"Santa Knows Where All The Bad Girls Live"

  "Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?" ~Tom Armstrong, American cartoonist.

 

Cocaine Princess here.

Guess what joyous festivity occurred on Saturday at my house? The Annual Cookie Exchange Party {CEP}. If you could see me I just rolled my eyes typing that last sentence. Don’t get me wrong, I love eating cookies, I mean who doesn’t. I don’t actually eat cookies. I prefer nibbling on them.

This weekend marked the 3rd time my sister's been hosting it and let me tell you, this particular one was the most boisterous one ever on record! The kids were literally bouncing off the ceiling and running all over the place! We all began to wonder if one of the moms slipped a little something~something into the cookies. You get what I'm saying?.......I'm joking! 

I can’t quite put my finger on it but there’s something mildly disturbing about people exchanging cookie recipes and having a party for it. I’m sure 100 years from now it will be no doubt regarded as a bizarre ritual by anthropologists.

I admit I was looking forward in seeing the little lambs but what I wasn’t looking forward to was stepping on cookie crumbs and having sticky jam or melted chocolate finger prints all over the TV remote, my fish bowl and on me. They’re given plates AND they’re given tissues yet for some reason they refuse to use them. I'm seriously beginning to think if maybe they’re allergic to them.

Sister made her own batch of cookies and I was more than honored to have a nibble. It was delish but I couldn’t tell if it was a brownie or a cookie. So I asked.

A: It’s a Brookie.

Definition: A brownie with a cookie baked in the middle.

Because I was so concerned I inquired if a Brookie was allowed at a CEP?

ME: Are these permitted? Technically it’s not a full cookie. Couldn’t something like this get you thrown out of your prestigious Cookie Club?

A: You’d like that wouldn’t you?

ME: Noooooo.

{Said sarcastically with a smile}

Prior to the cookie monsters and their parents arriving I was watching the mini series Shōgun. I was channel surfing and the movie was about to start. I’d never seen it before and to kill time I thought I’d watch some of it. Approximately 30 minutes before the party began sister instructed me to shut the movie off. While giggling I asked:

ME: Why? Do you not think the kids will love watching this movie as they munch on cookies?

 "Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven." ~W.C. Fields  

 

Everyone had arrived by 1:30pm. Cookies were brought in bright colored tins and every tin either had a festive ornament or bow on the lid. Just as the tins were decorated so was every child. Dressed to the nines with glowing cheeks and a twinkle in their eyes. This should give you a clear indication of how serious the CEP is. This is no jeans and t~shirt type of party.

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." ~Shirley Temple 

As soon as everybody was settled in the tasting of the cookies and the exchanging of the recipes began. I too participated...in the tasting only of course, after all you know what they say~ when in Rome do as the Romans do. Trying to ignore the voice in my head that kept repeating: “Do you know how many sticks of butter was probably used? Oink Oink.” All the cookies were unbelievably tasty and came in so many shapes such as Christmas trees, wreaths, stockings and all were decorated with pretty sprinkles. My favorite: {not including my sister’s} Viennese Jam Cookie. My God if heaven had a taste it would taste like a Viennese Jam Cookie. The cookies (yes I had more than 1 of them} melted in my mouth. Runner up: Crispy Chocolate Cookie Bark. One of the moms made homemade fortune cookies dipped in chocolate. Each one even came with its own fortune.

As the children were eating I caught up with what was new in their lives. Many had seen the new "Yogi Bear" film on Friday so I got them to do their best “Hey Boo~Boo” impression. After, I inquired what they wanted from the big guy in the red suit? They all had the same wish list. This year's must have items: Snow MX: a combination of a BMX bike and snow board, XBOX Kinetcs/Kinectimals and several other gaming devices.  

Entertainment was provided in the form of DVDs. We watched “Home Alone” and “Muppets: Letters To Santa.” Many of them had not yet seen “Home Alone” so it was a sweet feeling introducing this film to a whole new generation. As for The Muppets, man do I love Miss Piggy and those darn hippies! I kid you not when I say there was not one single peep out of them except for the sound of their angelic laughter and cookies being devoured and milk being gulped down. They pretty much emptied all the tins clean. Not a single crumb in sight. Their stomachs maybe tiny but they sure can fit plenty in them! 

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."~Johnny Carson.

Sister gave out gift bags filled with goodies and then gifts were given to her. I must share one gift she received. Question: Has a donation to a charity ever been made out in your name and then been presented to you as a gift? Well, a donation was made in my sister’s name. To be more precise, a goat was bought in my sister’s name.

Yes, ladies and gentleman you read that correctly. My sister was given a goat for Christmas. She of course was very appreciative of the gift but was curious how the cookie eater came up with such a “wonderful” gift.

He explained he had seen a commercial on TV and thought it would make a “cool gift.”

According to the website:

“The goat will go to a village in need in the third world. From high-value wool to nutritious milk, one little goat can make a big difference for families living in some of the world's poorest places. Goats nourish hungry children and families with healthy milk, cheese, and yogurt. Goats also give a much-needed income boost by providing offspring and extra dairy products for sale at the market.”

The picture is taken directly from their web page. Hmm, I’m not sure why the goat is wearing a tie and a baseball cap. I’ve seen a lot of lavish gifts been given out at Christmas but this one certainly qualifies as being unique.

****

Bart: Aw, come on Dad, this could be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to The Smurfs, and it's going to happen to us.
 
Homer: Oh, all right. Who's Tiny Tim?

We all know during the month of December our TVs are bombarded with Yuletide specials including that one channel that airs the burning Yule Log. I came across a list of "Top 10 Christmas Movies." Do you agree with the list? I don't. I would put National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation at #1!! So, did any of your favorites make it? 

10: "A Christmas Story" (1983)
Say it with me: “I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time.” The quintessential Christmas movie if there ever was one, A Christmas Story remains a proverbial favorite in many a holiday household.

9: "It's A Wonderful Life" (1946)
You can’t go through the holidays without experiencing George Bailey’s unexpected, even bizarre, holiday awakening. James Stewart plays Bailey, a down-on-his-luck denizen of small town Bedford Falls, a place he longs to escape, yet can’t quite get away from. That’s because, despite many an opportunity to leave, incidents ultimately force is hand to stay and save the town from the spider-like cruelty of evil business tycoon Mr. Potter (Lionel Barrymore).

8: "Scrooged"(1988)
Every holiday list must always include at least one adaptation of Charles Dickens’ immortal classic, A Christmas Carol. In 1988, Bill Murray starred in perhaps the goofiest version ever, "Scrooged." The hilarious actor stars as a cynical TV executive who doesn't care about Christmas. As a result, he meets ghosts who take him on a nostalgic tour where Murray is able to confront his demons.

7: "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" (1989)
What’s Christmas without the Griswolds? Chevy Chase is in fine form as the ever-relatable Clark Griswold, this time forced to spend the holidays with his in-laws. Highlights include a ridiculous, over-the-top Christmas light display (which requires nuclear power to maintain); a sled-ride from Hell; and an intruding, terrifying squirrel incident.

6: "Home Alone" (1990)
The one that started it all – Chris Columbus’ original Home Alone has a big heart and big laughs. The oft-remembered sequence involving a pair of bumbling robbers (Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern) provides solid laughs, but it’s the build-up to that moment in which little Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin), accidentally left behind by his family during the holiday rush, must fend for himself over the holidays, that catapults Home Alone into the echelon of near-classic status. 

5: "Elf" (2003)
The sweet and silly tale of a human baby raised by elves at Santa's North Pole lair. Jump ahead to adulthood and our boy (Will Ferrell) heads to New York City to find his biological father (James Caan). Along the way, he picks up some elf work and a little romance. A modern day fairytale filled with charm and daffy slapstick to delight even the grumpiest person.
 
4: "Miracle On 34th Street"(1947)
Another holiday favorite, Miracle on 34th Street stars the endearing Maureen O’Hara alongside a very young Natalie Wood, and Oscar-winner Edmund Gwenn, who won the award for his charming portrayal of Kris Kringle. The film follows the genial St. Nick and his dealings with Christmas outside the North Pole, where he encounters cynicism and disbelief.

3: "The Muppet Christmas Carol" (1992)
Of all the big screen versions of A Christmas Carol to grace the silver screen, none has been quite as charming as the Muppets’ take, featuring Michael Caine  as Scrooge, and Kermit the Frog as his lowly assistant Bob Cratchit. Some may balk, but Brian Henson’s adaptation remains the most accessible to mainstream audiences. BTW, Miss Piggy has never been better. 

2: "Bad Santa" (2003)
Here's one for guys everywhere. Billy Bob Thornton stars as Willie, an alcoholic thief who along with Marcus, his dwarf partner (Tony Cox), rips off shopping malls. Their M.O. is to work as "Santa and his elf" so they can walk around the premises without arousing suspicion. But their perfect plan is foiled one year by an 8-year-old dweeb who leeches on to Willie.  Probably not the best couple of hours to spend with the family, but your friends are gonna love it. BTW, what other movie is going to feature a woman with a Santa Claus fetish?
 
1: "Trading Places" (1983)
The plot follows a pair of rich tycoons who wage a bet to see if they can change an individual by placing them in diverse financial conditions. Dan Akroyd, a rich, budding managing director, “trades places” with Eddie Murphy’s poor, slum-living vagabond; and each man must cope with their new-found situation. Aykroyd dressed as the world's crummiest  Santa, he crashes the firm's Christmas party, disgraces himself and winds up on a bus munching a whole smoked salmon through his beard! Hilarious, years ahead of Billy Bob’s Bad Santa, remains hysterical even by today’s standards.

****

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” ~George Carlin

Think back when you were little. Do you remember when you waited anxiously in line to sit on Santa's laps clutching onto your list, and when your turn finally came Santa would ask that famous question:"Have you been Naughty or have you been Nice?" So my lovely ones I ask you, have did you behave in 2010? Would you rate yourself as being naughty or nice?  As for me? Well, I wouldn’t exactly say I was naughty. I prefer the term cheeky. Hmm, I wonder if the Holly~Jolly~Guy leaves presents for cheeky people on Christmas?

****

It’s that time of year again for my winter vaycay. I will be celebrating Christmas and ringing 2011 in the tropics. Yay! My suitcases are packed and at this moment I am literally counting down the days, minutes and seconds until I leave. I cannot wait to do my happy dance in the sand, admire the beautiful lighted palm trees, feel the hot breeze on my skin, cool off in the ocean and strap on my stilettos and my shorty shorts. Ahh yes.....I’m dreaming of a beachy Christmas.

I’d like to say thank you to each and everyone of my loyal and dear readers for taking time out and stopping by my blog. I’ll be signing off now but no worries I’ll be back in January 2011. 

My lovely ones, from the bottom of my Colombian heart I wish you all a Merry Christmas/Joyful Holiday. Feel and embrace the joy and love this season has to offer. Shine like the firework you are! If for some 2010 was a rough and tough year, don't worry, a brand spanking New Year is just around the corner. With a brand new year comes new hope and new possibilities. May you all have a bright and successful 2011.


"And if some of you are still feeling lost in the New Year just know there are signs everywhere (if you are willing to look) to help you find your way. And sure enough you will be led into the mystery of your own heart where all the answers to your questions lye. You just have to be willing to listen." 

Tomorrow is the 1st day of winter and for the first time in 456 years a total lunar eclipse occurs on the same day as the winter solstice. 


Last but not least, when the suns sets on December 31st remember to look towards the sky and when you see that one twinkling constellation, close your eyes and make a New Year’s wish. Salud to all of your dreams coming true! 

Health & Happiness,

Live, Love & Laugh.

May you all find your light.

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess
~x