An Evening Gown With A Hard Hat

Cocaine Princess here.

To review:

ME: What is the point of you guys then? Aren’t you in the business of controlling animals?

ANIMAL CONTROL: We only make immediate house calls if there happens to be an endangered species at risk.

Me: Endangered species? So like if someone reported a Bengal tiger was pinned underneath their car animal control would respond right away?

ANIMAL CONTROL: Yes, that would be a good example.

ME: Let me ask you a question-- how many calls do you receive from people on average per day in this region reporting an endangered species at risk on their property or for that matter how many calls do you get about a Bengal tiger running around in their neighborhood?

ANIMAL CONTROL: It’s possible.

ME: Really? I had no idea tigers were known to roam around Canada. You think they're friends with Tony the Tiger?

ANIMAL CONTROL: Animals have been known to escape from zoos. Ever seen Madagascar?

Brilliant! I’m talking to a frigging comedian on the other end. The only help he offered was that we purchase a trap from a home improvement store and then to hand the cats over to an animal shelter.

The night before sister and I went shopping for the great cat contraption, I was sitting on the couch when sister noticed the deep look on my face and questioned what was on my mind.

ME: Oh, I'm just thinking about what to wear tomorrow.

SISTER: We're going to Home Depot darling and not to a black tie affair.

ME: That doesn't mean I can't look good. Any ideas?

SISTER: An evening gown with a hard hat.

Saturday Afternoon
Never in a million years did I imagine that one day I'd be spending a Saturday afternoon (or any other day for that matter) inside one of those home improvement stores purchasing a cat trap. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.  

Unfortunately this store didn’t have a concierge service so I had to flag someone down wearing a bright orange apron who led us to aisle 7. According to the employee he said it was the perfect trap for pests, raccoons, skunks, groundhogs and what have yous.

ME: Does the what have yous include cats?

He nodded yes.

EMPLOYEE: If you have feral cats then this here trap is the best of the best.

He pointed to the box on the shelf while stating the above and explained all we had to do was pull back on the set handle and in seconds the trap would be ready to use.  The employee also happened to mention it came with a one year warranty. The damn steel contraption for those damn cats cost $89.95 and that was without the GST & PST. After placing it into the shopping cart I was more than ready to head to checkout but sister had other plans. She wanted to browse around the big box store some more.

ME: For what, a Phillips screwdriver? We got what we needed so let’s get out of here.

SISTER: They have a bedding department and I want to take a look.

Actually it didn’t turn out to be a bad thing. I picked up a new comforter for myself. Getting back to the cat trap.  The helpful employee in aisle 7 was correct, all we had to do was pull back on the set handle and voila, the trap was good to go. We laid the trap in the middle of the backyard when the cats were sleeping. Game, Set, Trap! 

When I got out of bed the following morning the first thing I did was look out the window. Damn it! No cats had been trapped.

Since I had nothing else better to do that day I decided to observe the cats. I felt an animal behavior specialists watching their every move. The cats went near the trap, they went beside the trap and even behind the trap but they didn’t go inside the trap. Sister proposed we get some cat food and place it inside. After making the suggestion she looked at me.

ME: No, no. Don’t look at me. I’m not going to buy cat food. You do it.

SISTER: Just go into Metro (grocery store) and pick up a tin or two.

ME: No.

SISTER: Why?

ME: I just don’t want to. Don’t we have anything around the kitchen?

SISTER: What do you propose? A couple of Bagels with creme cheese?

ME: Who knows, maybe feral cats have a preference for them. If we don’t try how will we ever know?

Being the good little sister that I am I picked up cat food. (Another thing I never thought in a million years I’d be doing, buying cat food!) It came down between Purina and the generic brand. I figured those damn cats deserved the generic brand.

Monday Morning

Yes, the trap with the cat food worked but there was a slight problem.

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My loyal and dear readers, it’s finally Friday.

Whatever your plans are have a fabulous weekend. ~x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess