4 Horrible Things

Cocaine Princess here.

It’s after 6am and I've hardly slept a wink. I’ve been staring at the ceiling for the past few hours wide awake. You ever have one of those nights in bed where a million and one different thoughts and things are running through your head preventing you from sleeping? That’s the case with me tonight. I tried listening to music and watching TV to drown out the inner noise but it didn’t help. I tried counting sheep and again, sheep #50 refused to co-operate.

Yesterday I spent most of the day in the city. ‘A’ had another appointment with her specialist. During the course of the day, four horrible things occurred. It all started in the morning when I looked out the window. The entire front lawn was covered in a thick mound of leaves: Horrible Thing #1. The Season of fall has unquestionably arrived.

As I continued looking outside I took notice of one thing, everyone was clothed in long sweats and long sleeved tops. A small number had mufflers around their necks, others were wearing gloves. That can’t be good I groaned. I turned on the TV and flipped to the weather channel. +5C. Horrible Thing #2. The weather has abruptly changed from hot to cold and in a matter of weeks it'll go from cold to cruel. At least it isn't snowing. The early morning joggers were out doing their thing, others were walking their dogs with a leash in one hand and a steamy cup of coffee from the nearby Tim Hortons in the other. Among those walking their dog was Poodle Lady, who wasn’t exactly walking her doggie as she was carrying it. (In case you’re wondering both owner and dog were dressed in identical crushed red velvet outfits) And little cute children dressed in their preppy school uniforms were walking at a snail's pace while their nannies were trying to rush them along.

After getting ready I went to the kitchen where ‘A’ was at the table eating breakfast. The cook had lavishly set and prepared an enormous feast. Pancakes, sausage, eggs- prepared three different ways, French Toast, waffles, hash browns and a platter of fresh fruit carved in whimsical designs, for me. ‘Is she aware it’s just the two of us who live here?’ I quietly asked. ‘A’ nodded yes and asked why. ‘She's made enough food for ten people,’ I replied. ‘Maybe she’s hoping you’ll eat some of this.’ I nodded my head no. ‘What’s the worst that could happen if you did? You gain an ounce?’ ‘Yes,’ I said back enjoying my berries.

THE HOSPITAL

I swear the exact same patients who were there last time with the exception of a few fresh faces were there again including the loud secretary. ‘Does she not know how loud she is?’ I said. ‘Maybe she lives with someone who’s hard of hearing. Sometimes out of habit they speak loud to everyone without even knowing,’ replied ‘A.’ ‘Why don’t the other nurses say anything?’ ‘They must be use to it,’ she replied.

I bought a couple of magazines to pass the time. I don’t like reading the ones in a waiting room. Aside from being decades old I always find people reading them are either coughing or sneezing and lacing them with their sickly germs.

‘A’ and I were thumbing through different magazines when she said she was feeling a little parched. I got up to get her and myself something to drink. Down the corridor there was a long line, I assumed it was patients in line for something. Oh they were in line for something and they weren't patients. It turned out they were caffeine addicts waiting in line for Tim Hortons. I quietly counted how many people were in front of me, twenty including one patient attached to an I.V. and only two people were working behind the counter. Waiting my turn I began to have the strangest craving. I was dying for a juicy cheeseburger with extra mayo and thick steak cut fries drenched in vinegar on the side.

Five minutes went by and the line seemed like it wasn’t moving. All I kept on hearing were people ordering their mocha-latte-double-double-something-something. Near the lobby of the hospital I remembered seeing a sign for the cafeteria. I left the line and headed in the other direction. That turned out to be an error. I discovered another Tim Hortons inserted in the cafeteria and this line was longer than the other and yet nobody was ordering anything from the cafeteria itself. The cashier was sitting on her stool tapping her foot to a tune that was probably playing quietly in her head and the cooks wearing their hair nets and plastic gloves, one of them was stirring the huge vat of soup while the other kept pacing up and down the aisles. All I wanted was a drink so I pulled two bottles of Coke out from the cafeteria fridge.

Sitting down next to ‘A’ and handing her the drink she said, ‘I could hear you a mile away courtesy of your heels.’ ‘It’s a lovely sound isn’t it?’ I said back. 'What took so long?' 'Two words, Tim Hortons,' I said back. 'Did you want a coffee instead?' 'No this is fine.' Unscrewing the bottle cap there was a delicious and recognizable aroma. ‘I know that smell,’ I stated. My sister turned her head the other way. ‘Look at me,’ I said. She looked at me but her mouth was clenched tight. I leaned in and sniffed. ‘Are you eating a brownie?’ I asked. ‘Yes,’ she quietly replied. ‘The ones the cook made? She nodded yes. ‘You brought them? Why are you hiding them?’ ‘You told me to keep them out of your sight. I have another one in my purse. Do you want it?’ ‘No because you know what I really want, a cheese burger with fries. I’m so hungry for one.’ ‘Then why didn’t you get yourself one?’ I shrugged my shoulders. ‘If you ate appropriate meals you wouldn’t be getting hungry at odd times,’ she replied. ‘I eat appropriate meals.’ ‘Your diet shakes don’t count. That’s not a meal.’ ‘Yes they are. It even says so right on the can, A Complete Meal,’ I said back. ‘If it was up to me I would tie you to the kitchen chair and force feed you...I just may do that.’ ‘You even try and I’ll take away your crutches. Let’s see how far you can limp without them,' I said giggling. ‘You sure you don’t want the brownie?’ she asked again. ‘I’m sure. As long as we’re on the subject of brownies can we keep her?’ ‘Who?’ she asked taking a sip. ‘The cook,’ I replied. ‘Darling she’s a human being, not a lost puppy. And what would be the point of keeping her? You hardly eat. There was no reason to hire a cook in the first place’ ‘I hired her because I thought it was inhumane to have you in the kitchen on crutches cooking.’ ‘I’m not going to be on crutches forever. As soon as I’m better I’ll be back to work.’ ‘We have a cleaning lady,’ I reminded her. I vote we keep the cook. I’m only thinking of you. You come home in the evening all tired and the last thing you want to do is cook, right?' As we continued debating on whether or not we should hire her full time I received a text from Valentina. ‘What is she saying now? Plotting new ways to have me drugged and taken out of the country against my will?’ A questioned.' ‘We were just having fun,’ I said back. ‘Does she still think I’m faking?’ ‘Valentina didn’t mean any of that. She knows your ankle is out of order. She was just being cheeky,’ I explained. ‘She is the Queen of Cheeky.’ ‘I’ll be sure to tell her the latest title you bestowed on her. Daddy may buy her a tiara in honor of it.’ The queen of cheekiness then sent a picture of herself on the beach. I showed ‘A.’ ‘Her hair is so short but she looks cute. It suits her,’ she commented. ‘Where is she?’ I informed her Valentina was accompanying daddy on a business trip for a few days. ‘I feel terrible for making you miss your annual little getaway,’ said ‘A’ ‘As long as you feel terrible…For all I know you probably did me a favor.’ ‘What do you mean?’ she asked. ‘Maybe if I had gone away something bad might have happened to me,’ I explained. ‘So to prevent something bad from happening to you something bad had to happen at my expense?’ ‘Isn’t the universe marvelous?’ I said smiling. 'The universe couldn't have given me the flu? It had to break my bone instead?' 'It was a rhetorical question,' I replied back. ‘If you want to go you still can. I’ll be fine,’ she insisted. ‘If the cast was on the other ankle and I told you I would be fine, would you leave?’ I questioned. ‘Not for anything,’ she answered. ‘Are you going to be okay for the next couple of weeks? she asked’ ‘I’ll just force myself not to think about it,' I replied. 'How are you going to do that?' 'I'll figure it out, I replied. 'You can't stop thinking about it?' 'No. It’s taken up permanent residency in the back of my head. Sometimes it creeps into the front of my head without warning, that’s the worst. 'A' put her arm around me and kissed the side of my head.

When the nurse called 'A', she first took her to get her ankle x-rayed and then was taken back into the waiting room and called back in again within a half hour where we both met up with Doc Croc. He wore brown scrubs with Scottish tartan socks and yellow Crocs. Seriously this is one doctor who needs to see a fashion stylist stat! Examining the x-ray he said the ankle was slowly coming along but it would be another several weeks until it was entirely back to normal.

Upon leaving the hospital I was surprised when my sister mentioned she didn’t feel like going home just yet. She wanted to go to the mall. I had to question her a couple of times to make sure she wasn't putting me on. And then I questioned if she popped a codeine pill when I wasn’t looking. ‘A’ had developed a case of cabin fever (something I know all too well about) and needed a change of scenery, even if that meant going to the mall!

We decided to have lunch and then shop. The city is full of incredible fine dining restaurants. Where did we end up dining? The food court of the shopping mall. Nothing says fine dining than having your lunch served to you on a paper plate and then trying to find a table without any of the chairs missing…..Actually it wasn’t that bad.

After lunch we browsed around the mall talking several breaks. At one point we were sitting on a bench across from Williams-Sonoma. Right around the corner was Cinnabon/Mrs. Fields. You know in cartoons you see characters floating in the air because they are drawn to a scent? Sort of like an outer body experience. That is what I was feeling. My mouth was watering thinking about the gooey melted cream cheese smothered around the twists and curls of the pastry.

We didn't return home until the evening. On the kitchen table was another batch of fresh baked brownies and chocolate chip muffins and a note mentioning inside the fridge we would find chocolate peanut balls and pecan tarts. Inside the stove was a complete roasted chicken dinner accompanied with parisienne potatoes, vegetables and cilantro rice. All of sudden I remembered the story of Hansel and Gretel.

I bought a couple of things at the mall and while I was busy cutting the price tags off, ‘A’ was sorting through the mail. ‘Your Holy Bible has arrived,’ she said. I immediately put down the scissors. The Holy Bible is what I call The Neiman Marcus Christmas Book. I was tempted to rip open the plastic and skim through it but I didn’t. Valentina and I made a pact when we were little girls to take a look at the book together while on the phone and mark off the things we wanted. It’s something we still like to do. She hasn’t received hers yet. There were two more things with my name on it in white business sized envelopes. I looked at the return address. ‘Oh God,’ I said out loud. ‘What do they want now?’ ‘Who?’ questioned ‘A.’ Instead of answering her I gave myself a nasty paper cut opening the envelope and pulling out the letter. Midway through reading it I said out loud, ‘crap!’ Horrible Thing #3. I then opened the second envelope….. ‘Double crap!’ Horrible Thing #4

To Be Continued……

Today is the start of our Long Weekend. Monday is our Thanksgiving. Have a wonderful, safe and delicious Thanksgiving everyone. Gobble, Gobble!

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess