Have Any Of You Met These 10 People?

Cocaine Princess here.

Yes my lovelies, I can hear the grumbling and perhaps some of you are deeply heart broken because I didn’t post the next thrilling installment of "Gucci The Guard Dog" but I had one of those busy weeks. {It will be posted next Friday} So please, dab your tears as I leave you with this:

Summer is always a big time for movies. So many anticipated sequels are being released for instance “The Hangover II” and “Pirates of The Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides,” which I definitely am excited about. Huge Johnny Depp fan here. A list appeared in one of the city's papers written by 2 movie reviewers about the "10 People They Most Hate To Sit Near At Theatres."

The Texting Twit
You may have just witnessed the most awesome sight ever on a movie screen, or suddenly realized you forgot to file your income tax, but save the texting for after the credits role. These bozos shine a beacon like an incoming jet in a dark theater.

The Mealtime Muncher:
Popcorn crunchers and nacho nibblers are bad enough — the noise, the smell! — but those who bring three-course meals need to be punished. A special poke in the eye to the guy who enthusiastically slurped Thai noodles through the first reel. You know who you are.

* I once had the unfortunate pleasure of sitting near a person who ate an onion filled sub. The smell was so bad I could hardly concentrate on the film.


The Backseat Brat:
What’s that rhythmic pounding in my kidneys? Why, it’s the little darling behind me who beats a tattoo on my seat back. Ba-boom, ba-boom. And just for variety, here comes The Thumper!

The Relentless Yakker:
Please shut up, I’m begging you. I am sorry you find the movie too loud, the plot confusing or the director a moron. And you there, Ms. Coolio who saw the movie at TIFF or last week at the multiplex, please stop pointing out the coming “good parts” to your seatmates.

*Don't you just hate when that happens?


The Hat and the Haystack:
Twin screen-blocking blockheads: wearers of baseball caps who refuse to doff them, and owners of Marge Simpson haystack hairdos, who often add hair picks for maximum annoyance.

The Aisle Obstructer:
Clumsy and thoughtless, this is the cinema clodhopper who, while entering or exiting a row, stomps over people already seated — and also stands atop them while taking shouted snack orders.

The Seat Hogger:
That ticket you bought is good for just one seat. You don’t get a second one for your coat, unless the theatre has abundant extras. And you can’t save an entire row as if defending the Alamo.


The Screen Shouter:
Despite the current 3-D fad, we’re still 51 years away from the era of The Jetsons. No, you can’t yet interact with the actors on the screen. So why are you shouting at them?


The Credits Sprinter:
Hey, we know you think credits are stupid and you have a babysitter with the meter running. But could you at least wait until the cast scrolls before diving over seated patrons?

*I usually don't stay behind to watch the entire credits all the way to the end but I made an exception for each Pirates film. There was a special last scene in each one of them that appeared after the credits. In case you missed it, the scenes were also added on the DVDs.


The Petting Zoo:
When people shout at petting and cooing lovebirds to “Get a room!” they aren’t referring to the multiplex. If you must make out while at the movies, restrict it to a far back corner of the theater.

So, what are some of your pet peeves when going to the movies? Have any of you encountered any of the above 10 people?  Was anybody left out?

****

This past Wednesday, Hollywood icon Elizabeth Taylor passed away at the age of 79. Before I left for my winter vaycay, sister gave me a book to read during my trip: "Furious Love: Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, and the Marriage of the Century." The book details their tumultuous relationship and includes several private {racy} love letters between the the two actors.

Although they were both married to other people at the time, the pair fell in love during the filming of Cleopatra and eventually were married. Ahh, yes...what the heart wants, the heart gets.  

When speaking about his love Elizabeth, Richard quoted E.E. Cummings:

"Unless you love someone nothing else makes any sense."

Elizabeth was laid to rest yesterday afternoon at Forest Lawn Memorial in Glendale, California. 

54 films, 2 Oscars, 8 marriages, 4 children, 10 grandchildren, 4 great-grandchildren, a fabulous collection of jewels & 1 pair of violet eyes. 


A tremendous loss and a tremendous beauty.

 R.I.P. Dame Elizabeth Taylor

****

My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday.

Whatever your plans are have an incredible weekend.~x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess

Winter Vacay VIII: Gucci & The Unholy Stench

Cocaine Princess here.

After my date with the oyster we left the resort and hit one of the clubs and didn’t return back to the resort until the wee hours of the morning. While walking down the hallway to our suite I stopped to remove my heels and decided to walk barefoot the rest of the way. My tootsies were quite sore from dancing. I was pretty exhausted and I knew it was going to be one of those nights where the moment my head hit the pillow I would be asleep. When I arrived in my room for the 2nd time Gucci was not only in my room but on my bed.


I guess he thought it would be alright to make himself comfy on my bed. Well it wasn’t alright! It’s one thing for him to be curled up on the floor next to the bed but ON my bed? Tsk, tsk, tsk. No offense to any dog lovers out there but for me that’s a definite no-no. Gucci was lying on his stomach on top of the goose duvet cover with all 4 legs sprawled out. I walked over to the side of the bed to take a closer look at him. Yup he was asleep. Hmm, actually he looked passed out. If I didn’t know better I might have thought Gucci had gotten into the mini~bar for a little drinkie-drinkie because he looked drunkie-drunkie. His mouth was wide open and there was drool, large amounts of it dripping from his mouth. Eww! My head was definitely not going to be touching those pillows. To repeat, EWW!! I thought about waking him up but was a little hesitant. I was afraid if I did I would startle him and perhaps he might lash out by attacking me. Then I realized the chances of that happening were nil. Honestly, I’d probably have a better shot of catching a group of pigs flying in the night sky after all this is the same dog that went running scared at the sight of a seagull. I really don’t understand what it is with me and dogs. Each morning when I go for my run there’s always that one damn dog that will bolt from its’ owner and begin to chase after me. Never~mind the fact there will be other people jogging, I’m the one it insists on chasing! And now there was Gucci who not only kept making unannounced visits to my room but refused to leave. Seriously, do I give off some kind of pheromone that dogs are attracted to? I knew I wouldn’t be able to get him to leave on my own so I went to get help. As I was exiting my room Valentina walked in to wish me good night. I replied:

ME: I don’t think I’ll be sleeping tonight.....at least not here.

I pointed to the bed. After checking him out she too came to the same conclusion as I did.

VALENTINA: He looks drunk.

And then all of a sudden the air quality in the room became polluted with a horrific smell. So horrific I'm still amazed how lucky we were we didn't pass out. Gucci the Guard Dog as he lay sleeping......passed gas. Good God, the stench that dog unleashed can only be best described as unholy. Like a bat out of hell and holding our breaths we ran out of the room and went straight to the living room and stepped on the balcony. I lost count how many times I inhaled and exhaled the sweet, smelling air. From the moment we ran out of the room to the time we made it to the balcony I was too afraid to think if Gucci had done anything else other than pass gas which in itself was bad enough. Semper~Fi {SF} observed us and questioned if everything was alright?


VALENTINA: That damn guard dog nearly killed us with his stink bomb!

I calmly explained the situation and warned him if he went into my bedroom it would either be at his own risk or with a gas mask. Semper~Fi left to get Gucci and for his sake I said a silent prayer. It was no joke. The gas that dog let loose was toxic. We decided to follow him but stood in the doorway watching. I think the odor got to our “babysitter” because the first thing he did was open the sliding doors to the balcony.

VALENTINA: There isn’t enough air in the world to cover up that smell. What are you feeding him?

SF: It’ll clear out soon. 

VALENTINA: Wanna make a bet?

SF tapped sleeping beauty on his head. After 2 taps Gucci woke up, stood on all fours and walked to the end of the bed where he stood with a vacant look on his face. Then again he looks like that all the time.

VALENTINA: Is he sleepwalking?

ME: If he is let’s hope he doesn’t sleep urinate.

After a few seconds he turned right around and went back down but this time was awake. SF in a commanding tone ordered Gucci off the bed. Again, he got up and walked once more to the end of the bed, {not only was there a sickening odor in my room and doggie drool all over my pillows, also now added to that same list: doggie paw prints} where he looked down and began to bark like a maniac at the floor. Can you believe it? He was barking at the damn floor and there was nothing there! Next, SF gave a very loud numeric command. The command got Gucci to stop barking but also caused him to do something very bizarre: He turned around and ran up and down the bed 3x in a row and then went to the middle of the mattress where he began to jump up and down. For a finale he rolled over twice and then went back to barking at the floor again. As tired as I was that night and in desperate need of sleep I gotta admit I was enjoying the show. If there are any casting agents reading this blog who are preparing to do a reality show about odd dogs that misbehave, boy do I have a dog for you! Look no further than Gucci The Guard Dog.

  
I couldn't help but laugh!

ME: What the hell is wrong with this dog?


VALENTINA: Do I need to hire a sky writer and have him spell it out for you? The....Dog.....Has....A....Men....tal.....Problem.

Valentina already explained here about Gucci’s mental state. At first I gave Gucci the benefit of the doubt and figured my best friend was exaggerating so rather than say he was mental I went with “special.” Seriously, after what I witnessed {and trust me there’s a lot more which I will post next week} I'm beginning to think that maybe, just maybe Gucci might have a mental problem after all.

To Be Continued.....

****

Looks like spring has finally arrived. The snow has completely melted, the grass is showing and the weather is getting warmer which makes me want to do my Snoopy happy~time dance.

My loyal and dear readers, it’s finally Friday!

Whatever your plans are have a sweet weekend.~x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

Naughty Leprechaun

Cocaine Princess here.

"St. Patrick, the holy and tutular man

His beard down his bosom like Aaron’s ran

Some from Scotland, some from Wales, will declare that he came,

But I care not from whence now he’s risen to fame;

The pride of the world and his enemies scorning

I will drink to St. Patrick, today in the Morning!

      {-Traditional Irish Song}

Aside from wearing something extremely fashionable in green, I plan to celebrate this day by kicking back and watching the entire "Leprechaun"  franchise collection on DVD. I'm in disbelief why this movie or any of the others in the series weren't nominated for an Oscar. I found in particular Ice-T's performance in "Leprechaun In The Hood" outstanding. Check out the awesome trailer here. Also, I will be eating a handful of green M&Ms and one delicious mint square. I really don't want to but my sweet tooth is ordering me too.

What would a St. Patrick's Day entry be without posting a drinkie or two? Get your St. Patrick’s Day pride on with some green drinks! My lovelies, in honor of this day I present to you: 

 "Naughty Leprechaun"

 

 INGREDIENTS:
* 2 Cups Vanilla Ice Cream
* 1/4 Cup Bailey's Original Irish Cream
* 1/4 Cup Creme de Menthe
* 1/2 Cup milk
* Garnish:
* Mint sprigs
* Red or green maraschino cherries 


PREPARATION:
Place all shake ingredients in a blender and process until smooth and creamy. Alternate small sprigs of fresh mint with cherries, on a toothpick, and place on the edge of glass for garnish.

 "The Leprechaun"

INGREDIENTS:
* 2 oz Irish Whiskey
* Tonic Water
* Lemon Twist For Garnish 

Preparation: 
1. Pour the Irish whiskey into a highball glass filled with ice.
2. Top with tonic water.
3. Garnish with a lemon twist.  

****

"St. Patrick's Day is an enchanted time - a day to begin transforming winter's dreams into summer's magic."  ~Adrienne Cook 

**** 
****

 "For each petal on the shamrock
This brings a wish your way -
Good health, good luck, and happiness
For today and every day."
~Author Unknown

My loyal and dear readers, may you all in someway find your 4~leaf clover today.

"Happy St. Patrick's Day"

XOXOXOXO, 

Cocaine Princess

Homicidal Mickey Mouse, The Witch Doctor & Walmart

Cocaine Princess here.

I know how you all love my vaycay entries but for this week's Friday post I decided to postpone the entry until next week because there is something serious I need to address.

Not too long ago I received a comment in my blogger inbox. It wasn't so much a comment, it was a letter. I read through it and realized it was nothing more than a ridiculous chain letter so I deleted it. The next day another chain letter arrived. Once more I hit delete. The 3rd day, not 1 but 30 chain letters were sent, the day after that another 30 and so on. This past week I received over 100 frigging chain letters. I have a message for the sender:

For the love of God-----STOP!!

Seriously, do you not have anything else better to do with your time? Your letters are nonsense. Enough is enough! You may think they're cute but if anything they're annoying and crazy.

My lovelies, here are a few of the letters I received:

CHAIN LETTER #1:
"WARNING-- I am a Tasmanian witchdoctor. My name is Dr. Witchdoctor. I will place a voodoo curse on your life. Not only will you die but a small village of starving people in Indonesia will soon discover that not only is the food sent to them from humanitarian organizations spoiled, but that you are the one personally responsible for this happening. This letter also releases the sender me, Dr. Witchdoctor from any and all ramifications claimed. This exemption is valid from now until the millennium after next. The creator of this letter me, Dr. Witchdoctor has developed a program that has tracked down your email address and will know whether or not you have sent the letters. 25 people already have died. Send the above letter to 15 people in the next fifteen minutes. What do you have to lose? Your life?"

MY MESSAGE TO DR. WITCHDOCTOR: 
Two things:

1. Don't ever threaten the Princess. Comprende?

2.You sent this letter on Tuesday....As far as I can tell I'm still alive and breathing. Peace Out doc!
 
CHAIN LETTER #2:
"This letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Please read. Your future, your soul depends on it.

Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe and went flying out over a waterfall. She died. This Could Happen To You!!! Dexter Kip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his girlfriend. They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Kip. Forward this letter to 20 of your friends within 3 days and everything will be okay.Your soul will be lost and you will be eternally damned if you don't."

MY MESSAGE TO THE SENDER:
So, if I don't forward this email I'll end up in hell where I'll be forced to eat kittens for the rest of my life?  Hmm....I'll take my chances. P.S. My condolences to the families of Pinsely and Kip.

CHAIN LETTER #3:
"Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. There is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.  You have no choice but to send this to 30 people in the next 10 minutes or prepare to be visited by a homicidal Mickey Mouse. We strongly advise you to send this email on. THIS IS NO JOKE. We don't want to see another life wasted. ITS YOUR CHOICE... WANNA DIE TONIGHT by homicidal Mickey Mouse?"

MY MESSAGE TO THE SENDER:
I decided not to forward the letter but just to be on the safe side I left a plate with a slice of Havarati cheese and salted crackers on my night~stand. It was pretty spooky to find only crumbs the next morning.

CHAIN LETTER #4: (Honestly, I don't know what to make of this one)
"This letter comes with a dire warning of supernatural harm. You are to forward this letter to 10 people. You have 10 minutes. Next, head to your nearest Walmart and carry out the following 14 asks within the next 24 hours. Should you choose to ignore this letter misfortune and itchy skin will come your way."

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

3. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

4. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in the thin narrow aisles.

5. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.

6. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

7. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”

8. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”

9. Put M&M’s on layaway.

10. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.

11. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!”

12. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”

13. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.”

14. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”
 
MY MESSAGE TO THE SENDER:
What happens if I complete only one task? Because #12 sounds real fun!

 ****

 

Seriously, I don't know what's worse, chain letters that clutter my inbox or those frigging Nigerian scam letters that I still receive. Once again I am pleading to whoever is sending these letters:

For the love of God-----STOP!!

 ****

My loyal and dear readers, it's finally Friday. Hooray!

Remember, we turn our clocks forward this weekend. I've noticed these past few weeks the days have been getting longer and it's nice. The only downside? We lose 1 hour of sleep.

Whatever your plans are have an amazing weekend. ~x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess  

"The Greatest Show On Earth"

 

Cocaine Princess here.

I love this time of year because 2 major celebrations happen before Ash Wednesday:

 Mardi Gras that occurs annually in New Orleans and Carnival in the amazing city of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Both are based on a French Catholic tradition of having a big feast and ball before the season of Lent. Mardi Gras in New Orleans was brought there by early French explorers in the 1700s. Eventually it blended with Creole customs in Louisiana. Carnival was also brought to Rio by the French but it wasn't until 1850. Carnival blends African and native cultures in with the Catholic celebration before Lent.


Mardi Gras and Carnival share many characteristics. Both festivals are about letting go of inhibitions before the piety of the most serious season of the Christian calendar. They involve huge floats parading through vibrant cities. There is lots of dancing, reveling and dressing in lavish costumes. There are kings and queens from various groups who march in the parades and host balls for both Mardi Gras and Carnival.

One important aspect of the Brazilian Carnival is the parade. Samba schools from around the city take part in the Carnival parade at the Sambadrone.The first parade begins on the Sunday before Lent with the first 6 samba schools performing. Each school has over 400 participants and has 70 to 85 minutes to perform to the delight of 90,000 spectators while showing off their jaw dropping, luxurious and flamboyant costumes. The show starts at 9pm and goes throughout the night, ending only with sunlight the next day at around 8am.

I had the pleasure of attending the Carnival in Rio a few years back. According to The Guinness Book of World Records 2010, it is the biggest and most popular party on the planet or as the locals simply call it, "The "Greatest Show on Earth." The highlight for me was attending the Copacabana Palace Luxury Ball at the famous Copacabana Palace.

Those Are My Hands!

 My Hotel Room Key
 

 

Me At The Copa Ball

The party began at sunset and ended at sunrise. Truly, it was an exhilarating experience that lives up to the title of "The Greatest Show On Earth." The city of Rio is a magnificent one. It is a passionate city that oozes with sensuality not just during the season of Carnival but all year long.

In honor of this day I have posted 2 drinkies:

"Classic N'awlins Hurricane"

"This is the Classic N'awlins Hurricane. Drink through a straw from the bottom first. It starts out calm, but it gets stormy towards the end!"


INGREDIENTS:
* 1/2 cup ice
* 2 fluid ounces light rum
* 2 fluid ounces passion fruit flavored syrup
* 1 cup lemon-lime flavored carbonated beverage
* 1 ounce lime juice
* 1 fluid ounce 151 proof rum 


DIRECTIONS:
In a shaker, combine ice, light rum, passion fruit syrup, lemon-lime flavored carbonated beverage and lime juice. Shake well and pour mixture into a Hurricane or other large specialty glass. Float the 151 proof rum on top of the drink.

 "The Caipirinha"

The Caipirinha is the national drink of Brazil. Although it is more difficult to find, it's important to choose a premium cachaça for this cocktail in particular because the drink is not heavily flavored and a cheaper brand can ruin an otherwise perfect Caipirinha.


INGREDIENTS:
* 1 Lime, Quartered
* 2 Tsp Fine Sugar
* 2 oz Cachaca


DIRECTIONS:
1. Place the lime wedges and sugar into an old-fashioned glass.
2. Muddle well to create a paste.
3. Fill the glass with ice cubes.
4. Pour in the cachaca.
5. Stir well.

*Note: Keep the sugar mixed in the drink by stirring often.

****

My loyal and dear readers,

 

 

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess

Winter Vacay VII: Isn't Slurping Considered Bad Etiquette?

Cocaine Princess here.

To review:

The only oysters I like are the ones that can give me pretty looking pearls. I had a feeling the oyster in front of me was not of the pearl kind. I had been taking little sips from my champagne throughout the night and I decided enough with the little sips. Time for a big gulp of the stuff. I was instructed on the count of 3 to eat it. One, two.........three!

Instead of eating it I looked up and asked:

ME: How the heck do I eat this thing?

PART 7:

Before any of them had a chance to answer I examined the inside of the oyster. It looked like a piece of blob or something that was related to ectoplasm. I picked up the oyster fork and as I poked the ectoplasm around I quietly said: “Please let there be a pearl, please let there be a pearl”....Nope! Oh dear God what did I get myself into? I was having such an awesome time up until the unknown entity took over! I had more questions and yes this time I was stalling.

ME: What will it taste like?

Everyone at the table said the exact same thing– Sweet and Salty. Uh-oh for me that’s a red flag. Sweet and salty is a combination that I dislike. One of them suggested I squirt a little more lemon juice so instead of it being sweet and salty it would now be sweet, salty and lemony. Let’s just say my taste buds weren’t doing any cartwheels. Getting back to my original question:

ME: How the heck do I eat this thing?

I was instructed to hold the oyster with my thumb and first 2 fingers and bring it to my lips and slurp. Slurping? But wait, isn't slurping considered bad etiquette? My compadres added I was not to swallow but to chew, in order to enjoy and appreciate the flavor. I followed their instructions starting with grabbing the shell of blob just exactly as I was told to, with my thumb and 2 fingers and thank goodness my manicure was still perfect. Before I brought it to my lips I looked around the restaurant and observed how every single guest was either laughing or smiling, in other words they all were living up to that famous saying “Eat, Drink and Be Merry,” and no one was doing that more than the man in the yellow speedos.  There he sat by himself eating lobster...hmm, now that I think back to that night, he wasn’t so much eating as he was chowing down on the crustacean while smacking his lips. By the looks of it, it was buttered lobster. I say that because of the butter drizzling from the sides of his mouth which complimented the sweat beads on his forehead. I think Valentina summed it up best:

VALENTINA: That man and his clothes are a crime against humanity.

After looking at him all I can say is the oyster was looking so much better but not enough to make me want to eat it. I put the oyster back down on the plate. I just couldn't get myself to eat it. Apparently my bf thought sharing this little tid~bit might tempt me to:

VALENTINA: Oysters are low in fat.

Again my taste buds were not doing any cartwheels, however my stomach was.

VALENTINA: What is it with you and seafood? It’s like you have a type of phobia.

At that precise moment I had oyster-phobia. To make matters worse my own words came back to haunt me when one of my friends stated the following:

FRIEND: You always say you’re willing to try anything once....

Great! Of all the times to bring that old thing up! I was at a dead end. I had run out of ideas and excuses. I toughened up and once more I grabbed the oyster with my thumb and two fingers....

I had no interest whatsoever “in chewing the blob to appreciate the flavor” so I swallowed the darn thing whole and very quickly washed it down with my champagne. After putting down my goblet I shivered a little. It was such a weird feeling as it slid down my throat. It was........ so slimy. I realize that some may consider oysters along with lobster and caviar the ultimate in experiencing luxury dining but for me those items {and all seafood items for that matter} shall remain on my Foods I Do Not Like List.

After eating my first and definitely last oyster my loved ones toasted and congratulated me and then asked if I was willing to smoke a Cohiba. I flat out refused. Once more I was hit with the “You’re always willing to try anything once.” I decided then and there it was time to add a little something after it.

ME: I’m always willing to try anything once but I give myself the option to back out.

****

My loyal and dear readers it’s finally Friday.

In terms of entertainment news what a wild week this has been. Actor Charlie Sheen it seems has totally lost his marbles and designer John Galliano has more or less committed professional suicide. 

Whatever your plans are have an amazing first weekend of March. -x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess