The Idiot Wedding Planner: The 3 Stooges

Cocaine Princess here.

We slipped out of the ceremony when it came time for the Panamanian’s friend’s to make his speech. Semper~Fi followed close behind and 2 other guests decided to follow our lead. I felt bad for sneaking out. 

VALENTINA: Don’t feel bad. You were dying of thirst and did what you had to do. If anything they’re bad hosts, especially that wedding planner.

Valentina’s list of why she wanted to kill the wedding planner was growing by the minute.

ME: Where did ‘Barbie’ find this clueless wedding planner? She would have been better off had she let the hotel plan it for her.

We later learned the wedding planner was Flakey Barbie’s cousin. Well, that explained everything and Valentina couldn’t have said it better, The Three Stooges– Topless, Flakey and Clueless.

At the poolside bar we each ordered a Coke while the other guests ordered hard liquor. I can’t say I blamed them, it was that kind of day. I don’t ever recall drinking anything that fast before or asking for a refill in under 10 seconds. Valentina’s phone chimed. From her Chanel purse she pulled out her phone.

VALENTINA: It’s a text from daddy. “Don’t be too long.”

Valentina’s daddy was sitting in the next section in the 1st row, so there was no way he could have been able to see us leave. Hmm, there was only one plausible explanation. We both looked at Semper~Fi.

VALENTINA: It’s not like we were planning on leaving the country. We’re less than 20 feet away, was it really necessary to tell him?

Semper~Fi’s response? He was silent and stood with his arms folded and his usual stone cold look.

VALENTINA: I’ll bet you anything when he was little he was known as the tattletale among his friends.

Again, Semper~Fi’s stood there with his arms folded with his signature stone cold look. In the years I’ve known him I don’t think I’ve ever seen him crack a smile. Is it possible he was just born with that face? I mentioned in my previous post about some kind of pool drinking game– Chug, Chug, Chug. I was correct. In the pool were 2 teams with a net that separated them and a referee holding a tray of shots. She was wearing a sun~visor and had a whistle around her neck . I have no idea how the game was played but it involved some serious drinking. The poolside bar was one of those typical grass hut styles and the bartenders  wore bright, tropical shirts. Being in the blissful shade was a welcome relief from what it felt like being a few degrees away from the sun. I requested the bartender fill my cup with only ice cubes. I put the cup to my forehead where I rolled it back and forth for several minutes before heading back into the scorching heat. The speeches were still in progress.

VALENTINA: What the hell is it with all these speeches? Couldn’t they have sent an email to Barbie and her tubby husband?

I explained maybe they wanted to add personal touches to the ceremony so it wouldn’t be so informal. I felt a little better now that I had a cup full of ice cubes but they were melting right before my eyes so really all I had was a cup filled with water. Valentina and I took turns taking sips before the microphone was handed to the maid of honor.

VALENTINA: This ought to be interesting considering she can't even put a full sentence together.       

To Be Continued.......    

London Fashion Week 2012

Last week I posted about New York Fashion Week, this week London Fashion Week came to an end. It only lasted 5 days and is the shortest fashion “week” of the month. I had a blast watching the collections and I can tell you right now London blew NY out of the water with their pieces. One show after the next was a brilliant theatrical masterpiece. Here are the top trends for Spring~Summer 2013.

1. PRINTS
From stamps and currency to python to over-sized florals and graphics, collage prints were seen on everything from dresses to matched suits.

2. HEAD-TO-TOE WHITE
Many designers either started their shows or had a sequence of exits with all white looks. Whether it's sharp suiting or layered separates, the calming hue added a welcome breath to many collections.

3. SPORTS LOOK
Tom Ford and Thomas Tait did it, in very different ways; but with hooded tops, wide shorts, sport jackets and saturated colour blocking. 

4. SHAPED JACKETS
Many looked moulded to create exaggerated, over-sized shapes. From cocoon coats to Moto jackets to cropped blazers. The shaped jacket was the seasons must have. 

5. RUFFLED HEMS
Almost every label showed skirts with ruffled hems; the most common silhouette being a below the knee pencil skirt with flirty trim.

6. EMBELLISHMENT 2.0
Crystals appeared on many a dress offering the glitz and glam.

7. COLOR BLOCKED SHOES
Many designers went for three, and the best of them incorporated metallics too. 

8.PRETTY PASTELS
On lace dresses, sporty over coats, water color print suits or rubber ribbon skirts, soft pastels were often the choice palette.

9. THE MOTO JACKET
Just when you thought you'd seen them all, new versions of this fashion staple pop up. This season, elongated silk printed styles (spotted at Mulberry) and two-tone shapely, minimalist leathers (spotted at Thomas Tait) were the best.
 

The Burberry Collection was my favorite. The finale ended with a metallic rainbow of trench coats. How very posh!

Out of the 5 days the show stopper without a doubt was from Vivienne Westwood. Her collection was held at the Foreign & Commonwealth Office to declare a message of support for Julian Assange. The models appeared with green makeup on their faces and Deborah Harry sang live. For the show's finale Ms. Westwood appeared on the runway to take her bow wearing this: 

The 71 year old designer is still crazy and eccentric as ever and that's why the fashion world loves her.  This week the designers in Milan are showcasing their collection and then Paris will have their turn. God, I love September!

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My loyal and dear readers, it's finally Friday

Whatever your plans are have a splendid first weekend of Autumn.~x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess