Winter Vaycay Part II: The Dog Has A Mental Problem

Cocaine Princess here.

To review Part 1:

I thought about luring him out with food from the mini bar but figured Valentina would know what to do. When I hollered for her she came in wearing a bikini with a cover up, sunglasses and in her hands she was holding 2 cocktail glasses. Just as this Princess was ready to get her tan on the other Princess was ready to get her drinkie on. 

ME: Seriously, what is wrong with this dog?

VALENTINA: So I see you’ve met Gucci-- quite possibly the world’s dumbest guard dog.
 

PART II:

Before saying anything else I said:

ME: You named him Gucci?

Valentina nodded. Who else but a Princess would name a guard dog after a big time fashion house?  I asked one more time:

ME: What is wrong with him? I’ve done everything I can think of to get him out of my suitcase. He won’t budge.

VALENTINA: Because and to repeat: He’s...quite...possibly...the...world’s...dumbest... guard...dog.

She effectively enunciated each word s-l-o-w-l-y. Had there been a third person nearby they may have been under the impression I had trouble understanding the English language. My bf gave me 2 examples why Gucci was bestowed with such a posh title.

VALENTINA: If you tell him to “SIT” he’ll begin chasing his tail. You tell him to “STAND” he curls up in the fetal position.

Okay, so he doesn't have a hearing problem! He just has trouble obeying orders.

ME: Has he not been to doggie school?

VALENTINA: Yes and the instructor said Gucci was a lost cause. If you ask me I think the dog has a mental problem. He barks at the television like a maniac when it’s not even on, he’ll kick over his dog dish and stomp around in the food. Last week he got his head stuck in the empty treat jar but not before running into the glass sliding door twice and then barking because what he thought was another dog was in fact his reflection.

I’m not an expert in animals but is it possible for a dog to have a mental problem? Whether or not it is, it made me giggle. I questioned if Gucci was such a “lost cause” why was he still being referred to as a “guard dog” and an even better question why was he still around?

VALENTINA: Semper~Fi is convinced he isn’t a lost cause and sees potential in him. He’s been training him on his own by using various methods.

I looked at the un~announced visitor. Yep, he was still sitting in my suitcase. Valentina continued:

VALENTINA: I don’t know where he found him but S~F needs to return him for a full refund. What a waste of daddy’s money.

ME: If he’s willing to train him maybe Semper~Fi does see some kind of potential in Gucci that we don’t. Who knows, he may train him to be the best guard dog ever yet.

Valentina shook her head while rolling her eyes and snickered.

VALENTINA: Oh please, give me a break! This dog is afraid of his own damn shadow. Watch.

To prove a point she conducted a little experiment. Valentina requested I remove my robe and hand it to her and when I did she put it over her face. With her face covered she waved her arms in the air pretending to be some type of ghost while making loud, eerie sounds.

I could not believe the reaction from the dog.

I was stunned. I was shocked. I was in disbelief. I was blown out of the water. So, what did Gucci the {ahem} “Guard Dog” do? Like a cannon he shot out of the suitcase and landed on the floor where he ran and hid under the stationary desk and began whimpering loudly. Valentina removed the robe.

VALENTINA: Talk about a real bad ass.

Good grief! I think a Chihuahua would have made a better guard dog.

To Be Continued.

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My loyal and dear readers, it's finally Friday at least according to the calendar. I say that because I haven't slept in days and have kind of lost track what day it is. Oh Mr. Sandman pal o'mine, where have you run off too?

Whatever your plans are have a bubbly weekend.~x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess