Friday, June 10, 2011

Do Not Wake The Bear

****Update below: Monday June 13th****
Cocaine Princess here.

Sometimes I wish I was equipped with a built~in timer so I could program what time I would like to fall asleep and what time I would like to wake up.  

Loyal readers of my blog are well aware the ability to fall asleep does not come so easy for me. It’s a constant battle. In fact it’s no exaggeration when I write sleep is my enemy and insomnia is my best friend.  Sure, we all have those sleepless nights but for me it’s sometimes a nightly event.  

"Sleep is like the unicorn - it is rumored to exist, but I doubt I will see any."— Anonymous

I have good months and I have bad months. A good month can be described when the moment I start feeling sleepy, I’m able to fall asleep and stay lifeless for a good 6~7 hours. A bad month, although I may feel sleepy I’m not able to fall asleep. Currently I’m having a bad month. This past week I’ve been so tired I can’t keep my eyes open yet when I go to bed I can't sleep, which has led me to believe 1 of the 2 following conclusions: 1} I’m too tired to sleep. 2} I’ve forgotten how to sleep. I had also a 3rd one: I'm a Vampire. Since I don't burn to a crisp when I step into daylight I can definitely rule that one out.

It use to be the more I'd fight to fall asleep the worse it would get. I now either lye in bed twiddling my thumbs as I stare at the ceiling while quietly repeating over and over: “why can’t I sleep?” Yes I know--- uttering those words doesn't help. Or, I obsessively keep looking at my alarm clock every 2~3 minutes to see how much time is left 'til the alarm goes off.

"Life is too short to sleep on low thread-count sheets."  ~Leah Stussy

There is truth in the above quote! 

Since my sister has flat out refused to club me over the head even after I offered a generous sum of money, I have tried nearly every possible remedy under the sun: taking hot baths, exercising at night and relaxation CDs– seriously, what is so calm about the sound of raging thunder and lightning? If anything it’s damn annoying. I even tried several types of herbal teas: some of them worked but now their ability to let me have a good nights' rest no longer works. A while back I tried one that went by the name of “Sleepy Time Tea.” Wow, talk about an ingenious name! I wonder how long it took the advertising execs to come up with that one? On the box was a cartoon picture of a bear wearing a nightshirt and sleeping in a recliner. Next to him was a table with a tea~pot. Oh, did I mention the bear was living in a neatly decorated cottage? I had a good feeling with this particular tea after all it had a picture of a rested mammal so how could it not work, right? I drank the tea every night for 2 solid weeks. Guess what? The damn thing didn’t work. Not even one frigging yawn came out of my mouth! Speaking of bear....Wednesday at around 3am I went into sister’s room. {Sometimes I’ll climb into bed with her} She was sleeping like how she always sleeps: like a bear in hibernation. Out of nowhere I had the sudden urge to find some type of object and poke her awake with it. A shrunken version of that tempter with the pitchfork stood on my shoulder whispering, “Psst...hey Princess, if you can’t sleep, why should she? Wake her! Wake her up now!” After much deliberation I decided it was best I not awaken the bear. The bear had work that morning. I wasn’t so much thinking of sister as I was her students. I didn’t want them dealing with a grumpy teacher on account of my devilish prank.

 "Who said nights were for sleep?" ~Marilyn Monroe

This week rather than lay in bed twiddling my thumbs, here are some of the fun things I pursued in the wee hours of the night.

I tried my hand at Sudoku before and decided to give it another go in hopes the dullard game would put me to sleep. Again, instead of relaxing me it provided nothing but sheer frustration. Good grief, I have no idea how my sister is able to conquer these puzzles without the use of a calculator.

I re~arranged my shoe closet. My winter boots were still on the shelf so I boxed each one  up and returned them back to the storage room, then I arranged my spring~summer stiletto collection according to color.

I spent one entire night staring out the window and saw a few people walking between the hours of 12am~2am. Close by is a strip mall with a 24hr grocery store, gas station/convenience store and of course a Tim Hortons. I’m assuming those folks were either coming or going to work.

I do this when I can’t sleep: I’ll test out different places to sleep throughout the house: the living room, family room, rec room, guest bedrooms etc. Unlike Goldimouse, err I mean Goldilocks I didn’t find anything that was “just right.”

I'm been functioning this past week in a semi~conscious like state and my body feels like it's being weighed down by cement blocks. I wish my best friend insomnia would pack its’ bag and take a permanent vacation from me. I miss being able to hit my head on the pillow and fall peacefully asleep. I miss waking up feeling refreshed and rested. I miss having dreams. I wish sleep would return to me. I wish Sheep #50 would quit being so rebellious! By the way, whoever said “counting sheep” helps you fall asleep has obviously never met the stubborn flock I deal with.

Once more it looks as if I'll be seeing the sun peak through my blinds to greet me. Shortly after that my alarm will go off and my workout regime will commence. They say every cloud has a silver lining and although these past few days I've roughly gotten about 2~3hrs of slumber, here is my silver lining for the week: not once during my morning jog have I encountered that damn hairy, beast.
Mr Sandman if you’re reading this, allow me to slip into blissful oblivion already. Hmm, or maybe I need the help of a man to fall asleep......
......José Cuervo. What did you think I was going to say? Tsk, tsk, tsk, shame on you lovely ones especially if you were thinking something cheeky.


Today is June 10th. 11 days remain until the 1st day of summer. My lovelies, I present to you Countdown To Summer Drinkie #10:

"Benjamin's Age Reverser"

pomegranate juice


   "If you have seen the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, or even if you know what the story is about you will understand the name of this cocktail. The key ingredient to this "age-defying" cocktail is the pomegranate, which is rich with anti-oxidants and an invigorating ingredient. The drink is a nice rum cocktail."

*2 oz 10 Cane Rum
*1 oz pomegranate juice
*3/4 oz fresh squeezed lemon juice
*Dash of simple syrup
*Pomegranate seeds or lemon twist for garnish 

1.In a mixing glass, combine all ingredients.
2.Add ice and shake vigorously.
3.Strain into martini glass.
4.Garnish with pomegranate seeds or lemon twist. 

Tomorrow Drinkie #11.

Today is June 11th. 10 days remain until the 1st Day of Summer. My lovelies, I present to you Countdown To Summer Drinkie #11:

"Juno-Go Citrus Splash"
The June-go Citrus Splash - Malibu Rum
"The June-go Citrus Splash is in honor of the film Juno. It is simple and fruity, combining mango and pineapple flavored rums with orange juice for a tall, refreshing mixed drink. This cocktail shines with fresh squeezed orange juice, an effort you’ll find worth your while."

*1 Part Malibu Mango Rum
 *1 Part Malibu Pineapple Rum
 *Orange juice

 1.Build the ingredients in a highball glass over ice.

Tomorrow Drinkie #12

****Today is June 12th. 9 days remain until the 1st Day of Summer. My lovelies, I present to you Countdown To Summer Drinkie #12:

"The Blood and Sand is one of the few Scotch cocktails that is a true classic. The complete history is somewhat shaky, but it is accepted that it was inspired by the movie Blood and Sand. The original film was produced in 1922 (starring Rudolph Valentino) and was remade in 1941 (starring Tyrone Powers) and again in 1989 (with Sharon Stone)."

{"The cocktail is a beautiful one with a touch of sweetness. Cherry Heering is a great option for the brandy and fresh squeezed orange juice is definitely recommended."}

*3/4 oz Scotch whisky
*3/4 oz Cherry brandy
*3/4 oz Sweet Vermouth
*3/4 oz Orange Juice
*Orange slice for garnish

1.Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice.
2.Shake well.
3.Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
4.Garnish with an orange slice. 

 Tomorrow Drinkie #13.

Today is June 13th. 8 days remain until the 1st Day of Summer. My lovelies, I present to you Countdown To Summer Drinkie #13:

"The Charlie Chaplin Cocktail"

""The Charlie Chaplin Cocktail was one of the premier drinks of the Waldorf-Astoria prior to 1920. The equal mix of lime, apricot brandy and sloe gin is documented in A.S. Crockett's The Old Waldorf-Astoria Bar Book and it's a nice, gentle mix, although rather thick and sweet."

*1 oz apricot brandy
*1 oz sloe gin
*1 oz fresh lime juice
*Lime peel for garnish

1.Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice.
2.Shake well.
3.Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
4.Garnish with a lime peel.

Tomorrow Drinkie #14


My loyal and dear readers, it’s finally Friday.

Whatever your plans are have a sparkling weekend. ~x

Cocaine Princess


Anonymous said...

Hey Latina-- why did Golidlocks have trouble sleeping?

--She has having nightbears. Thank you. I'll be here all week

Anonymous said...

Maybe the tea works only on bears?

Anonymous said...

Try mixing a little bourbon in hot milk-- guarantee to put you to sleep.

Cocaine Princess said...

Anonymous at 8:26,

Anonymous at 10:48,
Hmm, milk and bourbon together doesn't sound very tasty.

BamaTrav said...

Whiskey, nyquil zzzzzzzzz.

Cocaine Princess said...

BamaTrav at 12:53,
Nyquil shooters!

Red Shoes said...

Wow... I wish I had seen these drink recipes yesterday... I don't have much of any of that in my alcohol stash...

It should be against the law for someone to fall asleep as easily as I can...

I hope that your sleep situation improves... :o)


The Constant Complainer said...

You know, I hate to say this and you're going to hate me for it. But I have never had a problem falling asleep. My wife says that it amazes her and almost as if I can do it on queue. I decide it's time and I shut my eyes and out within seconds. I'll send you the vibes via ESP to be able to do the same. Hang in there!

Cocaine Princess said...

CC at 4:51,
Look forward to those vibes.
P.S. So glad you're back to blogging!!