The God Awful Bus Ride To Bal Harbour PT3

Cocaine Princess here and Happy Friday the 13th.

....Meanwhile the Hare Krishna began chanting even more loudly. 'Hey turn it down!' the driver yelled. He did but not by much. Meanwhile the guy with the sock continued to talk to it as if it was a real person. 'Yes I know it's been awhile but I'm here to further your cause.'

He picked up the shoe he took off and dropped it in the gym bag, stood up and said to his sock, 'time to recruit new followers.' Then he made a bizarre announcement. Holding his sock up high and looking at it he shouted, 'Hitler is here! Hail Hitler! Yes everyone, Hitler has been reborn!' 'Oh my God,' I mumbled. Let me describe this maniac. His hair was greasy and gross, he wore a tattered up t-shirt and dingy jeans. He looked as if he hadn't bathed in weeks. Anyone remember the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre film? The deranged hitchhiker the gang picks up, just picture him. The weirdo approached a young female and began to wave the sock in her face. 'Hitler would like to say hello and wants to recruit you to his cause.' She opened up her textbook and began reading. He stood there for several minutes repeating the same thing over and over again while she continued ignoring him. When she wouldn't say anything he moved away from her and kissed his sock again. 'Don't worry, we will find them, they are here.' I looked at mom and she quietly whispered, 'ignore him.' So while ignoring him the driver was yelling at crazy sock man to sit down while the Hare Krishna continued his chanting and up front more action was taking place. Two teens were sitting across from each another. One was blowing spitballs while the other was breaking off pieces from his bagel and throwing it around. 'Not on my bus!' the driver shouted. 'What kind of bus is this?' I questioned. 'It's a city bus,' mom answered. 'For who? The patients from the psych-hospital?' 'It's only a couple of trouble makers.' 'The guy thinks Hitler's been reincarnated into his sock.' 'Shh,' replied mom. Crazy sock man then approached annoying Hare Krishna man. The Hare Krishna offered him a flower and a blessing and said to him, 'you need to follow God's path of enlightenment. Chant with me.' 'Say hello to Hitler, he wants you to join him. Say hello, say hello!' But he just continued his chanting. It was clear crazy sock man was emotionally disturbed (as was the Hare Krishna). He never did try approaching us. Had he? I'll say this much, you know how a mama bear would do anything to protect her baby cub? Well I was my mom's baby cub as all children are to their mothers. Laughing, holding his sock and with only one shoe on, he ran to the front of the bus, then ran back and sat crossed legged on the floor and was laughing like a hyena as the Hare Krishna began to scatter petals all around him. The bus came to a screeching halt. The driver was fed up. He got up and stomping hard he approached the Hare Krishna and said, 'shut the hell up!' And then to the crazy sock man, 'get up and get off my bus now!!!!' He yelled so loud that all of Miami must have heard. The vein in his forehead was bulging out and his face was red as a tomato. I looked again at everyone and again, no one was surprised. Some continued drinking their coffee or playing with their cell phones while others were looking out the window as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. Many of you have emailed stating this is perfectly normal behavior. All I have to say is, I'm sorry for you guys to have to go through such horrors! It took three loud yells for the nut job to finally get up and leave. As he did the driver picked the gym bag full of the 'recruits' and tossed it out. The Hare Krishna decided to leave too. 'Wait my friend, let me tell you about my cause!' Wiping his forehead with the back of his hand the driver looked at mom and I. 'Next stop, Bal Harbour ladies.' He went stomping back to his seat and continued driving.

It took a bus ride from hell for me to reach heaven. We're sitting at the bistro and the waiter was trying to take our order but mom couldn't stop laughing. She found the ride amusing. I didn't find anything about it amusing, if anything it was mortifying. 'Do you need a few minutes?' the waiter asked. Mom took her napkin and wiped away the laugh tears and managed to stop. 'May I see your wine list?' she requested. I don't think I need to tell anyone what I ordered, you all should know.

I was still pretty rattled from the ride and mom could tell. 'Have a little sip from my wine,' she suggested. 'No, I'm fine,' I replied. 'No, you're not. It'll calm your nerves.' I picked up her glass and took maybe half a sip and went back to eating when she said, 'I don't think the bus ride back will be as bad as it was coming here.' I put down my fork. 'I'd rather walk back in the heat than take the bus again. Never again in my life, that was my first and last bus ride.' She leaned across the table and took my hand, 'mi amor I'm joking. You think I would put you through that again? We'll call for a car to pick us up.' And we did hours later when we were done shopping. Ah, there's nothing like the combination of chocolate and retail therapy to make me feel better.

Later that same day we had a beautiful dinner at Cacao in Coral Gables. And no, we didn't take the bus.

A few nights later mom and I were taking an evening walk on Lincoln Road. We decided to stop at Nexxt Cafe and have a couple of mango smoothies. It was about 10:30 at night when a group of Hare Krishnas appeared banging their tambourines and chanting something. Mom nearly spit out her smoothie while some tourists quickly grabbed their cameras. I'm not quite sure if the one that was on the bus was part of the group but I'm guessing he was.

Now that I think back, it was an amusing bus ride!

I know I said I would never get on another bus ever again but if it meant I had to take a 100o+ bus rides everyday full of crazy sock mans and Hare Krishnas to be able to see my mom again for even 5minutes, I would get on a bus in a heartbeat.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess