Traffic Court : The Garlicky Belch

Cocaine Princess here.

I received and published 2 funny comments sent in by 2 different readers on the entry before this:

'You Know You're A Canadian If...'

I found it entertaining and comical especially this one:

"You talk about the weather with friends and strangers alike"

I laughed because I didn't realize how much I blog about the weather. I can't help it. And speaking of the weather last night we had our first mini winter storm. Mother Nature dumped 5cm of snow on us and it's not going away, the temperature is stubbornly sitting at -7C.

I turned on the weather channel last night and heard the following words, 'the worst is yet to come.' And that's all I heard before switching it off.

THE CONTINUING SAGA OF TRAFFIC COURT

'It's time,' said A. Because I was so engrossed in an article I responded by asking, 'time for what?' 'For you to meet your executioner. It's almost one,' she answered. 'Don't say that,' I said. A took my hand, 'I'm sorry I should be more sensitive,' she stated.

.2 SECONDS LATER

For some reason she continued teasing me. 'Will the defendant please rise and will she please help her sister from her chair? Does that sound more sensitive darling?' 'Your compassion and support for me during this strenuous time is above and beyond the call of duty. I shall forever keep it tucked away in my heart,' I replied while helping her. Helping her? I should have grabbed her cane and left her to fend for herself. I'm just kidding I could never do such a thing. 'In case you haven't noticed I'm teasing. I'm trying to get that sour puss look off your face and replace it with a smile,' she explained. 'In case you haven't noticed it's not working,' I said. 'Oh I've noticed,' she said back.

THE ROOM

3 names were called and all 3 were taken out of the room and taken into another one. The room I was waiting in had a musky odor and adding to the smelly problem was the individual sitting across from me. I had my sister along side me for moral support, this particular individual brought along 2 bags of chips (I guess we all have ways of dealing with things and maybe he was nervous and eating helped calm him) one which was open, Doritos- Cool Ranch. I never knew just how loud a Doritos chip sound makes inside of a person's mouth until that day. He'd shove one chip in and before finishing it he'd shove in another and then another and another. And he was using his jeans as a substitute for a napkin. It was an unholy sight.


THE CRUNCH

The crunching sound that came from his mouth was echoing in my ears and growing louder by the second.

Have you ever had a killer headache where every bit of noise, no matter how quiet it maybe, it could be the sound of your own breath, not only annoys you but it angers and aggravates you because you're already in so much pain? His crunching and munching was angering and aggravating my existing headache. The headache that was given to me during lunch.

I returned back to the idea of playing a song in my head. (I brought along my MP3 but forgot the headphones). This time I decided on Miles Away by Madonna (because I was wishing to be miles away) to drown out the crunch which at that moment turned to high definition- he was stuffing two, three chips at a time in his mouth. Hey it worked before and I thought it'll work again!

How devastatingly wrong I was. So very, very, very wrong. The song was constantly being interrupted by a crunch.

I just woke up CRUNCH a fuzzy CRUNCH

You never CRUNCH believe CRUNCH things CRUNCH

CRUNCH I have CRUNCH

I CRUNCH in the CRUNCH and CRUNCH saw CRUNCH face

CRUNCH looked CRUNCH through me, you were miles CRUNCH

I opened my magazine, the one I was reading in the cafeteria and picked up where I had left off.
Every word I read was CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH.

The sound a single Doritos chip can make is a mighty powerful sound.


THE SOUND

'Did you hear that?' I questioned A. 'Hear what?' My sister asked. She was busy doing one of her puzzles and her eyes did not leave the page while talking to me. 'That sound,' I answered. 'What sound are you taking about?' 'You didn't hear anything?' 'Aside from the light chatter in this room, no,' she replied.

30 SECONDS LATER
A POSSIBLE REASON

I kept on insisting to A there was a sound I kept on hearing. She kept on insisting she couldn't hear whatever it was I was hearing and asked that I describe the sound. So I did. 'A scream. I heard a scream. It sounded like someone was screaming.' 'You know as long as you're getting your eyes checked you may want to get your ears checked also,' she commented. 'If you weren't so wrapped up in your Suduko you too would have heard the screams,' I said back. 'The courthouse is filled with officers so don't you think if there was an actual scream they would be first on the scene to check it out?' 'Not if they're busy doing something else,' I replied. 'There was no scream. I don't know what it was you heard or if you heard anything at all but it certainly and most definitely wasn't a scream,' she said. 'I know what I heard. I bet it's those 3 people whose names were called and they're the ones who were screaming.' 'And why do you think they were screaming?' I thought about this for a minute or so and came up with a possible reason. 'Maybe the officials are beating people into handing over their drivers licenses. When my name is called may I take your cane in? I may just need it for protection.' 'How many beatings in a courthouse have you read about?' she asked. 'None,' I answered, 'but that doesn't mean it can't happen. It's possible they keep news like that out of the press. 'We live in a civilized society where law officials don't go around beating up people......at least not in a courthouse,' she replied.

Civilized Society? The Doritos eating traffic delinquent rubbed both of his hands together to remove the excess chip residue off his fingers, wiped his hands over his mouth and crumpled up the bag before cramming it into his back pocket and then let out a belch causing everyone to stop what they were doing and stare.

'Did you hear that?' I quietly asked A. 'Unfortunately yes,' she answered and went back to her puzzle.

It was bad enough the room had a musky and cool ranch odor to it, now a garlicky smell that came from his belch was added to the mix. He must have ate something loaded with garlic earlier in the day.

I'm sorry my dear and loyal readers but I have to stop here. I'm starting to see double. I opened up a bottle of red wine. Yes I know I said I don't drink, well I actually said, I only drink 'once in a blue moon.' I haven't had a good and proper nights sleep in God knows how long and the bottle was sitting in the cabinet calling out and tempting me, 'I can give you sweet dreams, all you have to do is drink me.' So I did!

Sometimes when temptation comes calling it's damn fun to give in.
Wish me sweet dreams, I'll be sleeping in today.....

And have a wonderful, happy weekend everyone.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess