The Boys Of Summer: Where's The Loyalty?

Cocaine Princess here. 

Do you remember when you were little when one or maybe both of your parents would say: “No running in the house.” They said it so you wouldn’t hurt yourself, right? Those 5 words are repeated many times in my house by sister especially to the 3 year old who doesn’t so much run as he speeds around the house like a little wind up toy car.

Tuesday afternoon “A” came running down the stairs like there was no tomorrow. She was late for an appointment. Sister, being the very person who is constantly telling Squirt not to run in the house was doing exactly that. “A” was running in the hallway and while coming around the corner she slipped and banged her foot hard in the wall. I was in the den and heard what I can best describe as a loud crashing-thud sound and thought “what the hell?” The boys were eating lunch in the kitchen. We all got up to see what had happened. There laid sister on the floor. The non-freckled twin {NFT} witnessed the entire thing.

NFT: I think you broke something. I heard a cracking noise.

Housekeeper {HK} was up in the nursery changing the baby. She heard all the commotion. She shouted from the bedroom wanting to know what was going on. The NFT shouted with a reply: “Big sister broke her foot!!” HK came down the stairs holding butterball who was looking very dapper in just his Huggies. She looked at her foot.

HK: Missy Sr. you need to go to hospital.

A: There's no need, I only sprained it.

12 YR OLD: It doesn’t look like a sprain. It looks broken.

A: Nothing is broken.

The 12 year old offered her 20 bucks if she could get up and walk on it. HK decided to sweeten the pot by offering to work free for the whole entire summer. Now there was an offer to good to pass up! She tried walking and failed. Her foot at that point had become so swollen. The 3 year old knelt down and began poking her foot and sang:

3 YR OLD: This little piggy went to market--

A: Ow! Ow! Ow! No my little darling, please don’t do that.

The freckled twin {FT} leaned in and took a closer look.

FT: Holy smokes your baby toe is bent sideways.

We all leaned in and looked. He was correct, it was bent. Eww!

FT: You still think your foot’s not broke?

For obvious reasons I dislike hospitals but I had no choice.  I needed to take her there. There went my entire day.

ME: Come on, we're making a trip to the hospital.

A: It's not necessary. All I need to do is ice it and within a few hours the swelling will be down.

Un-frigging-believe! "A" had a bent toe attached to a foot she couldn't walk that swelled up to the size of a watermelon and still she kept insisting she was fine! And she calls me stubborn? Enough was enough! I’m not a doctor but even I could tell it was definitely more than a sprain. The twins and I helped her up and got her into the car. I drove sister to the hospital along with the NFT who said he wanted to come along.

Driving sister to the hospital was like taking a little child to the dentist. Aye-yi-yi! All I kept hearing is: "I don't want to go, I don't want to go" over and over again. I turned up the volume on the radio to drown her out. Once we arrived she refused to sit in the wheelchair. Thank God for the NFT because he managed to get her to sit down in one. After getting her registered the 3 of us sat in the ER’s waiting room for her name to be called. 6 other patients were ahead of us. The NFT had an odd look on his face and when I asked if he was alright he replied:

NFT: This is your ER?

I nodded yes.

NFT: 1 doctor and 3 nurses? That’s it?

Again I nodded yes.

NFT: Man is this place ever calm and puny. What happens if a maniac goes on a shooting spree and kills 12 people in your town?

ME: You’d have a much better chance of catching a leprechaun and seeing pigs fly all in the same day than seeing something like that ever happen here.

NFT: Hypothetically let’s say it did happen. What can 1 doctor with 3 nurses by his side possibly do?

I explained if an incident such as the one as he described ever took place the ambulance would drive the patients to the neighboring town’s hospital which is far more bigger.

ME: You ought to check out the hospital where mom and Pop work at, it’s chaos 24-7.

As he continued talking he took out his cell phone from his shirt pocket. At the same time one of the nurses stepped into the waiting room to call in the next patient. After she was done calling their name she said:

NURSE: Young man did you not read the sign?.......Young man?

ME: {whispering} I believe she’s talking to you.

The NFT who was fiddling around with his phone looked up at the nurse. She pointed to the wall behind us before stepping back into the ER. We both turned around and posted on the wall was a sign with a picture of a cell phone with a big red X on it. Underneath written in big block letters: NO CELL PHONES ALLOWED.

TWIN: I wasn’t about to make a call Nurse Ratched. I was only checking the time.

A: Aren’t you a little young to be familiar with Nurse Ratched?
   
TWIN: It’s Pop’s all time favorite film. He says at every hospital there is at least one grouchy nurse and that one is definitely yours. She probably eats her young too. 

Risking that Nurse Ratched could very well eat him alive for a snack he took out his phone again to call his parents so he could give them the 411 on sister but when he couldn't get a proper signal he instead took a picture of sister’s foot against her wishes. I looked at the picture and then took a look at the real live thing. Wow! Except for in cartoons I’d never seen anything like it before. If you were to examine your foot at this moment all your toes including your baby toe point straight, right? Just imagine if your baby toe on your right foot was bent all the way and just dangling there off to one side. That is the condition sister’s “sprained foot” was in. I knew by the look on her face she was in pain but she still would not admit to it. She wore a brave face that day and kept saying, “I’m okay darling.”

45 minutes later Nurse Ratched called “A’s” name who was wheeled away by an orderly to get her x-rays taken. 

....The loving nurse who may or may not eat her young made yet another appearance a short while later to let us know sister had returned from X-rays and was in exam room #4. As we made our way in to see her, the nurse kept a sharp eye on my house~guest. She stated:

NURSE: Remember, you cannot use your cell phone.

NFT: Thanks for the reminder sweetheart. You have yourself a great day now.

I couldn’t help but help giggle. Oh come on you have to admit it was funny.

ME: You’re cheeky.

NFT: I like to sprinkle sunshine around wherever I go.

In exam room 4 sister was laying on the bed with her leg propped up and her arms wide open waiting to give me a hug.

A: How are you doing darling?

ME: How am I doing? I should be the one asking you that.

A: I told you I'm going to be alright. I know you don’t like hospitals so thank you for being here with me.

ME: What did you think I was going to do, abandon you by the ER doors and drive away?

Hmm, now there was an excellent idea. Why didn’t I think of that earlier? I’m kidding! The x-rays confirmed what we all already knew: That bent toe of hers was indeed broken and she was lucky that was the only thing broken considering how badly banged up the rest of her foot was. The NFT took no time at all in rubbing it in.

NFT: I told you so. I told you it was broken. The minute I heard that cracking sound I knew it.

Unlike the time she broke her ankle which was a little more severe and resulted in her being on medical leave for several months, the ER doctor stated her broken toe would be mended within 3-4 weeks. After putting a splint on her baby toe she was instructed to keep her leg elevated when sitting and was required to walk with a cane, something sister wasn't too fond of and didn't think was necessary. The doctor disagreed. He said it was necessary for her to walk with a cane to avoid putting any weight on the injured foot.

I have been trying my best in getting a shot of sister's broke toe and haven’t had much luck thanks to the 3 yr old who keeps yelling at the top of his lungs, “CAMERA, CAMERA!!” Allow me to explain: Sister trained Squirt to yell whenever he sees me approaching her: “CAMERA, CAMERA!!” and to quickly stand in front of her foot therefore blocking my view. So anytime he now sees me even if I don’t have a camera in my hands he still shouts it. Not only that but he refuses to leave sister’s side. You should see the two of them chumming it up. All of a sudden he and big sister have become best buds. I guess the part of big sister not allowing him to have ice cream and me sneaking him a scoop totally slipped his mind. Can you believe this is how the Dutch-Icicle decides to repay me: by siding with the enemy? Where’s the loyalty, I ask? I got to hand it to “A” for training her little bodyguard very well.

I came up with a plan: I asked one of the 3 older boys if they could take a picture for me instead, after all she didn’t mention any of their names to Squirt, just mine. The 12 year old came through for me and he was able to capture one very interesting shot. 

The picture is not too clear but look carefully and you can see a person going up the stairs. The person? Squirt's new best friend. By the bottom of the stairs is her cane. Tsk, Tsk, Tsk.

Question: Why is "A" walking up the stairs without her cane? {We all unanimously agreed to call the cane "Hugo" after the company that manufactured it.}

Hugo is always suppose to be with sister especially when she is walking. But on Wednesday {one day after her injury} Hugo was nowhere near her. So why was Hugo not with sister when she was going up the stairs? Well, I precisely asked her that question during dinner out on the patio that same night. Sister insisted she has been using him whenever she walks. I looked at the 12 year old who grinned. I got up to retrieve my camera and showed her the picture.

ME: Liar! 

She was silent for a moment and I'm guessing it was because she was trying to come up with a clever story. The others wanted to see the picture so I passed around the camera.

A: I didn't think anyone was up yet. How did you take this picture without me knowing?

ME: My lips are sealed.


The 12 year old let out a tiny laugh and "A" looked at him.

A: Were you the photographer? Did she put you up to it?

He nodded no. The NFT who was sitting next to him took out his phone and sister inquired what he was doing. He replied he was "checking the time" but really he was sending a text message to his dad. His look-alike took a peak at the message and read it for all to hear:

“Pop-- big-sis is not using her cane.”

“A” rolled her eyes and let out a sigh. In under 30 seconds a reply came in.

NFT: Want me to read it out~loud or do you want to read it yourself?

HK was at the BBQ flipping hamburgers. Never~mind whether or not sister wanted the message read out loud or not, HK made it very clear what she wanted:

HK: I vote for out~loud!

And so he read it out~loud:

NFT: “Tell her if she doesn’t use it she’ll delay her healing and could make matters worse!!!!!!!”

Yes, the message came with 7 exclamation marks.

HK left left her grilling duties for a moment and with her spatula-free hand she gently tapped sister on the top of her head:

HK: Listen to doctor.

Hmm, I suppose this is one ailment HK knows vodka can’t cure.

****

My lovelies, it is with great sadness I blog this next part. 

Late Wednesday night an unexpected and massive rain storm mixed with excessively high winds and hail entered our region. Yesterday morning when HK went out into the garden to see if there was any damage done and to check and see if anyone’s patio furniture came flying into our yard, she came running back inside with bad news to tell me. Brace yourselves my lovelies......I'm getting a little choked up now.......again I urge you all to brace yourselves but HK found my cherished Topsy~Turvy tomato plant lying lifelessly on the ground.

The following images are graphic and maybe disturbing to some. Viewer discretion is advised.

The T.S.I. {Tomato Scene Investigator} was called on the scene. He determined the cause of death: Mother Nature. A warrant is now out for her arrest.

Upon further investigation the T.S.I. sat me down and shared disturbing news. When I was told I was mortified but glad I was sitting otherwise I might have fainted from the shock and could have easily broken a nail. I was let known a vital part of the deceased’s body was missing.

2 more TSIs were called in to search for the missing limb. It was found not too far from where the departed lay.

It was bagged and tagged as evidence. Later that same day the missing piece was released to me.

I would like to take this time now to say a few words about my tomato plant.

Ahem....I loved my tomato plant. Although HK was responsible for watering and feeding it everyday, I took care of its’ emotional needs by speaking softly and encouraging it to grow but it simply refused to.

I did not mourn the sad passing of my plant. I decided to celebrate it’s brief life by eating it.

HK made her delicious homemade salsa and added the tiny, unripened tomato into the mix. {The ripe tomato is store bought}

Salsa was served with Tostitos Scoops. Ole!

****

Monday we received the Topsy-Turvy Chili Planter and here is the picture of the planter taken from the official website:

Here is ours....Taa-daa!

As you can see both pictures have a remarkable resemblance. The picture was taken Monday afternoon. I realize it’s been a few days but I hope we have better luck growing chili peppers than we did tomatoes.


Mother Nature if you are reading this post I have a question: On stormy Wednesday why did you murder my tomato planter but permit my chili planter to live?

****

My loyal and dear readers it’s finally Friday and the last weekend of July.

Whatever your plans are have a marvelous weekend. ~x

XOXOXOXO,
Cocaine Princess