The Idiot Wedding Planner: If You Swallow An Orange Seed....

 

Cocaine Princess here.

To Review:

I didn't think it was possible but it was getting hotter by the second. I was uncomfortable, sweaty and thirsty.

ME: My tongue feels like a dry towel.

VALENTINA: Uh-oh.....

I looked at her. She had one hand placed over her mouth.

ME: What’s wrong?

VALENTINA: I think I swallowed a bug.
 
Valentina had a panic stricken look on her sweaty face. I'd seen that look once before (minus the sweat) when she left the house carrying a handbag that was from the previous season. I was visiting her during the spring a few years back. We were in the car heading to a lovely dinner when she instructed our driver to turn the car around so she could get another handbag to carry. When she realized the handbag she selected didn’t go with the outfit she was wearing she did a complete wardrobe overhaul. Eventually we made it to the restaurant. We were only a mere 40 minutes late. Long story short: We Princesses are extremely fashion conscious. Getting back to the post--

ME: You swallowed a bug? Are you sure?

VALENTINA: I heard a buzzing sound and then felt something weird in my mouth.

Unfortunately there wasn't any Hallmark app for this occasion so I did my best in calming her down by convincing nothing bad would come out of it and used the "if you swallow an orange seed an orange tree won't grow in your stomach" analogy and added:

ME: People have been known to eat chocolate covered crickets.....

Yes I know, the bug she swallowed wasn't chocolate.  Valentina wasn't too sure exactly what kind of insect she swallowed other than it made a buzzing sound. Nothing I said seemed to calm her down.

VALENTINA: As soon as the Priest is done renewing their vows he can preform my funeral. This day will always be remembered as "One Wedding And A Funeral."  Will you say something nice at my eulogy?

ME: You're not going to die. It probably wasn’t even a bug.

Flaky Barbie took her place with the help of the wedding planner {whom Valentina swore she would get revenge on} Perhaps it was the excitement of the big day but the maid of honor stood next to the best man. The wedding planner actually had to take her by the hand to guide her to where she was suppose to stand. Valentina of course was quick to make a remark:

VALENTINA: Ladies and gentlemen there she is, a future Nobel Prize winner.

I let a giggle and then as fast as I could I tried covering it up with one those “coughs.” A few of the guests turned around including Valentina’s daddy who didn’t so much glare at me as he did towards Valentina– only because he of course knew his cheeky daughter was behind my giggle. With everyone now in their proper place the wedding procession music began via the harpist, “The Wedding March.” We all stood with what little strength we had. I myself felt a bit woozy on account of being so damn dehydrated. Topless Barbie made her entrance.

VALENTINA: Oh, wow.

At first I thought it was a combination of being dehydrated and hot and the cause for my hallucination but what I saw was real.

ME: Now that’s how you make an entrance....

To Be Continued.
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I can’t believe how quickly this month flew by. August is over. The Labor Day weekend is upon us and something very important is occurring. Today August 31st, there will be a “Full Blue Moon” and the last one until 2015. So all those things you say you'll do “once in a blue moon” today’s the perfect day for it. What will you do?  

My Lovelies, in honor of this day I present to you, The Blue Moon Cocktail:

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup crushed ice
1/4 cup Vodka
1/4 cup Blue Curaçao
1/4 cup whipping cream
2 tablespoons vanilla-flavored syrup (such as Torani)
2 tablespoons fresh orange juice
1 tablespoon Cointreau or other orange-flavored liqueur

PREPARATION:
In a blender, combine all ingredients and whirl until smooth. Pour into four martini glasses (4 oz.) and garnish the rim of each glass with a slice of orange.

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My loyal and dear readers, it’s finally Blue Moon Friday.
Whatever your plans are have a safe and awesome Long Weekend. ~x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess