Friday, January 22, 2010

Winter Vaycay: "Cue Jaws Theme Music"



 Cocaine Princess here.
       
.....I let him know how surprised I was to see him at the dinner party. “I was roped into coming here tonight. I wasn’t expecting to see you either,” he said, “I thought for sure you would have been in St. Croix?” “St. Croix? Why would I be there?” I questioned. “That’s where the rest of the gang is.” I had an extremely puzzled look on my face and cousin could tell so he explained. “Everyone decided to spend Christmas there and then fly down here to the mainland to party on New Year’s Eve. Didn’t Valentina tell you?” “Ah, no.” I answered. “This is the first time I’m hearing of it.”

Well, well well, so the rest of the gang is in St. Croix so why am I'm at Bug's Lady house? Hmm, as soon as Valentina would return I would find out why..........Things were finally starting to get interesting.
       
Valentina returned with a glass of Coke in her hand. “You would not believe where I found that waiter: he was outside having a smoke,” she said angrily. I told her he was probably on his break but she couldn’t be bothered to listen to what I had just said. She was bothered by something else: Cousin was in her seat. She cleared her throat hoping he would move. Cousin picked up his glass of champagne and pretended he didn’t understand what  “clearing of the throat” really meant. She cleared her throat a couple of more times. “Need a cough drop?” he asked. Knowing it was going to be a losing battle he went back to where he was sitting. As she sat down Valentina handed me my drink and seconds before my lips made contact with the rim I stopped and took a whiff, you know in case she told the barkeep to add a little something-something, like a little drop of Captain Morgan. “You don’t trust me?” she questioned. “I’m only checking.” It looked like a Coke. It smelled like a Coke but did it taste like a Coke? ......I was shocked to find the drink was not spiked. Now came my turn to ask some questions. “Valentina, why did you want to celebrate Christmas here?” “I felt like staying close to home this year,” she answered taking out her compact from her purse. She was checking her makeup. “Why?” “Just asking,” I replied shrugging my shoulders. “Although don’t you think we would have had more fun being someplace else tonight? Like, oh I don’t know.... say on the island of St. Croix?” She snapped the compact shut. “How do you know about St.Croix?” “Ah-ha so it’s true!” “Who told you?” “A little birdie did,” I replied. She looked over at cousin and gave him a real mean look. “You mean a rat. If I were you, I would sleep with one eye open tonight.” “I’m shaking,” cousin said back sarcastically. “You should be,” she warned him. “What are you going to do? Sic the marine on me?” he questioned while laughing. I demanded she tell me why we were really on Sandbox Island while most everyone else was elsewhere living it up. “And no fudging it. I want the truth,” I added. “Daddy said we had to show up to at least one of her parties before the year is up. Her last dinner party was during Easter weekend and since we were someplace else daddy made me promise him we be spend Christmas here.” “So what you’re telling me is, if we had come here for Easter we would have been with the others right now.” I stated. She nodded yes. “Why didn’t you tell me we had a choice?” “Because then you would have wanted to come here for Easter and I didn’t want to.” “If it meant we would be spending Christmas in St. Croix, YES, I would have come here for Easter.” I explained. “I’ve never been there yet.” “That’s not true Princesa. In a way you have been there before.” “Are you serious? That time doesn’t count and you know it,” I said. “What time?” Gilligan questioned. “The time my mom was 3 months pregnant with me. She visited the island during then,” I answered. “So just because you don’t have any recollection of the trip doesn’t mean you’ve never been there.
Technically in a way you have, sort of,” she commented.“The most holiest night of the year and we’re stuck on Sandbox Island,” I stated. Valentina gave me a kiss on the forehead. “I’m sorry.” “You’re sorry?” I repeated. “What you should be saying is: I’m sneaky,” I stated. “Here’s my question: why does she {the host} keep throwing her parties on this island. What’s wrong with the family’s compound in Puerto Rico?” “I don’t know but you can ask her. Here she comes,” V responded back. Oh boy it was the ‘Meet and Greet’ portion of the party. Had I been paying better attention to the time I would have ducked out. She was coming straight towards me, staring at me with her arms wide open. Gulp. Cue Jaws theme music. Valentina very quietly whispered: “Too bad you didn’t bring a bigger purse. You could have packed a gas mask.” I had no where to turn......Crap......It was too late. I was in her stinky grip. She had me in such a tight grip I think I heard a couple of my bones crack. I held my breath for as long as I could but managed to get out from under her and just in the nick of time. Believe me I was about to pass out. Valentina has always been cheeky and mischievous but on Christmas Eve ‘09 it was off the charts: Purposely she pushed me into her arms again. “Go on and give her another hug Princess. Remember you were telling us moments ago how much you missed her.” This time the Host cradled my head in her bosom while patting my back. Sheesh! I had seen enough bosoms for one day. “Go ahead Princess, ask her the question,” she said and while looking at the host added, “there’s something she’s been dying to ask you about the party.” “What is the question dear?” asked the host. “I....I...um....um.......” I started to stammer. 

Tsk, tsk tsk. My mischievous best friend had turned into a little devil that night.

To Be Continued...


Something totally unrelated to this post:






Do any of my lovelies watch the MTV reality show “Jersey Shore?” I had been hearing a lot of hype surrounding this show mainly because the show has been offending Italian-Americans. Domino's, Dell, UNICO have all pulled their ads stating the show promotes negative stereotypes of Italians. The show features 20-something roommates, all Italian descent, living in a house on the Jersey Shore who all proudly proclaim themselves as “Guidos and Guidettes.” The room-mates, hook-up, fight, dance, scream, pass out, tan and party at their summer home in New Jersey. I saw 2 episodes last week and last night was the season finale. Last weekend they had a Jersey Shore marathon where I was able to catch up on the missing episodes. I can’t get enough of this show! I love it but I can’t see myself living with them. Has anyone else seen it and if so what’s your opinion?


****

My loyal and dear readers it’s finally Friday. I made it through another week, well sort of.
Whatever your plans are have a glorious weekend.-x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jersey Shore - what a bunch of fucking retards MTV scraped up from the East Coast. "Yo ladies I’m Mike but they call me "The Situation" and I'm God's gift to women." The guy is a fucking moron with the I.Q. equivalent to a fucking termite. The rest of the roommates are brain dead.

Anonymous said...

The show is fake. Snookie could play a stunt double for a hobbit or an oompa loompa.

Cocaine Princess said...

Anonymous at 9:34,
Wow! Why don't you tell me how you really feel about the show?!
Watch it with the language! Sheesh!

Anonymous at 10:14,
I don't know how fake the show is because the guy who punched out Snookie was actually arrested and fired from his job for hitting her.

Anonymous said...

Good G-d woman how many chapters are left until the sitar player? FF and post it already.

Brother Frankie said...

your blog is taking my mind off my wife in haiti. Thanks..

(be careful with these pics, you are giving this gray bearded biker a heart attack.)

you are loved
Brother Frankie
A Biker for Christ

Cocaine Princess said...

Anonymous at 12:26,
Do you know the meaning of the word patience?

Anonymous said...

12:03, Jersey Shore - what a bunch of FREAKING MENTALLY HANDICAPS MTV scraped up from the East Coast. "Yo ladies I’m Mike but they call me "The Situation" and I'm God's gift to women." The guy is a FREAKING moron with the I.Q. equivalent to a FREAKING termite. The rest of the roommates are brain dead.


I cleaned it up.

Cocaine Princess said...

Anonymous at 2:52,
Much better. Thank you.

The Constant Complainer said...

I have never seen "Jersey Shore" but I have a few friends that say it's OK. It just didn't look like my cup of tea.

Oh, and speaking of TV, is "Hell's Kitchen" now called "Kitchen Nightmares?" And if so, what's up with that? Maybe as a result of a lawsuit or something? I've been meaning to ask you because I know you watch it.

I'm enjoying the vacation saga too.

Cocaine Princess said...

CC at 10:06,
I haven't heard of any lawsuit. Kitchen Nightmares is a different reality show where Gordon helps out struggling restaurant owners. I think it's just as good as Hell's Kitchen.

I'm glad you're enjoying my vacatin saga.

Waltsense.com said...

the guys at waltsense have been going to the "jersey shore" for years. We go the beaches south of Seaside, were it's less "guido". Cocaine Princess would love the beaches and bars of Avalon...it would be right up your alley. We've also laughed and enjoyed the shenanigans of the Fist pumping guido when we see them...now the world can. We did the same stuff they did in our early twenties, only we weren't as "juiced" up, cocky and looking for fights. I love the show and its entertaining. If it offends, just turn it up. How can u not laugh at the situation and Snookie and comany...

Cocaine Princess said...

Waltsense at 12:45,

Great comment!! I agree, it's totally entertaining!! I can't wait until the 2nd season begins.

Bruce Johnson said...

Forgive the lateness of my comment, but my life has been a living hell the past month or so. Mothers and Mother-in-Law...ugh....they do take up your time.

Two things, older women that wear too much eye-liner or too much perfume really need and intervention. Someone needs to tell them how horrid they appear.

Jersey Shore, I have caught few episodes. I can't say that it is offensive to Italian Americans. It is more offense to to intelligent people, because they are just morons, regardless of their ethnic background. What is next on MTV's ethnic stereotype reality hit parade....'Homeboy Heights'?

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