"Santa Knows Where All The Bad Girls Live"

  "Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?" ~Tom Armstrong, American cartoonist.

 

Cocaine Princess here.

Guess what joyous festivity occurred on Saturday at my house? The Annual Cookie Exchange Party {CEP}. If you could see me I just rolled my eyes typing that last sentence. Don’t get me wrong, I love eating cookies, I mean who doesn’t. I don’t actually eat cookies. I prefer nibbling on them.

This weekend marked the 3rd time my sister's been hosting it and let me tell you, this particular one was the most boisterous one ever on record! The kids were literally bouncing off the ceiling and running all over the place! We all began to wonder if one of the moms slipped a little something~something into the cookies. You get what I'm saying?.......I'm joking! 

I can’t quite put my finger on it but there’s something mildly disturbing about people exchanging cookie recipes and having a party for it. I’m sure 100 years from now it will be no doubt regarded as a bizarre ritual by anthropologists.

I admit I was looking forward in seeing the little lambs but what I wasn’t looking forward to was stepping on cookie crumbs and having sticky jam or melted chocolate finger prints all over the TV remote, my fish bowl and on me. They’re given plates AND they’re given tissues yet for some reason they refuse to use them. I'm seriously beginning to think if maybe they’re allergic to them.

Sister made her own batch of cookies and I was more than honored to have a nibble. It was delish but I couldn’t tell if it was a brownie or a cookie. So I asked.

A: It’s a Brookie.

Definition: A brownie with a cookie baked in the middle.

Because I was so concerned I inquired if a Brookie was allowed at a CEP?

ME: Are these permitted? Technically it’s not a full cookie. Couldn’t something like this get you thrown out of your prestigious Cookie Club?

A: You’d like that wouldn’t you?

ME: Noooooo.

{Said sarcastically with a smile}

Prior to the cookie monsters and their parents arriving I was watching the mini series Shōgun. I was channel surfing and the movie was about to start. I’d never seen it before and to kill time I thought I’d watch some of it. Approximately 30 minutes before the party began sister instructed me to shut the movie off. While giggling I asked:

ME: Why? Do you not think the kids will love watching this movie as they munch on cookies?

 "Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven." ~W.C. Fields  

 

Everyone had arrived by 1:30pm. Cookies were brought in bright colored tins and every tin either had a festive ornament or bow on the lid. Just as the tins were decorated so was every child. Dressed to the nines with glowing cheeks and a twinkle in their eyes. This should give you a clear indication of how serious the CEP is. This is no jeans and t~shirt type of party.

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." ~Shirley Temple 

As soon as everybody was settled in the tasting of the cookies and the exchanging of the recipes began. I too participated...in the tasting only of course, after all you know what they say~ when in Rome do as the Romans do. Trying to ignore the voice in my head that kept repeating: “Do you know how many sticks of butter was probably used? Oink Oink.” All the cookies were unbelievably tasty and came in so many shapes such as Christmas trees, wreaths, stockings and all were decorated with pretty sprinkles. My favorite: {not including my sister’s} Viennese Jam Cookie. My God if heaven had a taste it would taste like a Viennese Jam Cookie. The cookies (yes I had more than 1 of them} melted in my mouth. Runner up: Crispy Chocolate Cookie Bark. One of the moms made homemade fortune cookies dipped in chocolate. Each one even came with its own fortune.

As the children were eating I caught up with what was new in their lives. Many had seen the new "Yogi Bear" film on Friday so I got them to do their best “Hey Boo~Boo” impression. After, I inquired what they wanted from the big guy in the red suit? They all had the same wish list. This year's must have items: Snow MX: a combination of a BMX bike and snow board, XBOX Kinetcs/Kinectimals and several other gaming devices.  

Entertainment was provided in the form of DVDs. We watched “Home Alone” and “Muppets: Letters To Santa.” Many of them had not yet seen “Home Alone” so it was a sweet feeling introducing this film to a whole new generation. As for The Muppets, man do I love Miss Piggy and those darn hippies! I kid you not when I say there was not one single peep out of them except for the sound of their angelic laughter and cookies being devoured and milk being gulped down. They pretty much emptied all the tins clean. Not a single crumb in sight. Their stomachs maybe tiny but they sure can fit plenty in them! 

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."~Johnny Carson.

Sister gave out gift bags filled with goodies and then gifts were given to her. I must share one gift she received. Question: Has a donation to a charity ever been made out in your name and then been presented to you as a gift? Well, a donation was made in my sister’s name. To be more precise, a goat was bought in my sister’s name.

Yes, ladies and gentleman you read that correctly. My sister was given a goat for Christmas. She of course was very appreciative of the gift but was curious how the cookie eater came up with such a “wonderful” gift.

He explained he had seen a commercial on TV and thought it would make a “cool gift.”

According to the website:

“The goat will go to a village in need in the third world. From high-value wool to nutritious milk, one little goat can make a big difference for families living in some of the world's poorest places. Goats nourish hungry children and families with healthy milk, cheese, and yogurt. Goats also give a much-needed income boost by providing offspring and extra dairy products for sale at the market.”

The picture is taken directly from their web page. Hmm, I’m not sure why the goat is wearing a tie and a baseball cap. I’ve seen a lot of lavish gifts been given out at Christmas but this one certainly qualifies as being unique.

****

Bart: Aw, come on Dad, this could be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to The Smurfs, and it's going to happen to us.
 
Homer: Oh, all right. Who's Tiny Tim?

We all know during the month of December our TVs are bombarded with Yuletide specials including that one channel that airs the burning Yule Log. I came across a list of "Top 10 Christmas Movies." Do you agree with the list? I don't. I would put National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation at #1!! So, did any of your favorites make it? 

10: "A Christmas Story" (1983)
Say it with me: “I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time.” The quintessential Christmas movie if there ever was one, A Christmas Story remains a proverbial favorite in many a holiday household.

9: "It's A Wonderful Life" (1946)
You can’t go through the holidays without experiencing George Bailey’s unexpected, even bizarre, holiday awakening. James Stewart plays Bailey, a down-on-his-luck denizen of small town Bedford Falls, a place he longs to escape, yet can’t quite get away from. That’s because, despite many an opportunity to leave, incidents ultimately force is hand to stay and save the town from the spider-like cruelty of evil business tycoon Mr. Potter (Lionel Barrymore).

8: "Scrooged"(1988)
Every holiday list must always include at least one adaptation of Charles Dickens’ immortal classic, A Christmas Carol. In 1988, Bill Murray starred in perhaps the goofiest version ever, "Scrooged." The hilarious actor stars as a cynical TV executive who doesn't care about Christmas. As a result, he meets ghosts who take him on a nostalgic tour where Murray is able to confront his demons.

7: "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" (1989)
What’s Christmas without the Griswolds? Chevy Chase is in fine form as the ever-relatable Clark Griswold, this time forced to spend the holidays with his in-laws. Highlights include a ridiculous, over-the-top Christmas light display (which requires nuclear power to maintain); a sled-ride from Hell; and an intruding, terrifying squirrel incident.

6: "Home Alone" (1990)
The one that started it all – Chris Columbus’ original Home Alone has a big heart and big laughs. The oft-remembered sequence involving a pair of bumbling robbers (Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern) provides solid laughs, but it’s the build-up to that moment in which little Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin), accidentally left behind by his family during the holiday rush, must fend for himself over the holidays, that catapults Home Alone into the echelon of near-classic status. 

5: "Elf" (2003)
The sweet and silly tale of a human baby raised by elves at Santa's North Pole lair. Jump ahead to adulthood and our boy (Will Ferrell) heads to New York City to find his biological father (James Caan). Along the way, he picks up some elf work and a little romance. A modern day fairytale filled with charm and daffy slapstick to delight even the grumpiest person.
 
4: "Miracle On 34th Street"(1947)
Another holiday favorite, Miracle on 34th Street stars the endearing Maureen O’Hara alongside a very young Natalie Wood, and Oscar-winner Edmund Gwenn, who won the award for his charming portrayal of Kris Kringle. The film follows the genial St. Nick and his dealings with Christmas outside the North Pole, where he encounters cynicism and disbelief.

3: "The Muppet Christmas Carol" (1992)
Of all the big screen versions of A Christmas Carol to grace the silver screen, none has been quite as charming as the Muppets’ take, featuring Michael Caine  as Scrooge, and Kermit the Frog as his lowly assistant Bob Cratchit. Some may balk, but Brian Henson’s adaptation remains the most accessible to mainstream audiences. BTW, Miss Piggy has never been better. 

2: "Bad Santa" (2003)
Here's one for guys everywhere. Billy Bob Thornton stars as Willie, an alcoholic thief who along with Marcus, his dwarf partner (Tony Cox), rips off shopping malls. Their M.O. is to work as "Santa and his elf" so they can walk around the premises without arousing suspicion. But their perfect plan is foiled one year by an 8-year-old dweeb who leeches on to Willie.  Probably not the best couple of hours to spend with the family, but your friends are gonna love it. BTW, what other movie is going to feature a woman with a Santa Claus fetish?
 
1: "Trading Places" (1983)
The plot follows a pair of rich tycoons who wage a bet to see if they can change an individual by placing them in diverse financial conditions. Dan Akroyd, a rich, budding managing director, “trades places” with Eddie Murphy’s poor, slum-living vagabond; and each man must cope with their new-found situation. Aykroyd dressed as the world's crummiest  Santa, he crashes the firm's Christmas party, disgraces himself and winds up on a bus munching a whole smoked salmon through his beard! Hilarious, years ahead of Billy Bob’s Bad Santa, remains hysterical even by today’s standards.

****

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” ~George Carlin

Think back when you were little. Do you remember when you waited anxiously in line to sit on Santa's laps clutching onto your list, and when your turn finally came Santa would ask that famous question:"Have you been Naughty or have you been Nice?" So my lovely ones I ask you, have did you behave in 2010? Would you rate yourself as being naughty or nice?  As for me? Well, I wouldn’t exactly say I was naughty. I prefer the term cheeky. Hmm, I wonder if the Holly~Jolly~Guy leaves presents for cheeky people on Christmas?

****

It’s that time of year again for my winter vaycay. I will be celebrating Christmas and ringing 2011 in the tropics. Yay! My suitcases are packed and at this moment I am literally counting down the days, minutes and seconds until I leave. I cannot wait to do my happy dance in the sand, admire the beautiful lighted palm trees, feel the hot breeze on my skin, cool off in the ocean and strap on my stilettos and my shorty shorts. Ahh yes.....I’m dreaming of a beachy Christmas.

I’d like to say thank you to each and everyone of my loyal and dear readers for taking time out and stopping by my blog. I’ll be signing off now but no worries I’ll be back in January 2011. 

My lovely ones, from the bottom of my Colombian heart I wish you all a Merry Christmas/Joyful Holiday. Feel and embrace the joy and love this season has to offer. Shine like the firework you are! If for some 2010 was a rough and tough year, don't worry, a brand spanking New Year is just around the corner. With a brand new year comes new hope and new possibilities. May you all have a bright and successful 2011.


"And if some of you are still feeling lost in the New Year just know there are signs everywhere (if you are willing to look) to help you find your way. And sure enough you will be led into the mystery of your own heart where all the answers to your questions lye. You just have to be willing to listen." 

Tomorrow is the 1st day of winter and for the first time in 456 years a total lunar eclipse occurs on the same day as the winter solstice. 


Last but not least, when the suns sets on December 31st remember to look towards the sky and when you see that one twinkling constellation, close your eyes and make a New Year’s wish. Salud to all of your dreams coming true! 

Health & Happiness,

Live, Love & Laugh.

May you all find your light.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
~x 

Tis The Season....To Know What She Really Means

Cocaine Princess here.

I found this amusing article in the city's newspaper: "2010 Seasonal Spousal Translator" to help out husbands and boyfriends to decipher what their wives and girlfriends are really thinking during the most wonderful time of the year.

QUOTE NO. 1:
“Honey, have you seen the Scotch tape?” 
 WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS:
“Could you please go to the store and get me some.”

QUOTE NO. 2:
“Let’s not waste money on stuff neither of us need!”
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS:
“All I really want is for you to organize the garage.”

QUOTE NO. 3:
“Your mother has kindly offered to make all the sides for dinner.”
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS: 
“Why does your mother hate my cooking?”

QUOTE NO. 4:
“Sweetheart, did you finish making your list?”
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS: 
“If you think I’m going to the mall with you on Christmas Eve, you’re sadly mistaken.”

QUOTE NO. 5:
“Have fun at your office party” 
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS: 
“Please don’t get drunk and tell your boss to do something that’s anatomically impossible!” 

QUOTE NO. 6:
“What was wrong with that parking spot I just pointed out?” 
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS:
“If you insist on circling around for the next hour, please drop me off at the front entrance.”

QUOTE NO. 7:
“I agree, the tree does smell lovely.”
 WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS:
“Hurry up and secure this 9~foot balsam you selected in the stand that’s clearly too small. Seriously, I can’t hold this tree much longer. It feels like I’m slow dancing with a giant porcupine.”

QUOTE NO. 8:
“Darling, you don’t need to buy more lights. The outside of the house already looks fantastic!” 
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS:
“This is a residential home, not a runway at LaGuardia.”

QUOTE NO. 9:
“Delicious! Did you follow a recipe when making these cookies with the kids?” 
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS:
“I think I’m going to be violently ill!”

QUOTE NO. 10:
“I was thinking of getting a new star from Pottery Barn. Or we could use the angel again.”
 WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS:
“Over my dead body is your Tie Domi bobblehead going on top of the tree.”

QUOTE NO. 11:
“Is the car packed and ready to go?”
 WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS:
“Are you still watching that DVD of a burning log? We’re late!”

QUOTE NO. 12:
“You’re right, everybody does love a good steak! Great idea.” 
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS:
“Am I really married to a man who just spent seven hours at the mall only to return with a ten dollar gift certificate to The Keg?”

QUOTE NO. 13:
“I love it! No, seriously! It’s perfect!”
 WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS:
“A waterproof radio? You don’t know me at all, do you?” 

****

Today's Christmas themed drinkie is in honor of a traditional holiday classic....

"The Grinch" 

"This green cocktail, called the Grinch, has none of the nasty elements of Dr. Seuss's classic holiday character. On the contrary, it's reminiscent of the changed Grinch with the sweetest flavors; melon-flavored Midori and lemon juice. It's all sweetened even further with a little simple syrup. Add a maraschino cherry for the garnish for color and to represent the changed heart of the green man."

INGREDIENTS:

* 2 oz Midori    

* 1/2 oz Lemon Juice    

* 1 tsp Simple Syrup

* Maraschino Cherry For Garnish

DIRECTIONS:

1. Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice.

2. Shake well.

3. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

4. Garnish with a maraschino cherry.

****

My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday. Hooray!!

Whatever your plans are have a darling weekend.~x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess  

Tis The Season......To Ban Christmas Bells?

 Cocaine Princess here.

We all know during this time of year The Salvation Army are set up in the shopping malls with their kettles and ringing their bells for donations.

One mall has banned the Sally Ann from ringing their bells:

"Christmas is about a lot of things. About chestnuts roasting by an open fire, awkward conversations with a third cousin, twice removed, that you have never met, and drunk uncle Eddie getting drunk, again, at Christmas dinner.

And bells.

The ringing of Salvation Army bells has been one of the iconic sounds of the holiday season for more than 100 years in North America, but one of the largest shopping malls has silenced them because of noise complaints from mall retailers.

Salvation Army volunteer Riley Blake spends many hours with his red Christmas kettle inside the downtown mall collecting donations from passersby.

The plastic kettles have become synonymous with the Salvation Army's yearly "Fill the Kettle Charity Campaign" but some people don't even know he's there.

"A lot of people ask us questions, said Blake. 'Why don't we use the bells?' We tell them it's because of rules and regulations we're not allowed to. There's not much you can do about it — just stand here quietly and smile."

Oh how things change in a week:

When it was reported last week that the familiar sound of the Salvation Army’s kettle bells had been muted by bans imposed by the mall, the shopping center elicited harsh criticism and accusations of Grinch-like behavior: "What’s next? The mall Santa banned from saying Ho~Ho~Ho?"

One ticked off volunteer had this to say:
 
"If the mall honchos are annoyed by us ringing those bells then why don’t they walk a day in our shoes, do some volunteer work by standing in the cold to help those who can't afford clothes, or put food on the table when no money is there for them. The Salvation Army helps those in need and surely is not a selfish company. The Salvation Army’s kettles and bells are symbols of hope to those living in poverty at Christmas and throughout the year."
 
A mall shopper gave his opinion:

"I love those bells because I know that in my time of need that those bells have saved me and my family much heartache and suffering. As long as I live and am able I will sacrifice a little of my time to those wonderful Salvationists and volunteers at The Salvation Army."


Many said the bells serve as a reminder:

"A reminder that there still is faith, hope and charity in this troubled world."

On Sunday, a representative of the mall permitted the bells a-ringing once again.

Question: Does the sound of The Salvation Army ringing their bells bother you?

****

My lovelies, it's that time where I post the Friday Christmas themed drinkie.

“There are many reasons why alcoholic intake escalates during this season. Partly, this is due to the convivial air that pervades the run-up to the New Year. Companies throw office parties. Families come together over magnificent feasts. Old friends come to town. The streets are lit with festive lights and stores are filled with wonderful things to buy or eat.

 But it is also due to the stress of the period, too. Office parties can cause anxiety. Families drive us crazy. Old friends lure us out to old haunts. Some of us have no family or friends at all. Those brightly lit shop windows act like a magnet on our wallets.

In order to combat, or at least ameliorate, the impact that holidays have on our psyches and bank accounts, it is hardly surprising that many people indulge in seasonal binge-drinking. In fact, according to the Distilled Spirits Council of the United States in New York City, the $49 billion distilled-spirits industry makes more than 25% of its profits from Thanksgiving to the New Year.

Of course, all that alcoholic intake does more than simply make one's mother-in-law more tolerable. It also can have a detrimental physical and social effect long after the hangover has worn off.

Sure, a glass of red wine delivers healthful antioxidants, but that’s just one glass, not two or three. And the last we checked tequila shots had no conceivable health benefits whatsoever.”

Hmm, I think it’s safe to say December is ‘Tis The Month To Be Tipsy.’  

"Angel's Delight" 

"A drink where Love is the main ingredient! The perfect drink to be served at any Christmas party. It is a sweet fruity flavored cocktail which uses Sloe Gin. “Sloe gin is a red colored liqueur flavored with sloe berries, the fruit of the blackthorn, a relative of the plum. Sloe gin has an alcohol content between 15 to 30 percent by volume."  {ecurry.com}

INGREDIENTS:
1.5 tsp  Cream
1.5 tsp Grenadine
1.5 tsp Hiram Walker Sloe Gin
1.5 tsp Hiram Walker Triple Sec

DIRECTIONS:
1. Pour the ingredients into a shaker with ice cubes.
2. Shake well.
3. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

****

My loyal and dear readers it's finally time to say T.G.I.F.

 

Whatever your plans are have a splendid weekend.~x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess

Tis The Season.........For Burritos and Gatorade

***Updated: Part 5: Harvest Dinner is posted below!***

Cocaine Princess here.

Question: Have you ever had a house party where you're so hungover the morning after you can barely open your eyes let alone move because you're in pain? So much pain you pray for death as you mumble the words, "I'll.....never.....drink.....again." And your house reeks of alcohol and cigarettes, and is so messy it looks like it's been hit by a tornado? Do you wish you had a housekeeper to clean up that disgusting mess for a cost of next to nothing? You're in luck.......if you live in Colorado. 

"Two University of Colorado graduates are marketing a new business called Hangover Helpers in Boulder, home of CU's main campus. The morning after a party, they will drop by to give clients ice-cold Gatorade to cure their dry mouth and burritos to sate their need for grease. They will also clean up all those empty bottles and beer stains. Alex Vere-Nicoll and Marc Simons started cleaning party houses about a year ago for extra cash and realized they'd found a niche, despite the bad economy."

FOR $15.00 THEIR SERVICES INCLUDE:

Delivery of a Warm Delicious Burrito:
- Fill your stomach.

Delivery of an Ice Cold Gatorade:
 - Hydration and Electrolytes!

 Clean up your Party!
- Mop, vacuum, clean counters, do your dishes, and take out
  the trash and clean up stains.
- Restore your house to the condition it was in before the  
   party.



$15 bucks for all that? Sheesh, I've been seriously over-paying my housekeeper!

****

I simply cannot put up an entry on a Friday in December without posting a drinkie. 

My lovelies, I present to you.......

 Candy Cane Martini

 

"Vodka is a pretty versatile drink, when it comes to the flavors you can incorporate. Unconventional ingredients like chocolate and mocha can be easily turned into a luscious martini, when combined with vodka. So is a candy cane-flavored martini possible? Of course!"

INGREDIENTS:
* 1 1/2 oz Vodka
* 1/2 - 1 tsp Peppermint Schnapps
* 1 oz Club Soda
* Ice
* Crushed Candy Canes

PREPARATION:
1. Put some ice in the cocktail shaker.
2.Once done, pour the vodka, peppermint schnapps, and the club soda inside the container.
3. Shake the shaker vigorously then pour its contents in a martini glass.
4. Top it off with crushed candy canes as garnish.
5. Serve.


*If you find the drink too sweet, you can add more ice. Peppermint schnapps has a strong minty flavor, so you should experiment first with the mixes before serving it to your guests.

****

My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday.

Whatever your plans are have an illuminating first weekend of December.~x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess 

 

 Harvest Dinner Part 5: "Mr. Cell Phone Guy"

 To Review Part 4:

She requested once more that I let it go. Again I said, NO. Sister then replied back I had 2 options:

1} Stay miserable for the rest of the night over his refusal of removing his shoes.

2} Ignore the fact he was wearing shoes and enjoy the rest of the night.



PART 5:

So what did I select?

I selected to stay miserable.

A: Fine suit yourself. Stay miserable.

I blew a teeny tiny raspberry.

ME: Very mature darling.

Hmm, I thought so too. Sister went back to the guests while I wondered what his reason could be for not wanting to remove his shoes?

Did he have a problem with being told what to do? I truthfully admit I hate being told what to do but at the same time I have the common sense and courtesy to respect another persons wishes when I enter their home.
 
I went back to where everyone was sitting and focused my attention on the guests. I caught up with some I hadn’t seen for quite some time and then got myself acquainted with some of the new ones. For instance: allow me to introduce you to Mr. Cell Phone Guy {CPG).

CPG is married to a 4th grade teacher who teaches at my sister’s school. In case you haven’t already guessed it CPG is a cell phone salesman. One of the other guests made the mistake of asking where he worked. Upon hearing that, Cell Phone Guy went on and on about how great and marvelous the cell phone company he worked for was the absolute best! He then went around questioning each of the guests who their carrier was? Apparently each one of us including myself had the worst. The worst because none of us were with the mobile carrier he was working for. He then began explaining in extreme detail the different type of phone plans his company offered. My God, at that point I would have killed for a bottle of red wine. No, not to drink but to hit him over the head with. If that wasn’t bad enough can you believe he went around asking each one of us about our plans and convinced us to come over to his side?!  What the hell dude? Are you here for dinner or to close a sale? I lost count how many times I tried my best in letting him know how very happy I was with my latest phone plan and I thanked him for the information he was kind enough to share about his company (regardless of how boring it may have been). You know what? I don’t think he got the message especially when he requested to see my actual cell phone contract. Sheesh!


As the evening progressed I found myself not freaking out so much over the fact someone was wearing their shoes, in fact I had almost forgotten all about it until this happened:


On the wall was a picture of me taken last Labor Day in Niagara Falls. In the picture I’m holding my Birkin Bag which I previously blogged about. It was a gift given to me from my bf’s dad. One of the other wives was looking at the picture and made a lovely compliment and questioned if it indeed was a Birkin. I said yes and she and I began talking about fashion. We were having a pleasant conversation when who decided to butt in? Frigging Ferragamo Guy.

FG: What a waste of money to spend on a bag.

Excuse me? This coming from the guy wearing Ferragamos. Those shoes aren’t cheap! First of all, the bag was a gift. Second, let’s say I had bought the bag myself.  It’s my money and I’m entitled to spend it anyway that I please. I could have said something that would have kept his mouth shut for the rest of the evening but I knew how important this dinner was for my big sis so I kept my mouth shut. Unfortunately he didn’t.

FG: Couldn’t you have used your money in a more sensible way than on a silly handbag?

Calmly I explained:

ME: The Birkin, it was a gift.

And then I excused myself and went over to sister where I quietly said:

ME: I don't like him.

A: Who, darling?

ME: That moron......Ferragamo Guy.

A: Why, what did you do?

What did I do?! What did sister do- put an ad in the classifieds that said the following:

"Weird characters required to annoy baby sister AKA The Princess.  PAYMENT: All the food you can eat and open bar."


THE DINNER

When it came time to eat we all moved from the living room into the dining room. I was watching Ferragamo Guy walk and I kid you not, it was as if he was purposely digging his shoes into the carpet just to plain annoy me. And for the record, sister may have thought his shoes were clean and polished but I did not!!

During appetizers {and when he wasn’t looking} I stared at the man who refused to remove his shoes and kept thinking,“if only I could corner him where I would present him with this option: Remove your frigging Ferragamos or I will beat you senselessly until you are unconscious so I can physically remove your shoes myself!” And while I’m at it I would remove his belt too. It was such an eyesore with the suit he was wearing. Good Lord and might I add, Ick!

Throughout dinner FG kept dominating almost every conversation at the table. He wouldn’t let any of the guests hardly get a word in. You know the type who doesn’t know when or how to be quiet or insists in always putting their 2 cents in. Aye-yi-yi. I would have killed to listen to Cell Phone Guy’s phone plans again! The only part of dinner I enjoyed was the food and I did have one drinkie.

Following dinner was dessert, coffee/after dinner drinkies. Afterward our guests left one by one. As housekeeper brought their coats I looked at FG and with a fake smile I said in a very sarcastic tone:“It was so nice meeting you.” {I was really thinking, “Adios}

Some of you lovelies maybe asking ‘so the guy wore his shoes, what was the big deal?’ Or maybe you’re thinking why did I allow one minor thing spoil my evening? Or perhaps you’re even thinking I’m crazy for having an indoor shoe ban. Hmm, how can I best describe in writing my feelings? You know that physical response a person gets when they hear sharp nails being scraped across a chalkboard? That accurately describes best my feelings when someone wears their shoes inside my home.

There’s a list of names we keep, a list of people's names whom we send out invitations to when it comes time to throw a party. {God knows why but sister had FG's name on the invite list} With a black magic marker I drew a thick solid line through his name. 


Boy, did I feel better.

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess