6 Un-Identified Silver Cans

 Cocaine Princess here.

Have you ever been approached by a person conducting a survey while you’re in the mall? Survey people at the mall are easy to identify: they wear a laminated i.d. badge attached on a string around their necks and they hold a clipboard. I try my best to steer clear of them since their questions cut into my valuable shopping time but they stand right outside of the stores and at times it’s impossible to avoid them, and even if you don’t make eye contact with them they make it a point to come right up into your face as was the case one day: I had come out of Chapters-Indigo after purchasing the awesome new Gorillaz  CD when I was approached by an elderly gentleman wearing a plaid shirt, docker pants, reading glasses on the top of his head, laminated i.d. badge and of course the clipboard. He asked me:

“Excuse me miss, may I take a moment to ask you a question?”

I was about to enter into one of my favorite stores. There was a really cute summer dress on the mannequin that I wanted to try on.

“Well I’m sort of busy-”

He cut me off.

“This will only take a second. Do you enjoy the refreshing taste of Coca-Cola?”

Without any hesitation I replied,

“Sorry but I prefer the refreshing taste of a Diet Dr. Pepper.”

“Thank you for your time,” he replied.

Going into the store I suddenly had one of those “A-ha! I have an idea moment.”

I came back out and Mr. Clip Board Man was still standing there looking for someone to take his survey.

“Do you see that female sitting over there, the one in the Ed Hardy sweats?”

He lowered his glasses and had a blank look on his face. I don’t think he had a clue as to who Ed Hardy was. So I said:

“The one eating a muffin.”

“Yes.”

“I know for a fact she enjoys the refreshing taste of a Coca-Cola. Trust me she really does.”

“Thank you,” he replied.

 He proceeded to walk over to where she was sitting. So who exactly was “the female.” My sister. “A” was sitting on one of the mall couches eating a snack and was planning on joining me as soon as she was done eating. It was funny: she was sitting with a group of men {and some women}. Honest to God the men looked like they had lost their will to live. A few were sitting there fiddling around with their i-Phones while the rest, based on their looks could be separated into 3 categories:

1} Why am I at the mall? There’s a great game on TV!

2} Why am I holding my beloved's shopping bags?
 
3} Shoot me now, please.

Anyways, Mr. Clip Board Man was talking to my sister. I’m assuming he asked her the same question. He then pointed at me and I’m assuming at that point he must have informed her I let him know she likes drinking Coke. I’m pretty sure he did because my sister gave me a really strange look. In return I gave her a thumbs up and went into the store giggling quietly to myself.

I had spent a good fair time shopping and when I exited Mr. CB. was sitting beside “A.” Hmm, this survey is taking longer than I expected. I went up to them. Sister smiled at me.

“Hello darling. Did you buy your dress?” she inquired.

“Yeah,” I replied opening the bag. “I bought a pair of earrings too. Are you finished here?”

“Part 1 is completed. All that is left is part 2 and I would really like for you to join me.”

“Huh?” I questioned.

Before I knew it sister got up and grabbed a hold of my lovely manicured hand very tightly. Again all I could say was, “huh?” The man explained: Part 2 of the survey involved looking at a picture and answering a few questions back in his office.

“I told this gentleman I wanted my sister present in the room with me and he was kind enough to sit here and wait for you.”

Hell, if I had known that I would have never come out of the store!

“My office is down that corridor.”

“Come on darling, let’s go.”

Following a few feet behind him I whispered to sister:

“Why are you dragging me into this?”

“Because you’re the one who wanted me to take the survey.”

“I didn’t expect you to say yes.”

I really didn’t think she would! I was expecting her to say: no thank you I’m not interested. I guess I wasn’t the only one in a cheeky mood that day. I tried shaking her hand off but her grip was quite firm.

“You’re holding my hand too tight.”

“Only so you won’t make the great escape.”

“Here’s an idea: the next time we go shopping why not just put one of those in-humane child leashes on me and then you can drag me around wherever you want.”

Right after I stated that a mall security guard passed us.

“What if I yelled HELP?”

“Go ahead, darling. Yell it.”

You know, sometimes sister just plain annoys me. We arrived at his office and there was a sign on the glass door: “Survey Management Group.” Upon stepping inside there was a receptionist stapling a bunch of papers. Behind her was a wall and on it was a dry erase board. Written in blue capital letters: DRINK SURVEY. FEMALES ONLY 18+. I wasn’t sure as to why males were excluded. Beyond her desk was a room full of cubicles and in order to get to this guy's “office” we had to zig zag through a frigging labyrinth. His cubicle was located in the far left corner. Allow me to describe his, ahem, office:

3 folding chairs and a fold out table with a laptop sitting on top and a calendar from State Farm Insurance tacked to the wall. How fancy! I noticed his chair had padding on it but ours didn’t. That's not fair. Why does he get the chair with the cushioning? Why do we have to sit on cold, hard steel ones? He started up his laptop and showed a picture of a 591ml Coke bottle. His 1st question:

“What do you think of this bottle?”

I asked:

“Did they design a new bottle. It looks a little different.”

He looked at me and replied,

“Shh. You’re not the one taking the survey.”

GOOD GRIEF!! Can you believe I was shushed by Mr. Clip Board Man?! I have never been told to shh before in my life! Okay except for my sister no one has ever shushed me. Tsk, tsk, tsk. That is definitely not a good thing for someone to do. I was in a state of shock for a good couple of minutes. My God, a total stranger telling the Princess to shush. Sheesh.

The next question:

“Do you have a preference for Coke or Pepsi or do you enjoy both?”

“I like Diet. Dr. Pepper,” I very quietly mumbled.

A few of his other questions:

“Do you buy Coke in packs of 6, 12 or 24?”

“Do you ever drink generic Coke?”

“How often do you drink Coke?”

“Every time she drinks Rum. A little R ‘n’ C,” I jokingly said.

Hey I thought it was funny but Mr. Clip Board Man was not amused:

“I’m only interested in hearing her answers, okay? I appreciate your silence. Thank you.”

Well excuse the hell out of me. Where did it officially say I wasn’t allowed to speak?  For the remainder I sat there with my mouth shut. DId I mention the chair was making my cheeks uncomfortable?

Clip-Board Man was reading the questions from his laptop and each time my sister would give her answer he would type in her reply. I kid you not the guy typed slower than Rod Blagojevich from “Celebrity Apprentice.” {If you watch the show you’ll understand that reference} Great I thought to myself. By the time he's done the mall is going to close.

When she was done answering the final question he left and returned with a plastic bag. Inside were 6 silver cans. He informed us it was the product he was asking questions about and wanted an opinion on the taste. Because I didn’t want to be shushed again I didn’t ask why the cans were not labeled? He went on to say in a few days my sister would be receiving an email from the survey group’s head office with a list of questions about the taste of the drink. Thank God for the email. For a second I thought sister would have to return back for a follow-up and knowing “A” she would have pulled me along with her. As he continued yapping I started to feel thirsty and decided to open up a can.

You know that sound a soda can makes the moment you pull back the tab? Well at that precise moment Mr. Clip Board Man said,

“NOOOOOOOOO!”

Given his reaction you’d think me opening the can would have somehow started WW3. He requested I hand the can back to him.

“This product is to be tested by her {sister} and her alone and needs to be chilled first. Do you understand?”

In one day not only was I shushed by a stranger but I was scolded by one. My mother never even scolded me. All I said was:

“I’m sorry.”

Believe me, he's lucky that's all I said.

Before leaving he required my sister’s email and then her signature on a form to indicate she willingly participated in the survey. To my surprise he wanted mine as well.

Whoa, whoa, back up Mr. Clip Board Man.

“Didn’t you make it clear I wasn’t apart of this survey and to remain quiet? So no, you don’t get my signature. However if you require that I sign something that states I’m here against my will I’ll be more than happy to lend you my signature.”

What a surprise he had no response, however he was quite pleasant to sister. Shaking her hand:

“Thank you for taking time out to help with the survey. Have a great rest of the day.”

Mr. Clip Board Man didn't shake my hand nor did he wish me a great day.

When we arrived home we chilled 2 cans in the freezer and I didn’t care what the man holding the clip board said. Here are the 6 Un-Identified Silver Cans. He replaced the one he confiscated from my hands. According to his instructions my sister is to have one can a day.
 

I was going to definitely have a taste of the drink! I mean come on, how's the man in the cubicle going to know, right? Thinking whether or not it was actually the drink Coke we poured both cans into two glasses. It was the same color as a Coke. Hmm, maybe it doesn’t taste like Coke, maybe it was Pepsi?

We both took a sip.......

Have you ever tasted Coke Zero? If you have then you know it’s a little watery and tasteless. This is exactly how the product tasted which made me wonder if The Coca-Cola Company was planning on discontinuing Coke Zero and re-introducing it as Coca-Cola 160 calories.

A couple of days later I actually found the bottle of Coke 160 calories at a store. I was right, they did re-design the bottle. I went online and found the official press release from their website.

 A new take on the current 20-ounce contour bottle......the new bottle has added texture and grip enhancements that make it easier to hold and a shorter cap that makes it easier to open. Its contemporary shape not only feels comfortable but also has appealing visual elements, such as an embossed Coca-Cola logo – similar to the glass contour bottle – and the signature dynamic ribbon.

But here’s the thing: the drink in the bottle didn’t taste anything like the ones in the cans. It was light but had flavor. I bought another bottle and gave it to “A.” She was in agreement about the taste as well so I have no idea what version of Coke was in the cans other than Coke Zero.

A week later “A” received an email with a few questions she had to respond too, mostly what she thought about the taste and whether or not she would recommend the drink to others. The next day she received not just an email thank you letter for participating but an E-Gift card to use towards the online store, amazon. The value? $5.00.

****

My loyal and dear readers can you believe it’s finally Friday. I didn’t think I would make it to the end of the week but I did.

Anyone remember this poem?
  

 One, two, Freddy's coming for you.

    Three, four, better lock your door.

    Five, six, grab your crucifix.

    Seven, eight, gonna stay up late.

    Nine, ten, never sleep again.

Tinseltown has remade Wes Craven’s “A Nightmare On Elm Street.” It opens today and I for one am planning on seeing it. It’ll be interesting to see how it compares to the original......which for obvious reasons I really, really like.

Whatever your plans are have a sensational first weekend of May.-x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

“Oh-Uh This Can Only Mean One Thing”

Cocaine Princess here.

Outside my neighborhood it’s pretty much all farm land and areas just filled with nothing but trees except for the section that is occupied by our new strip mall. Every morning when I go for my daily run I’ve noticed these bright yellow signs posted in the ground that say the above: FARMERS FEED CITIES! 

I saw a couple of more signs. One was an enormous size banner on the side of a farmer’s shed that had the words: “I'M NOT SELLING!!” On another farm there was a huge sign that read: “THIS LAND IS MY LAND! BACK OFF!” I thought to myself, “oh-uh this can only mean one thing. A developer has his eye on their property.”
 
Anyways, the big wigs at City Hall who have nothing else better to do with their time are requesting the farmers remove their signs but no reason was given. They're even considering passing a by-law that will prevent farmers from putting up such signs. Last week a group of angry farmers got together and marched into City Hall and argued, “Are you going to regulate the art we can hang in our living rooms too!” The next day they blocked the entire parking lot entrance with their tractors not allowing any officials into City Hall. The police were called and managed to calm the situation down but the farmers returned the next day. The farmers have made it very clear they will not be bullied around by City Hall or by the developers.

If this by-law gets passed it will be the most stupidest one to date. In my opinion: Let them keep their signs up. Seriously, what's the harm?


XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

A Drop Of Vodka In The Ear: The Final Chapter

Cocaine Princess here.

I know for the past couple of days all of you have been on the edge of your seat after reading Monday's post {April 19th} that can only be best described as a thrilling cliff-hanger! A nail biter! I know this because of the all comments I received! In total: 5. To those 5 readers I present to you the final chapter.

To review:

Because of what I had said, I couldn't believe what I had done: My sister, who was angry at me for uttering the words that I did to HK was trying to calm her down because she was all in a panic believing she actually would be boarding a flight back home and then there was me, the Princess with the flu trying to apologize to both of them AND if that wasn't enough all 3 of us were shouting at the top of our lungs! God knows why I was shouting since neither HK and “A” had trouble with their hearing. It was quite a sight. Had there been an outsider watching they would think they were not in a home but in a mental ward. Everyone was shouting and yes it was all my fault. Go ahead, point the finger at me.  And....then....it...happened.....

And then IT happened. What exactly happened and what exactly is "IT?" I'll tell you next week. I'm only kidding. There's no way to really put it other than I got sick. Right there in the midst of all the verbal chaos that was caused by me, I got sick. It came pouring out without any warning. Splash on the ceramic floors. Yeah it wasn't a pretty sight. Everyone was silent for a good couple of seconds. HK spoke:

"Oh missy you go lye down and I clean up."

Well at least one good thing came out of "it." Me getting sick put an end to all the shouting.

An hour after "it" occurred Doc-boy finally paid a visit. When he sat next to me I noticed his socks. They were black with bright yellow smiley faces all over. My first thought was he desperately needs a wardrobe consultant. Even though they absolutely didn't go with his outfit I thought they were kind of cute. 

8 years of medical school and the first thing he asked:

"You're not feeling well?"

No doctor I called you over for kicks! I'm just feeling dandy! Good grief what do you think?!" I was feeling so cranky that day. I didn't say that of course but I did say it in my mind. I gave him a rundown of my ailments in particular my ears.

After a thorough examination the final diagnosis was, Eustachian Tube Disorder. In plain language that translates simply as, Ear Infection. Some frigging virus made its' way into my ear canal. As he was writing me a prescription {and secretly hoping whatever drug he was going to prescribe was loaded with codeine} HK was hoovering over him. Just as Doc-Boy was about to hand me the prescription she said in a sing-songy way:

"Vodka work better."

Good grief! HK would not let go of this supposed miracle cure. Originally “A” wanted to hire a housekeeper from a British Agency. I flat out said NO.  Hmm, if I recall I may have said the word “HELL” in front of the word “NO.” A stuffy, uptight English person with no sense of humor? Please! I'm already related to one. Did I really want another one of them in my house? No worries, I'm just teasing. Except for being English my sister possesses none of those other qualities....at least most of the time she doesn't. After HK had said her words she returned back into the kitchen. The doctor looked at me and asked:

“What did she say?”       


Rather than give him a reply I decided to ask him a question. I wanted to know how long it would take for my hearing to go back to normal? I was assured within a few days I would begin to feel better.


Fast forward to last Friday. The doctor was right. I was improving and felt better. The headache and sinus pain was gone and more importantly the painful drumming in my ear had decreased and as for my hearing, I could hear people but it was more of a muffled like tone. I stayed in Friday night and decided to watch “The Hurt Locker.” Because my hearing had not 100% returned I had the volume on the TV high. How high you ask? It was set at 47 which is pretty damn near ear shattering to someone whose ears aren’t blocked. “A” was in the den doing some work and I’m guessing all the loud action from the movie was bothering her. She came out and asked:

“Is it absolute necessary for you to watch it that loud?!”

Pointing to my ears I replied,
 
“Hello?! Have you forgot?!”

“Can't you go downstairs or in your room and watch the movie?!”


“No! I feel like sitting here!”

Picking up the remote “A” turned down the volume. The fluorescent green bars on the TV screen slowly vanished one by one until there were only 9 bars left. I complained that I could hardly hear a thing! Her brilliant solution? She turned on the Closed Captions and exited the room with the remote in her hand! Seriously that ticked me off for 2 reasons:


1} I dislike watching TV with the C.C. and she knew that. I find that I'm paying more attention reading and not what's happening on the screen.


2} Her taking the remote. At this point you maybe asking yourself why not just walk over to the television and turn off the C.C. and turn the volume back up? Oh if only it was that simple. For starters the TV is mounted pretty high up on the wall and 2nd the masterminds at Samsung not only decided to make the control buttons the size of a spec but they decided to place them on the top base part of the TV.

Honestly, what was her reason for taking the remote? Did she think I was going to turn the volume back up? I swear sometimes when she looks at me I feel she still sees me as that pudgy, little 5 year old girl. And perhaps this is why: With the C.C. on I decided to read the words on the screen out loud. I'm not sure if I was being childish or just plain cheeky but her taking possession of the remote bugged me! Man, if only I had a megaphone it would have been perfect! I wasn't as loud as volume 47 but I was loud enough for sister to come back out and pay me another visit. Trying to keep a straight face I asked,


“Did you miss me?”

“Are you going to continue to read out loud every single word?”

“Maybe,” I replied.  

Sister went into the kitchen and opened up one of the cabinets and returned back with a packet of Sucrets. Placing them down on the coffee table in front of me she said,

“Okay, then I suggest you suck on a Sucrets. You just got over your sore throat. I wouldn't want you getting another one darling.”

She then left shutting the door to the den behind her. I suppose I don't have to tell you which one out of us won that battle. I was forced to watch the rest of the movie on volume 9. I didn't so much watch it as I did read it.

 Fast foward 2 days later to Sunday April 18th. 

Sunday afternoon I sneezed. This was not an ordinary sneeze. It was extraordinary, in fact it was so extraordinary that even Sneezy from Snow White and The 7 Dwarfs would be proud. So why I am babbling on about a sneeze? Yes my lovelies the wait is finally over. The answer.....wait! The question is worth repeating:

So why I am babbling on about a sneeze? 

Are you ready for the answer? 

Alrighty here it comes:

Thanks to that one sneeze my ears popped and just like that I could hear again.

See my lovelies, I told you it was an “extraordinary sneeze.” You know there's a saying,“Health Is Wealth.” Let me tell you how very true that is.

Now that I am well, peace and calmness has finally returned to my household.

No one is shouting at the top of their lungs. 

The TV is set at a comfortable volume and most importantly,

I did not send my housekeeper back to Southeast Asia. She is currently still happily residing here in North America. 

 

*****

My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday. I made it to the end of the week.

Whatever your plans are have a twinkling weekend.-x

XOXOXOXO,

Cocaine Princess

A Drop Of Vodka In The Ear

 Cocaine Princess here.

Hello my lovelies. I missed my Friday entry and it was a really good one too: “6 Un-Identified Silver Cans.” I’ll post that one shortly.

Not only did I miss putting up my entry but I missed also my weekly mani/pedi appointment. I heard the salon was sick with worry at my absence.

I have a very good excuse for not posting on Friday. I was ill. Read on:

Sunday April 18th 

Sunday afternoon I sneezed. This was not an ordinary sneeze. It was extraordinary, in fact it was so extraordinary that even Sneezy from Snow White and The 7 Dwarfs would be proud. So why I am babbling on about a sneeze? Let’s rewind back to last Sunday April 11th where it all began:

I woke up feeling so-so. I was a little under the weather and to be on the safe side I took a Dayquil. Monday morning arrived and I went from feeling so-so to terrible. My head felt like it was in a vice grip, my sinuses felt like a ton of bricks were lying on top, my throat felt like it was on fire and my stomach was doing flip flops. On Tuesday things went from terrible to dreadful. My ears were in massive pain. How massive you ask? Let’s just say I was convinced that skirt-chasing drummer from “The Muppets” had set up his awesome drum set in both of my ears and was banging on them like there was no tomorrow. I could hardly hear a thing except for a painful drumming sound so in order for me to hear anything a person would have to speak in their shouting voice, which really didn’t do much for my headache. I was in flu hell! I have been sick more times this year than any other year. I kept popping Tylenol every 4hrs hoping it would target and rid the pain just like their ads claim. You know what? The Tylenol company lies. It was time to seek professional medical attention. My sister put in a call to the doctor. That same day my housekeeper {HK} came by. She comes by 1-2x a week and is a very kind lady from the Philippines who hums a great deal as she cooks and cleans. She refers to me always as Missy and my sister, Missy Senior. Being fully aware of the condition I was in she said in a very loud voice: “Missy, no doctor! I help you!” At that particular moment I was curled up on the couch under the blanket and in excruciating pain. My housekeeper sat down beside me with a plate and on top was a clove of garlic. Hmm....2 immediate things came to mind:

1} 
I knew she was de-boning a chicken so perhaps she wanted to know if I wanted her to add some garlic?

2}
She was going to make chicken with garlic and somehow me eating that would cure my ear ache? I wasn't really in the mood to eat.

Good grief I was way off target. She explained. HK was planning on piercing a piece of garlic and then dropping the juice into my ear canal. It was one of those home remedies and I would just like to say EWW! Without any hesitation I declined. She got up, returned to the kitchen and came back with a frying pan that had an onion in it. I looked at her and thought, what are you planning on doing? Frying an onion and then sticking it in my ear? This time I almost hit the bulls-eye. She was planning on chopping and frying the onion. After the onion had cooled down she was going to drain it through a cheesecloth and when the onion liquid had cooled, pour it into my ear. If I said no to the garlic juice what percentage of a chance did she think I would say yes to the onion juice? I was beginning to wonder if maybe she had gotten high from the cooking fumes but she hadn’t even started cooking yet. Again, I declined and this time when I did I let out a tiny cough.

“I have cure for cough Missy!”


 Oh really? You have a cough remedy. Whatever could it be? Drink a glass of liver juice? I wasn’t keen on knowing what it was so I didn’t bother asking. I closed my eyes and patiently waited for the doctor while the loud drumming in my ears continued at full blast.

You know how sometimes you can feel someone is nearby even though your eyes are closed? Well with my eyes closed I could sense someone was near me. Oh, I was so wishing it would be Johnny Depp with a bouquet of orchids for me but I knew it was you know who and was wondering what stinky veggie she had brought by now. My lovelies there was no stinky veggie. HK was holding a bottle of Vodka she had gotten from our bar down in the rec room. I kid you not. I have to admit I was curious in knowing what home made cure for an ear ache involved a bottle of Russian Standard, or, was she just planning on getting me drunk so I would pass out and then she could make her move and pour both smelly juices down my ear? So I asked and was I ever sorry I did.


“Vodka, old remedy! One drop in ear and no more pain!”

From her apron pocket she pulled out a dropper.

“I put one drop in! It will burn a little but pain in ear will go away!”

It will burn a little? Not exactly a great selling point!

I put my hands over my precious ears and told her how much I appreciated her concern but would rather wait to hear what the doctor had to say. Removing my hands from my ears she said:


“Missy please believe me, it work for my children it will work for you! No more ear ache! Please try, okay?!”

No it’s not okay. Sheesh! I’ve heard of some pretty far out home remedies however a drop of vodka in the ear to rid an ear ache was a bit too much, at least I thought so. It’s not that I don’t believe in home remedies, for example: last summer I was stung by an evil little bee. His stinger got me right in the toe resulting in my entire foot swelling up. I kept applying "Insect Bite" creme to my foot hoping the swelling would go down. HK scoffed and voiced her opinion, “that stuff not gonna work. Vinegar better.” She soaked a towel in vinegar and then wrapped my foot in it. After about an hour the puffiness decreased as did the redness and pain. I do believe there is some truth in home remedies but at the same time I also believe doctors were put on this earth for a reason too. I got up and informed her I was going up into my bedroom to lye down and pray Doc-Boy would ring the bell within the next 5 minutes. Before actually making my way up I stepped into the kitchen for a sip of water with my vodka-pushing housekeeper following me like she was my own shadow. It’s bad enough having a sibling who constantly urges me to have a drinkie at night but now another person too? Although unlike “A” she wasn’t really shoving alcohol down my throat as she was trying to shove it into my ear canal. I went back to the family room, grabbed the blanket and proceeded into the foyer. If I had the strength to run I honestly probably would have but all I could do was take tiny steps and HK was slowly creeping behind me. She was like a panther waiting to pounce on its’ prey and I was her prey! Seriously what was it going to take for her to get the message? It was approaching 5pm and my sister arrived home from work. Hallelujah I thought. She’s known as the voice of reason so I was hoping she could talk some sense into HK. She had a stack of folders in her hands with construction paper hanging out from each of them. Putting the folders down on the floor along with her work bag and after removing and hanging up her coat she looked at the both of us and in a suspicious tone asked:

“Alright, what is going on here?!” 

Pointing at HK I replied:

“I don’t want the vodka.”

Sister looked at HK and the bottle she was holding.

“I don’t think she’s in any condition to drink!”

“No Missy Senior! No drink! I put vodka in her ear!”

Unlike me my sister knew precisely what she was talking about. 

“It’s an old curative darling! Some say a drop of vodka in the ear can soothe an ear ache!”

Okay it was official. I was the only one in the room who wasn’t schooled in Vodka 101.

“See, Missy Senior knows too! Come, let me help you! ”

As she began to approach me I hid behind “A” like a frightened little child.

“If she comes near me she’s on the next flight back to the Philippines.”

You don’t have to say it my lovelies because as soon as I said it I knew it was a very mean thing for me to say. Of course I didn’t mean a word of it. Blame my illness. If you recall I was in flu hell and feeling cranky so really it was the flu talking and not me. My sister turned around and oh boy she had that look, the furrowed eyebrow look. Trust me that’s never a good thing.

“Child, she’s just trying to help!”


All that came out of my mouth was pretty much, “I....I...” There was really no excuse on my end.

“Missy why you say that to me?! You don’t like me?!”

“Of course I like you. We both do.”

With a sad look on her face she said,

“Then why you say that?! Missy gonna send me back!”

Before I had a chance to answer sister spoke:

“Nobody is sending you back!”

“But Missy says she’s going too!”


Again, looking at me with those furrowed eyebrows:

“Look what you've done child! Are you happy?!”

I can honestly say I was not happy. I felt lousy and wanted to crawl under a rock. 

Once more all that came out of my mouth was just a bunch of:

“I...I...I...I...”
 
“I like you Missy and Missy Senior! You just like my family! Please let me stay! Please!”

Oh my God I was already feeling ill but hearing her say that made me feel even 10x more ill.


Because of what I had said, I couldn't believe what I had done: My sister, who was angry at me for uttering the words that I did to HK was trying to calm her down because she was all in a panic believing she actually would be boarding a flight back home and then there was me, the Princess with the flu trying to apologize to both of them AND if that wasn't enough all 3 of us were shouting at the top of our lungs! God knows why I was shouting since neither HK and “A” had trouble with their hearing. It was quite a sight. Had there been an outsider watching they would think they were not in a home but in a mental ward. Everyone was shouting and yes it was all my fault. Go ahead, point the finger at me. 

And....then....it...happened.....


To Be Continued.


XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

Easter Long Weekend

Cocaine Princess here.

I do hope my lovelies had a wonderful long weekend. For me this was the first Easter long weekend in years I’ve spent at a non tropical destination which means 2 things:

1} I have no tan on top of my already tanned complexion.

2} I returned home with no little bottles filled with sand and water. It’s a little thing of mine: I like collecting beach sand and ocean water from my tropical trips and not to brag but I have a nice little worldly collection. 

We departed on Good Friday. It didn't take very long to reach our destination. I think I've waited in traffic longer. The hotel we stayed in was simply marvelous and our suite despite not having a beach view was marvelous also. A lovely welcome gift basket was on top of the bed with a card that said: "Joyeuses Pâques." The basket was filled with Reese Pieces Eggs and those ooey-gooey Cadbury Easter Creme Eggs.

Before we left sister bought me a new journal and this was a very different kind of journal. To be exact it’s a journal for INSOMNIACS. "I Can't Sleep. A Journal For Passing Time when Insomnia Strikes." Long time followers of my blog are aware I have a little trouble embracing the night. This particular journal is for jotting down your thoughts whenever you can't sleep: What’s on your mind? What's keeping you up at night? The inside cover reads: “.....taming those wild thoughts so you can sleep can be a Herculean task......” Hey no argument from this Princess. It's those wild thoughts that keep me up all night tossing and turning. 

The journal is composed of blank pages on one side while on the opposite are quotes from celebrities about their frustrations with Mr. Sandman. God knows I have my frustrations with him along with Sheep #50. You all remember Sheep #50, right? If not here’s a quick review and those of you who do remember well too bad because you’re going to have to read through it again. Before you start to groan, no worries it's the short version.

When I can’t sleep I sometimes turn to the old fashioned remedies such as drinking warm milk, chamomile tea, taking a hot bath, staring at the window or counting sheep. More than often I'll count sheep. The sheep I picture in my head are the really cute animated ones with a bold number branded on the side of them, and one by one they jump over the fence........all except for Sheep #50 aka “The Stubborn One.” Instead of jumping it just stares at me. It doesn’t budge. A few times I have said out loud: ‘jump you piece of wool, jump!’ It won’t and that annoys the hell out of me. Not being able to fall asleep is annoying as it is but what’s even more annoying is having a sheep who refuses to co-operate. I just want to be able to sleep through the night. Is that too much to ask?

Getting back to my journal, here are a few of the celebrity quotes:

"I'm for anything that lets you sleep through the night, be it praying, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels."
-Frank Sinatra
 
"Sometimes I lay awake at night and ask, 'where have I have gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'this is going to take more than one night.'
-Charles M. Schultz

"How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack."
-Dorothy Parker
{Do you have any idea how many times I have asked that exact same question?} 

Not being able to sleep is terrible. You have the misery of having 
partied all night....without the satisfaction." 
-Lynn Johnson

 "A good gulp of hot whiskey at bedtime- not very scientific, but it helps."
-Sir Alexander Fleming

"When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake.
-Chuck Palahniuk
{Take it from me, there is truth in that}  
 
"There are two types of people in this world: Good and Bad. The Good sleep better, but the Bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more."
-Woody Allen
 {No need to guess which out of the 2 types I am}

"Hello darkness, my old friend I've come to talk to you again."
-Paul Simon
{Darkness and I are well acquainted but I don't do much talking. I mutter words under my breath to darkness}

"Sleep is the most moronic fraternity in the world, with the heaviest dues and the most crudest rituals."
-Vladimir Nabokov

"I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day, because it means it's going to be up all night."
-Steven Wright 
{The above quote is my favorite because it made me giggle, a lot!}

***** 

On Saturday I spent half a day at the spa getting a much needed pampering. I was very sore and believe me I had good reason for it. Later on, because the weather was extremely pleasant we took in some sights around town, found an awesome patio restaurant for lunch and then did a little shopping. I picked up a couple of things including a new evening bag and the latest C.D. by Taio Cruz.
 
For supper we dined at the hotel restaurant. The meal was wonderful. Sister suggested I have a little drinkie with it. I had my heart set on a margarita since that is my preferred drink of choice but “A” suggested I try something else for a change. From the menu she selected: 

Sunset Sparkletini:
"Can't decide between a sparkling cocktail and a martini? Why not have the best of both worlds? This refreshing drink includes Grey Goose L’Orange, Grand Marnier, freshly squeezed lemon juice, cranberry juice and Moet & Chandon Brut Champagne. Garnished with a fresh orange wedge."

I enjoyed it but I would have enjoyed a margarita much more.

EASTER SUNDAY

I wish I could say I had a delicious Easter Sunday breakie. I can't because it wasn't. I decided to order eggs. They were prepared very badly. Badly as in eww. Where's Chef Gordy when you need him?! Trust me he would have given the chef a well deserved verbal lashing. Sunday morning the restaurant was crawling with little children and when I say "crawling" I actually do mean "crawling." There were Easter eggs hidden all around the room including 2 under our table. I was tempted myself to pick one egg up but thought 'nah, it's for the children.' One little girl crawled her way over to us. Rather than place the eggs in her basket and continue with her hunt she sat there without a care in the world unwrapping the metallic foil around the egg and eating it right there on the spot. I peaked underneath and asked, 'how's it going?' Her reply? A big smile.

Since Sunday was a holiday there wasn't very much open around town. “A” and I hung around the hotel, there was plenty to do. We hit the pool which was just like going to the beach and what I mean by that: it was packed! Inflated beach balls were flying all over the place. I had fun but I'd take the sweet ocean air over the smell of chlorine any day. 

The evening could not come soon enough for me. As I blogged in my previous post Easter for me is all about the SHOES! SHOES! SHOES! I wore a pink and silver dress and decided on silver strappy sandals.

 
The restaurant's special of the night was the fish. Since I dislike seafood of any kind I went with the steak. My tongue was thirsting for a Margarita but our waiter kept pushing another drink: "FAMEous Caesar." I wasn't interested. I wanted my margarita. He was so pushy that I order the drink I honestly was beginning to wonder if he was going to receive some type of bonus every time a guest ordered one. Against my better judgment I said yes. 

 FAMEous Caesar: 
"Created for Ernest Hemingway at Harry’s New York bar in Paris during the roaring 1920s, this FAMEous cocktail will forever go down in history as simply delicious. Horseradish infused vodka mixed with our in-house FAMEous Caesar Mix garnished with a skewered cucumber, olive, lemon wedge, and celery stalk."

I urge you to re-read the above. Do you see the part where it says This FAMEous cocktail will forever go down in history as simply delicious.  In my book it will forever go down in history as the 2nd most God awful drink I've ever tasted. I found it anything but delicious. It was disgusting. Bleech. Although his choice of drink was poor I still left the pushy waiter a generous tip.

We returned home late Monday....and yes I had my margarita. Easter Monday at approximately 12:30pm.

So there you have it a rundown of how I spent my long weekend.

*****

My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday.

Whatever your plans are have a tremendous weekend.-x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess

Spring Time: New Shoes

Cocaine Princess here.

It was touch and go for awhile and some of us had lost all hope but it happened. It finally happened. Spring has sprung. The effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder have vanished. Trust me the lack of light during the winter months can make a person grumpy. All I can say is, it’s about damn time Mother Nature and even though you don’t deserve it after the snow and ice you unleashed on us, thank you. Thank you for bringing spring to us.

Yes my lovelies it’s that time of year again where all you see are pastel colors, dyed eggs, jelly beans and adorable bunnies. Bunnies so adorable where the moment you lay your eyes on them all you want to do is pick them up and cuddle them. No, I’m not talking about the bunnies who live in the mansion. I’m referring to the other bunnies. You know the ones with a soft, white fluffy tail. Hmm, now that I think about it both type of bunnies have a white and soft fluffy tail.

The meteorological conditions have improved up here. The air smells better, a little more fragrant. What a joy it is to be able to wake up in the mornings and open up the blinds and not having to see my windows covered in snow or not having to bundle up each time I need to go out. Replacing heavy sweaters are light spring clothing. The best part? My stilettos! Yes my precious stilettos are back and the moment my tootsies slid into them I closed my eyes and said, ahhh. The feeling was nothing less than sheer bliss. To celebrate I did a little happy dance in the garage one day. I no longer need to wait for salt trucks to salt the sidewalks so I can go for my morning jogs and I even don’t mind being chased by the dogs. I'm not sure why but when I'm out for my run there's at least 1 or 2 dogs who bolt from their owners and begin chasing after me. Oh and speaking of dogs the arrival of spring also means the hideous creature with 4 legs will be spending more time outdoors. This is the part where I let out a depressing sigh. I do believe that is the only downside to spring. Please don’t get me wrong: I’m not a dog hater but seriously the creature gets more and more hideous each time I see it. I keep wondering is it a dog or is it a creature with fur that escaped from a science lab? Its’ bark is even weird sounding. It's not a normal typical doggie bark. I do admit it melts my heart the way my neighbor’s children shower their creature-pet with affection.

Besides the weather improving so have people’s moods. There is a happy spring in their step and I no longer hear anyone on the street cursing like a drunken sailor while shoveling the driveway. Frick and Frack and the rest of the gang have packed up and left and in their place pretty little birdies have arrived, chirping ever so sweetly that you can’t help but want to whistle. All the little lambs have replaced their toboggans and are now peddling around on their bikes or they’re cruising around on their scooters while holding a slushie in one hand, and parks are getting cleaned up for the up-coming baseball and soccer season. 

We covered our front porch in plastic grass and on top is a basket of glittery Easter eggs and a 3ft high bunny surrounded by yellow chickies. They’re motion sensored so when you walk by them they say “cheep, cheep, cheep” like real baby chicks. Indoors we bought several Easter lilies and orchids which are an absolutely must of mine. For outdoors, this year we decided to plant tulips.

Springtime of course also means Easter and you all know what that means: The tradition of buying new shoes! What? Did you think I was going to say eating chocolate eggs? Perhaps, but for me even when I was little it's always been about the shoes. I purchased a shiny pair of heels adorned with crystals to wear on Sunday with my new dress not too long ago but then I saw another pair and just had to buy them too. Remember girlies, you can never have too many shoes.  

****

The long weekend is officially here and I’m leaving for a mini vaycay later on in the day. My bag is packed and I downloaded a couple of new songs to listen to while I chill.  

So, where am I going you ask?

1. Is it a place where I will be wearing my new red bikini with a gold nautical on the backside of the bikini bottom by the outdoor pool?

2. Is it a place where I can dig my pedicured toes in the warm silky sand? 

3. Is it a place where I can sip a tasty margarita or chug back a shot made from a lethal mixture under a palapa hut?

4. Is it a place where I will be needing to pack my Banana Boat Sunblock with SPF 75?

5.Is it a place where I will be wearing a polar bear sized bathrobe because the a/c is cranked high in the hotel suite?

6. Is it a place where I will be dining under a twinkling sky and then dancing the night away to latin rhythms?

ANSWER: A BIG FAT NO TO ALL THE ABOVE.

Because I went away at Christmas/New Year and since I was away last Easter, sister wanted to spend this long weekend with me. Oh boy was I ever excited. Right off the top of my head I gave her 5 different sweltering locations only to have each of them shot down. Good grief when she told me where she wanted to spend the weekend. Not only was I stunned but speechless as well. My mistake for not setting any rules before saying yes: Rule # 1: It must be a tropical location. The place she selected is anything but tropical. Believe me it’s worth another good grief! The only thing that gives me comfort is the hotel we're staying in has one awesome spa. Well, at least this Easter I won't be bitten by a mosquito on the tip of my nose.

Like every renewal of spring, animals {and some humans} come out of hibernation, trees begin to grow leaves, seeds are planted in the soil and gardens are landscaped. Springtime is here. A time for optimism, a feeling of renewal, rebirth, hope and new possibilities. 

Happy Easter/Springtime Renewal. May the renewal of Spring enlighten you. 

Live, Laugh and Love my lovelies and be a little naughty too. Just imagine how dull life would be if we couldn't cut loose every now and then. 

****

My loyal and dear readers it's finally Friday, a Good Friday that is.


Whatever your plans are have a joyous and eggstravgant long weekend.-x  


XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess