Winter Vacay VI: My Date With The Oyster

Cocaine Princess here.

My lovelies the wait is over!

To review:

I couldn’t believe how quickly time went by. We must have sat on the shore for hours talking, laughing and giggling before venturing into the water. One of the things we love doing is jumping into the waves. It’s a totally fun thing to do and there was a bunch of us doing it, adults and kids. We all formed a line and held hands. Guess who decided to join in? Mr King Of The Beach. Valentina and I were in the middle holding hands with each other and beside us each were 2 teen girls. Speedo~Man went over on the left end where he held hands with a woman and said, “G'Day.”

Hmm....what do you know? I was wrong. He wasn't from Europe!!

VALENTINA: Of all the resorts in the world Crocodile Dundee has to stay at ours.

Part VI:

VALENTINA: Just a warning, if the waves knock his speedos off I may go blind.

The waves were rough but not rough enough to rip your bathing suit off. I was glad to be able to go into the water. Most of the places I’ve traveled to the beach water either had a severe under toe or in fact are rough enough to actually knock your swim suit off! Oh, in case any inquiring minds want to know, his speedos remained intact.

The next few days leading up to Christmas were spent sunbathing or shopping. I’m one of those type of vacationers that enjoys going shopping. Hey, we all have our ways of relaxing and shopping is one of mine.

Dinner

Every night at dinner the resort’s restaurant would have a different theme night. On one particular night the theme was Western. The waiters were all dressed in jeans, checkered shirts, a bandanna around their necks and cowboy hats sat on their heads. It was a hamburger and steak kind of night. Valentina and I were dressed to the nines and attending a BBQ isn't exactly what I would classify as fine dining but I had an enjoyable time. I was with my best friend in the tropics and not surrounded by a mountain of snow and bone chilling temperatures. The only thing I could have done without was the mariachi band that played on for hours. Bleech! I can't stand mariachi music. It's worse than nails on a chalkboard.


A few nights later some of our closest friends had flown in to meet up with us, and
on that night the restaurant’s theme: Seafood Delight, Buffet Style. Upon entering inside stood a statute of a wooden fisherman holding a net with several plastic animals tangled in it: fish, crabs, lobster and for some reason a sea~lion. Yeah, I found that a little weird too, which got me thinking- do people eat sea~lion meat? The waiters were dressed in pirate costumes and sadly there was no Captain Jack Sparrow. In the center of the dining room was a lovely ice sculpture of a mermaid and surrounding it on crushed ice was lobsters and a variety of fresh fish. The fish was so fresh I think I saw one still flopping around!

When we were seated at our table the waiter came right away to let us know the special of the night was seafood. I giggled a little because it was kind of obvious. Valentina on the other hand made a face that meant "duh, we know! She’s never been known to be the shy type and always says what’s on her mind but I was so thankful her mouth for those few minutes were on the mute button. Thanks Big~Guy, I owe you one. A mighty fine bottle of champagne was ordered and after we clinked our flutes and just as we were about to say Salud, Valentina said:

VALENTINA: Oh God, guess who’s here? Crocodile Dundee. Sound the trumpets.


With my glass still in mid air I turned around and yup it was him. He was still sporting those blinding gold chains and his hair was in a slick ponytail. As for what he wore: he donned an extremely colorful, silk floral printed shirt with the top 3 buttons open and black pants that had a thin sequin-material stripe running down the side of each leg. Wow! Talk about making a fashion statement! I kid you not all eyes were on this guy and just as he was on the beach he strutted proudly like a king! He followed the  hostess to a table for one.

ME: He’s dining alone.

VALENTINA: Are you really that surprised? 

She commented on his wardrobe:


VALENTINA: I think he's confused. It's seafood night, not disco night.


Our beloved friends had no idea what we were talking about so I gave them a quick bio about the hotel guest. After I told them one of our dear friends, and only to annoy Valentina, questioned whether or not he was still wearing his tight speedos under his pants? To further add salt I reminded her of “the wedgie.” To which she replied:

VALENTINA: It's your fault.

What?! How did Crocodile Dundee having a wedgie turn out to be my fault? I was dying to hear her answer. After a lengthy pause this was her brilliant response:


VALENTINA: We never would have seen it if we hadn’t come here. I wanted to stay at the villa.

Oh Lord, not this again!

Do you have any idea how traumatized I am by that vision?

Trust me, she ain’t the only one!


I understood Valentina’s point of view and there are pros and cons of staying at a private villa and a resort but luckily for me the others at the table agreed that staying at a huge resort for winter vaycay was definitely more fun. Of course Valentina still thought otherwise. She then requested {hmm, it wasn’t so much of a request as it was a demand} her cousin switch seats with her. Why? Crocodile Dundee was in direct view of her and she was afraid looking at him would spoil her appetite. He obliged of course because he knew, well we all knew if he hadn’t Valentina would have kept on complaining and none of us would have had any peace during dinner. 

Appetizers were brought consisting of all things that dwell in the water. The only item I recognized was the shrimp hanging off the side of the platter. I have no idea what the other items were other than they looked peculiar and creepy.

Like on every theme night you had the option of ordering from the menu which I did because I don't like seafood. The only food that appealed to me at the buffet was the salad until I was told it contained crab meat.


Enjoying a wonderful dinner {I had the chicken with stuffed bell peppers) I looked around to see what the others at the table were eating. Let’s just say I was surrounded by so much seafood I truly thought I was under the sea. The food was presented very nicely, something you’d see in a gourmet magazine but when I found out what they were actually eating, good grief if there was ever a night for me to vomit it would have been that night. Grilled octopus, eel soup, frog legs and something called a sea cucumber- which apparently is not a vegetable that grows underwater. I really don’t know how I managed not to vomit. Frog legs? All I kept on picturing was Kermit The Frog without his legs. Hmm, then again I suppose eating such items is an acquired taste, right?



Half-way through dinner I was dared to eat an oyster. Even now I’m still not sure why but stupid me without any hesitation said, “alright.” My only explanation is an entity possessed me for that brief moment, yeah that’s gotta be it. The only time I have ever eaten seafood was when I was little and then again in my teens. At a young age I was given fish to eat, you know the British style kind? Although it smelled delightful, I took one bite and spit it out. I swore then and there never to eat anything fishy~like again and I held onto that promise until age 14, when someone tricked me by giving me a potato pancake when it was really a crab cake. Laugh if you must but in my defense it really did look like a potato pancake! Valentina’s cousin {the one who had dared me} passed his plate over to me. I looked at it. Oh boy. The oyster was sitting on top of edible seaweed and covered in lemon juice.

Again, oh boy. I knew if I didn’t eat it I would never hear the end of it. I thought maybe I try a little negotiating:

ME: How about we pretend I ate it and call it a night. Sound, okay?

Evidently it wasn’t okay. To repeat, oh boy.

VALENTINA: Princess, you know what they say about oysters-- they make for a great aphrodisiac.

I suppose if I was dating someone it might come in handy but since I’m not, what’s the point? She continued:

VALENTINA: Make believe it’s your date and you’re about to devour him.

I stalled for several minutes.


VALENTINA: Come on, your date's waiting. Eat him!


Her choice of words was not helping me one bit. The only oysters I like are the ones that can give me pretty looking pearls. I had a feeling the oyster in front of me was not of the pearl kind. I had been taking little sips from my champagne throughout the night and I decided enough with the little sips. Time for a big gulp of the stuff. I was instructed on the count of 3 to eat it. One, two.........three!

So did I or didn't I? The answer?


Well........I first needed to ask a very important question:


ME: How the heck do I eat this thing?


To Be Continued.

****

My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday!


Whatever your plans are have a superb last weekend of February. -x


XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

My Lazy Friday Post

Cocaine Princess here.

Yes, I know what you're saying: "CP, where is Winter Vaycay Part VI?"

My reason for not posting? I had an extremely busy week but no worries I will post Part VI next week. I know it'll be hard so please do try your best to hang on between now and next Friday.

Let's talk about music. I love music. I dedicate at least 30mins a day listening to some of my favorite songs. It's a tremendous source of relaxation but I'd advise you to stay away from Tiesto and The Prodigy. Although they are simply brilliant artists their loud thumping music will excite rather than relax you.


This past Sunday was The 53rd Annual Grammy Awards. There were a lot of surprises. Eminem leaded the nominations with 10 but only took home 2. The country group Lady Antebellum's song "Need You Now" won awards for best record and best song of the year meanwhile Arcade Fire took home the record of the year for "The Suburbs." The internet and social media exploded with a raft of incredulous messages - - a Tumblr called "Who is Arcade Fire?" compiled dozens of them.  The "Today" show's Matt Lauer blurted: "I've never heard of the Arcade Fire. I'm going to have to download them." Sorry Matt, but folks up here have heard of them! The band also recently took home Best International Album at the 2011 Brit Awards. Hmm, it looks like they're setting the world ablaze!.....See what I did there? Other surprises: Justin Bieber and Drake lost to jazz singer Esperanza Spalding for Best Newcomer. Speaking of the Biebs, are his fans crazy or what?! "Some angry Bieber fans hacked into Esperanza's Wikipedia page and played some malicious practical jokes. The neo soul/jazz singer and bassist was given the middle name "Quesadilla" and also added: "Recently, she won the best new artist at the 53rd Grammy Awards-- JUSTIN BIEBER DESERVED IT! GO DIE IN A HOLE! WHO THE HECK ARE YOU ANYWAY?!"" 


One of the most talked about performances was Lady Gaga who arrived on the Red Carpet in an embryonic egg. Days before her performance her newest song "Born This Way" was released and critics accused her of ripping off Madonna, and this isn't the first time. Last year when the video for her single Alejandro was released comparisons was made between Madonna's Vogue. Lady Gaga now has been accused of copying Madonna's classic 90's hit "Express Yourself" with allegations that the song sounds suspiciously like it-- and even took the stage on Sunday to accept her trophy for Best Pop Vocal Album, Gaga looked like a clone of Madonna with her ponytail. 

Click here for the song. Click here if you missed her Grammy performance. Click here for Madonna's video "Express Yourself."

So my lovely ones, what do you think? Do you believe the songs sound alike?

I watched the entire show and my 2 favorite performances of the night was music group Muse singing their awesome song "Uprising" and Cee-Lo Green Ft. Gwyneth Paltrow singing "Forget You." Gosh darn, how cute are those puppets!  

 ****

My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday.

Whatever your plans are have a splendid weekend.~x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

Dear Juliet....

 

Cocaine Princess here.

I wasn’t too sure what I was going to post for this year’s St. Valentine's Day entry because the words I wanted to say were in my head all jumbled around. Sorting them out and putting them into words/sentences was a struggle. Although this is not originally what I had planned for my February 14th entry, I hope you still will enjoy reading this.
 

When you think of tragic love one may think of Orpheus and Eurodia, Tristan and Isolde, Lancelot and Guinevere but perhaps the most tragic couple of all is Romeo and Juliet. Not that long ago I watched a sweetheart of a film called, “Letters To Juliet.”

PLOT: Amanda Seyfried, plays a NY fact-checker named Sophie who is engaged to a man named Victor (Gael Garcia Bernal) They visit Verona, Italy, and Sophie discovers a wall where women from all over the world leave letters of love for Juliet Capulet. Then Sophie learns that "Juliet's Secretaries" take the letters and read and answer each one. One day Sophie dislodges a stone from the wall and finds a letter written in 1957 by Claire, an Englishwoman (Vanessa Redgrave) who left behind her new love, Lorenzo  (Franco Nero), to return home to her fiancé and her life in England. The remainder of the movie follows Claire’s quest for Lorenzo, which occurs as a result of Sophie's reply to her old letter.  

After watching the film I was curious to know if really a club of Juliet's Secretaries exist and if so how did it come about?

It turns out there is actually a club.

An Italian by the name of Ettore Solomani was hired by the city of Verona to be the official custodian of Juliet’s tomb in 1937. He would invite couples visiting to stand on either side of the tomb to hold hands and think of a pensieto d’amore (love thought) and exchange a kiss. He assured them Juliet would surely make their wish come true. In 1938 a couple visited the tomb and after completing the ritual asked if they could leave a letter for Juliet. He said yes. Shortly after people began leaving letters to Juliet. Here are some early letters from the 1940s. The following are actual letters that can be found in the non-fiction book, "Letters to Juliet," (which has nothing to do with the movie) that chronicles "the phenomenon of letter writing to Shakespeare's most famous romantic heroine and the Juliet Club volunteers."

Chérie Juliet,
I’ve asked myself many times, how it is that we fall in love: do we trip, lose our balance and fall, scraping our hearts? Do we crash to the ground, on stones? Or is it like staying on the edge of a precipice for all time?

-Poland

“You are so beautiful, Juliet, and so on high, yet all hearts in love look to you and speak to you. Those who are in love and who suffer in love look to you. I know many write to you and I do as well, because I believe in you, Juliet, and I turn to you as I did when, as a humble soldier, I came to see you during the war. Now the war is over, but I am poor, Juliet, and she is not. When I speak to her, you are there too, Juliet, listening to me and giving me courage. My mind tells me not to love her because I cannot compare myself to her, but my heart pushes me ahead, in spite of all obstacles. I know you did not listen to the voice of the mind either. Whoever, for you, reads this letter, help me!”

-Ludovivo N.

France 

Ettore Solomani 

Solomani devoted his evenings to his typewriter replying to each letter who left their address by simply signing them, “Juliet’s Secretary.” Letters kept arriving, there was no turning back. He had now assumed the voice of Juliet’s devoted secretary. In 1958 he reached the state imposed retirement age of 67 and left his post. 

                                                                             

Gino Beltramini

 

The city hired Gino Beltramini a local professor to pick up where Solomani left off. Every letter was addressed to Juliet. Beltramini replied to every letter by hand, on stationary embossed with a drawing of the now famous balcony where Juliet uttered those famous words: “O' Romeo, O' Romeo....” The hundreds of letters Beltramini replied to, many reflected on pressing social and political issues of the time, interracial love and the Vietnam War:

Dear Juliet,
I am in love with a black man. He is good, sweet, affectionate. My parents don’t want him in our house and will never consent to our marriage. Sometimes I go to his house, and we are like husband and wife. It is wonderful! Maybe we will run far away, where there is respect for feelings and for humanity. Juliet, do marvelous countries like that exist?
-Maggie R., Providence, Rhode Island

Dear Juliet,
I am in a bunker. Outside I hear missiles exploding, bullets being fired. I am twenty-five years old and I’m scared. Our commander has told us that soon we must come out. A hand-to-hand battle awaits. I feel I will die. I leave life with this brief note. I am entrusting it to you, symbol of universal love. I delude myself by thinking it will make people understand the futility of hate.
-Brian L., Vietnam, 1972

Beltramini died in 1983. His death had no effect on the mail. The letters to Juliet continued to arrive in large batches and posed a dilemma for the city. The Protocol  Office decided that all letters should be forwarded to the Estate Teatrale Veronese, the organization responsible for Verona’s summer theater and requested the artistic director’s secretary to reply to the best of her ability. “I did my best to give every one an answer, even if it’s just a few lines,” she said. When she was transferred to another office she relinquished her role and then in 1988 Club di Giulietta was born. 

Club di Giulietta is a volunteer organization of 15 ladies who respond to the 6000 letters that are received annually. By 1989, 50,000 letters had been received. No letter has gone unanswered. Each one is lovingly replied to by hand. 

  

A meticulous registration and archiving system was devised to ensure every letter is logged in, answered and preserved. In the 90's the Wall Street Journal and Washington Post featured a story about the club soaring their popularity to new heights. In 2002 Juliet’s secretaries began working full time. All agree the one universal rule when replying to the letters is to never judge. They deal with each letter with empathy, sensitivity and with an open heart. Many letters that are sent are addressed as Dear Juliet, Verona Italy, and thanks to compassionate letter carriers they are brought to the club. Although not all letters are sent by mail.......

In the courtyard in Verona sits Juliet’s house where visitors flock to see the famous balcony.

 

Nearby stands a life size bronze statue of Juliet. Hundreds and thousands of visitors caress her right breast for good luck.

Wall Of Love

Behind her statute is the wall of love where locals and tourists will post their personally handwritten letters on the wall. At the end of the day the secretaries collect all the letters. In that same courtyard you will find Club di Giulietta.

The letters received and posted come from all over the globe and written in different languages. They range from baroque, teeming with breathless and extravagant prose to simple requests composed on ornate stationary to scrawled on loose leaf paper to post it notes. One year the club received a letter in braille. A braille reader was promptly found and a reply was quickly sent back.

Many tongue tied Romeos contact Juliet to tell the object of their affections of their love, something they feel they cannot express adequately themselves. Juliet, of course, always obliges. (Again, these are actual letters)

Dear Juliet,
I’ve been married to my wife Shannon, for 30 years. I have never made love to another woman, let alone kissed another. Despite our advancing years we are still like young lovers. We steal kisses and passionately embrace when no one is around. Well, even when others are around! Although we are of modest means I derive the greatest pleasure in giving her small gifts, spending time with her at a local café, or walking together along the shore near our home. But now that we are getting older I am sad that I have been unable to give her more in life. I want the whole world to know how much I love her, and who better to help me do that than you, dear Juliet. I would like it if you were to write to her telling her of my own devotion so she can have a keepsake to pass on to our daughter.
Yours Sincerely,
Benjamin K., East Freemantle, Australia, 1991

Dear Juliet,
My problem is very complicated and difficult. I am in love with a missionary nun I have known for 12 years. I am a widower, now sixty two. I declared my love to her, but she told me she will never leave the church. She is the most beautiful, intelligent woman I’ve ever known. How can I convince her that with me she would have a marvelous life?
Thank You.
Jack G., Tampa, Florida

Also among the letters are adolescents who are experiencing love for the first time and parental censure:

Dear Juliet,
Please send a letter to Melissa H for me. Here is her address.....It should
read:

My dear Melissa,
Like my Romeo, your Justin has declared his love and devotion to you. May your hearts be one as are mine and Romeo’s.  

-With love, Juliet
Verona, Italy

P.S. Of course I would be glad to forward a donation  to your organization to help with your various postage costs, etc. Please let me know if this can be done as it would mean so much to my dearest Melissa.

-Sincerely,
Justin R., Milwaukee, Wisconsin

A copy of the reply from Juliet.

Dear Justin,
I will certainly do what you ask me. There is no need to send anything! I really hope that your love will be as deep as ours....but also much luckier!

Lots of love to you both,
Juliet

10 days later:

Dear Juliet,
Thank you, thank you! My dear Milli received the letter and it made her week so nice and happy. I appreciate your kindness and will try to pass it on by being extra kind to someone today.
-Thanks again,
Justin
  

Dear Juliet,
I live on the third floor. My parents don’t allow my boyfriend to come to my house. So I have to sneak him in. But it’s very difficult. Can you tell me how Romeo got to visit you? Tell me his technique for climbing up to your room!
Thanks, kisses,
Cari V., Lausanne, Switzerland 

So why do people write to Juliet?

“Juliet is the eternal symbol of love. They see her as a saint and often write "Juliet, you are the only one who can understand how I feel,” explains one of the most experienced secretaries. “Most of the people who write to her are looking for a way to share their problems with someone who will listen, unconditionally, as if she were a friend, or confidante. They just need to let it out, to tell their story.”

Another secretary says, “Our job is to give a ray of hope and, at times, many people need a good word to get their courage back, to go on.”

Dear Juliet,
I know that you will take a long time to answer me, but that’s not important– - I adore talking to a legend. When I received your first letter, I felt uplifted by a divine force, ready to help and sustain me. Today, I need you to listen to me once again.
 
Not everyone who writes has a problem. There are those who comment on how foolish Juliet was to take her life for Romeo:

Dear Juliet,
I really didn’t understand your character. You were so impetuous at your age. How could you fall in love after one kiss and two minutes? And why did you kill yourself instead of living on with the memory of Romeo? When Romeo was banished, why didn’t you try to hide him? If you had, he would be alive, and so would you? Do you regret your decision you made?
Sincerely,
Warren M., Duluth, Minnesota

Yet, at the same time, they admire the courage she demonstrated in standing up to her family:

I admire you Juliet. You are very brave and have the courage of an army. You followed your true love even though he was the enemy of your beloved family. I believe that in each of us there is a little bit of you. You will be remembered as one of the fairest ladies of Italy. I enjoyed reading your story. Please write back and tell me what you think.
Sincerely,
Caroline R., Greensborough North Carolina, 1994

Juliet,
Rest in peace with your Romeo. Your love is endless.

Some couples ask for blessings and love by leaving their notes on the courtyard wall: 

Dear Giulietta,
We are in Giovanna and Marco and we are in love. With this note we say hello to you and Romeo and we want to say we hope our great love will never end. Baci!

Chérie Juliette,
Here you found the love of your life. If you can, help me find where my Romeo is hiding! 

Dear Juliet,
I've always been told that touching the breast of your statue would bring good luck....So far, you're not trying too hard. Please, do something for me too!
-Giulia O., Modena, Italy

Some ask the romantic heroine questions:

Dear Juliet,
I want to know why the City of Verona marries its citizens in love at your tomb, where love died, rather than under your balcony where love was born?
Giancarlo C., Treviso, Italy.

Some write to give thanks to the club: 

Greetings, the greatest of the greats, Immortal like love itself!
Hello, Juliet!
There are people in the world who believe in the gods, in miracles, and there are people who don’t believe, but there is one divinity in which all seek refuge. The divinity is Love, the most beautiful superb sentiment in the world.
-Fyodor V., Leningrad, USSR

Dear Members of The Club “Romeo and Juliet”
My husband and I met each other years ago thanks to Shakespeare – that is, thanks to a book of Romeo and Juliet that I was reading sitting on a bench in the park. In 2002 we celebrated the golden anniversary of our marriage. We think this tragedy is especially important for the young generation now, when the best principles of love and pure morals are trampled, when one feels fear for young people’s future. We’d like to thank you for your work and promotion of Love.
Peter and Esther N., Samara, Russia, 2002  

While some send letters....hmm? Judge for yourself:

Cara Signora,
I appeal to you for a favor. I have a daughter, 27, who has never been married but is looking for a fiancé. Is it possible for you to look for a fiancé for her? Is it possible for her to be married in Verona? How much does a modest wedding there cost? We are Orthodox! Here is my address. I will be happy to receive your reply.
Svetlana C., Kiev, Ukraine 2003

The thousands of letters Club de Guioletta receives each year are proof that regardless of ones age or sex, mixing love and religion is still a universal problem: 

Dear Juliet,
I was wondering if I could get some advice on a problem I have. You see, I really like a girl but my parents won’t let me date her for religious reasons. Should I defy them and secretly date her, or should I listen to my parents? I await your reply.
From,
Joseph L., Mesa, Arizona, 2003

Dear Juliet,
I have been with a young man for nearly 2 years and I am very much in love with him and I know that he loves me too. The problem is that I was raised in a strict Catholic family. The young man I am seeing is neither Catholic or Italian, like my family. He is Jewish. My parents are not prejudiced however they want me to marry an Italian Catholic. He is willing to convert to Catholicism to please my parents but I don’t think it’s fair to ask him to leave behind everything he’s been raised to believe in. If I convert to Judaism my parents would be very upset. I love him more than I ever imagined possible. Only you can understand my problem. What should I do, Juliet?
-Marilyn F., Italy, 1995 

You can read more of the letters devoted to Juliet and the history behind it in the book. Here are a few of my personal favorites sent by innocent teenagers:

  
Dear Juliet,
I’m coming to you with something that has been bothering me for awhile. My algebra grade is dropping dramatically. I got my midterm back today and I have a 65 in that class. I’ve tried everything but still can’t make an A or even a high B.
Please help!
-Angela G., Calhoun, Georgia, 1995

Dear Juliet,
You’re the only person I can ask. How do you French kiss and what does it mean to make out? I read an article about you in the paper and if we write to you and I get a letter back we get extra credit. And I need a lot of extra credit.
Thank you,
Sandra J., Constantia, New York, 1993

Ciao Giulietta,
If you introduce me to Leonardo DiCaprio I will love you, too!
  
Although Juliet is a literary figure she has become real to hundreds and thousands of people around the globe.  Need Juliet’s help? If so, drop her a line:

Club di Giulietta - The Juliet Club
Via Galilei 3 – 37100 Verona, Italy  

**** 

In the movie Vanessa Redgrave's real-life romance with Franco Nero, who plays her lover in the movie, mirrors the plot of the film. She said in an interview: “In real life I met Nero on the set of “Camelot” in 1967, had a son, broke up and got back together several times, and we finally reunited and wed in 2006.”  

She goes on to say, “One of the most wonderful lines from the movie is a message to young people, to old people, to middle-age people, When we speak about love, it's never too late.”

****

My lovelies, for those of you with a Valentine ~
Love, Kiss and Embrace Your Beloved.....not just today but everyday.

My lovelies, for those of you without a Valentine, or nursing a broken heart, perhaps these words will bring some comfort. In 1939 Ettore Solimani responded to a Dear Juliet letter from an emotionally wounded individual:

.....Do not give up hope. Remember that life is a continual battle, and that the body wears down but the spirit remains and that love triumphs, always. Continue to believe in Juliet, who from her sky of love will guide and protect you.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

  My Loyal And Dear Readers,

Happy Valentine's Day To You & Your Beloved 

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess

~x 

Winter Vaycay V: The Man In The Yellow Speedos AKA King Of The Beach

Cocaine Princess here.

It is said if you really wish hard for something it comes true. On that particular day Valentina wanted a clear view of the beach but her view was blocked by the tourist sitting in front of her, until he moved his chair.

ME: You got your wish- a clear unobstructed view of the beach. Thank your Fairy Godmother.

VALENTINA: For what? I asked for a clear view of the beach. Not a clear view of a beached whale. To repeat- why do fat, old guys wear speedos?
 
I told her it was my opinion the elderly man was most likely from Europe since most men from that part of the world like the tight fitting swim undies.

VALENTINA: Unless you have rock hard 6 pack abs no man should ever be allowed to wear them.

The man in the yellow speedos left behind his beach bag. It was still leaning against the umbrella post. After retrieving it he went back to his new seating location. As he walked back how can I describe what we saw. I’ll explain as best as I can:

The old overweight man in the yellow speedos HAD A WEDGIE! And both his butt cheeks jiggled like jell~o. Now there’s an image burned in my memory for good and joining that image was this: He then bent over and from his beach bag he grabbed a bottle of sun tanning oil. Until that day I’d never had the pleasure of seeing a full moon in broad daylight. It must have been my lucky day. Wow, it was quite a sight! Valentina couldn’t decide what was grossing her out more: his body hair, his over sized body squished in tight briefs or his wedgie. We both agreed- WEDGIE! Either he telepathically picked up what the two of us were talking about or perhaps he was feeling a tad “uncomfortable” because with his left hand he reached behind and pulled out the yellow piece of cloth that was wedged deep in between his butt cheeks.

VALENTINA: Holy Mother, this man has no shame.

Opening the cap and turning the bottle upside down he squirted a glop of oil on his shoulders. He slowly made his way down to his arms, hands and then his other arm and eventually over to his hairy stomach. This guy was so amusing to watch: Every time a pretty girl walked by he would suck in his stomach while he seductively continued to rub the oil around in a circular motion while flashing a smile.

VALENTINA: If he’s looking to score a girlfriend let’s hope he finds one who’s an esthetician. Big Foot is in serious need of a body wax.

I could tell the mere sight of him was stressing Valentina out so I suggested she focus her attention elsewhere, like the sparkling waves. Isn't it awesome how looking at some of nature’s finest creations can calm and relax you? But for some it isn’t that easy.

VALENTINA: How can I when he’s blocking the entire shoreline?

Yes, the guy was huge but I assure you not that huge! I tried changing the subject but after a couple of minutes the conversation would return back to Mr. GQ. I’d never seen Valentina like this before, so obsessed over a piece of clothing. Well at least not since last year’s spring~summer collection from the runway. She continued playing the role of fashion police:

VALENTINA: Didn’t he look in the mirror before he left the room?

ME: Maybe he did and maybe he thinks he looks great.

VALENTINA: Great? Pff! He should feel embarrassed.

Judging by this guy’s attitude he did not give one ounce of care. He was proud and acted like he was King of The Beach! In my previous post I wrote my honest opinion on what I thought about men in speedos. I would also like to add it takes a brave man to sport a pair of them in the color of yellow, especially if you’re on the heavy side.

I was only a few hours into my vaycay and Valentina’s non~stop fashion commentary was giving me a pounding headache. I had a Rum Runner but what I really needed was a shot of tequila to numb the pain! I needed a way badly to get her to quit talking about “why overweight men shouldn’t wear speedos.” She was on reason #35 and by the time she hit reason #50 I had just about had enough. Since changing the subject didn’t seem to work I thought a change of scenery would. Taking her by the hand we made our way to the water. Gucci decided to tag along.

Sitting along the shore, talking and making doodle designs in the sand with our fingers our “guard dog” was having the time of his life splashing his paws in the water....until a seagull landed nearby. He barked at it and when the scrawny bird flapped his wings and let out a screeching cry, Gucci let out a yelp and ran back up to SF.

ME: Don’t tell me he’s afraid of birds? My God, he needs to see a doggie shrink asap.

VALENTINA: Now will you finally believe me Gucci has a mental problem?

 ****

I couldn’t believe how quickly time went by. We must have sat on the shore for hours talking, laughing and giggling before venturing into the water. One of the things we love doing is jumping into the waves. It’s a totally fun thing to do and there was a bunch of us doing it, adults and kids. We all formed a line and held hands. Guess who decided to join in? Mr King Of The Beach. Valentina and I were in the middle holding hands with each other and beside us each were 2 teen girls. Speedo~Man went over on the left end where he held hands with a woman and said, “G'Day.”

Hmm....what do you know? I was wrong. He wasn't from Europe!!

VALENTINA: Of all the resorts in the world Crocodile Dundee has to stay at ours.

To be Continued.....

*****

My loyal and dear readers it’s finally Friday. T.G.I.F.

Whatever your plans are have a sweet and loving weekend.~x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

Winter Vaycay IV: Should Overweight Men Wear Speedos?

Cocaine Princess here.

With the dog dilemma all over with Valentina said a phrase I had been longing to hear:

“Vamos a la playa!”

The resort we were staying in was incredibly huge. It had all the fancy bells and  whistles that I am accustom too, in other words it was perfectly fit for a Princess. Valentina didn’t share the same sentiment because of all the holiday~makers. She wanted to spend winter vaycay at a private villa and since it was my idea to stay at a resort she let me know about it every 10 seconds. (For instance, while waiting in line to ride the elevator or pushing our way through the crowded lobby) In order to get to the beach we needed to pass by the crowded pool area. A DJ booth was set up to one side and as Valentina continued to groan "we should have stayed elsewhere" I was busy saying “con permissio” over and over as I carefully tried not to bump into any of the semi~nude bodies that were busy bumping and grinding to salsa music.

FROM ONE DILEMMA TO ANOTHER:

Ultimately we reached our desired destination- The Beach! The chairs were arranged in several rows with alternating pink or white umbrellas. Ours was white. Nearly every chair seemed occupied all except for 2 and those were reserved especially for us. Before actually sitting down I removed my cover~up, dug my feet deep in the silky sand and with open arms I stood there allowing the hot sun to kiss my face!  

From the bar we ordered 2 Rum Runners-- our official drink of winter vaycay. For us winter vaycay doesn’t officially start until our glasses have clinked, followed by a salud and a sip. For Valentina a sip means chugging down the entire thing. Unlike me the girl can hold her liquor. Semper~Fi and 3 others were nearby and Gucci was positioned at the foot of our chairs. Rather than obeying the command, “Stand Guard,” he was either rolling around in the sand or laying flat on his backside wiggling his legs in the air. In my previous entry I mentioned how I thought Gucci was a strange dog. This time I said it out~loud while I witnessed his antics before my eyes:

ME: He really is a strange dog.


VALENTINA: You say strange, I say mental.

One of the reasons I love going on trips is to recharge my batteries, nourish my soul and melt away all the un~necessary clutter from my head, and that’s exactly what was occurring. I felt so at peace......unfortunately it was short lived. My best friend kept complaining how annoyed she was for 2 reasons.

1} Her view of the beach was obstructed by the person sitting in the chair in front of her.

Which lead to complaint #2:

2} The location of where we were sitting.

As I explained the chairs were arranged in rows and Valentina wanted to be right in the front. At this point I’m sure you must be asking- “what row were you seated in?” 10th? 7th? 12th?


Nope.

2nd. We were in the 2nd row!!!! We were so close to the water some of it was spraying on my face but Valentina wanted a clear view and didn’t like how she had to sit up and stretch out her neck. She sounded off how unhappy she was to the marine.

VALENTINA: 2nd row? Did you not tip the cabana boy or did you not tip him enough? Cheap gringo.

I cleared my throat. She decoded and received the message.

VALENTINA: Oops I nearly forgot, for the duration of our holidays I will be referring to you as “The Foreigner.” The Princess has a problem when it comes to the other name I call you. Do you like being called “The Foreigner?”

Purposely she emphasized the word “Foreigner.” Aye~yi~yi. I looked to see what his reaction was. Because of his dark sunglasses I couldn’t tell but then again had he not been wearing them I still wouldn’t have known. You see, “The Foreigner” err- I mean Semper~Fi, he’s one of those individuals that regardless of the situation will remain with an emotionless look on his face. Hmm, come to think of it, it goes well with his stone cold stare. Valentina repeated the question. He didn’t say a word. In a very sarcastic like tone she said:


VALENTINA: Always a delight chatting with you big boy.

Once again, she saluted him.

By the time Valentina was half~way through her 2nd Rum Runner she had completely forgotten about the seating dilemma. Although we speak on the phone at least once everyday there were a few things she was saving to tell me in person, and right in the middle of telling me an extremely juicy story and by story I really mean “gossip” she stopped. Why? Her attention was diverted to the person in front of her. When the individual got up from their chair they dragged it in the sand a little further out and positioned it lengthwise. Valentina lowered her sunglasses and goodness know she tried to say something but the only thing to come out of her mouth was a dry heave.

Allow me to describe the individual:


He was male, age 50~55 and approximately 250 pounds with an excessive amount of body hair and was sporting a pony tail. He had a chunky gold bracelet and 4 gold chains were wrapped around his neck. On the 4th chain a round medallion of some sort was dangling and the sun’s rays were reflecting off of it nearly blinding some of the kids who were playing in the sand.

Oh did I mention he was wearing yellow colored speedos?

Valentina continued with the dry heaves. I urged she do a couple of deep inhales and exhales and after a few of those she was feeling better and spoke:


VALENTINA: Why do fat, old guys wear speedos? Do they honestly think they look hot?

Before I continue any further let’s explore the topic of mens fashion.

Men Wearing Jewelery

My Thoughts? Most of the men I’m acquainted with wear an excessive amount of bling: gold chains, rosaries, bracelets etc. similar to the guys on Jersey Shore. It doesn’t bother me one bit.

What are your thoughts about men wearing jewelery? 

Overweight Men In Speedos


My Thoughts: Being very fashion conscious I’m the type who refuses to leave the house unless my hair and makeup is fully done and YES my shoes and handbag always match, so when I see a woman carrying a handbag from a designers’ winter collection during the spring time I find that a major fashion crime. However, when it comes to beach attire here is what I think: When I take a trip to the beach I go to relax, unwind, get my tan on and just have a plain good old time. So, if someone wishes to wear yellow colored speedos because that’s what they’re comfortable in {regardless of how heavy he maybe} and if that’s what makes them happy then so be it! I don’t critique. If someone was sitting in the beach chair next to me wearing a 3~piece suit I wouldn’t question why. To each his/her own. Valentina on the other hand has a whole other take on the matter. If it was up to her she would have Joan Rivers and her very opinionated panel from “Fashion Police” judging your outfit to determine whether you are deemed worthy enough to proceed to the beach or pool area.

So my lovelies, what are your thoughts about overweight men in speedos?

Do you believe they are sending a positive message:  “Love Your Body.”

OR


Is it a fashion crime?

****

My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday.

Hmm, so I hear there's a big game on Sunday: The Super Bowl! Super Bowl XLV: Pittsburgh Steelers  vs. Green Bay Packers.

The only part of the game I'm looking forward to is the commercials and the half~time show. This years commercials are costing companies $3 million for a 30 second spot. Some are calling this a bargain. 

And the half time show, scheduled to perform are The Black Eyed Peas.

Whatever your plans are have a winning weekend.~x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess