Traffic Court : The Slaughtered Lamb

Cocaine Princess here.

A brand spanking new month is here and soon we will be ushering in the New Year. Everyone in the neighborhood had their lights put up this weekend including us. The weather was pretty mild. Today it's taken a turn for the worst

My day in traffic court continues. To review, Traffic Court: The Garlicky Belch:

Civilized Society? The Doritos eating traffic delinquent rubbed both of his hands together to remove the excess chip residue off his fingers, wiped his hands over his mouth and crumpled up the bag before cramming it into his back pocket and then let out a belch causing everyone to stop what they were doing and stare.

'Did you hear that?' I quietly asked A. 'Unfortunately yes,' she answered and went back to her puzzle.

It was bad enough the room had a musky and cool ranch odor to it, now a garlicky smell that came from his belch was added to the mix. He must have ate something loaded with garlic earlier in the day.

A Case Of The Giggles

And just like that the stench reached the others, they all looked in his direction. It didn't seem to bother him because he grabbed another bag of chips from the plastic bag he had tied to his chair
It was a bag of Cheetos. There wasn't any ear-splitting crunching sounds, only a lot of orange dust that kept falling like snowflakes on his shirt. And for reasons I can't explain a case of the giggles came over me. I looked the other way, bit down on the corner of my lip and even tried thinking of something else but I couldn't stop. A quickly handed me a magazine. I opened it up and held it in front of my face pretending I was reading when all I was really doing was trying to get my giggling under control and maintain some composure, otherwise there was a very good chance I would have burst out laughing. There was nothing amusing about the situation so I don't know why I was giggling?

The room we were all sitting in came accompanied with chairs and not much else. The chairs were wooden and painful to sit on and to make matters worse, the bottom of my foot began to itch. 'My foot itches,' I whispered to A. 'Hmm?' she replied. She was like a woman possessed by Suduko. 'My foot itches,' I repeated. 'Then why don't you scratch it?' she asked. 'I can't.' 'Why not?'

Let's see? I was wearing nylons and a pair of boots on top. I wasn't about to remove my boot just to scratch my foot in a room full of people, so as a replacement I wiggled my foot around.

Approx. 5 Minutes After The Itch

'Bless You,' said A after I sneezed. 'Thank you,' I said back. 'I'm coming down with something. I can feel it. I wasn't of course really coming down with anything. I only sneezed as a result of Mr. Etiquette's Cheetos dust that came flying my way when he brushed the excess dust off his shirt. 'What do you think you're coming down with, malaria?' she asked. 'Maybe. What are the symptoms?' 'I don't know but what I do know, you don't have malaria,' she responded. 'I didn't say I have malaria. I said I maybe coming down with malaria.' 'Finish your magazine.' 'I already have,' I replied. 'Would you like another magazine? You brought plenty.' 'No. I'm not really in the mood to read,' I said back.

Question After Question

I tapped A on the shoulder. 'Yes?' 'I have a question,' I said. 'If you don't know the symptoms of malaria how can you possibly know I'm not coming down with it? For all you know maybe an itchy foot is one of the symptoms?' My sister didn't respond verbally back, instead she just slightly nodded her head. 'I have another question.' 'Is it another malaria-related inquiry?' she
asked. 'No...Wait what if it is?' I asked back. 'What's your question?' 'What's taking so long. Why haven't they called in a new set of names?' 'These things obviously take time,' she answered finishing her puzzle. I honestly believed she was going to stop doing them but she turned the page and started on a new one. 'I have another question.....'

I admit I was pestering her. One of my sister's personality traits is she's 'cool as a cucumber.' Hardly anything ever bothers her and since I was bored and pestering her seemed to make the time go faster, I decided to keep at it or I just kept on talking.

'If someone told me a year ago, even 6 months ago I would be sitting here under these circumstances I would have never believed them,' I stated. 'Everything happens for a reason, right?' she stated back. 'I suppose,' I quietly mumbled. 'I would rather check that old man's pulse than be here. ' 'Old man, what old man?' A curiously asked. I filled her in about the incident with the old man at Tim Horton's on Halloween morning. 'He sounded cute. Why didn't you?' 'Are you kidding me?' 'I'm sure he was harmless.' 'That's what he probably wanted me to think,' I replied.

I let out a couple of sighs, kept tapping A on the knee but wasn't asking any questions when she said, 'why don't you try listening to some music. It'll calm you and keep you balanced.' 'I'm not in a music listening mood.' 'You're not in the mood to read and you're not in the mood to listen to music either. Are you still in the mood for a Klondike Bar?' 'I wasn't until you mentioned it,' I answered. 'I had completely forgotten all about it. How could you pack a Snickers and not a Klondike?' 'Forgive me darling, clearly it was my mistake for not packing a cooler for this grand voyage of ours to the courthouse,' she answered. 'Grand Voyage? Don't you mean grand nightmare?'

Uh-Oh

I decided to grab a magazine from the tote bag, one I had not yet read hoping there would be something, anything to grab my attention and get my mind off things when upon opening it all these inserts came falling out. I leaned down in my chair to pick them up off the floor when I heard a snap sound. 'Uh-oh' I said leaning back up in my chair. 'Now what is the matter?' 'My bra strap, it snapped off,' I said. I sat in the chair with my back straight and afraid to move fearing the other strap would snap off. 'Are you sure?' she asked putting down her pen. Not only did she put down her pen but also her Suduko book. And to think it only took my bra to breakdown to make her quit for the day. I was convinced for a while she was attempting to break some sort of record, 'how many puzzles a person can complete in a day.'
'Yes I'm sure,' I said. 'I heard a snap and I can feel the strap hanging off to one side,' I explained.
A suggested I go into the restroom and fix it. 'It probably just got unhooked.' 'And what if they call my name?' 'Then I'll tell them you had to excuse yourself for a minute. They're not going to say anything.' 'No they'll just issue a warrant for my arrest instead,' I said jokingly getting up.
Unfortunately I didn't make it to the restroom. My name along with 2 others were called. 'Pray for me,' I said looking at A. 'You'll be fine,' she whispered. And by some good fortune Mr. Etiquette was one of the names called. I left the room with my arms tightly folded.

The Q & A Session

Separately we were taken into another room and one by one we had our eyes tested. I passed with flying colors. After each test was completed we were taken into another room. I was under the impression we would be taken into an actual courtroom where there would be a judge sitting at a desk with a gavel in his hand and like frightened little mice we would need to plead to the judge not to suspend our license! It was nothing of the sort. First, it was a regular looking room, in fact it could have doubled for the waiting room, minus the smell. Second, there was a table that looked awfully similar to the ones in the cafeteria and sitting behind it were 2 police officers, a male and a female with a stack of folders in front of them. The Q & A Session began.

Mr. Etiquette was the first. He was a construction worker who had been caught driving without his seat belt 3x.

Mr. Etiquette:
I was driving to the food vendor
truck. It was like a 2 minute
drive.

Female Officer:
Sir I'm not interested if it was
even a 2 second drive.

Gulp and she said it in a very harsh tone.

If it was a 2 minute drive why didn't
you just walk?

Mr. Etiquette:
I gotta pickup lunch for the crew, there's
15 of us. I'm not an octopus, I only
have 2 hands.

The male police officer rolled his eyes. I guess Mr. Etiquette thought maybe he could humor his way out of the situation. No big surprise his comedy act was a flop. The female officer had a frosty and intimidating look on her face.

Female Officer:
Do you know how many causalities
could have been avoided in this province if
people had just buckled up?

Mr. Etiquette:
It's not like I was speeding while
driving without my seat belt.

Female Officer:
And you think that makes it
alright?

Mr. Etiquette:
No but it should count for some-
thing.

His cell phone began to ring. The other officer sternly instructed him to shut it off. He pulled the phone out of his Cheetos infested shirt pocket while the two officers faced each other and talked quietly. The outcome? His license was suspended for 30 days. Mr. Etiquette was not happy.

I'm due back at the site at 7am. How am
I going to get to work when I live an hour
away?

Female Officer:
I suggest you start making other
travel arrangements, and remember,
buckle up on the passenger side.

Oh God I was next. The frosty female looked right into my eyes. If she suspended Mr. Etiquette's license for driving without a seat belt, she was surely not only going to suspend my license but she was going to slaughter me like a lamb for speeding and running a stop sign.

To Be Continued...

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess