6 Un-Identified Silver Cans

 Cocaine Princess here.

Have you ever been approached by a person conducting a survey while you’re in the mall? Survey people at the mall are easy to identify: they wear a laminated i.d. badge attached on a string around their necks and they hold a clipboard. I try my best to steer clear of them since their questions cut into my valuable shopping time but they stand right outside of the stores and at times it’s impossible to avoid them, and even if you don’t make eye contact with them they make it a point to come right up into your face as was the case one day: I had come out of Chapters-Indigo after purchasing the awesome new Gorillaz  CD when I was approached by an elderly gentleman wearing a plaid shirt, docker pants, reading glasses on the top of his head, laminated i.d. badge and of course the clipboard. He asked me:

“Excuse me miss, may I take a moment to ask you a question?”

I was about to enter into one of my favorite stores. There was a really cute summer dress on the mannequin that I wanted to try on.

“Well I’m sort of busy-”

He cut me off.

“This will only take a second. Do you enjoy the refreshing taste of Coca-Cola?”

Without any hesitation I replied,

“Sorry but I prefer the refreshing taste of a Diet Dr. Pepper.”

“Thank you for your time,” he replied.

Going into the store I suddenly had one of those “A-ha! I have an idea moment.”

I came back out and Mr. Clip Board Man was still standing there looking for someone to take his survey.

“Do you see that female sitting over there, the one in the Ed Hardy sweats?”

He lowered his glasses and had a blank look on his face. I don’t think he had a clue as to who Ed Hardy was. So I said:

“The one eating a muffin.”

“Yes.”

“I know for a fact she enjoys the refreshing taste of a Coca-Cola. Trust me she really does.”

“Thank you,” he replied.

 He proceeded to walk over to where she was sitting. So who exactly was “the female.” My sister. “A” was sitting on one of the mall couches eating a snack and was planning on joining me as soon as she was done eating. It was funny: she was sitting with a group of men {and some women}. Honest to God the men looked like they had lost their will to live. A few were sitting there fiddling around with their i-Phones while the rest, based on their looks could be separated into 3 categories:

1} Why am I at the mall? There’s a great game on TV!

2} Why am I holding my beloved's shopping bags?
 
3} Shoot me now, please.

Anyways, Mr. Clip Board Man was talking to my sister. I’m assuming he asked her the same question. He then pointed at me and I’m assuming at that point he must have informed her I let him know she likes drinking Coke. I’m pretty sure he did because my sister gave me a really strange look. In return I gave her a thumbs up and went into the store giggling quietly to myself.

I had spent a good fair time shopping and when I exited Mr. CB. was sitting beside “A.” Hmm, this survey is taking longer than I expected. I went up to them. Sister smiled at me.

“Hello darling. Did you buy your dress?” she inquired.

“Yeah,” I replied opening the bag. “I bought a pair of earrings too. Are you finished here?”

“Part 1 is completed. All that is left is part 2 and I would really like for you to join me.”

“Huh?” I questioned.

Before I knew it sister got up and grabbed a hold of my lovely manicured hand very tightly. Again all I could say was, “huh?” The man explained: Part 2 of the survey involved looking at a picture and answering a few questions back in his office.

“I told this gentleman I wanted my sister present in the room with me and he was kind enough to sit here and wait for you.”

Hell, if I had known that I would have never come out of the store!

“My office is down that corridor.”

“Come on darling, let’s go.”

Following a few feet behind him I whispered to sister:

“Why are you dragging me into this?”

“Because you’re the one who wanted me to take the survey.”

“I didn’t expect you to say yes.”

I really didn’t think she would! I was expecting her to say: no thank you I’m not interested. I guess I wasn’t the only one in a cheeky mood that day. I tried shaking her hand off but her grip was quite firm.

“You’re holding my hand too tight.”

“Only so you won’t make the great escape.”

“Here’s an idea: the next time we go shopping why not just put one of those in-humane child leashes on me and then you can drag me around wherever you want.”

Right after I stated that a mall security guard passed us.

“What if I yelled HELP?”

“Go ahead, darling. Yell it.”

You know, sometimes sister just plain annoys me. We arrived at his office and there was a sign on the glass door: “Survey Management Group.” Upon stepping inside there was a receptionist stapling a bunch of papers. Behind her was a wall and on it was a dry erase board. Written in blue capital letters: DRINK SURVEY. FEMALES ONLY 18+. I wasn’t sure as to why males were excluded. Beyond her desk was a room full of cubicles and in order to get to this guy's “office” we had to zig zag through a frigging labyrinth. His cubicle was located in the far left corner. Allow me to describe his, ahem, office:

3 folding chairs and a fold out table with a laptop sitting on top and a calendar from State Farm Insurance tacked to the wall. How fancy! I noticed his chair had padding on it but ours didn’t. That's not fair. Why does he get the chair with the cushioning? Why do we have to sit on cold, hard steel ones? He started up his laptop and showed a picture of a 591ml Coke bottle. His 1st question:

“What do you think of this bottle?”

I asked:

“Did they design a new bottle. It looks a little different.”

He looked at me and replied,

“Shh. You’re not the one taking the survey.”

GOOD GRIEF!! Can you believe I was shushed by Mr. Clip Board Man?! I have never been told to shh before in my life! Okay except for my sister no one has ever shushed me. Tsk, tsk, tsk. That is definitely not a good thing for someone to do. I was in a state of shock for a good couple of minutes. My God, a total stranger telling the Princess to shush. Sheesh.

The next question:

“Do you have a preference for Coke or Pepsi or do you enjoy both?”

“I like Diet. Dr. Pepper,” I very quietly mumbled.

A few of his other questions:

“Do you buy Coke in packs of 6, 12 or 24?”

“Do you ever drink generic Coke?”

“How often do you drink Coke?”

“Every time she drinks Rum. A little R ‘n’ C,” I jokingly said.

Hey I thought it was funny but Mr. Clip Board Man was not amused:

“I’m only interested in hearing her answers, okay? I appreciate your silence. Thank you.”

Well excuse the hell out of me. Where did it officially say I wasn’t allowed to speak?  For the remainder I sat there with my mouth shut. DId I mention the chair was making my cheeks uncomfortable?

Clip-Board Man was reading the questions from his laptop and each time my sister would give her answer he would type in her reply. I kid you not the guy typed slower than Rod Blagojevich from “Celebrity Apprentice.” {If you watch the show you’ll understand that reference} Great I thought to myself. By the time he's done the mall is going to close.

When she was done answering the final question he left and returned with a plastic bag. Inside were 6 silver cans. He informed us it was the product he was asking questions about and wanted an opinion on the taste. Because I didn’t want to be shushed again I didn’t ask why the cans were not labeled? He went on to say in a few days my sister would be receiving an email from the survey group’s head office with a list of questions about the taste of the drink. Thank God for the email. For a second I thought sister would have to return back for a follow-up and knowing “A” she would have pulled me along with her. As he continued yapping I started to feel thirsty and decided to open up a can.

You know that sound a soda can makes the moment you pull back the tab? Well at that precise moment Mr. Clip Board Man said,

“NOOOOOOOOO!”

Given his reaction you’d think me opening the can would have somehow started WW3. He requested I hand the can back to him.

“This product is to be tested by her {sister} and her alone and needs to be chilled first. Do you understand?”

In one day not only was I shushed by a stranger but I was scolded by one. My mother never even scolded me. All I said was:

“I’m sorry.”

Believe me, he's lucky that's all I said.

Before leaving he required my sister’s email and then her signature on a form to indicate she willingly participated in the survey. To my surprise he wanted mine as well.

Whoa, whoa, back up Mr. Clip Board Man.

“Didn’t you make it clear I wasn’t apart of this survey and to remain quiet? So no, you don’t get my signature. However if you require that I sign something that states I’m here against my will I’ll be more than happy to lend you my signature.”

What a surprise he had no response, however he was quite pleasant to sister. Shaking her hand:

“Thank you for taking time out to help with the survey. Have a great rest of the day.”

Mr. Clip Board Man didn't shake my hand nor did he wish me a great day.

When we arrived home we chilled 2 cans in the freezer and I didn’t care what the man holding the clip board said. Here are the 6 Un-Identified Silver Cans. He replaced the one he confiscated from my hands. According to his instructions my sister is to have one can a day.
 

I was going to definitely have a taste of the drink! I mean come on, how's the man in the cubicle going to know, right? Thinking whether or not it was actually the drink Coke we poured both cans into two glasses. It was the same color as a Coke. Hmm, maybe it doesn’t taste like Coke, maybe it was Pepsi?

We both took a sip.......

Have you ever tasted Coke Zero? If you have then you know it’s a little watery and tasteless. This is exactly how the product tasted which made me wonder if The Coca-Cola Company was planning on discontinuing Coke Zero and re-introducing it as Coca-Cola 160 calories.

A couple of days later I actually found the bottle of Coke 160 calories at a store. I was right, they did re-design the bottle. I went online and found the official press release from their website.

 A new take on the current 20-ounce contour bottle......the new bottle has added texture and grip enhancements that make it easier to hold and a shorter cap that makes it easier to open. Its contemporary shape not only feels comfortable but also has appealing visual elements, such as an embossed Coca-Cola logo – similar to the glass contour bottle – and the signature dynamic ribbon.

But here’s the thing: the drink in the bottle didn’t taste anything like the ones in the cans. It was light but had flavor. I bought another bottle and gave it to “A.” She was in agreement about the taste as well so I have no idea what version of Coke was in the cans other than Coke Zero.

A week later “A” received an email with a few questions she had to respond too, mostly what she thought about the taste and whether or not she would recommend the drink to others. The next day she received not just an email thank you letter for participating but an E-Gift card to use towards the online store, amazon. The value? $5.00.

****

My loyal and dear readers can you believe it’s finally Friday. I didn’t think I would make it to the end of the week but I did.

Anyone remember this poem?
  

 One, two, Freddy's coming for you.

    Three, four, better lock your door.

    Five, six, grab your crucifix.

    Seven, eight, gonna stay up late.

    Nine, ten, never sleep again.

Tinseltown has remade Wes Craven’s “A Nightmare On Elm Street.” It opens today and I for one am planning on seeing it. It’ll be interesting to see how it compares to the original......which for obvious reasons I really, really like.

Whatever your plans are have a sensational first weekend of May.-x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess