“The Remote....Can’t Reach....Thirsty.”

Cocaine Princess here.

Sunday night I fell ill. It was somewhere between the time of 9pm-10:00pm when I felt sick. I was watching the Oscars. Every year I stay up and watch the entire event starting from the red carpet portion to the post Oscar Show but on Sunday I wasn’t particularly feeling up to it.

MONDAY

I woke up with a pounding headache, scratchy throat and my joints were in the most excruciating pain, like someone was squeezing them in a vice grip. I spent most of the day under the covers.

TUESDAY

Not wanting to spend another day in bed and needing a change of scenery, slowly I got out of bed and went down the stairs. When I made it to the bottom I was out of breath and worn out. I thought about going back into bed but when I looked back I definitely had a change of mind: walking back up the stairs resembled climbing Mt. Everest. When your joints are aching, going up and down any stairs or even walking is not exactly an easy thing to do. It can be very painful but by taking itty-bitty steps I made it into the family room and fell sort of sideways on the couch where I laid there for a good couple of minutes before turning myself over. The remote was in my reach but it required me to stretch my arm out which was every bit as painful as walking. One late night I saw an infomercial. It was for a product called “E-Z Grabber.”  At that moment that’s what I needed. With the remote finally in my hands I was able to hit the power button only to have the remote slip out of my weak and frail hands. I decided to call for help. Correction, I tried calling for help. Because I had put all my strength in going down the stairs and reaching for the remote I could only come up with a HELP that came in the form of a very low whisper. But with sheer determination I managed to get one audible and strong “HELP ME!” Sister came running in a panic, “darling what’s wrong?! Why are you out of bed?!” “The remote, it fell on the floor and I can’t reach it, and I’m thirsty.” “What?” she asked. My mouth was so dry that I barely got the sentence out the first time and she expected me to repeat it? Well I couldn't. So sounding like a cave-person I said, “the remote....can’t reach....thirsty.” She looked down on the floor and saw the remote lying face down and then she looked at me-- and trust me it wasn’t a sisterly love look. Hell, it wasn’t even an ‘I like you look.’  She furrowed her brows and her forehead started to wrinkle with several deep lines. I thought now would be a good time as any to let her know she really needed to start using a wrinkle creme but given the mood she was in I decided to save that particular conversation for another day. She took a very stern tone with me: “What is the matter with you? Calling for help like that? You scared me. I thought it was something serious.” “It is. I need the remote control, please. ” I replied back followed by a sneeze. “Bless you,” she said. “Thank you.” I was hoping the sneeze would get me some sympathy and turn my sister’s scowled look into a friendly one. It didn’t. You know what she did instead? My sister AKA Miss Meanie Pants picked up the remote and rather than giving it to me as I had so nicely asked her to do, she placed it on top of the fireplace mantle. I don’t know what channel the TV switched to when the remote fell on the floor but I was stuck watching a black and white western film dubbed in Chinese that wasn't even subtitled.

Oh yeah, I suppose I should mention Miss Meanie Pants did bring me a glass of juice.

WEDNESDAY

By Wednesday morning my headache and more importantly the joint pain were diminishing. I was feeling better.

THURSDAY

Yesterday I felt 95% better than I did on Monday. I was pretty much back to myself and most of all was relieved at being able to get out and enjoy the fresh air. It rained all Wednesday night so whatever little clumps of snow that were lingering on people’s lawn, the rain melted away. Although the grass is yellow and muddy it’s a welcome change from the white frozen stuff. The weather has greatly improved as well: We reached a high of +11C and for us at this time of year that is considered warm.

I had missed 3 days of working out and was really looking forward to my daily morning jog. I was out the door by 7am and who do I see? Frick and Frack. {Allow me to explain: for the past week a gang of crows have descended on our street and it seems they’ve taken up permanent residency here. They arrived last Saturday and I don’t recall the neighborhood putting out a vacancy sign for crows so I’m not sure why they selected our area. There is at least 1 or 2 on everyones' property either sitting on their roof or on the hood of their car, on the front porch or in our case, the lamp post. They just sit there cawing like maniacs in unison with the rest of the crows. Hmm, maybe they’re not a gang of crows but rather a choir of crows? Oh, did I mention I find Frick and Frack and the rest of their frigging friends irritating? Because I do!} Apparently telling a pair of crows to "SHOO" does not work but if you say it enough times it does! The magic number, 4. At first they kept spreading their ugly wings while cawing at me at the same time until they finally got the message: Frick and his companion flew off. Good Riddance! Not even 5 seconds had passed when they made their grand return in style by swooping down low and flying right past my head just before retiring back on the lamp post, and when they did they let out a rather loud caw. I can tell you right now my lovelies it was no ordinary caw. It was more like they were laughing at me. Ha! Shoo us all you want. We’re not going anywhere. I was tempted to throw some rocks but realized it would be a total waste of time and figured they’ll leave in their own time.

There you have it my lovelies, a detailed account of how I spent the last 4 days.

My loyal and dear readers it’s finally Friday.

Remember to turn your clocks ahead this weekend. We spring forward this Sunday. I am so happy that longer days of light are here....... even if it means losing an hour of sleep.

Whatever your plans are have a sparkling weekend.-x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess