smaller age ones didn’t want to play either game. They were content playing Lego and I helped out to create and construct masterpieces with them. Others had brought their Bratz dolls and were telling me their names and giving them make overs. (Those dolls are so cute and so very fashionable) Mr. Itchy Bite had a Mr. Potato Head to keep him occupied. I haven’t played with a Mr. Potato Head since I was a tiny spud myself. I had a kick out of coming up with funny faces with him. As I went back and forth between the groups several weighty discussions took place.

1. The Jonas Brothers.

Yes, I was able to name all three.

2. Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus

Yes, I know she is one person.

3. Transformers 2
Yes, I’m stoked about the sequel. (I'm twice as stoked about seeing Public Enemies with Johnny Depp!)

4. Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaur

No, I didn’t know it’s going to be shown in Digital 3D

5. The Price Is Right

One of the kids is a huge The Price Is Right aficionado and watches it every morning religiously. I was quizzed thoroughly on the prices of a living room set and a crystal chandelier.

6. Britney Spears.

One little girl was all exhilarated about getting to see Britney Spears on her birthday in the summer. She told me her mommy had bought her a special Britney Spears countdown calendar where each morning she’d mark off the days.

"What’s your favourite Britney song?" I asked.

"All of them" she replied.

"You don’t have one favorite-favorite?"

"......Break the Ice," she answered.

"Good choice."

"You like Britney?" she then asked.

"I do very much. I think she’s an awesome singer."

"What’s your favorite song?"

I wasn’t about to tell a 7 year the name of my favourite Britney song so instead I told her my 2nd favourite, "My Prerogative." As we continued talking about Britney to my surprise a boy in the group said,

"I like Danny Fernandes."

You like Danny? Me too!" I replied.

"He’s cool."

"I agree."

All was going well until who decided to drop by? Only my most beloved person in the entire cosmos. Poodle Lady. She stood wordless with one hand on her hip for several minutes eye balling everyone before going over to the side wall. Taped up was the sign up sheet listing the names of the volunteers and their assignments. She lowered her glasses from her head and ran her finger down the list and stopped mid-way. Any guesses on whose name she stopped at? IT returned and IT spoke. I mean SHE returned and SHE spoke.

"This isn’t Bingo,’ she stated.

(Nothing gets by this woman, I thought to myself)

"Change of plans," I said back.

"You volunteered your time for Bingo."

(Technically I didn’t volunteer myself. My sister volunteered me. She babbled on)

"Your duty specifies you as Bingo caller. You had better be doing that."

(You had better be doing that? And she said it in such a menacing tone. Was that meant as a threat?)

"Do you see anyone complaining or expressing unhappiness?" I asked.

"We’re having fun," the former dictator replied who was playing Clue.

"Yeah Bingo is b-o-r-i-n-g," said another.

"Yeah boring," the others said in agreement and out of unison.

"You’re neglecting your duties and not living up to your promise," she commented.

"Who organized this fund raiser? Are they here? I should report you."

"Ooh I’m shaking in my stilettos. Good God woman what are they going to do? Ban me from volunteering here again? Blacklist my name?" I asked.

With my thumb I gestured for her to scram. She gave me one of her eerie look overs from head to toe, mumbled a word which I think was "hmpf," and left.

Another parent who was volunteering next to me said quietly,

"She’s a whack job."

Miss Curly got up from her seat and said she wanted to tell me something.

"One time I asked Poodle Lady if I could pet her puppy and you know what she said?"

"I have a pretty good guess but you tell me anyways."

"No. Her puppy doesn’t like strangers. I don’t like her. She’s mean."

"I’m not too crazy about her either," I said back.

And then a friendly and familiar face emerged.

"Good Sunday morning friend."

It was Froggie. He gave me a big hug and had a gift for me which I will get to later.

"Is there room for one more?" he asked.

"There’s plenty of room," I answered grabbing another chair.

Froggie wanted to join the Clue group.

"Did you eat your breakfast?" I asked while helping him into his chair.

"I wrestled up some grub. Your sis scrambled the eggs. I had a bagel and cereal with it."

"Mommy and daddy both with you?" I inquired.

"Yes. Mommy’s gabbing with her friends. Daddy’s not here. He wasn’t feeling well this morning," he answered.

Oh no is he sick?"

"He has something called the brown bottle flu. Daddy had a late night playing cards with the guys," he answered.

I looked at him with a shocked reaction.

"And how would you know that?"

"I heard mommy and daddy talking this morning."

"You really shouldn’t be listening to their conversations," I said.

Froggie paused for a moment and gave me this reply.

"That’s a matter of opinion friend."

I’m really starting to think an adult has taken over Froggie’s teensy 7 year old body.

Some of the 4 year old boys and girls in the group had signed up to play a game of soccer so I headed outside with them. I sat on the bleachers with Froggie beside me watching with the rest of the parents whose lambs were participating. I’m going to be honest. I don’t watch or follow a lot of sports. I watch the Super Bowl only for the commercials and I love watching The World Cup every four years. That being said I know how soccer is played. The object of the game is to maneuver the ball with your foot into the opposing net’s team. The children were scoring in their own net and being cheered and applauded for it. From where I was sitting they were like ants zig zagging all over the field. One even picked up the ball and ran with it and threw it into the net.

Thinking out loud I said,

"What are they doing?"

A nearby parent explained. The school board had adopted a non-competitive sports policy. Children can enjoy sports without the element of competition. The focus is not winning but to promote and encourage physical activity for the children.

"That explains it," I said back.

As my buddy was sharing his summer plans of travelling to Peggy’s Cove, "A" appeared and waved for me to come down.

"On your break," I asked.

"My break’s not for an hour. I need to ask you something. What did you say to Poodle Lady?" (She didn’t actually say Poodle Lady, she referred to her by her name)

"Nothing. Why?"

"She said you mouthed off to her," she replied.

"Are you kidding me?"

To Be Continued.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

The Breakfast Club Part 2

Cocaine Princess here.

I know you’re all dying to know what my sister exactly volunteered me for so without any further hesitation I will tell you.

"Bingo Caller."

Yep you read right. Bingo Caller for a dozen little lambs aged between 4-7.

There were 4 sitting to a table each with their own bingo sheet and a set of plastic chips. I admit I was excited to showcase my bingo calling abilities but nobody was paying attention. And here’s why.

One cheeky lamb chop kept tugging on the hair of the girl who was sitting next to him. Her hair was styled in tight corkscrew curls so I could understand the temptation. She decided to lodge a formal complaint to me. I explained to her, "he’s only doing it because he likes you." She went back to her seat and whispered something to him. I’m assuming she repeated what I told her because the next thing I knew he was moving his chair to another table. In return Miss Curly gave me a big smile. She was missing her two front teeth and looked so cute.

I was about to call the first number when a little one had trouble poking their straw into their juice box and requested my help. I informed her I had the same kind of trouble with straws and juice boxes at her age too. As I did that another one came up to me and said,

"I have itchy bite. See?" he said showing me his right elbow until he realized the mosquito bite was on his left elbow.

"Mommy put cream on so I won't scratch."

"I had an itchy bite too," I replied.

"It was on my eyelid."

He giggled.

"You think that’s funny?"

He nodded yes while poking around my eye.

"How you get your itchy bite there?"

"I wish I knew," I answered.

"Did you cry?" he asked.

"No (I wanted to) but I was upset."

"Okay bye," he said waving and then sat back down.

AT LAST my chance came to call out a number, N-5. I was mighty proud but my proud moment was cut short when someone questioned if I had recently seen the movie "UP." I answered no.

Following my answer I received a very detailed outline of the movie. All three at the table kept taking turns while breaking it down for me scene by scene.

Two other lambs including the former dictator (who now can officially be called a lamb. He's not so tough) were busy occupying themselves with their hand held games.

The lambs at the third table really had my curiosity going. They all had their tongues out and their eyes were crossed. "What are you small wonders all doing?" I asked. "We wanna see if we can touch our nose with our tongue," one replied. "You try."

And so I did.

And no I couldn't.

But I sure had a lot of fun with them trying.

To Be Continued....

My loyal and dear readers it's finally FRIDAY!

Whatever your plans are have a super and fabulous weekend.-x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess

The Breakfast Club

Cocaine Princess here.

This past Sunday I was with my sister volunteering at her school. Saturday we had a late night and upon going to bed she reminded me about the promise I had made of helping out. I honestly don’t recall offering to volunteer and not that I had a problem with it because I would have never declined but I just didn’t remember saying yes. Forget about me not remembering saying yes I didn’t even remember the conversation. "A" claimed she had provided me with the details 2 weeks ago and had said I agreed to help out. She even described what I was wearing on the day she told me. I’m guessing it was one of those moments where I said yes by pretending to pay attention to what she was talking about.

"What exactly did you volunteer me for?" I asked.

She provided me with the low-down. I just kind of looked at her.

"It was either that or sign you up to cook and serve breakfast, darling. Would you rather do that instead?"

"No, no. Whatever you signed me up for is fine," I replied.

Sunday

The school where my sister teaches at is where we headed, to be more specific the school gymnasium. The school was raising money for the "Breakfast Club" a non-profit organization that believes "every child is entitled to a nutritious breakfast." It’s pretty sad when you learn how many little ones go to school on an empty tummy because their parents cannot afford to provide even a simple breakfast. Many schools have a breakfast club where parents can drop off their children in the morning and be assured they will receive a breakfast while getting help with their homework by a support staff, they can play games, read books or if a student is in need of emotional support they can drop by. The children of the clubs are also included in special events "that expose them to activities that would be otherwise unavailable to them – a bike program, tree planting and to sporting events."

The money raised will be used towards buying food, pots, pans and utensils. Almost everyone in the vicinity showed up and to my surprise Poodle Lady with her "baby" in a carrier. And yes owner and pet were dressed alike. Black and white polka dots. I’m not sure if she was there to lend support to the cause or to scope out possible suspects. The food was provided by the local Harvey’s Restaurant (think McDonald’s) who promised to match the donation along with several other companies. "A" and many of her colleagues and parents were cooking and serving food.

I bought a plate and sat down at a table with some of the little ones. I wanted to chow down first before commencing my volunteer duties. I had pancakes with jam, eggs, toast with butter and a little Minute Maid juice box. I was sitting on a blue plastic Spider Man chair. One boy complained he didn’t want to sit in a pink chair with Dora painted on it so I swapped with him. Another little child had a sour look on his face. I asked him what was wrong.

"My sausage isn’t cut up. Mommy always cuts my sausage up," he said.

I realized who the child was. It was the "pint size little dictator." (2/10/09)

"Well, well, well," I thought to myself. "The Pint Size Little Dictator likes his sausage cut up by his mommy."

I offered to cut it for him and did as much cutting as I could with my plastic knife. He was
very appreciative.

Hmm...maybe he isn’t so much of a dictator after all.

To Be Continued....

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess

My Busy Week #2

Cocaine Princess here.

For a second straight consecutive week it's been another bustling week.

MONDAY

As some of you know I have a goldfish known as Nemo. A while back I bought a second goldfish. When I couldn't think of a name a lovely friend suggested the name Marlin. Nemo did not take the new addition very well. In fact he will distance himself from Marlin. When Marlin approaches him Nemo swims away and prefers to stay on the other side of the bowl. That same lovely person suggested I buy another goldfish so on Monday I finally got around to doing it. I made a trip to the mall and went goldfish shopping and bought a third fish. I actually went shoe shopping first and bought a green pair of stiletto sandals. To get to the pet store I needed to pass the shoe store, believe me there's no alternative path. It's one of those unavoidable little things in life. Anyways, I went home and gently poured fish #3, who goes by the name of Dory (keeping with the Finding Nemo theme) into her new abode. Now Marlin refuses to go near Dory. I have 3 goldfish living in one place who don't get along. Do I need to confer with a Fish Whisperer?

TUESDAY

I have developed a dangerous addiction to Peek Freans Strawberry Fruit Cream Cookies. They are simply sweet-smelling and taste delicious; 2 shortbread cookies and sandwiched in between is vanilla creme and strawberry jam. From time to time I wake up in the middle of the night to eat one. I told my sister to hide the bag because this is one dependency that has complete power over me. Tuesday afternoon I received really good news in the mail and decided to celebrate by wanting to consume a cookie. I busted open the pantry in search of them. They weren't there. Next I raided the cupboards. JACKPOT!! 'A' had hidden them in one of the pots. Perfect! The one spot she knew I'd never look. I ate 2 of them.

WEDNESDAY

I went to my hair stylist to have my bangs trimmed.

THURSDAY

Back in March we bought a brand new spanking BBQ. It's been sitting on the patio ever since. Yesterday we finally got around to piecing it together. When I say "we" I really mean my sister. I sat to one side drinking a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper while watching her assemble it. Well.... I don’t want to brag but I did provide assistance. I opened the box with a pair of box cutters. I made sure 'A' was well aware of my achievement. 'Are you not proud of me?' I asked sitting back down. 'Mmm-hmm, I'm beaming with pride,' she replied. 'You may want to lye down after all that hard work.' 'That's the plan,' I replied back.

FRIDAY (Morning)

Just a few hours ago I finished watching a flick. I grabbed "The Strangers" from the 'still to watch pile.' It stars Liv Tyler as Kristen and Scott Speedman as James. It's written and directed by Brian Bertino.

Prior to watching it I wanted to do a little reading up on it. The movie was listed under the category of psychological thriller. The plot, a couple is terrorized by three intruders. The film is inspired by true events. On one website I read it is loosely based on the 1981 Keddie Murders in California. Another website said the movie is based on director Brian Bertino experiences as a young boy while another claimed Bertino ripped off the film "Ils" (Them) (2006) starring Olivia Bonamy and Michael Cohen and the 1997 Austrain horror film "Funny Games." Whichever one is actual "The Strangers" is one Oh-My-God-Creepy-And-Disturbing-Film.

Here's one scene.

Kristen and her boyfriend James are about to make mad love on the dining room table. There is a knock on the door. Genius boyfriend puts a halt to the love making and decides to see who it is. And did I mention it's 4 in the morning. (I ask you what the hell kind of imbecile answers the door at 4 friggin' am?!) He opens the door and there is a strange woman asking for someone named Tamara. Her face cannot be seen because she has loosened the porch light bulb. James informs her she has the wrong house so she leaves. A couple of scenes later Kristen looks out the window and the strange woman is standing there in the garden gazing at her.

This definitely was something I never should have watched in the wee hours of the night all by myself. (I wasn't entirely by myself. My three aquatic buddies were nearby) I tried hitting the stop button on the remote but I was on the edge of my seat and couldn't wait til broad daylight to see the ending.

My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday.

After a long and demanding week of working I am glad the end of the week is here.

Whatever your plans are have a precious weekend.-x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess