Winter Vaycay IV: Should Overweight Men Wear Speedos?

Cocaine Princess here.

With the dog dilemma all over with Valentina said a phrase I had been longing to hear:

“Vamos a la playa!”

The resort we were staying in was incredibly huge. It had all the fancy bells and  whistles that I am accustom too, in other words it was perfectly fit for a Princess. Valentina didn’t share the same sentiment because of all the holiday~makers. She wanted to spend winter vaycay at a private villa and since it was my idea to stay at a resort she let me know about it every 10 seconds. (For instance, while waiting in line to ride the elevator or pushing our way through the crowded lobby) In order to get to the beach we needed to pass by the crowded pool area. A DJ booth was set up to one side and as Valentina continued to groan "we should have stayed elsewhere" I was busy saying “con permissio” over and over as I carefully tried not to bump into any of the semi~nude bodies that were busy bumping and grinding to salsa music.

FROM ONE DILEMMA TO ANOTHER:

Ultimately we reached our desired destination- The Beach! The chairs were arranged in several rows with alternating pink or white umbrellas. Ours was white. Nearly every chair seemed occupied all except for 2 and those were reserved especially for us. Before actually sitting down I removed my cover~up, dug my feet deep in the silky sand and with open arms I stood there allowing the hot sun to kiss my face!  

From the bar we ordered 2 Rum Runners-- our official drink of winter vaycay. For us winter vaycay doesn’t officially start until our glasses have clinked, followed by a salud and a sip. For Valentina a sip means chugging down the entire thing. Unlike me the girl can hold her liquor. Semper~Fi and 3 others were nearby and Gucci was positioned at the foot of our chairs. Rather than obeying the command, “Stand Guard,” he was either rolling around in the sand or laying flat on his backside wiggling his legs in the air. In my previous entry I mentioned how I thought Gucci was a strange dog. This time I said it out~loud while I witnessed his antics before my eyes:

ME: He really is a strange dog.


VALENTINA: You say strange, I say mental.

One of the reasons I love going on trips is to recharge my batteries, nourish my soul and melt away all the un~necessary clutter from my head, and that’s exactly what was occurring. I felt so at peace......unfortunately it was short lived. My best friend kept complaining how annoyed she was for 2 reasons.

1} Her view of the beach was obstructed by the person sitting in the chair in front of her.

Which lead to complaint #2:

2} The location of where we were sitting.

As I explained the chairs were arranged in rows and Valentina wanted to be right in the front. At this point I’m sure you must be asking- “what row were you seated in?” 10th? 7th? 12th?


Nope.

2nd. We were in the 2nd row!!!! We were so close to the water some of it was spraying on my face but Valentina wanted a clear view and didn’t like how she had to sit up and stretch out her neck. She sounded off how unhappy she was to the marine.

VALENTINA: 2nd row? Did you not tip the cabana boy or did you not tip him enough? Cheap gringo.

I cleared my throat. She decoded and received the message.

VALENTINA: Oops I nearly forgot, for the duration of our holidays I will be referring to you as “The Foreigner.” The Princess has a problem when it comes to the other name I call you. Do you like being called “The Foreigner?”

Purposely she emphasized the word “Foreigner.” Aye~yi~yi. I looked to see what his reaction was. Because of his dark sunglasses I couldn’t tell but then again had he not been wearing them I still wouldn’t have known. You see, “The Foreigner” err- I mean Semper~Fi, he’s one of those individuals that regardless of the situation will remain with an emotionless look on his face. Hmm, come to think of it, it goes well with his stone cold stare. Valentina repeated the question. He didn’t say a word. In a very sarcastic like tone she said:


VALENTINA: Always a delight chatting with you big boy.

Once again, she saluted him.

By the time Valentina was half~way through her 2nd Rum Runner she had completely forgotten about the seating dilemma. Although we speak on the phone at least once everyday there were a few things she was saving to tell me in person, and right in the middle of telling me an extremely juicy story and by story I really mean “gossip” she stopped. Why? Her attention was diverted to the person in front of her. When the individual got up from their chair they dragged it in the sand a little further out and positioned it lengthwise. Valentina lowered her sunglasses and goodness know she tried to say something but the only thing to come out of her mouth was a dry heave.

Allow me to describe the individual:


He was male, age 50~55 and approximately 250 pounds with an excessive amount of body hair and was sporting a pony tail. He had a chunky gold bracelet and 4 gold chains were wrapped around his neck. On the 4th chain a round medallion of some sort was dangling and the sun’s rays were reflecting off of it nearly blinding some of the kids who were playing in the sand.

Oh did I mention he was wearing yellow colored speedos?

Valentina continued with the dry heaves. I urged she do a couple of deep inhales and exhales and after a few of those she was feeling better and spoke:


VALENTINA: Why do fat, old guys wear speedos? Do they honestly think they look hot?

Before I continue any further let’s explore the topic of mens fashion.

Men Wearing Jewelery

My Thoughts? Most of the men I’m acquainted with wear an excessive amount of bling: gold chains, rosaries, bracelets etc. similar to the guys on Jersey Shore. It doesn’t bother me one bit.

What are your thoughts about men wearing jewelery? 

Overweight Men In Speedos


My Thoughts: Being very fashion conscious I’m the type who refuses to leave the house unless my hair and makeup is fully done and YES my shoes and handbag always match, so when I see a woman carrying a handbag from a designers’ winter collection during the spring time I find that a major fashion crime. However, when it comes to beach attire here is what I think: When I take a trip to the beach I go to relax, unwind, get my tan on and just have a plain good old time. So, if someone wishes to wear yellow colored speedos because that’s what they’re comfortable in {regardless of how heavy he maybe} and if that’s what makes them happy then so be it! I don’t critique. If someone was sitting in the beach chair next to me wearing a 3~piece suit I wouldn’t question why. To each his/her own. Valentina on the other hand has a whole other take on the matter. If it was up to her she would have Joan Rivers and her very opinionated panel from “Fashion Police” judging your outfit to determine whether you are deemed worthy enough to proceed to the beach or pool area.

So my lovelies, what are your thoughts about overweight men in speedos?

Do you believe they are sending a positive message:  “Love Your Body.”

OR


Is it a fashion crime?

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My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday.

Hmm, so I hear there's a big game on Sunday: The Super Bowl! Super Bowl XLV: Pittsburgh Steelers  vs. Green Bay Packers.

The only part of the game I'm looking forward to is the commercials and the half~time show. This years commercials are costing companies $3 million for a 30 second spot. Some are calling this a bargain. 

And the half time show, scheduled to perform are The Black Eyed Peas.

Whatever your plans are have a winning weekend.~x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess