Dear Wylie E.Coyote

Cocaine Princess here.

This past Sunday a jogger in my neighborhood spotted a coyote and called animal control. Where I live the houses back onto a forest while the other houses are kind of in and around all the trees. Residing in the forest are deer but they’ve never made their way into the neighborhood. During the summer it’s not uncommon for harmless critters of the forest to find their way into your garden. Last year I saw a fluffy bunny in our yard and as soon as I stepped out onto the patio it scampered back into the bushes. I left it a carrot and went back in. Watching from the window and after several minutes the bunny came out of hiding and hopped over to the vegetable. My sister warned me not to leave anymore food out. Did I listen? Of course not. Maybe I should have because a couple of days later the bunny decided to invite two playmates. A coyote had never been heard of in our region but recently in the city a coyote was seen in a neighborhood that backed onto a ravine. It jumped over a 4 foot fence and killed a Chihuahua. The jogger put in a call to animal control and they did a thorough sweep, no coyote. Everyone was given a description of the animal and we were all warned to exercise caution. No one took it seriously until Tuesday it was spotted again this time by another resident on her way to work. Animal control did another check and either this coyote had an amazing hiding spot or some type of invisibility cloak because it could not be found anywhere. Later that same day a group of mischievous teens put up a sign that read,

"Dear Wylie E. Coyote
The road runner lives at ********"

The address they provided belonged to poodle lady. Yeah, poodle lady didn’t find it amusing. She hardly finds anything amusing.

Wednesday March 4th

After receiving so many calls from residents claiming they saw the coyote here, there, everywhere animal control remained close by in hopes to catch it and oh boy they did.

Wednesday evening a call came in from a woman who spotted the savage beast nestled under a tree.

Only it wasn’t a coyote. It was a damn dog! Animal control contacted the jogger and asked if this was the 'coyote' he had spotted. He said yes. The coyote turned out to be a scruffy lost German Shepherd who no one still has claimed. The first question to come out of my mouth, ‘how do you confuse a coyote with a German Shepherd?’ I received my answer when I saw the front page of the newspaper. They published a photo of the dog and beside it was another photo of an actual coyote. They were many similarities and so to be fair I guess it is possible to mix up the two.

The thought of a wild animal loose in a residential neighborhood created mass hysteria thanks to animal control who stuffed these frigging leaflets into people’s mailboxes that had the following things listed:

1.
Coyotes have been known to drag toddlers away and may see them as prey.

2.
Coyotes love to chase joggers and cyclists and have disregard for humans.

(The past couple of days it was like a ghost town. No one was jogging or power walking, no quick sprints to Tim Hortons and no children were playing outside)

3.
Do not approach or pet a coyote.

(Seriously who in their right mind would?)

Here’s something I didn’t know.

4.
If you ever encounter a coyote:
-throw stones
-yell loudly while waving arms
-aim water aggressively from a hose.

Now that the vicious and scary ‘coyote’ has been seized the neighborhood is back to normal.

So what was on last night? Only my preferred reality show, Hell’s Kitchen!

The theme this week, Asian fusion. Ramsay took all the contestants to an Asian Market. Each team had to select ingredients and create an Asian fused dish made from meat, fish and poultry and had 25 minutes to purchase the ingredients and could spend only $100.00. Back in the kitchen they were partnered up and had only 1 hour to prepare all 3 meals. Chef Ramsay would be tasting and judging the dishes along side an editor in chef from a food magazine website. The winning dish would be featured on the website. Jay and Giovanni prepared a dish but Jay couldn’t remember what the dish was called. Giovanni stepped in and gave the name. Tasting it both chefs agreed the rice was undercooked. The women won this week’s challenge and were rewarded with a lesson in martial arts and then were taken to a bar where they took delight in doing sake shots. The blue team’s punishment was to make fortune cookies and decorate the entire restaurant with origami decorations.

14 minutes into dinner service and no entrees had the left the kitchen. Food was going out late and entrees were being returned because they weren’t cooked properly. Contestant chef Jay completely forgot to make his order, the red team made almost everyone of their meals impossible to eat and to top it off, a group of sumo wrestlers arrived and each ordered one of everything on the menu. While both teams were trying to get it together contestant chef Robert kept ignoring Ramsay each time he called him ‘Bobby.’ Ramsay approached him and demanded he look him in the eye. When he wouldn’t the Brit kicked him out of the kitchen and wanted to know what his problem was. Robert replied he wanted to discuss the matter in private at a later time.

The kitchen was in utter mayhem. According to chef hot head it was possibly perhaps the worst dinner service to date so he shut it down!! Like last week there was no winning team but he did take notice in Giovanni and LA’s good performance. They were told to nominate one member from their team. While the two decided Gordon called Robert in his office where Robert explained the reason for him not responding to the name ‘Bobby.’ After he explained Ramsay not only apologized but shook Robert’s hand promising he would never call him ‘Bobby.’ Further proof the ill tempered chef has a heart.

LA chose Andrea and Giovanni chose Jay and each pleaded their case why they should stay another week.

So who hung up their jacket?

No one.

Instead Ramsay instructed Colleen to step forward and she was told to hang up her jacket. His reason, she couldn’t cook but he admired her tenaciousness.

11 contestants remain.

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you're burning the candle at both ends? Well I have. It's been a long and exhausting week so I'm very happy to say hurray it’s finally Friday!!

My loyal and dear readers have a twinkling weekend.-x

XOXOXOXO
Cocaine Princess