Friday, July 23, 2010

The Boys Of Summer: The Stripper Who Wanted Ice Cream

Cocaine Princess here.

I blogged in previous entries about how I am adjusting {in a good way} to new things now that the house is filled with people. One thing I am getting use to is all the chatter that is constantly taking place in the house. There have been times when I'll be in another room and I hear people in the next room talking and I think, "did I leave the TV on?" Also, there is never a dull moment. Here's one incident that occurred earlier this week:

A couple of days ago sister asked if I could help the 3 yr old get dressed. I went into his room and picked out a really cute pair of beige colored shorts and a khaki colored golf-style t-shirt and when I couldn't decide on whether he should wear a baseball cap or a Gilligan style sun hat, I let him choose. He went for the baseball cap. He then asked about his socks. Since I'm always barefoot around the house I decided no socks for him either. I wanted him to feel the freedom of being able to wiggle his toes around. After getting him dressed, we both headed downstairs with me holding his hand. When we reached the bottom of the stairs he let go of my hand and began to trail slowly behind me. I told him to hurry otherwise his breakie would get cold. When I entered into the kitchen sister said to me:

A: I thought I told you to get the little darling dressed?

ME: I did.

A:Oh really?

With her eyes she gestured for me to turn around. So I did and what did my peepers see? Little Darling standing there in his birthday suit. The boy went commando! The only thing he was wearing: a smile and his baseball cap. I peaked around the corner and there lay his shorts, shirt and underwear on the floor in the foyer. I was astonished at how fast he managed to undress himself! My sister questioned why he took his clothes off? One of the twins already sitting at the kitchen table answered on his behalf. 

TWIN: Haven’t you heard? He’s training to be a stripper. Jump up on the table and show the ladies what you got.

TWIN#2: Yeah shake your money maker little buddy!

Sister picked up the naked toddler and attempted to put his clothes back on. If only I had my camera nearby to film it because it was too funny. He kept on fidgeting and wouldn't stand still and kept slipping out of her clutches!
Honestly it was like watching a wrestling match: “WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW: Squirt vs. Sister.” And if you were to place money on this particular match you’d probably put your money down on “A” right? Well, you’d lose big time if you did. Sister was only able to get his Buzz Lightyear underwear on. She asked:

A: You feel like eating breakfast in just your underwear today?

He nodded his little head yes. “A” picked him up and sat him down in the chair in between me and the 12 year old. HK cooked an amazing breakfast and thankfully for me she arranged a nice plate of fruit. Everybody was chowing down and talking about what was on schedule for that day.....all except for one. And who might that be you ask? It was the future Chippendales' dancer who wasn’t eating and sister inquired why. His answer:

3 YR OLD: I want ice cream.

A: No my little darling, it’s not ice cream time yet, it’s breakfast time.

3 YR OLD: I want ice cream.

A: You can have some ice cream after lunch for dessert. Right now you have to eat breakfast.

3 YR OLD: No.

The conversation ping ponged back and forth for a couple of more minutes. Last week I had taken him out for ice cream twice and was concerned maybe I had gotten him hooked on the creamy dessert but one of the brothers informed us that him wanting sweet things was not uncommon.

12 YR OLD: He does this at home too. Usually it happens right before his naps: ice cream, cookies, name it he wants it.

Sister requested one more time for him to eat his breakfast. Squirt’s reply:

He pushed his plate away, folded his arms and with mighty force stated:

“No! I want ice cream!”

And here I thought the wrestling match was over, only now it was taking place in verbal form. “A” stared at him and then she stared at me. As she got out of her chair and while still staring at me she said the following:

A: I’m having a flashback. He’s the male version of you at that age.

ME: What are you talking about? I never once exposed myself and then demanded ice cream.

I mean I don’t recall if I ever did.

A: I’m talking about him being stubborn. It was precisely at his age when your stubbornness began. I’m still waiting for the day when it will come to an end.

Sister stood over Squirt trying to unlock his sausage-like arms and was able to get the combination by tickling him a little. With his arms free she quickly put the fork into his right hand. She may have been able to unlock his arms but getting him to eat was a whole other story. He refused to open his mouth. It was zip-locked tight. Unfortunately she didn’t know the right combination to that one but did try her best.

A: Look at all this yummy food......Smells good......Will you please eat for me?......If you don't eat how will you become big and strong?

TWIN: She’s right Squirt. Women don’t put singles down skinny looking strippers. Can you say G-string? Say it little buddy: G-string! G-String!

Sister instructed the twin not to teach a word like that to him but it was too late. You know that old saying “monkey see, monkey do.” The tot kept repeating the word over and over again like a parrot and with his mouth open sister managed to get some food in there. Eventually the stripper-wannabee took control of the fork and began to eat on his own. 

As he ate he kept looking at “A” hoping she’d change her mind and perhaps allow him to have a bowl of ice cream but when she didn’t he began pouting. I even heard a low whimpering sound. Okay I admit it, the whimpering sound came from me. My heart sank looking at him. I glanced at “A” and gave her this type of look to suggest she ease up a bit. In return she gave me this look with her eyes that meant she wasn't going to and that’s when it became very clear to me that if she and her beloved ever decide to have children, she’s going to be one of those type of parents who does “everything by the book.” Yikes I shudder at being one of those types. As I ate I thought to myself, “Good grief sister cut the kid some slack. The boy is on vaycay. Seriously, what’s the harm in letting him have an itty-bitty scoop?”

Ultimately he did finish every last bite on his plate. I helped him out of his chair and running over to where “A” was sitting he proudly stated:

3 YR OLD: I finished. Look!

Patting him on the cheeks:

A: I knew you would because you’re a good little boy.

3 YR OLD: Can I have ice cream now?

A: I already told you no ice cream until after lunch. Do you remember me telling you that?

His response? Oh boy was it ever a good one and very dramatic too. He folded his arms again, stomped his chubby feet on the floor, marched out of the room and went into the family room where he sat on the floor sulking. I looked at the clock, it was 9am. The poor child would have to wait close to 3 hrs until lunch was served.

When everyone had cleared out of the kitchen including HK, I went over to Squirt who was still in his underwear and quietly asked:

ME: Psst, you still want ice cream?

3 YR OLD: Big sister said no.

ME: That’s because big sister is mean and bossy.

I’m kidding, I’m kidding I said no such thing. Here’s what I really said:

ME: This sister says yes. Yes, you can have ice cream.

My lovelies, do you remember the scene from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation when Clark Griswold finally gets his Christmas lights working {thanks to Ellen Griswold} after numerous failed attempts? If you do then you know all those light bulbs lit up the entire sky. That’s how bright little Squirt’s face was, it lit up like 10,000 bright bulbs. I took him into the kitchen where I propped him up on the counter and then took out a carton of ice cream from the freezer and a spoon from the drawer. As I removed the lid, I swore him to secrecy.

ME: You have to promise me you’re not going to tell anyone about this, especially Big Sister. You can’t tell her, okay?

He nodded that he wouldn’t. I wasn’t too sure at first if he was going to keep his promise or if he was going to like the taste of the flavor.

Mango. The exotic~tropical flavor is only available for a limited time up here.

I gave him a little bit and instantly received a verdict.

3 YR OLD: Mmm.

Upon hearing that I gave him one full spoonful and of course he requested another.

ME: If you want another, I want a kiss first.

I leaned in and putting his hands around my neck he kissed me. His lips were cold and mango-licious.

I decided it was best to stop at 2 spoons even though he wanted a 3rd. I poked his little tummy and as he giggled like the Pillsbury Dough Boy I explained that’s all I was going to give him otherwise he wasn’t going to have any room for lunch. And then he did something which I now realize deserves a hefty round of applause. He folded his hands as if he was about to pray and made a plea:

3 YR OLD: One more, pleeessse?

As soon as I heard him say that in an instant that oh so famous line from Charles Dicken’s classic Oliver Twist, “Please, sir, I want some more,
popped into my head. I could actually see Oliver’s face in Squirt, standing in line begging not for more gruel but ice cream. Once again my heart sank. I gave in. Believe me you would have done the same if you had seen his little face.

I gave him no more than 3 spoons and after he licked the spoon clean, I put my little amigo down and when I did he preformed this cute, little dance in his underwear while waving his hands in the air and then ran out of the kitchen.

I know it wasn't lunch time when I gave him ice cream but hey, it was lunch someplace in the world, right?

I do realize some of my lovelies who are parents are probably pointing your finger at me and saying,
Tsk, tsk, tsk, you never should have given him the ice cream. You were wrong Princess. Hmm......maybe I was wrong......maybe I wasn't.


And now for something totally unrelated to this post:

My housekeeper is obsessed with infomercials. Anytime you catch her watching TV it’s a sure guarantee she’ll be watching an infomercial and because of it we have a cupboard full of items that she requested we order for her. Here are just a few: The Magic Bullet Blender, The Sham-Wow, The GT Express, The Slap Chop, The Pancake Puff, Adjust A Slice Mandoline Slicer, The Ove Glove, Hot Dish get the picture. Not too long ago she saw an infomercial for a gardening product: The Topsy~Turvy. Have you heard about this item? Taken directly from their website:

Topsy Turvy tomato planter works in a simple yet ingenious way. As the sun warms the plant like a greenhouse, the root system explodes and thrives inside the planter. Because Topsy Turvy tomato planter is upside down, water and nutrients pour directly from the root to the fruit, giving you up to 30 pounds of deliciously ripe tomatoes per plant!

HK wanted this item as badly as Squirt wanted ice cream for breakfast. I didn’t see the point when she could easily go to the grocery store and buy tomatoes but her heart was set on growing them instead.

Here is a picture taken from the website. This is what they promise your plant will look like:

My lovelies behold our Topsy~Turvy........

I know what you're all thinking: You can barely spot the difference between the 2 pictures!  I took the picture yesterday and it's been nearly 1 month and this is all that has been produced!

I do believe these tomatoes are worthy of winning a blue ribbon for Best Home Grown Tomatoes. What do you think? {You may have to zoom in on the picture to actually see the tomatoes.}

By the way, we’re still waiting to receive the Topsy~Turvy Hot Pepper Planter.


My loyal and dear readers it’s finally Friday.

Whatever your plans are have a magnificent weekend.-x

Cocaine Princess


A. K. said...

That must have been a sight! Wow! a stripper... Can't stop thinking how it must have been... You sure have a fun family.. You wanna swap places with me for a weeke. LOl

P.s: Nice legs!

WhiteSpy said...

you got some nice tomatoes!

Anonymous said...

Unless something has stunted the plant from growing-- maybe it is a dwarf tomato plant?

Anonymous said...

That is the sorriest tomato plant I have ever seen.

Heff said...

If that kid knew how to "shake it" right, he'd have gotten his ice cream, lol.

Don't know what to tell you about the Topsy Turvy, except that it DOES take time.

We actually bought and used the "Strawberry" Topsy Turvy, and planted Tomato plants in it, lol !

We used a VERY rich medium of straight Miracle Grow potting soil instead of regular dirt, and had AMAZING RESULTS.

You also have to water the damn ting EVERY DAY....

Cocaine Princess said...

Anonymous at 10:04,
As far as know they are regular tomato plants.

Anonymous at 10:27
FYI we're doing everything we can to make the plant grow.

Heff at 10:34,
The plant gets watered every evening and currently it's raining right now as I post this comment and yes, we have been using Miracle Grow. I guess all we can do is wait. Maybe we'll have better luck with the hot peppers.

Rumpole said...

I was all set to have a nice weekend and be good and now I can't get ice cream (and other things) out of my mind.

Somebody has to take the rap for this...and I blame you my ice cream eating princess.