Friday, February 1, 2013

Cannibals & Clowns

Cocaine Princess here.

Sleep continues to be a mystery for me. Night after night I wander aimlessly in Insomnia~Land. I’m afraid if I don’t leave soon I’ll become a permanent resident instead of a visitor. I go to bed exhausted and yawning yet the moment my head hits the pillow I can’t sleep. How is this possible? Am I allergic to sleep? Could it be I’ve forgotten how to sleep or maybe my body is only programmed to sleep between the hours of 12am to 4am. Four hours of sleep a night is better than 0 hours, right? 

We all have those late night thoughts, you know the ones that come creeping in your head when you’re trying to fall asleep. When I’m laying in bed I try quieting my mind by imagining a blank screen but soon words begin to appear on that screen and then those words turn into sentences. These sentences are my thoughts. I suspect Mr. Sandman is responsible for this malicious act. Most people get sprinkles of sand from him to help them fall asleep and ensure sweet dreams. I on the other hand have the Sandman whispering never~ending thoughts into my head--- and it's these thoughts that keep me up and prevent me from sleeping. It’s not like I’m thinking about anything deep or serious such as, When will the crisis in the Middle East end? Will there ever be world peace? Here are a few of the things that came popping into my mind one restless night: Why won’t they sell Cookie Crisp cereal in the Great White North? Whatever happened to “Flamin' Hot” flavored Cheetos? Which then led me to this thought: Why are Cheetos so dusty? Good Grief, even my thoughts have thoughts! The orange dusty residue always accumulates on my hands as I eat them leaving a trail of orange fingerprints around the house.

Some nights when I'm not staring at the ceiling I'll be staring at my alarm clock watching the digits change minute by minute which leads me to wonder-- Why are all the digits on a digital clock always red, neon green or blue? Why not pink or purple? One sleepless night the classic show Gilligan's Island entered in my thoughts. If it was a 3hr boat tour why did Ginger bring along so many suitcases filled with evening gowns and why did the Howells pack their money in suitcases or for that matter why did they bring along their money in the first place? When I couldn’t come up with any logical answers the theme song began to play in my head. For the remainder of the night the song remained on damn replay. 

It the above isn't proof enough the Sandman hates me continue reading on:

Earlier in the week I recalled a joke someone had told me awhile back but completely forgot what the punchline was. The timing couldn’t have been worse-- I was laying in bed fully relaxed and almost to the point where I was about to fall asleep. Really Mr. Sandman, have you no sympathy? Anyways, this was the joke: Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? My phone was laying on the night-stand and as tempted as I was to google the answer I refused because I knew after googling I’d be checking my tweets and then my email. My mind drew a complete blank. Had it been any other night a blank mind would have been perhaps the perfect thing to help lull me to sleep! So there I lay in bed tossing and turning while trying to remember the answer to the joke. Soon my tossing and turning became sheer frustration. I gave up and muttered, you win, Sandman. Needless to say I didn't get a wink of sleep that night. Two days later while working out on the treadmill it suddenly hit me and I remembered the punch line to the joke.

Because they taste funny! 

There's an old legend, "When You Can't Sleep At Night, It's Because You're Awake In Someone Else's Dream." If that's true than someone's been really thinking/dreaming about me. I'm truly flattered whoever you are but can you please do me a sweet favor-- for just one night allow me to have a really good night's sleep. Thank You.

It's Super~Bowl XLVII weekend, Ravens vs. 49ers. I'm not a huge football fan so I have no idea which team is going to win. I'm only watching the game for the commercials (cost of US$4 million for 30seconds), the half~time show and of course the food. We haven't officially decided yet but I think we'll be dining on pizza and wings and Diet Dr. Pepper will be the beverage of choice for yours truly.

My loyal and dear readers, it's finally Friday. Hey, it's the start of a brand new month.

Whatever your plans are have an awesome Super~Bowl weekend and may your team win. ~x

Cocaine Princess


Kenneth Noisewater said...

Had you thought of the punch line sooner, you may have gotten to sleep that night. Reading is my favorite cure. Good luck! : )

Red Shoes said...

Good morning, Princess...

The orange dusty residue of Cheetos is always a give away for when one has been eating them while watching porn and masturbating... the thing just isn't spose to be that color!! :oD

Sleep... once upon a time when I used to be married, my wife used to tell me that if she had anything she needed to tell me, it had to happen before my head hit the pillow.

I go into 'sleep' mode so quickly it isn't even funny. HA!!

Watching clocks... I have become amazed at the number of times that I look at digital clocks and it's either 1:11 or 11:11... I thnk there's a word for that, but I don't know what it is.

You think about Gilligan?? Holy Cow... I think about either Ginger or MaryAnn... I think I tend to lean more towards Ginger... :oD Just sayin'!

"Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?"

HAR!!! I used that in a clown post once... a very disturbing clown post...

"When You Can't Sleep At Night, It's Because You're Awake In Someone Else's Dream."

Hmmm... what if that person is eating Cheetos whiles he's thinking of you? :oD

God, i wish this fukken cold would go away...

AUGH!!! Have a great weekend, Princess...


Miss Stormy Marples said...

U poor thing. I'm sorry u cannot get a decent night's sleep.

I love a good night's sleep or even better a good afternoon nap with a thunderstorm tapping out on a tin roof.

I bought some "lavender" baby oil just the other day. It smells very calming. I am going to make some pillows with lavender tucked away in them and fill my three bears up with lavender in their feet and tummy.

Mmm--wings and pizza. Yummy!!!

It's Brrr--here today. 24 degrees and windy for us.

I wish u would be able to sleep. I know that wears u out.

Cocaine Princess said...

Kenneth Noisewater at 1:00,
I wish I had remembered sooner,

Good Morning Red Shoes,
OMG your Cheetos comment!!
My stupid flu lasted a good 2 weeks.

Did you know there's an urban legend that the time 11:11 and 1:11 is a 'spiritual opening' It's when angels surround you so you're suppose to make a wish.....

Thank You & have a great weekend yourself.

Miss Stormy Marples at 9:00,
Thank you for your sweet words. I haven't tried lavender, usually I spray perfume on me.

Gorilla Bananas said...

So it's not because you're worried about stuff, you can't sleep because your brain is busy. It sounds as if you're not tired enough. Maybe going to evening school would help.

Cocaine Princess said...

Gorilla Bananas,
My schedule is too busy to include night school but good advice.
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.

Anonymous said...

"Where the chosen ones wear the most exquisite clothes"

Graham Ettridge said...

Oh dear Princess.... I am desperately trying to think of solutions to your sleep deprivation issue.

Option 1. Just before you retire to your bed, stand on one leg, rub your tummy with your left hand, pat the top of your head with your right hand and humm the tune to "The Flight Of The Bubmle Bee". (It probably wont make any difference, but will make me giggle knowing you tried... xoxox)

Option 2. Sleep at the opposite end of the bed (as long as your feet don't smell of cheese... heehee!). You never know, change is a chance.

Option 3. Listen to an audio book (as long as it is not a scary one). Often, the sound of somebody talking can be quite comforting and relaxing.

Option 4. It sounds a little bit like you are absolutely mentally exhausted. Perhaps going for a short run/swim a couple of hours before heading to bed might be enough to get a quality night sleep.

Option 5. Try eating two kiwi fruit after dinner (I have two as an evening snack on work nights very often).

Melatonin, the hormone that helps with regulating sleep cycles, can help with relaxation and sleeping. Kiwifruit are natural melatonin boosters and two kiwifruit as a post dinner snack can help give you a better sleep at night.

Magnesium is crucial in helping the body to relax and de-stress - however many people are deficient in magnesium. Two Zespri kiwifruit contain more than 20mg of magnesium which makes them a great and easy snack to help you de-stress after a hard day at the office.

Princess... I do hope you find your "sandman" soon. Missing out on sleeps effects the whole day, and becomes ever more frustrating.

As always, sending you an enormous hug and a big smile.

Graham x

ps, and with regards to the "Why don't cannibals eat clowns?" all I can say is.... Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!! Nice one!

pps, I promise I wasn't eating Cheetos whilst thinking of ya.... ;)

Cocaine Princess said...

Graham Across The Pond,
Thank you so much for your concern & comments. I've never heard of kiwi as a sleep~aid but I will definitely give it a go & it is quite a delicious fruit. Listening to an audio book-- that's a good one! Not sure why I didn't think of that-- usually I'll just put on some Armin Van Burren & drift away as euro~trance music is blasting into my ears.

Option #1 was hilarious. Hmm, so it wasn't you eating Cheetos.... the mystery continues as to who is keeping me awake!

the late phoenix said...

i have not been sleeping well ever since i got my new boy cat which was a replacement for my beloved girl cat, RIP. he tears up my central white ipad mini charging wire, lands on my face, and bites my toes all throughout the night. i need some of that white, not THAT dust...pixie dust to sleep...