Cocaine Princess here.
I looked at sister and said:
ME: Thanks to you we’re going to be on an episode of COPS.
My lovelies, you must be dying with curiosity to know what made me say that? Permit me to explain the events that lead up to it.
This may sound strange but one of the few ways I enjoy relaxing and unwinding is by going shopping. I can’t explain why but hitting the mall can sometimes help alleviate any type of stress I may be under. Hmm...I guess that explains the phrase Retail Therapy. Last Saturday I drove into the city with sister for a little relaxation. I was in one of my preferred stores trying on a pair of shoes. Admiring how they looked on me in front of the full length mirror, my sister who was sitting on one of the store’s plush chairs asked a pressing question:
A: Do you really need to buy another pair of shoes, Imelda?
ME: Yes, I do.
A: Don’t you have 5 pairs in that color already?
ME: No, Miss Smarty Pants. I have 4 and not one of them is in this style.
Sister shook her head and let out a little sigh to which I replied:
A: I was going to tell you this later but I think now is the perfect time. I signed you up for “Shop~Aholics Anonymous.” They meet 2x a week. Come on my little darling repeat after me: “My Name is Colombian Princess and I am a shop~aholic.”
Choosing to ignore her comical remark, I asked what she thought about the shoes. I was trying on a pair of khaki colored gladiator style stilettos. Most all of the gladiator sandals I’ve seen are flat so I was more than giddy with excitement when I laid my eyes on a pair with heels.
A: They look sweet on you.
After removing them from my pedicured feet I signaled for the sales girl to pack them up for me. Sister continued:
A: Buying shoes is an absolute need for you today?
I nodded yes while strapping back on the sandals I came in with.
ME: I need them badly.
A: I think you mean you want them badly.
ME: No, I really need them.
A: You really don't know the difference of wanting something and needing something, do you?
ME: Look, I’ve had a tough and tiring week so I made the decision to treat myself, okay?
A: I’m sorry I had no idea.
A: What happened, did you chip a nail and your manicurist couldn’t fit you in? I can only imagine how tough it must have been for you to walk around with an un~manicured nail.
WOW! Sister was on a roll that day!
ME: Why are you trying to spoil my day of shopping?
A: Darling, I’m teasing. You buy whatever your heart desires.
Hey, when it comes to shopping that’s always been my motto and it’s a mighty fine good one too! After paying for the shoes I headed over to the store's second level to pick up a couple of more things I needed badly, including a cute, silk red top adorned with black lace beading.
When I was done shopping and as we waited for the valet to bring the car around, “A” mentioned she wanted to pop inside another store to pick up a few things for the house. I suggested she write out a list and have housekeeper pick them up.
A: Why, when I can do it myself? The store isn't that far from here. It won't take long, we'll be in and out in a flash. I promise.
The particular department store sister wanted to shop in I sincerely dislike with a capital “D.” I had been in there once before and all I can say is the place was like a damn zoo.
Upon entering inside we saw a middle~aged woman wearing a red smock with a name tag attached to it that read, “GREETER” and written below was her name. She wasn’t doing her job and I say that because she didn’t greet us in any way. Hell, she didn’t even offer a smile. The woman in the red smock stood stiff with her hands behind her back. Had she not brought her hand forward to scratch her head I might have mistaken her for a mannequin. In close proximity to her were the shopping carts and baskets. I was relieved when “A” picked up a basket because it meant she didn’t have a lot to buy. I wasn’t too keen on hanging around the zoo.
Most of the things sister was purchasing could have been bought at the same place I bought my shoes, only in a much better brand and I let her know. Her reply:
A: Unlike you I’m not too interested in designer names. It doesn't bother me knowing the candle I have lit doesn't come from a big time fashion house in Europe.
It would definitely bother me and this time I was the one left shaking my head and sighing. As I’ve blogged before, my dear sister and I are opposites in nearly everything under the sun. After getting a few more items we proceeded to the check~out area. There were 6 lanes and 4 were open. All 4 lanes were quite lengthy and had approximately the same number of people so at random we stood in lane #3. The cashier worked in an efficient manner and the line was moving along quite smoothly until she shut off her light and left! Did I mention there were still a good 10~12 people in front of us and also several more behind us? Needless to say the customers in line weren’t amused. As one customer stated in high volume, “I guess it was too much for her to tell us she was closing up!” Curious to see what the cashier’s reaction was I turned around and judging by the way she was walking the cashier didn’t give a damn and like the greeter she too didn’t say a word. Those of us who had been abandoned glided over into the next lane, except for one person who decided to cut in front of several people with shopping carts. His “perfectly rational excuse” when confronted by the woman he now was standing in front of, as well as the others:
LINE CUTTER: I have 2 items. You all have a full cart.
He had a bottle of Scope Mouthwash and a box of tissues. Hmm, so I suppose it made sense in his mind because he had less things he should be allowed ahead of those who don’t?
FEMALE CUSTOMER: I don’t care how many items you have. You wait your turn like everyone else!
After being confronted he shrunk down to about 10 inches tall- at least that's what the expression on his face said. Seriously, what did he expect was going to happen? Did he honestly believe he wouldn’t be confronted? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he did was wrong and dis~respectful. Without even apologizing he stepped away to return back to his spot BUT the individual who was now there refused to budge.
MALE CUSTOMER: Sorry Cue~Ball you just lost your spot. End of the line for you.
In case you’re wondering Line Cutter was, ahem, follically challenged. Taking his shopping cart the male customer positioned it in a vertical~like way, in order to block him from getting back in. After putting down his items on the floor, Cue~Ball, err I mean Line Cutter physically put his hands on the cart in attempt to move it. They're behaving like idiots, I thought to myself. I was always under the impression humans have evolved a long way since the days of the caveman but after the spectacle I witnessed it became clear to me traces of caveman DNA are still present in some humans today. The entire cash area came to a stand still as grown adults fought over a spot in line which prompted the cashier to pick up her phone and over its’ intercom stated the following:
“Security ASAP to Lane 2! Security ASAP to Lane 2!”
I looked at sister and said:
ME: Thanks to you we're going to be on an episode of COPS.
To Be Continued....
***For the drinkie portion click here.
In the entry below this one I posted a Madonna video. I’ve been listening/watching a lot of her music as my battle for slumber continues. I love her entire collection of songs but her early stuff I find to be her finest work to date. One of the Material Girl's biggest hits came from the soundtrack “At Close Range.” Live To Tell, is an incredible ballad. I especially love the music, I love the way Madonna sings it and how she looks in the video, old school Hollywood.
My loyal and dear readers it’s finally Friday.
Whatever your plans are have a tender and loving weekend.~x